INTRO – THE HARDEST COMMAND AND THE SWEETEST FREEDOM
There are certain things Jesus says that sound beautiful when you read them on the page… and then they hit like a hammer when you realize He means them.
“Love your enemies.”
“Bless those who curse you.”
“Pray for those who despitefully use you.”
“Forgive.”
Forgive.
Not because it’s easy.
Not because it’s natural.
Not because the people who wounded you suddenly became lovable.
Forgive—because God’s love is always for giving.
And the moment you step into Christ, His love begins shaping your heart to look like His. Not part of His heart. Not the gentle parts only. The whole heart.
Including the forgiving part.
But let’s be honest tonight: forgiveness may be the single hardest thing God ever asks a human being to do. Some of you would rather climb Mount Sinai barefoot than revisit certain memories. Some of you would rather walk into a lion’s den than walk into a painful conversation with a family member.
And I understand that.
Because forgiveness isn’t about trivial things.
It’s not about the neighbor’s barking dog or the coworker who forgot your name.
Forgiveness touches the places we protect.
The places we hide.
The places we never expected anyone to violate.
But listen, beloved:
Unforgiveness doesn’t protect those places. It poisons them.
You don’t lock unforgiveness inside your heart—unforgiveness locks you inside its prison. And the longer you stay there, the more the walls begin to feel like home.
But tonight the Holy Spirit is walking into that prison with keys in His hands.
He’s not here to shame you.
He’s not here to condemn you.
He’s not here to tell you your pain doesn’t matter.
He’s here to open the door.
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THE DEBT EVERY HUMAN KNOWS
Jesus often used financial language to talk about forgiveness.
Not emotional language.
Not therapeutic language.
Financial language.
Debts.
Accounts.
Owing.
Settling.
Canceling.
Because when someone wounds you deeply, it feels like they took something from you:
A childhood that should have been safe
A marriage that should have been sacred
A trust that should have been honored
A future that should have been protected
A word that should have been spoken but never was
A love that should have been given but was withheld
So we say things like:
“They owe me an apology.”
“They owe me a conversation.”
“They owe me an explanation.”
“They owe me the years they stole from me.”
You see the language?
A debt.
And here is where unforgiveness begins:
Unforgiveness is the decision to hold the debt.
Forgiveness is the decision to cancel the debt.
Not because the debt wasn’t real.
Not because the pain didn’t happen.
Not because time erased it.
But because Christ erased yours.
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THE GOSPEL FOUNDATION: YOU WERE FORGIVEN FIRST
Ephesians 4 ends with a command wrapped in a miracle:
> “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.”
Before God ever asks you to forgive, He reminds you:
You were the debtor first.
You owed the unpayable bill.
And Christ paid it.
Let me speak this as plainly as I can:
You are not being asked to create forgiveness.
You are being asked to release what has already been poured into you.
Forgiving others is not something you manufacture.
Forgiving others is the overflow of God forgiving you.
Every time you forgive someone, you’re not showing how good you are—you’re showing how powerful the cross is.
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THE CONFUSION: “BUT I DON’T FEEL LIKE FORGIVING”
Here is where so many believers get trapped.
They say:
“I can’t forgive because I still hurt.”
“I can’t forgive because I still feel bitter.”
“I can’t forgive because the anger isn’t gone.”
“I can’t forgive because the emotions keep coming back.”
And so they conclude:
“I guess I haven’t forgiven.”
Hear me:
Forgiveness is NOT an emotion. Forgiveness is an act of the will.
If forgiveness depended on emotion, no one would ever forgive anything.
Forgiveness is a decision.
A declaration.
An act of obedience that says:
“I release the debt.
They do not owe me anymore.
I choose mercy over vengeance.
I choose Christ over bitterness.”
And the moment you do that, the Holy Spirit begins to work on the emotion—the bitterness, the anger, the ache, the trauma—because that’s His job.
Your job is the decision.
God’s job is the healing.
You don’t wait for healing before forgiving.
Healing flows after forgiveness.
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THE SPIRITUAL REALITY: UNFORGIVENESS OPENS THE DOOR
Paul says something in Ephesians 4 that ought to sober every one of us:
> “Do not give place to the devil.”
The word “place” is topos—land, territory, ground.
Paul is saying:
Unforgiveness is ground you hand to the enemy.
Ground in your emotions.
Ground in your thoughts.
Ground in your relationships.
Ground in your sleep.
Ground in your peace.
And what the enemy cannot take by force, he will take by invitation.
Every time you nurse a grudge…
Every time you replay the offense…
Every time you justify the bitterness…
You are showing the enemy where the spare key is kept.
