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Introduction
We left off last time with David being anointed as king of Judah after the death of Saul. Finally David is crowned king by the people in the south. However no sooner do we start to celebrate that then we hear about some ominous news from the north. Saul’s chief military commander, Abner, made Ish-Bosheth king in the north. So trouble is brewing – two different kings in Israel.
10 Ish-Bosheth son of Saul was forty years old when he became king over Israel, and he reigned two years. The house of Judah, however, followed David.11 The length of time David was king in Hebron over the house of Judah was seven years and six months.
The writer does not tell us how those reigns lined up, so we do not know if Ish-Bosheth reigned during the first two years of David’s reign in Judah or the last two years or some time in the middle. All we know for sure is Ish-Bosheth did not last long. He really was not much of a king.
The War
Abner, however, was a very powerful figure and he is about to make a move on David.
12 Abner son of Ner, together with the men of Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, left Mahanaim and went to Gibeon.
This is a major troop movement – involving hundreds and possibly thousands of soldiers – moving down toward where David is. It is pretty clear what Abner has in mind. He is not bringing hundreds of soldiers down toward Judah just to say Hi. And so David’s general responds and they meet at the half way point between Mahanaim and Hebron.
12 on 12
13 Joab son of Zeruiah and David's men went out and met them at the pool of Gibeon.
Joab was David’s nephew. David had a sister by the name of Zeruiah who had three sons, and all three of them made it into David’s group of 30 mighty men of valor. They were Joab, Asahel, and Abishai – three very tough and very severe individuals. I don’t know what kind of woman Zeruiah was, but she had three mad dogs for sons. And the chief mad dog – Joab, is the one who meets Abner.
Archeologists have found a huge pool carved out of rock – 35 feet across and 70 feet deep with a spring at the bottom.
13 … One group sat down on one side of the pool and one group on the other side. 14 Then Abner said to Joab, "Let's have some of the young men get up and fight hand to hand in front of us."
Literally he said, “Let’s have some of the men get up and play.” The word translated “fight hand to hand” is actually one word that normally means to laugh, or play, or entertain, or mock, or celebrate, or dance. It is hard to say for sure if it is a euphemism for “fight” – so that this was representative combat like with David and Goliath, or if it was some kind of contest or wrestling match that escalated and got out of hand and swords were drawn and it ended up in bloodshed. Whatever was intended initially – the outcome was horrible.
14 …"All right, let them do it," Joab said. 15 So they stood up and were counted off--twelve men for Benjamin and Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, and twelve for David. 16 Then each man grabbed his opponent by the head and thrust his dagger into his opponent's side, and they fell down together.
It was a real offensive struggle – not a lot of defense. All 24 of these guys had the same military training, so they all try the old “fake to the head and go for the side” maneuver. But evidently none of them had gotten training on the “What to do if someone tries the old ‘fake to the head and go for the side’ maneuver on you,” so all 24 end up with fatal wounds.
This story is just sickening. These are all Israelites, and they die for nothing. Nothing is decided by this. Just like that – 24 widows, 24 families without fathers – and absolutely nothing is accomplished.
16 …So that place in Gibeon was called Helkath Hazzurim.
That means either “field of daggers” or “field of hostilities.” They named the place after what happened, because what happened was so horrible. But as horrible as it was, it does not end there.
17 The battle that day was very fierce
They have their little 12-on-12 thing, it is a draw, and that erupts into full scale war.
David not mentioned
Notice there is no mention of any involvement by David. In fact, there is no mention of any involvement by David during the entire war. Before the war David sends a message of kindness to Jabesh Gilead, and the next time we see David doing anything is at the end of the war when he negotiates the terms of peace. This war was not David’s doing. He was not even there when it started. And while I am sure he did what he had to do as king during the years it went on, the writer shows Joab and Abner as the ones who are really responsible for this war.
Abner kills Asahel
But the writer spares us the gruesome details of the battle and just skips right to the end.
17 The battle that day was very fierce, and Abner and the men of Israel were defeated by David's men.
It was a fierce battle, but there was a clear winner. Joab won and Abner lost. The forces of David defeated the forces of Ish-Bosheth.
But we are not ready to move on just yet. The writer wants to tell us about a couple of important incidents that happened at the end of this battle. Even with the mighty Abner leading them the army of Ish-Bosheth is overrun, and has to retreat. But the mad dog sons of Zeruiah are not about to just let them go.
