Elevate to the Next Level
“Living in Forgiveness”
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Forgiveness is one topic I never tire of teaching, because it is one of the more necessary doctrines, or teaching that believers in Jesus Christ need to hear and understand. This is especially true if we ever want to go to the next level in our discipleship in our Christian lives.
To begin, let me just say that the happiest people are not those who are more forgetting; rather, it’s those who are more forgiving.
All of us are going to be hurt by someone, somewhere, and at some time. It may be a co-worker’s grudge, a parent’s broken promise, a spouse’s unfaithfulness, a friend’s careless words, a child’s unkind act, or a stranger’s resentment.
Sometimes these hurts are verbal in what others say to us or about us, or the names people call us. These hurts may also be non-verbal, like when people turn their back on us, or a lack of affirmation through an appropriate touch. These hurts may also be physical like abuse.
People carry around deep and painful wounds; wounds of betrayal and disappointments that defy others or even our own ability to cure. But there is a cure, and it’s called forgiveness.
Forgiveness is life’s antibiotic to the hurts and pains associated with life, and when taken, it will bring health to our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It’s life’s antibiotic that brings back life.
Today, I’d like to look at why we need to forgive, the misconceptions that inhibit forgiveness, and how to extend forgiveness.
Why We Need to Forgive?
1. Because God Has Forgiven Us
In his letter to the Colossian Church, the Apostle Paul said that God has delivered us from the power of darkness and into the kingdom of His Son, whom we have redemption through the blood He shed for the forgiveness of our sins (Colossians 1:13-14).
According to Paul, it is imperative to forgive others as God has forgiven us. He said, “Forgive one another (and) if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13 NIV)
Paul also brings this out in his letter to the Ephesian Church. “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 NKJV)
When we remember how much God has forgiven us, and that Jesus died upon the cross for this forgiveness; it becomes far easier for us to forgive others their sins against us.
How much has God forgiven us? He's forgiven all the sin and bad stuff we’ve ever done, from our past, to our present, and into the future.
When we add to this the fact that Jesus went to the cross and died one of the most horrific deaths ever devised by humanity, there isn’t anything that should be beyond our forgiveness of others.
Maybe we should think of it this way; “We’ll forgive no one more than what God has forgiven us for.”
Let me give a picture illustration. Envision two piles of offenses. One of those piles is all the things others have done to us, and the other pile is all the offenses we’ve committed against God. When we look at them side by side, there isn’t any comparison. Our offenses against God soar as high as the Empire State building and beyond, while the offenses others have done against us may only reach the top of our heads.
2. Because We Need God’s Forgiveness
The second reason we need to forgive is because we need God’s forgiveness.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15 NIV)
Jesus is saying that if we want our sins forgiven, we better forgive others. Earlier in the prayer, He said, “And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.” (Matthew 6:12 NLT)
Think about what we just prayed. We’re saying, “Lord, I want you to forgive me as much as I forgive others.”
Now there’s a scary thought, and that’s a scary prayer. Do we want God to forgive us in the same way we forgive others? I don’t think so, but that is what God requires.
Therefore, let’s not limit God’s forgiveness by refusing to forgive others.
3. Because Resentment Isn’t Worth It
The third reason is because holding onto resentment and bitterness, which is the natural conclusion of unforgiveness, isn’t worth it. In fact, it’s counterproductive.
“To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.” (Job 5:2, The Living Bible)
There are many stories in the Bible that illustrate this truth, but the one that illustrates it the best comes from the life of King David. David was running for his life from His Son, Absalom. Absalom had rebelled against his father and had secured an army for this purpose. So, David left Jerusalem, actually, escape might be a better description.
On his way out, a man named Shimei, from the line of King Saul, King David’s predecessor, cursed David by saying that David was getting what he deserved. Seeing and hearing Shimei’s contemptible attitude and language, some of David’s men wanted to kill Shimei, but David forbid them and continued on his way.
Shimei didn’t like David becoming king while Saul’s family became outcasts. Shimei’s bitterness and resentment continued to grow over the years until it had reached its ugly climax, his death.
