HANDLING EMOTIONAL WOUNDS IN MARRIAGE
By Rev. Samuel Arimoro
Main Text: Ephesians 4:31-32
Key Verse: “And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32
Supporting Texts: Colossians 3:13; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Proverbs 19:11; 1 Peter 4:8
INTRODUCTION
Every marriage, no matter how beautiful or God-ordained, encounters emotional challenges that leave wounds on the heart. These wounds may come from harsh words, unfulfilled expectations, broken trust, repeated offences, or seasons of misunderstanding. When left unattended, emotional wounds can create walls that weaken communication, intimacy, and mutual respect.
However, God has not designed marriage to be a place where pain reigns, but a covenant where love is nurtured, restored, and continually renewed. Emotional wounds are not signs of failure; they are invitations to deeper healing and maturity. With God at the centre, couples can rise above every hurt and walk in true reconciliation.
This study therefore explores biblical pathways to handling emotional wounds in marriage, offering tools for healing, wisdom for restoration, and grace for rebuilding trust and tenderness. No matter the depth of the hurt, God is able to restore what has been broken and make the marriage stronger than before.
1. EMOTIONAL WOUNDS ARE REAL AND MUST BE ACKNOWLEDGED
Emotional wounds do not disappear by denial; they heal when they are recognised, understood, and addressed with humility and honesty.
a) Recognising inner pain – Psalm 34:18. The Lord draws near to those who are broken-hearted, teaching us that emotional pain is real and should not be ignored. Acknowledging a hurt is the first step toward healing.
b) Avoiding emotional suppression – Proverbs 17:22. A broken spirit dries the bones. Suppressing wounds creates deeper bitterness and distance. Expressing feelings in love opens the door for restoration.
c) Creating safe spaces for communication – James 1:19. Couples must practise listening without judgment or anger. Hearing each other's pain creates room for understanding and reconciliation.
d) Seeking help when necessary – Proverbs 11:14. God sometimes heals through counsellors, pastors, or mentors. Seeking guidance is not weakness but wisdom for emotional freedom.
Biblical Example: Hannah poured out her emotional pain before God, and through honest expression, she received peace and restoration (1 Samuel 1:10-18).
2. FORGIVENESS IS THE MASTER KEY TO EMOTIONAL HEALING
Forgiveness is not a suggestion but a divine command that frees both the wounded and the offender from the bondage of bitterness.
a) Forgiving as Christ forgave – Colossians 3:13. Christ forgave us freely and completely. Couples must embrace this same grace toward one another for healing to begin.
b) Letting go of resentment – Ephesians 4:31. Bitterness, wrath, and anger choke love and destroy intimacy. Releasing resentment restores emotional peace.
c) Understanding that forgiveness is a process – Matthew 18:21–22. Jesus teaches patience in repeated forgiveness. Emotional wounds may require time, prayer, and repeated acts of grace to fully heal.
d) Forgiveness does not ignore accountability – Luke 17:3. Forgiveness includes honest confrontation and necessary boundaries. It restores love without enabling destructive behaviour.
Biblical Example: Joseph forgave his brothers despite deep betrayal, and his forgiveness restored family harmony and divine purpose (Genesis 45:1–15).
3. LOVE AND COMPASSION ARE THE BALM THAT HEAL THE HEART
Love expressed through actions, words, and attitudes becomes God’s instrument of emotional restoration in marriage.
a) Choosing love in painful seasons – 1 Corinthians 13:7. Love bears all things and believes all things. This divine love gives couples strength to rise above offence.
b) Speaking healing words – Proverbs 15:1. Gentle words soothe emotional wounds. Couples must intentionally speak life, honour, and tenderness to one another.
c) Covering one another in compassion – 1 Peter 4:8. Love covers a multitude of sins. Compassion softens the hardest heart and builds an atmosphere of emotional security.
d) Practising daily acts of kindness – Ephesians 4:32. Kindness restores connection. Little acts of love often bring the greatest emotional healing.
Biblical Example: Boaz showed Ruth compassion, kindness, and provision, bringing hope and emotional stability back into her life (Ruth 2:8-16).
4. REBUILDING TRUST AND INTIMACY AFTER EMOTIONAL DAMAGE
Healing is not complete until trust is rebuilt and intimacy restored through consistent effort and mutual commitment.
a) Rebuilding through transparency – Proverbs 12:22. Truth builds trust. Opening up thoughts, plans, and emotions rebuilds confidence in the relationship.
b) Practising consistency in behaviour – Luke 16:10. Small acts of reliability create long-term safety. Consistency proves sincerity in change.
c) Inviting God into the healing journey – Psalm 127:1. Unless God builds the house, the labour is in vain. Prayer and devotion strengthen emotional bonding.
d) Taking steps toward emotional and physical closeness – Song of Solomon 1:2. Intentional affection and closeness reawaken the emotional flame that once seemed lost.
Biblical Example: Peter denied Jesus three times, but Jesus restored him through loving conversation and recommissioning. Trust was rebuilt through love and consistency (John 21:15-17).
CONCLUSION
Emotional wounds in marriage are not signs of failure but opportunities for deeper healing, greater unity, and spiritual maturity. When couples choose honesty, forgiveness, compassion, and transparent communication, they create an atmosphere where love can flourish again. No wound is too deep for the healing power of God’s love.
As you walk this journey, remember that emotional healing is a process requiring patience, prayer, and daily acts of love. With God as your foundation, your marriage can be restored, renewed, and strengthened beyond what it was before. There is hope, there is healing, and there is a new beginning in Christ.
PRAYER POINTS
1. Lord, heal every emotional wound that is affecting my marriage.
2. Lord, give me and my spouse the grace to forgive one another genuinely.
3. Lord, restore trust, love, and unity in our relationship.
4. Lord, remove every bitterness, anger, or resentment that has taken root in our hearts.
5. Lord, help us to communicate with compassion, patience, and understanding.
6. Lord, rebuild every broken area of our emotional connection.
7. Lord, renew our commitment to love one another as Christ loved the Church.
8. Lord, silence every negative influence fighting against our marriage.
9. Lord, lead us into complete healing and lasting restoration.
10. Lord, make our marriage a testimony of Your grace and mercy.