18 The three sons of Zeruiah were there: Joab, Abishai and Asahel. Now Asahel was as fleet-footed as a wild gazelle. 19 He chased Abner, turning neither to the right nor to the left as he pursued him.
Asahel was not only one of the famous “Thirty” – David’s most elite mighty men, but when those thirty are listed Asahel’s name comes first. Asahel commanded a division of 24,000 (1 Chrn.27:7).
20 Abner looked behind him and asked, "Is that you, Asahel?" "It is," he answered.
Now Abner has got a problem. If it would have been anyone else – not one of Joab’s brothers, Abner would have just stopped, turned around, and killed the guy. But Joab’s brother – that complicates things. If there is one guy in the whole Bible you do not want mad at you it is Joab. He is an incredibly powerful warrior, he has a temper, and he is vengeful. He really is a mad dog. So it is a bad idea in general to kill a relative of Joab.
But beyond that I think there might be more to this. I get the feeling that Abner had a certain respect for Joab – even a kind of camaraderie. This is an Israelite brother, a fellow soldier – he is the general of the other side. This thing has already gotten way out of hand, and there has been a lot of killing – and Abner just does not want to kill Joab’s brother.
21 Then Abner said to him, "Turn aside to the right or to the left; take on one of the young men and strip him of his weapons." But Asahel would not stop chasing him. 22 Again Abner warned Asahel, "Stop chasing me! Why should I strike you down? How could I look your brother Joab in the face?" 23 But Asahel refused to give up the pursuit
Abner is much older than Asahel, and probably can’t outrun him, so if Asahel won’t stop he only has one choice. The seasoned warrior looks ahead, picks just the right spot at the bottom of a hill, and just when Asahel is almost caught up and is getting his sword ready, Abner slows down to get him a little closer, and right when Asahel thinks he’s got him, Abner plants his foot, and with one, mighty backward movement thrusts his spear right into Asahel.
23 … so Abner thrust the butt of his spear into Asahel's stomach, and the spear came out through his back. He fell there and died on the spot.
I don’t know if they sharpened the butt of their spears so they could stick them in the ground or whatever, or if there was just so much force that it impaled him even with a blunt end, but one way or another it goes right through Asahel. This is really getting ugly.
23 …And every man stopped when he came to the place where Asahel had fallen and died.
These men were used to battle. But this is different. What happened at the pool was horrible. And now this. Asahel – one of the thirty – one of the top commanders – brother of Joab – nephew of King David – dead. It is just too much for them and seeing his body there just stops them in their tracks.
Cease Fire
Most of them stop – not Joab.
24 But Joab and Abishai pursued Abner, and as the sun was setting, they came to the hill of Ammah, near Giah on the way to the wasteland of Gibeon. 25 Then the men of Benjamin rallied behind Abner. They formed themselves into a group and took their stand on top of a hill.
Abner’s men manage to regroup. Their numbers are depleted, they lost the battle, but Joab might not have all of his men either because of the ones who stopped. Both groups have to be exhausted. They fought all day and then ran in this big chase. And now they are facing off. And Abner has some high ground. Maybe now he could get an advantage on the tired army of Joab. But he has had enough of this battle.
26 Abner called out to Joab, "Must the sword devour forever?
Forever? It has only been one day. They are one day into the war and Abner asks if this is going to drag on forever. It seemed like forever because this was an especially grievous war. Abner had the stomach to fight Philistines for weeks and months at a time, but this was different. That nightmare at the pool, then the slaughter in the battle, then having to kill Asahel like that – Abner has had enough.
26 …Don't you realize that this will end in bitterness? How long before you order your men to stop pursuing their brothers?"
Underline that word “brothers” – that is the key. This war is grievous because it is brothers fighting brothers – Israelites killing Israelites. It is almost like Abner is saying “uncle” here. He is not surrendering, but he is asking for a truce. But here he has managed to gather his army and take a good, defensible position on some high ground, and that gives him just enough bargaining power to feel like he can ask for a truce. I doubt that scared Joab, but it might have given him just enough pause to at least consider what Abner is saying.
27 Joab answered, "As surely as God lives, if you had not spoken, the men would have continued the pursuit of their brothers until morning."
Brothers or not – we were planning on going all night. However, since you spoke – we will agree to a cease fire.