But every time you forgive, you pull that key out of his hand.
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THE NIGHT WE GIVE THE ENEMY PERMISSION
Paul gives a specific example:
> “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
Have you ever noticed how different anger feels in the morning?
Late at night, anger feels powerful.
By morning, it feels like chains.
Because nighttime is where the devil does his borrowing.
Nighttime is when fear gets louder, offense gets deeper, memories get darker.
To “let the sun go down on your wrath” is, spiritually speaking, this:
It is to say to the enemy:
“I’m going to bed now,
but you go ahead and work on this anger while I’m sleeping.”
But listen to me:
No Christian is meant to sleep in chains.
Not once. Not ever.
Some of you have lost too many nights of peace.
Too many years of joy.
Too many mornings of freedom.
And the prison door has been open the whole time.
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THE TRAP OF SILENT UNFORGIVENESS
Here is another place where believers get stuck:
They say,
“Well, I forgive them… in my heart.”
“I forgave them privately.”
“They don’t need to know.”
“It’s between me and God.”
But Jesus gives a radically different picture:
> “If your brother sins against you, go to him.”
Not to your prayer closet.
Not to your group chat.
Not to your friends who already agree with you.
Go to him.
Why?
Because reconciliation requires honesty.
And relationships are healed through confession, not through imagination.
And yes—hear this clearly—
there are exceptions in cases of abuse, violence, or danger.
Forgiveness never requires putting yourself in harm’s way.
Sometimes reconciliation with contact is impossible or unwise.
But in the normal wounds of life—
marriages, friendships, family, church relationships—
Forgiveness is not complete when it is whispered.
It becomes complete when it is spoken.
Not to God only.
But to the person.
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THE CORE ISSUE: DO YOU WANT TO BE FREE?
Here is the question Jesus presses on every heart:
Do you want to stay in the prison of unforgiveness?
Or do you want to walk out?
Freedom is costly.
Freedom is humbling.
Freedom requires letting God be Judge.
Freedom requires letting grace be bigger than the story you’ve been telling yourself.
But freedom is possible.
Not someday.
Not “when I’m ready.”
Not when they change.
Now.
Tonight.
In the presence of Jesus.
He forgave you when you were not ready.
He forgave you when you did not deserve it.
He forgave you when you didn’t even understand your own sin.
He forgave you with nails still in His hands.
And that forgiveness is the river you stand in now.
Not to drown.
But to be washed.
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THE PARABLE THAT REVEALS US
If forgiveness were easy, Jesus would never have given us a parable with numbers so outrageous they almost sound comedic.
Peter had just asked the question all of us have asked:
> “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother? Up to seven times?”
Peter thought he was being generous.
Seven is the number of completion.
Seven is divine, symbolic, sacred.
Jesus answers:
> “Not seven times.
But seventy times seven.”
Which is Jesus’ way of saying, “Peter, stop counting.”
Then Jesus tells a story—the kind of story that makes you uncomfortable, because no matter which character you try to identify with, you end up exposed in the light.
He says:
> “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts.”
There it is again:
Financial language.
Accounts.
Debts.
Settling.
Reckoning.
This is not accidental.
Forgiveness is courtroom language dressed in kingdom clothing.
The king brings in a servant who owes him ten thousand talents—a number so large that, in today’s economy, it’s somewhere around six billion dollars.
In other words:
A debt you cannot pay.
A debt you’ll never pay.
A debt that will outlive you and your children and your grandchildren.
A debt that represents our sin before God.
The servant falls on his knees, begging for time, promising repayment—promising something impossible, ridiculous, delusional.
And then the miracle happens:
> “The king took pity on him, cancelled the debt, and let him go.”
Cancelled.
Erased.
Released.
Gone.
The man walked out of the courtroom owing nothing.
Imagine the weight that fell off his shoulders.
Imagine the air in his lungs for the first time.
Imagine the joy he must have felt.
But then Jesus flips the parable on its head.
The same man walks out, finds a fellow servant who owes him a hundred denarii—about three months’ wages.
Not nothing.
Not trivial.
But nothing compared to what he had been forgiven.
And what does he do?
He grabs the man by the throat and demands payment.
And when the man begs for mercy, he refuses.
He throws him into prison.
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THE MOMENT JESUS TURNS THE MIRROR
At this point in the story, you feel anger rising.
You feel disgust.
You say to yourself:
“How could he do that?”
“How could anyone behave like that after being forgiven so much?”
“What kind of heart treats others like that after being set free?”
And Jesus quietly says:
“That is what unforgiveness looks like in the eyes of Heaven.”
It is the one forgiven of billions demanding repayment of pennies.
