Last week we spoke about what it means to find deep rest in Christ in the many areas and levels of our lives. Today, we will be talking about the Path to Healthy Emotions. Our summer sermon series is: Church on Mission but if we are to be fruitful, we need to be a healthy church.
For the next couple of weeks we will take a look at what the Bible teaches about what it means to have emotional health as individuals and as a church. I believe this is an important topic because neglecting any aspect of our design as men and women made in God’s image will result in destructive consequences—in our relationship with God, with others, and with ourselves.
As a church on mission, our desires is to fulfill God’s mission for the church which is to grow in maturity together.
This brings us to our Scripture passage for today.
11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work (Eph 4:11-16)
.
Our church vision is to present every person fully mature in Christ, each person at their fullest potential in Christ.
We see in vv. 11 and 12 that God has provided us with everything we need to grow in Christ - His Word, prayer, His church. Notice that while one is doing the work of ministry (v. 12), one grows into maturity and as we grow into maturity, using our gifts in love - the body becomes healthy.
But growth is a choice. That is why we are talking about what it means to have healthy or mature emotions. So... (
1. What are Emotions?
I read a lot of definitions of the word “emotions” and found what I felt was a good one from a Christian clinical psychologist, Dr. Sam Williams:
Emotions are thoughts, beliefs, and judgments made about the environment and oneself; they are part of our response to our experience and also motivate us toward particular ends.
The reason I thought this was a good definition is because the word emotion comes from the Latin word movere, [moh-weh-reh] which means “to move.” Our emotions move us in a certain direction or to a certain action. They are either moving us to fulfill God’s purposes and functions which is to become more like Christ or to other purposes and functions.
Though we are always affected by thoughts, beliefs, and judgments about the environment and ourselves, our emotions can be either warranted or unwarranted, rational or irrational, realistic or unrealistic. Williams stated that, unfortunately, contemporary evangelicals have paid little attention to the development of a theology or biblical understanding of the emotions, affections, and feelings. As a result, when the emotions are addressed - personal opinion, denominational or cultural prejudices, and pop psychology are the dominant voices. And these voices are rarely questioned or backed with truth from the Scriptures.
Paul’s desire for the church was that they would teach the truth and do it in love so that the church would not be like babies but instead grow in spiritual mature. (PN -Babies are easily moved by feelings over faith, novel teaching, trends, personal wants and preferences, and not by God, not by His Word, and can be very unstable in their decisions)
God is the One who created us, and He created us with a mind, with emotions, and a will so wouldn’t we want to ask Him what our emotions were created for and how to maintain emotional health? Proverbs 1:7 and 9:10 tell us that wisdom and knowledge about anything begins with a healthy fear of God, a particular emotional response to Him. So let’s look at:
2. What the Bible teaches about Emotions
God is a “person” in that He is a personal God with a mind, emotions, and a will of His own. God is perfect and His emotions, such as love, hate, anger, jealousy, joy, compassion and all His actions toward His creation, His judgment and forgiveness, His justice and grace, are consistent with who He is (James 1:17).
God created us in His image and our emotions are an indispensable aspect of our humanness. They are God-given and meant to reflect His heart and mind. That’s why we also have feelings of love, joy, happiness, disappointment, anger towards injustice, etc. But because we are fallen creatures, we don’t express emotions perfectly like God does and we have negative emotions that God doesn’t have. The Bible is filled with examples of people who experienced a wide range of emotions and had to work through them with God. We can see this in the writings of the prophets, the psalmist, and in practically all of God’s people in the Scriptures.
The Scripture is filled with instructions on how to recognize what we are feeling and why and how to process them in light of objective truth. When the New Testament speaks of having compassion, mercy, affection, sympathy, and empathy, many times the word used is splagchnon. It refers to the capacity to feel deep emotions (joy, gratefulness, love, etc.) towards God and others (we rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep…). God designed us to connect on a deeper level.
The only human being who ever handled His emotions perfectly according to the will of God was His Son, Jesus Christ. He experienced the emotions of love, joy, compassion, anger, indignation, was consumed with zeal, and experienced sorrow. He wept, loved, groaned, He experienced agony, and also amazement.
If Christ-likeness is our goal as his followers, that would include not only Christlike behavior and thoughts, but also Christlike emotions as well.
3. Gauging our Emotions
We can be physically mature adults, educated, have a high IQ (Intelligence Quotient) and yet have a very low EQ or emotional quotient. In other words, we can be emotional babies in adult bodies.
Peter Scazzero, pastor and author of the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality wrote:
It is impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.
Millard Erickson, a Christian theologian wrote:
The Christian who desires to be spiritually healthy will give attention to such matters as diet, rest, and exercise. Any attempt to deal with people’s spiritual condition apart from their physical condition and mental and emotional state will be only partially successful, as will any attempt to deal with human emotions apart from people’s relationship to God…The different aspects of human nature are all to be attended to and respected.
We can see examples of unhealthy emotions in the church in Corinth, as Paul addressed this church in the New Testament (2 Cor 3). This church was rich in many things - intellect, material wealth, spiritual gifts, but hadn’t matured in Christ. There was a lot of infighting, factions, jealousy, immorality, spiritual pride, arrogance, and downright evil going on in the church, despite all the amazing, powerhouse teachers that invested in them. We know that Apollos, Peter, Paul, Titus, Timothy, and others had taught this church in Corinth and they had everything they needed for life and godliness. So how is it that they remained spiritually and emotionally immature? Paul said they had closed themselves off mentally and emotionally.