28 So Joab blew the trumpet, and all the men came to a halt; they no longer pursued Israel, nor did they fight anymore.
Return home
29 All that night Abner and his men marched through the Arabah. They crossed the Jordan, continued through the whole Bithron and came to Mahanaim. 30 Then Joab returned from pursuing Abner and assembled all his men. Besides Asahel, nineteen of David's men were found missing. 31 But David's men had killed three hundred and sixty Benjamites who were with Abner.
If that includes the group from the pool, that means only seven of David’s men died in the battle – Asahel and six others. But Abner lost a total of 360.
32 They took Asahel and buried him in his father's tomb at Bethlehem. Then Joab and his men marched all night and arrived at Hebron by daybreak.
Unity and fighting
Psalm 133:1 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
In this chapter we see the opposite of that. How ugly and unpleasant it is when brothers fight one another. It is sickening – to both sides. And it does not even end up accomplishing anything. We are going to find later that when David finally takes the throne in the north the civil war has nothing to do with it. He does not get the throne by winning that war. The war is a total waste.
God hates it when His children fight one another. And yet it happens in the Church all the time.
Galatians 5:15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
That is almost exactly the same thing Abner said.
26 Will the sword devour forever? Don't you realize that this will end in bitterness?
Why fight against your brothers in the Church? The only thing it will accomplish is you will be destroyed by each other – like the 24 at the pool.
When is “fighting” appropriate?
Now, sometimes conflict can’t be avoided.
1 Corinthians 11:19 No doubt there have to be divisions among you to show which of you have God's approval.
When some people start to depart from sound doctrine, God does not want us to sweep that under the rug and pretend there is peace. In fact, in the case of false doctrine He wants us to fight.
Jude 1:3 Dear friends … I felt I had to write and urge you to fight for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints.
1 Timothy 1:3 Command certain men not to teach false doctrines any longer
There is a time when we need to fight valiantly for the integrity of the gospel. But when it is not the gospel – when it is just some matter of preference, or some secondary issue, or something someone did to offend you or hurt you or slight you, that is not a valid reason to fight against a brother or sister. When someone wrongs you, instead of retaliating…
1 Corinthians 6:7 Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? 8 Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers. 9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Psalm 133:1 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
If you have a conflict with someone, get it resolved. Humble yourself if you have to, and do whatever it takes to reconcile.
David Increases
Well, the two factions in Israel are at war. But after that horrible opening day of the war we don’t really get any more details of that whole civil war – except for verse 1 of chapter 3.
3:1 The war between the house of Saul and the house of David lasted a long time. David grew stronger and stronger, while the house of Saul grew weaker and weaker.
All we know about the war is it was long, and David gradually increased in strength while the other side declined. Once again David is flourishing, and that can be seen by all the sons that are born to him in Hebron.
David’s sons
The next several verses are a list of all the sons born to David in Hebron. And it is a long list. This is a partial explanation of verse 1. The house of David is growing stronger and stronger, and one way that is happening is with a great deal of fruitfulness – lots of sons. And wives who were important people – like Absalom’s mother, who was the daughter of the king of Geshur (v.3).
2 His firstborn was Amnon the son of Ahinoam of Jezreel
That is the guy who is in line to be king after David – Amnon.
3 his second, Kileab the son of Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel
This guy is never mentioned again. It may be that David married Abigail in what was known as levirate marriage, in which case Kileab was actually considered Nabal’s offspring rather than David’s. That would make the next one second in line – and that is Absalom. And next is Adonijah. He goes on to list a couple others, but those first ones are the names to keep in mind: Amnon, Absalom and Adonijah. All three of them will become significant later on.
Abner comes over to David
So how does the civil war finally end? It does not end on the battle field. It ends when king Ish-Bosheth and his general Abner have a falling out.
6 During the war between the house of Saul and the house of David, Abner had been strengthening his own position in the house of Saul. 7 Now Saul had had a concubine named Rizpah daughter of Aiah. And Ish-Bosheth said to Abner, "Why did you sleep with my father's concubine?"
Taking a wife or concubine of a former king was an act showing that you were now taking over the throne. Evidently that was part of his effort to strengthen his position. And at that point Ish-Bosheth confronts him, and Abner immediately flies off the handle.