It is the one forgiven of a lifetime trapping someone over a moment.
It is the one released from eternal judgment tightening the handcuffs on someone else.
It is the forgiven acting as the judge.
It is the pardoned acting as the prison guard.
It is us—when we refuse to cancel the debt.
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THE SPIRITUAL DANGER JESUS IDENTIFIES
Jesus ends the parable with words so heavy that many Christians skim past them:
> “And the master handed him over to the tormentors until he should pay back all he owed.”
The tormentors.
Not demons in the horror-movie sense.
But spiritual forces of agitation, accusation, unrest, condemnation.
Every believer knows what it feels like when peace leaves.
When joy dries up.
When prayer feels blocked.
When worship feels empty.
When Scripture won’t speak.
Many believers think they are in spiritual warfare because the devil is attacking them.
But Jesus says:
Sometimes the torment comes because we refused to release someone.
Unforgiveness does not keep your enemy in jail.
Unforgiveness keeps you in jail.
And the longer you stay in that cell, the more normal the torment begins to feel.
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THE GOSSIP TRAP — HOW WE IMPRISON OURSELVES
Here is another spiritual reality Jesus addresses in Matthew 18:
When you talk to others about an offense, you bind it.
When you talk to the person, you release it.
Modern believers often reverse this.
We talk to friends.
We talk to spouses.
We talk to prayer groups.
We “share” concerns.
We “vent.”
And without realizing it, we create little courts.
Little tribunals.
Little gatherings of agreement.
Jesus says:
> “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am.”
Most Christians think that verse is about prayer meetings.
But in Matthew 18, it is not.
It is about church authority.
About discipline.
About the binding and loosing of offenses.
Jesus is saying:
When two or three believers agree about someone’s offense—
when they rehearse it, repeat it, relive it,
they have acted with the authority of the church,
and the offense becomes bound.
Bound in heaven.
Bound on earth.
Bound in the hearts of everyone involved.
Nothing destroys the spiritual life of a congregation faster than this.
Nothing opens the door wider to confusion, division, suspicion, and conflict than shared offense.
Listen to me carefully:
The moment you rehearse the wound with someone who is not part of the solution, you chain your own soul.
You were never meant to carry that.
You were never meant to spread that.
You were never meant to bind yourself and others in a web of accusation.
Forgiveness breaks that chain.
Forgiveness silences the gossip.
Forgiveness extinguishes the fire.
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THE TRUE REASON JESUS SAYS “GO TO THEM”
In Matthew 18, Jesus gives a sequence:
1. Go to the person privately.
2. If necessary, go with one or two witnesses.
3. If necessary, go to the church.
Modern believers often skip step one, embrace step two with the wrong people, and treat step three like social media.
But Jesus’ command is not about humiliation.
It is not about confrontation.
It is not about exposing sin.
It is about restoration.
The goal is not punishment—it is relationship.
The goal is not proving who is right—it is reclaiming the brother.
The goal is not winning the argument—it is winning the heart.
And yes—this must be said clearly:
Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation with full access.
Forgiveness does not require trusting an unsafe person.
Forgiveness does not demand returning to abuse or danger.
In those situations, you forgive wisely, with boundaries, with counsel, with protection.
But in the everyday wounds—
the offenses of disappointment, neglect, sharp words, forgotten promises, misunderstandings—
Jesus says:
> “Go.
Speak.
Release the debt.
Reclaim the relationship.”
Because forgiveness is not complete until the chain between the two of you is addressed.
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WHAT UNFORGIVENESS DOES TO THE BELIEVER
Let’s be honest:
You cannot be spiritually alive and relationally dead at the same time.
You cannot pray with power while nursing resentment.
You cannot worship fully while holding a grudge.
You cannot walk in freedom while someone else’s offense sits in your pocket like a stone.
Unforgiveness does four devastating things:
>>1. It blocks the flow of grace.
Jesus said plainly:
> “If you do not forgive, neither will your Father forgive you.”
This is not God withdrawing love.
It is us stepping outside of the atmosphere where grace flows.
>>2. It distorts your spiritual vision.
The moment you hold a grudge, you begin seeing people through the lens of pain.
Suspicion grows.
Fear grows.
Judgment grows.
>>3. It corrupts relationships.
Families fracture.
Churches split.
Friendships die.
Marriages suffocate.
All because one or both parties refuse to release the debt.
>>4. It hardens the heart.
The longer the debt is held, the heavier the chain becomes,
and the more unnatural forgiveness begins to feel.
Unforgiveness never stays small.
It grows roots.
It grows branches.
It grows fruit.