One indicator of spiritual and emotional immaturity is a lack of self-awareness, that is, knowing what is moving you in a certain direction and why. Are we aware of how we handle fear, hurt, confusion, rejection, grief, or loss, or past experiences that shape our present reality?
Depending on our upbringing, some Christians, have learned to stuff their emotions deep inside, so as not to appear weak or “unspiritual.” But in reality, there is only so much you can do to keep all the “balls” of emotions submerged under the water. Eventually, they will come popping up to the surface.
Some cultures emphasize emotional restraint and prioritize group harmony. Others wear their emotions on their sleeves, with totally unfiltered emotions, which can be as forceful as a tornado.
Do we choose to walk through difficult situations with God, His Word, and trusted friends or do we resort to substance abuse, emotional numbing, avoidance, self-harm or excessive activities like gaming, overeating, busyness or social isolation? There are even “spiritual ways” to cope with suppressed emotions like throwing more Bible verses at them, getting busy for God so we don’t have to talk to God, attending more Bible studies, praying more, or simply condemning ourselves for feeling what we believe are unspiritual emotions.
These strategies, while providing temporary relief, can exacerbate negative emotions and hinder personal growth. If you constantly deny or suppress your emotions, you don’t ever allow them to see the light of day, never expose them to the light of God’s Word, never express them and learn how to process them with the people closest to you, they will stay in the dark and your emotional growth will be stunted.
Why is it important to be self-aware and to have healthy, godly emotions? Because our emotions affect us and those around us.
Here are just some indicators of unhealthy emotions. Ask yourself:
“Do I consistently…
? Blame
? Attack others
? Say one thing to people’s faces and then another behind their backs
? Make promises I have no intention of keeping
? Give people the silent treatment
? Give in because I am afraid of not being liked
? “Leak” anger by sending an e-mail containing a not-so-subtle criticism
? Say yes when I mean no
? Avoid & withdraw - to keep people from getting too close
Now let’s look at: (SL 11)
4. Indicators of Healthy Emotions
It is important that we learn about managing emotions rather than allowing our emotions to manage us. One Christian psychologist said: emotions are like children, we give attention to them, take care of them, but we don’t put them in the driver’s seat. For example, when we feel angry, it is important to be able to stop, identify that we are angry, examine our hearts to determine why we are angry, and then proceed in a biblical manner and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
The following test may provide some indication of your emotional intelligence. If you were to rate yourself from 1 to 5, 5 being the best, how would you do? Do I…
? Relax when under pressure in situations.
? Know the impact that my behavior has on others.
? Initiate successful resolution of conflict with others.
? Calm myself quickly when becoming angry.
? Know when I am becoming angry.
? Recognize when others are distressed.
? Identify when I experience mood shifts.
? Stay calm when I am the target of anger from others.
? Produce motivation when doing uninteresting work.
? Help others manage their emotions.
? Show empathy towards others.
? Follow my words with actions.
? Know when I become defensive.
? Engage in intimate conversations with others.
? Accurately reflect people’s feelings back to them.
5. Growing in Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to make positive, healthy choices during life’s challenges. It’s the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions in an appropriate manner – to handle interpersonal relationships truthfully, respectfully, and lovingly. Emotional maturity is the development of Christ-like character through a renewed mind and tested faith – exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit which is self control. (Gal 5:22-26). We are to be controlled by the Holy Spirit (Rom 6, Eph 5:15-18, 1 Pet 5:6-11), not by our emotions. Godly emotions always move us toward God, His Word, His ways, for our families, friends, His church, move us to live for Him.
God has designed us so that we naturally seek that which we perceive will lead to life, happiness, and pleasure, and we avoid that which we perceive as bad, aversive, painful, or unpleasant. The pursuit of pleasure or happiness and aversion to pain and suffering is a basic principle of life, and in itself, begotten by God. It’s because we are created this way that God frequently motivates us in Scripture with promises of blessing when we draw near to Him.
Because our emotions are closely linked to how we think Paul said:
Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart] (Phil 4:8 AMP).
We have been talking about being a church on mission this summer because God wants us to grow and mature as a church. If we are easily offended, creating division and discord, continuously entering into petty jealousy or envy, being inward instead of upward and outward focused, we could be decommissioned, disqualified. Paul's warning in 1 Corinthians 9:25 is a call to self-examination, urging believers to ensure that their lives align with the teachings of Christ. It highlights the potential danger of complacency and the need for continual growth in spiritual maturity. To be a people and church on mission requires a life of purpose and intentionality.
What did Christ give the church to mature us? The apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers. For what purpose? To equip His people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith (slowly) and become mature.
What does it take to go below the surface emotions, to connect on a deeper level, and become an emotionally mature church? I believe it takes vulnerability, trust, and humility. We won’t be vulnerable unless we trust other people and are in a safe place to do so. I believe when we begin to develop greater trust, vulnerability, and walk in humility, this is when we will really begin to mature.
Our life groups and church events are not just to gather together to enjoy food and talk about things we have in common. Any organization, social club, or society does this, so are we any different? Just as the early church was called, so are we as Christians today - called by God into an intimate relationship with Himself and to devotion to fellowship, devotion to the Word, and to prayer. Paul said we are called to mature and to build up the body in love as each part does its work. The purpose of the church is to be salt and light, to fulfill God’s mission and to be an instrument of God’s work in the world.