8 Abner was very angry because of what Ish-Bosheth said and he answered, "Am I a dog's head--on Judah's side? This very day I am loyal to the house of your father Saul and to his family and friends. I haven't handed you over to David.
So Abner says, “You might as well accuse me of being on Judah’s side, which would make me a dog’s head.”
And from there Abner spews out all the credentials of his sin. He tells all about how he has faithfully opposed the man God has called to be king. Wicked people will do that. When they are pressed, you find out that deep down they really think their sins are a badge of honor.
And another thing wicked people do is fly off the handle if you ever confront them with a sin. We don’t know if the accusation is true or not, but whether it is or is not – either way Abner’s response is childish. When you develop such a massive ego that if someone confronts you about something you fly into a rage, you have a serious problem.
Proverbs 9:8 Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
Abner is a mocker. He is a fool. If you are a wise man you will love those who rebuke you. You won’t have a knee-jerk response of hostility. No one enjoys being rebuked, but your ability to graciously receive criticism is a major mile marker on your path to sanctification.
But Abner cannot handle rebuke.
8 …Yet now you accuse me of an offense involving this woman!
So either Abner is denying the charge or he is saying, “I’ve been so loyal and yet now you get picky about some minor little thing.” And that is another thing proud people do – minimize the significance of their sin. Men will crush their wives with their words and then laugh it off. Or women will be disrespectful and unsubmissive or unsupportive of their husbands and think nothing of it. One of the reasons they get so angry when you point out their sin is they don’t think their sin is really any big deal.
So Abner gets offended – so offended that he decides right then and there to defect over to David.
9 May God deal with Abner, be it ever so severely, if I do not do for David what the LORD promised him on oath 10 and transfer the kingdom from the house of Saul and establish David's throne over Israel and Judah from Dan to Beersheba."
Abner knew all along that God had promised the throne to David, and now he says, “I’m going to go ahead and help bring about the fulfillment of that promise.” Do not take that to mean Abner has suddenly become godly. He is not doing this out of any fear or love for God. He is only doing it because he is mad at Ish-Bosheth. He just said that to be on the side of Judah would make him a dog’s head, so it is not that his heart is suddenly on David’s side or God’s side. He is just joining God’s side in order to spite Ish-Bosheth.
11 Ish-Bosheth did not dare to say another word to Abner, because he was afraid of him.
Negotiation
So now Abner is going to negotiate with David.
12 Then Abner sent messengers on his behalf to say to David, "Whose land is it? Make an agreement with me, and I will help you bring all Israel over to you." 13 "Good," said David. "I will make an agreement with you. But I demand one thing of you:…
I like the way David negotiates. Abner says, “For my part, I’ll give you Israel…” And David says, “OK, under one condition –you have to meet this demand…” Abner might be thinking, Wait a minute – I was thinking I would give you Israel and then you would give me something in return. But there is something David really wants – something he has wanted for a long time. Of all the things David could have demanded, the one thing he asks for is something the reader has completely forgotten about by this point. He brings up something that hasn’t been mentioned since 1 Samuel 25.
13 … Do not come into my presence unless you bring Michal daughter of Saul when you come to see me."
Michal was the first woman David ever married – way back in 1 Samuel 18. And even though she was the daughter of King Saul, it was not mainly a political marriage for David. They loved each other.
1 Samuel 18:20 Now Saul's daughter Michal was in love with David
And David risked his life killing 200 Philistines to get her. Then she put herself at risk saving David’s life when Saul sent the men to kill him. That was a long time ago, and we may have forgotten about her – but David hasn’t. When Abner comes to him with this deal the one thing he asks for is Michal.
So then what does Abner get out of the deal? He gets a covenant with David. We do not know what the terms are – probably the terms are Abner gets to live. Does David promise him anything beyond that? It doesn’t say. The writer’s focus is not on what David is offering, but on what David is requiring. He does not ask for money; he does not ask for blood, or vengeance or anything else. He just wants his marriage to be restored.
14 Then David sent messengers to Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, demanding, "Give me my wife Michal, whom I betrothed to myself for the price of a hundred Philistine foreskins."
Now he is talking to Ish-Bosheth. He strikes the deal with Abner, but then makes the demand to Ish-Bosheth. Why would Ish-Bosheth respond to this? Probably two reasons. He is intimidated by David and when he confers with Abner, Abner says, “Yes, go ahead and do it.” Whatever the reason, David just sends him this demand and he complies.