But here is the good news:
Forgiveness uproots the whole tree.
Not slowly.
Not gradually.
But the moment you decide to release the debt, the Spirit’s healing river begins to wash the soul.
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THE MIRACLE OF COMPASSION
People often ask:
“How will I know I’ve truly forgiven?”
My answer is simple:
When compassion flows.
Not pity.
Not sentiment.
Not excusing what happened.
Compassion.
The same compassion that flowed from Christ’s eyes when He saw us in our sin.
The same compassion that moved Him to the cross.
The same compassion that made Him say, “Father, forgive them.”
Forgiveness is the door you open.
Compassion is the river God sends through it.
When you release the debt, your heart becomes tender again.
The bitterness melts.
The anger loosens.
The story loses its power.
The wound begins healing in a way only Heaven can accomplish.
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Forgiveness is remembering without poison.
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THE CRUCIAL DECISION: WILL YOU CANCEL THE DEBT?
This is the turning point of the sermon:
You must decide whether you will continue carrying what Christ already died to remove.
Your freedom is not waiting on their apology.
Not waiting on their behavior.
Not waiting on their understanding.
Your freedom is waiting on your decision.
A decision that sounds like this:
> “They don’t owe me anymore.
I release the debt.
I lay it at the foot of the Cross.
I choose mercy because mercy chose me.”
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THE PRACTICAL MIRACLE — HOW FORGIVENESS ACTUALLY HAPPENS
We’ve talked about the why.
Now we step into the how.
Because if you’ve been wounded deeply—
if you’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted,
if a parent failed you,
if a spouse broke covenant,
if a friend abandoned you when you needed them most—
the idea of forgiving may feel impossible.
But nothing God commands is impossible when grace is present.
Let’s walk through forgiveness the way the Holy Spirit works it.
Not in theory.
Not in clichés.
But in reality.
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STEP 1 — NAME THE DEBT HONESTLY
Forgiveness does not begin with pretending.
It does not begin with minimizing.
It does not begin with burying the memory.
Forgiveness begins with truth.
You must be honest about what happened:
the words, the actions, the silence, the loss, the betrayal.
Because hear this carefully:
You cannot release a debt you refuse to name.
Jesus does not forgive vague things.
He forgives specific sins.
He forgives real failures.
He forgives identifiable wounds.
Likewise, the Spirit leads you to name your wound so He can wash it and release its power from your life.
Sometimes this naming is painful.
Sometimes you cry through it.
Sometimes the memory shakes you.
But naming the wound is not reopening it—
it is giving it to God with the bandage still wrapped around it.
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STEP 2 — DECIDE TO RELEASE THE DEBT
This is the hardest step.
This is the step that no one else can do for you.
This is the step that Heaven waits for and Hell fears.
Forgiveness is not something you feel.
It is something you say.
It is something you decide.
It is something you declare before God.
It sounds like this:
> “Father, I release them from the debt they owe me.
They no longer owe me an apology, an explanation, or repayment.
I cancel the debt in Jesus’ name.”
It is the decision
where you lay the ledger down,
close the account,
tear up the invoice,
and put the Cross between you and the wound.
And when you do, something holy happens:
The chains loosen.
The prison door opens.
The tormentors lose jurisdiction.
Heaven records what you just did.
Hell panics over what you just did.
Your heart begins healing because of what you just did.
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STEP 3 — LET THE HOLY SPIRIT DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONS
Many believers have forgiven someone and then panicked days later when the emotions came back.
They say:
“Maybe I didn’t really forgive.”
“Why am I still angry?”
“Why does the memory still sting?”
“Why do I still feel the ache?”
Listen carefully:
The presence of emotion does not mean the absence of forgiveness.
Forgiveness deals with the account.
The Holy Spirit deals with the ache.
Forgiveness cancels the debt.
The Spirit heals the heart.
Forgiveness removes the record.
The Spirit restores the soul.
Think of forgiveness as opening the prison door—
and the Holy Spirit as walking you out into freedom, slowly, deeply, faithfully.
Give Him time.
Give Him access.
Give Him the wounded places He already sees.
Bitterness may not vanish in a moment, but it loses its justification.
Anger may still surface, but it no longer owns you.
Memories may still rise, but they do not control you.
The Spirit will do His work—
because that is what He loves to do.
He comforts.
He heals.
He renews.
He restores.
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STEP 4 — CHOOSE BOUNDARIES WITH WISDOM
Forgiveness is not foolish.
Forgiveness is not naïve.
Forgiveness does not mean you must allow ongoing abuse, manipulation, or danger.
Forgiveness is not denial.
Forgiveness does not erase wisdom.