This story reveals several reasons resentment isn’t worth the trouble.
a. Resentment Makes No Sense
The first thing we see from our story is that holding onto resentment isn’t logical. It makes no sense. Here is Shimei cursing at David and his entire army. Talk about a no brainer.
But haven’t we done the same thing in our anger? Speaking symbolically, we cut our throats to spite our faces. Anger never solves a problem; instead, it escalates and causes more problems.
Choosing forgiveness, however, means that we would rather move forward in life rather than stay stuck in the vicious cycle of hatred and bitterness while trying to get even.
David could have had Shimei killed, but he moved on. And in that instant, David knew the freedom forgiveness can bring, rather than the rut resentment keeps us in.
b. Resentment Doesn't Help
Solomon tells us that anger is a fool’s best friend (Ecclesiastes 7:9). Shimei held onto this grudge for over 20 years, and it didn’t help him one bit. All it did was make Shimei a miserable person.
Holding onto resentment paralyzes us, hurting us more than the person we’re resenting. David wasn’t pining away all these years because Shimei held a grudge against him. He probably didn’t even know.
Please understand, the people we are resenting aren’t sitting at home worried about our feelings. Ten-to-one, they don’t even know we’re feeling that way. And while we put our lives on hold because of our resentment, they’re out having a good time.
c. Resentment is Deadly
Resentment is deadly, because Shimei lost his life because of it.
While resentment may not kill us outright, it is deadly to our wellbeing. Studies confirm that resentment may be one of life's most dangerous emotions. Resentment is associated with many health issues, and its impact on our body surpasses that of any bacterial virus.
Jesus said that it’s not about what goes into someone’s mouth that defiles them, but through our words, which reflects our attitude (Matthew 15:11). Therefore, it’s not what we’re eating that’s getting us sick; rather, it’s what’s eating us.
Resentment, therefore, is not worth it because it makes no sense, it doesn’t help, and it is deadly to our wellbeing.
So why do we still hold on to resentment instead of extending forgiveness? It may be because we think that staying angry is the best way we can protect ourselves from being hurt again. We may also think that it will somehow make right the wrong. Or it’s because we mistakenly think it makes us look good as compared to those who have wronged us.
The primary reason people refuse to extend forgiveness is because they don’t understand forgiveness, holding various misconceptions about it. Therefore, it might be a good thing if we look at the truth of these misconceptions.
Truths Behind the Misconceptions
1. Forgiveness Doesn’t Lessen the Offense
Forgiveness doesn’t pretend the offense never occurred. If we still remember the offense, then it did its damage. Forgiveness, therefore, doesn’t make light of the wrong someone has done.
Also, we believe that by lessening the offense; we are being spiritual. But there’s nothing spiritual about it, and it may be the furthest thing from the truth. Suppressing the offense ends up hurting us even more than the offense itself.
Further, pretending the offense never took place isn’t helping the other person. Instead, we’re enabling them to hurt us or someone else again. They need to be held accountable or else they’ll never change.
2. Forgiveness Doesn’t Automatically Restore Trust
The Bible instructs us to forgive when someone inflicts harm; however, it does not imply an immediate restoration of that trust. Forgiveness isn’t about placing others or ourselves at risk, nor does it call us to remain in an abusive situation.
Here’s a healthy piece of advice. “To restore trust, a quality proven measure must take place.” The offending party needs to take whatever steps necessary for trust to be restored, and that over a period of time so that true repentance can’t take place, that is, a true turning away from the attitudes and behaviors that caused the offense in the first place.
And if we’ve hurt someone, we shouldn’t expect automatic restoration of that trust either. Instead, we need to do whatever it takes for however long it takes. This helps develop habits of doing things the right way.
3. Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean There Won’t Be Changes
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that things are going back to the way they were. And, we would never want them to, because the way they were is what caused the problem.
When harm is done, things will never be the same, things will not return to normal, or the way they were prior to the offense. Instead, a new normal will develop where life is now lived differently. Forgiveness isn’t letting things be the way they were, instead it’s about making them better.