Return of Michal
15 So Ish-Bosheth gave orders and had her taken away from her husband Paltiel son of Laish. 16 Her husband, however, went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, "Go back home!" So he went back.
What a heart-breaking scene. It is painful to read. But keep in mind that first prize for blame goes to Saul, who was the one who gave Michal away in the first place. This was David’s wife, they had not divorced, and it was wrong for her to be with Paltiel.
Abner rallies support for David in the north
17 Abner conferred with the elders of Israel and said, "For some time you have wanted to make David your king. 18 Now do it! For the LORD promised David, 'By my servant David I will rescue my people Israel from the hand of the Philistines and from the hand of all their enemies.'" 19 Abner also spoke to the Benjamites in person.
OK, so now David has Michal, and Abner has everyone up north on board with the idea of crowning David as king, and so he is ready to make the trip down there and appear before David.
Then he went to Hebron to tell David everything that Israel and the whole house of Benjamin wanted to do. 20 When Abner, who had twenty men with him, came to David at Hebron, David prepared a feast for him and his men.
That is David’s style. This man has been fighting against David – leading Israel to resist David’s rightful kingship for years. This is the man responsible for the death of his nephew. And David’s army is much more powerful now than Abner’s. He does not have to negotiate with Abner. He could take Israel by force. But David is much more inclined to negotiate peacefully and win people’s hearts rather than resort to bloodshed. And so David has a feast for Abner – treats him as an honored guest. That is David’s style.
Joab murders Abner
So they have the feast, they work out all the terms, Abner gets up from the table, wipes his mouth, and say, “OK, let’s get this show on the road.”
21 Then Abner said to David, "Let me go at once and assemble all Israel for my lord the king, so that they may make a compact with you, and that you may rule over all that your heart desires." So David sent Abner away, and he went in peace.
That probably means he was granted safe conduct. Everything is in place now. Abner is on his way to round up the elders up north and get all the people together to crown David king. But it does not happen quite yet – one more delay. Another one of the key characters in this drama is about to die.
22 Just then David's men and Joab returned from a raid and brought with them a great deal of plunder. But Abner was no longer with David in Hebron, because David had sent him away, and he had gone in peace. 23 When Joab and all the soldiers with him arrived, he was told that Abner son of Ner had come to the king and that the king had sent him away and that he had gone in peace.
That is three times now he has mentioned that he left in peace. No one was to do him any harm.
24 So Joab went to the king and said, "What have you done? Look, Abner came to you. Why did you let him go? Now he is gone! 25 You know Abner son of Ner; he came to deceive you and observe your movements and find out everything you are doing."
Joab rebukes David. What have you done? He came here and you let him go? He came as a spy you big dummy! And when Joab gets done with his little tirade, he leaves.
26 Joab then left David and sent messengers after Abner, and they brought him back from the well of Sirah. But David did not know it.
That part is important – David knows nothing about this.
27 Now when Abner returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside into the gateway, as though to speak with him privately. And there, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed him in the stomach, and he died.
That is murder. In Old Testament times if someone murdered your relative you were to put that person to death. But Abner did not really murder Asahel. He killed him in battle. In fact he even warned him twice to try to avoid killing him.
David’s Response
28 Later, when David heard about this, he said, "I and my kingdom are forever innocent before the LORD concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner.
And then David lets loose with an absolutely devastating curse on Joab.
29 May his blood fall upon the head of Joab and upon all his father's house! May Joab's house never be without someone who has a running sore or leprosy or who leans on a crutch or who falls by the sword or who lacks food."
David curses Joab and his descendents – ongoing sickness, injury, hunger, poverty, and death. And then after the curse David forces the mad dog to tear his clothes and walk right in front of the casket.
31 Then David said to Joab and all the people with him, "Tear your clothes and put on sackcloth and walk in mourning in front of Abner." King David himself walked behind the bier. 32 They buried Abner in Hebron, and the king wept aloud at Abner's tomb. All the people wept also. 33 The king sang this lament for Abner: "Should Abner have died as the lawless die? 34 Your hands were not bound, your feet were not fettered. You fell as one falls before wicked men." And all the people wept over him again. 35 Then they all came and urged David to eat something while it was still day; but David took an oath, saying, "May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I taste bread or anything else before the sun sets!"