Some relationships heal through restored closeness.
Others heal through restored clarity and distance.
The Bible says:
> “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”
You can forgive someone who is unsafe
and still maintain boundaries that protect your heart, your safety, your family, and your witness.
Forgiveness releases the debt,
but wisdom determines the distance.
Sometimes reconciliation happens.
Sometimes God brings new beginnings.
Sometimes old relationships are resurrected.
Sometimes trust is rebuilt brick by brick.
And sometimes the relationship is laid respectfully to rest.
Forgiveness means you are free—
not that everything goes back to what it once was.
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STEP 5 — REPLACE THE OLD STORY WITH GOD’S STORY
The enemy loves to whisper narratives:
“You were wronged.”
“You were abandoned.”
“You were betrayed.”
“You were disrespected.”
“You were dismissed.”
All of those may be true…
but none of those define your future.
When you forgive someone, you hand the story to God.
And God rewrites stories.
He turns wounds into wisdom.
He turns scars into testimonies.
He turns betrayals into breakthroughs.
He turns pain into purpose.
Forgiveness is not just canceling someone else’s debt—
it is reclaiming your story from the enemy.
It is declaring:
> “What they did is not the final chapter.
God gets the final word in my life.”
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THE NEW SPIRIT WITHIN YOU
Paul says:
> “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind…
Put on the new man…
Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another…”
Forgiveness is not something the old man can do.
The old man wants justice without mercy.
The old man wants repayment.
The old man wants vindication.
The old man wants to win.
But the new man—
the man created “in true righteousness and holiness”—
looks like the Father.
Acts like the Son.
Moves like the Spirit.
The new man forgives because forgiveness is his birthright.
It is part of his spiritual DNA.
You forgive because you are forgiven.
You show mercy because mercy has been shown to you.
You release debts because your debts were released first.
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THE CROSS — WHERE ALL DEBTS ARE CANCELLED
If you ever struggle to forgive,
take your heart back to one place:
Calvary.
Stand at the foot of the cross.
Listen to the nails.
See the wounds.
Watch the blood fall.
Hear the words:
> “Father, forgive them.”
And understand this:
Jesus did not wait for an apology.
He did not wait for repentance.
He did not wait for someone to understand.
He did not wait for someone to say, “I was wrong.”
He forgave in the middle of the injustice.
He forgave while being crucified.
He forgave people who were not even asking for it.
And that forgiveness is the river we stand in now.
If Christ had waited for us to be worthy,
we would still be lost.
Forgive as you were forgiven—
fully, freely, undeservedly, entirely.
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FREEDOM IS HERE
Let me ask you a question only you can answer:
Who is still in your debt?
Whose name appears when the Holy Spirit whispers?
Whose face rises when you pray?
Whose words echo when you lie awake at night?
A parent?
A spouse?
A child?
A sibling?
A pastor?
A friend?
Your ex?
Yourself?
Freedom is not a feeling.
Freedom is not a future event.
Freedom is not waiting for better circumstances.
Freedom is a decision made in the presence of Jesus.
And He is here now.
You don’t have to carry it any longer.
You don’t have to sleep in chains.
You don’t have to keep rehearsing the story.
The prison door is open.
The King has come to cancel debts.
And He invites you to cancel the ones you’re holding.
Not because the offender deserves it—
but because Christ lives in you.
Forgiveness is not weakness.
Forgiveness is spiritual strength.
Forgiveness is not giving someone a pass—
forgiveness is giving God the permission to heal you completely.
Beloved, forgive the one who wounded you.
Forgive the one who disappointed you.
Forgive the one who failed you.
Forgive the one who walked away.
Release the debt.
Close the account.
Step into the freedom Jesus purchased for you.
There is healing on the other side.
There is joy on the other side.
There is grace on the other side.
There is revival on the other side.
And there is peace—
real peace,
deep peace,
Holy Spirit peace—
waiting for you the moment you say:
“They owe me nothing now.
I release them in Jesus’ name.”
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APPEAL
Father,
we stand before You as those who have been forgiven much.
And You call us tonight into the river of mercy—
to release every debt still held in our hearts.
Lord, bring the faces.
Bring the names.
Bring the memories we’ve tried to bury.
Bring the wounds we’ve carried for years.
And then bring Your freedom.
Give courage to the fearful.
Give tenderness to the hardened.
Give strength to the weary.
Give clarity to the confused.
And as we release the debts,
release Your healing.
Wash bitterness away.
Silence the tormentors.
Return peace to the mind and joy to the spirit.
Make us a forgiving people,
because You are a forgiving God.
In Jesus’ name—
Amen.