4. Forgiveness Doesn’t Forget
This whole idea of forgiving and forgetting is unrealistic. Have you ever tried to forget something? It doesn’t work. The more you try to forget, the more you remember.
Forgiveness, therefore, isn’t about forgetting, rather it’s about choosing to no longer remember the offense against that person.
Forgiveness is about choosing to no longer remember the offense against the other person.
In not remembering the offense, 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “Love keeps no record of wrongs.”
When someone wrongs us, we need to choose the way of love and start the forgiveness process by choosing to no longer remember the harm that was done.
5. We Cannot Forgive Ourselves
Before we move on, there is a teaching found within a lot of churches about the need to forgive ourselves. The problem with this teaching, however, is that it’s not found in the Bible. It’s not biblical.
When we try to forgive ourselves, we are making the forgiveness process more difficult as we go around defeated and deflated, because we’re always trying to forgive that which is not in our power to do. We cannot forgive ourselves, because the power to forgive our wrongs lies only with God.
This is something that the Pharisees got right, at least as far as it goes. When they heard Jesus say to the paralytic, “Your sins are forgiven,” they reasoned amongst themselves saying, “Why does this Man speak blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?” (Mark 2:7)
What they failed to realize is that Jesus is God and thus had the power to forgive.
Only God can forgive our sins. When we forgive ourselves, we're trying to do what only God can do. And so instead of finding relief, peace, and joy, we only fall deeper into depression, despair, guilt, and shame.
By trying to forgive ourselves, we are becoming our own god, and the Bible calls that the sin of idolatry.
What can we do? Accept God’s forgiveness.
The Apostle John said, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NKJV)
We need to stop holding ourselves back by trying to be what we were never supposed to be, and that is, God.
How to Forgive?
1. Refocus on God
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2 NKJV)
Let’s not be molded by the world; that just keeps us focused on the hurt. Rather, let’s be transformed. Transformation is an inside out work, and this happens through renewing our minds; in other words, we need to take the focus off our problems and ourselves, and place our thoughts upon God and Him alone.
Whatever you focus upon will control your life.
2. Recognize We’re All Imperfect
“For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.” (Romans 7:18-19 NKJV)
We’ve all blown it, which goes along with the fact that all have sinned, and there’s no one who is righteous before God (Romans 3:10).
We’ve all wronged others.
3. Release Your Right to Get Even
This is the heart of forgiveness. It’s saying that while we have every right to get even, we voluntarily choose to give up that right.
We are also to forgive others as many times as it takes. Jesus says we are to forgive others 70 time 7 times. Jesus isn’t putting the automatic number, 490 times, rather He’s saying, “Forgive them until the job of forgiving is done.”
How will you know when forgiveness has happened? It’s when you think about the other person and what they did, and it doesn’t’ eat your guts out.
In Romans 12:19, Paul said, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Our job is to forgive, let God take it from there. And please catch this, When we fail to release, then we’ll resemble those we’re resenting.
4. Respond to Evil with Good
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21 NKJV)
Jesus said, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.” (Luke 6:27-28 NKJV)
The secret of knowing when we’ve released someone is when we begin to pray for them. But not the kind of prayer that says, “Lord, break the teeth in their mouth, and may the IRS audit them forever.” Or “Lord, give them a case of hemorrhoids and put a recall on Preparation H.”
Instead, it’s praying for their good and that God would save and bless them.
Conclusion
Today, you may have realized that you’ve been holding onto resentment and haven’t started the forgiveness process. Maybe you’ve also realized not only how much it has hurt you but also how much you’ve hurt others.
If we want to be healed and whole, forgiveness is the only way. Let’s give Jesus Christ control of our lives by releasing our anger and bitterness and forgive, because until we forgive others their sins against us, God will not forgive our sins against Him. And I can guarantee that our sins against God are far more and far greater than whatever someone else has done against us.
God’s forgiveness, therefore, is the best incentive we can have to forgive others.
Forgiveness is life’s antibiotic that brings health and wholeness back into our lives. Forgiveness brings us back into a full and meaningful life, and elevates us to the next level.