All this mourning over the death of the man who had been fighting him for years. No mention of a single tear shed over the death of his nephew Asahel. The writer is showing us the heart of David toward his opponents in Israel.
36 All the people took note and were pleased; indeed, everything the king did pleased them.
David is winning their hearts.
37 So on that day all the people and all Israel knew that the king had no part in the murder of Abner son of Ner. 38 Then the king said to his men, "Do you not realize that a prince and a great man has fallen in Israel this day?
Conclusion: Gentle vs. Harsh
39 And today, though I am the anointed king, I am weak, and these sons of Zeruiah are too strong for me. May the LORD repay the evildoer according to his evil deeds!"
Does that strike you as a little strange? Most commentators take this the same way the NIV does – David does not punish Joab for the murder because David is too weak to do so. That strikes me as very strange for a number of reasons. David is fearless in going one-on-one against Goliath, he collects 200 Philistine foreskins like it is just another day at the office, he never loses any battle that we know of up to this time in his life, and now he is king, with the support of all the people, and he is too weak to punish his nephew? It doesn’t add up. Nor does it fit the context. If David is afraid to cross Abner, how do you explain that brutal curse and forcing him to tear his clothes and grieve and participate in the funeral? It does not sound to me like David is one bit afraid of Joab.
But there is another way this sentence can be translated. The word translated “weak” sometimes means “gentle.”
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 25:15 Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
Deuteronomy 28:54 Even the most gentle and sensitive man among you will have no compassion
And the word translated “strong” is not the normal word for strong. It means “harsh” or “severe” or “brutal.” In fact, it is the word used to describe Nabal.
1 Samuel 25:3 Abigail was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband … was surly and mean in his dealings.
In 1 Samuel 20:10 it is used of Saul’s harshness against David. So a better translation of verse 39, I believe, is the ESV.
39 And I was gentle today, though anointed king. These men, the sons of Zeruiah, are more severe than I.
That fits the normal use of those words, it fits the immediate context, and it fits the flavor of this whole section. This entire section has been drawing a contrast between David and the mad dog sons of Zeruiah. They are harsh and brutal and quick to shed blood, whereas David is gentle and peace-loving. Sure, he will fight when necessary. But when it is not absolutely necessary – especially when it involves fellow Israelites – David always opts for gentleness.
In fact, the contrast between David’s gentleness and the harshness of Joab and Abishai becomes an ongoing theme in Samuel. The first time we ever see Abishai he wants to kill Saul and Abner in their sleep, and David has to restrain him. Later on a guy from the house of Saul is shouting curses at David, and one of David’s men says, “Let me go take off his head.” That man was – guess who – Abishai (Joab’s brother). And David’s response was not just to say no, but also to contrast himself with Abishai.
2 Samuel 16:9 Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head." 10 But the king said, "What do you and I have in common, you sons of Zeruiah?
You and I do not have anything in common. You are harsh and always want to fight, and I am gentle. And notice that David changes to the plural – What do you (plural) and I have in common you sons of Zeruiah?” David includes Joab – he probably had his sword drawn too.
In 2 Samuel 18 when David’s army is about to march out to fight Absalom, in verse 5 right before they leave, David gives one instruction to Abishai in front of all the men: “Be gentle with Absalom.” And Abishai and Joab say, “Yeah, sure thing. Whatever.” And in that battle Absalom gets captured and is trapped, and they have him – alive, and Joab arrives and puts three spears through his chest. And when David hears about it he grieves and weeps out loud, and finally Joab can’t take it anymore.
2 Samuel 19:6 You love those who hate you and hate those who love you.
It just galled him that David loved his enemies. Later in that chapter Joab and Abishai want to kill Shimei again.
19:21 Then Abishaia son of Zeruiah said, "Shouldn't Shimei be put to death for this? He cursed the LORD's anointed." 22 David replied, "What do you and I have in common, you sons of Zeruiah?”
The man after God’s own heart was a man whose heart was gentle. David was a rough man who killed a lot of God’s enemies, but toward God’s chosen people – even those who hate him and insult him and attack him and try to kill him – David was gentle.
And the word “though” in verse 39 in the ESV is the normal word for “and,” and I think that is how it should be translated here. It is not “though I am the king” it is “and I am the king.” It is not a weak statement – it is a strong statement. They are harsh; I am gentle – and I am the king (so my way goes!)
Sometimes David was too gentle. His failure to discipline his children was arguably the most catastrophic failure of his life. David’s heart was inclined toward gentleness, and Satan used that to push him into terrible failure in some cases. Satan always does that – pushes you in the direction of your strengths to get you to go too far and fall into sin. So he was not perfect in understanding exactly when to be gentle and when not to. But the point is his heart was tilted in favor of gentleness. And I believe that is given as a picture of the true Anointed One who would come and be the perfect balance of harshness and gentleness. Jesus is harsh with those who reject Him, but to us He is gentle.
2 Corinthians 10:1 By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you
When Paul wanted to really make a big point of his gentleness he compared it to the meekness and gentleness of Christ. And one of the sweetest descriptions of that gentleness is in Matthew 12:19-20.
Matthew 12:17 This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: 18 "Here is my servant whom I have chosen … 19 He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. 20 A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory.
19 He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets.
The Son of God did not come into the world to hassle and fight and argue and wrangle and harangue in the streets. He had a marvelous, quiet dignity.
20 A bruised reed he will not break,
A reed was a kind of grass that is very prominent there. It grows to a height of 18 feet with hollow canes two to three inches in diameter at the base. The canes were very common. Shepherds would pick one and play it like a flute. Sometimes they would use one for a walking stick. They really didn’t last long as a walking stick. But that’s OK – they were so easy to find, if it became bruised – weakened in a spot, they would just break it in half and toss it aside. No one would try to repair it. It is like a farmer chewing on a piece of grass. If it gets bent he doesn’t try to fix it. He just tosses it aside and picks another one.
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out
A smoldering wick is even more useless than a broken reed. It produces no heat, no light – only smoke. It does not do any good – only stinks the place up. It has zero value to anyone. It is just noxious and irritating, and the best thing to do is just lick your finger and extinguish it altogether so it quits smoking.
Many of us in this room know what it is like to be a bruised reed or a smoldering wick. Your life becomes shipwrecked in one way or another – you commit some horrible sin, or make a really big mistake, or something happens that makes you worthless to the people around you, and you are cast aside. You are beyond repair. You are no good to anyone. You have fallen into a sin that has permanent consequences. You got a divorce, or committed adultery, or got an abortion. Or you destroyed some family relationship, or made yourself so odious to certain people that they do not want anything to do with you now.
In the world’s eyes you are worthless. Garbage. Beyond repair. And of so little value that you would not be worth repairing anyway. Maybe you were abused in horrible ways, and you just feel broken and not even worth fixing – like a bent piece of grass to just be cast aside.
Nobody tries to repair a bent piece of grass – except Jesus. He is so gentle, and He specializes in redeeming the unredeemable. He picks up that bruised flute that is useless to anyone else and plays a melody on it sweeter than any the world has ever heard. He takes the smoldering wick and fans it into flame and lights up the whole world with its light.
I don’t know what you have done to mess up your life, but I don’t think you have done anything as bad as what Peter did. The leader of the Apostles and he publicly denies Christ three times. And Jesus restored him and used him to be the primary leader of the early church and to write to books of Holy Scripture. Paul was the chief of sinners – devoting his life to exterminating all Christians. He was a vicious killer, and God used him to reach the world for Christ.
When you get to heaven and hear the breathtaking music of the praises of the King, one of the voices you hear will be so sweet it will bring tears to your eyes and you will turn and look and it will be that immoral woman who was utterly rejected by the Pharisees but who worshiped at Jesus’ feet. And you will look over there and see a dazzling light and think, “That’s one of the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seen” and it will be that sinner who wouldn’t lift his eyes to heaven and said, “Be merciful to me a sinner.” And another booming voice will catch your attention, and you will turn and look at the smiling, joyful face of the thief on the cross who just said “Remember me in Your kingdom.”
If your heart is hard against God and you are rejecting His authority in your life, do not expect gentleness. Your punishment will be severe if you do not repent. But if you are broken, crushed, ruined, cast aside – destroyed beyond repair because of your own sin or your own stupidity, turn your face to Christ and cry out to Him for mercy. And He will not cast you aside. He will redeem you and restore you and attach you to Himself so that instead of grieving over your lack of glory you can be enthralled by His glory.
Benediction: Matthew 12:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
