GUARDING THE SANCTITY OF THE FAMILY
By Rev. Samuel Arimoro
Main Text: 2 Samuel 13:1-39
Supporting Texts: Genesis 4:7, Proverbs 25:28, Hebrews 12:15, Galatians 5:19-21, Ephesians 4:26-27
INTRODUCTION:
2 Samuel 13 opens one of the darkest and most painful chapters in David’s family history. The incident between Amnon and Tamar, followed by Absalom’s revenge, reveals the tragic consequences of unchecked lust, silence in leadership, and unresolved bitterness. When passions are ungoverned and leadership is absent in discipline, the family structure suffers.
This chapter is not just a record of events—it is a warning. David’s failure to address Amnon’s sin, combined with his own moral failures, led to a cycle of abuse, vengeance, and division. When sin is allowed to grow in the family, it becomes a generational wound.
We are called to protect the sacredness of family through discipline, transparency, and accountability. This chapter teaches that silence in the face of evil only allows wickedness to fester. The sanctity of the family must be preserved by truth, justice, and grace.
1. UNCONTROLLED DESIRES LEAD TO DESTRUCTION
Amnon’s lust led him to violate his own sister.
a) “Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick…” (2 Samuel 13:2)
Lust disguised itself as love, but its end was ruin.
b) Desires left unchecked will overpower reason and conscience
What you don’t master will eventually master you.
c) True love honours, but lust violates boundaries
Amnon claimed love but acted violently.
d) When the flesh rules the heart, shame becomes inevitable
Amnon’s obsession turned into hatred after his act.
Biblical Example: Samson’s unchecked desires led him to Delilah and ultimately to destruction (Judges 16:1-21).
2. EVIL COUNSEL CAN TRIGGER TERRIBLE ACTIONS
Jonadab’s advice empowered Amnon to act wickedly.
a) “Jonadab… was a very crafty man” (2 Samuel 13:3)
Wrong friends and advisors can steer people into sin.
b) Counsel is powerful—it can heal or destroy destinies
Amnon would not have known how to act without Jonadab.
c) Surrounding yourself with the wrong people exposes you to spiritual danger
Voices you allow influence your direction.
d) Not every friend is a godly one—discernment is vital in relationships
Crafty people often masquerade as wise companions.
Biblical Example: Rehoboam followed the counsel of young men and lost the kingdom (1 Kings 12:6-19).
3. LEADERSHIP FAILURE CREATES FAMILY CHAOS
David was angry, but he did nothing to correct Amnon.
a) “When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry” (2 Samuel 13:21)
Anger without action is ineffective.
b) David’s silence created a vacuum of justice
As king and father, his inaction was costly.
c) Leadership must act when there is wrongdoing, especially in the family
Discipline is a form of love and protection.
d) Avoiding difficult decisions today leads to bitter consequences tomorrow
David’s failure to discipline Amnon gave Absalom a reason to rebel.
Biblical Example: Eli’s refusal to correct his sons brought judgment to his house (1 Samuel 3:13).
4. UNADDRESSED HURT BREEDS BITTERNESS AND REVENGE
Absalom’s hatred for Amnon grew silently.
a) “Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad…” (2 Samuel 13:22)
He was silent, but plotting revenge.
b) When pain is not processed, it becomes poison
Two years of silence led to murder.
c) Families must be taught to speak up and deal with offences early
Sweeping things under the carpet is not healing.
d) Bitterness is a slow killer—it corrupts love and divides families
Unforgiveness opened the door to rebellion.
Biblical Example: Cain did not manage his anger and killed Abel (Genesis 4:6-8).
5. FAMILY RECONCILIATION REQUIRES MORE THAN TIME—IT NEEDS TRUTH AND HEALING
Absalom fled, and David longed for him, but the wound remained.
a) “David mourned for his son every day” (2 Samuel 13:37)
There was pain, but still no restoration.
b) Time may dull the memory, but only truth heals the heart
Broken relationships need intentional repair.
c) Reconciliation requires addressing wrongs and pursuing peace
Avoidance only prolongs pain.
d) God desires families to walk in truth, forgiveness, and restoration
Healing is possible, but only through humility and truth.
Biblical Example: Joseph reconciled with his brothers by confronting the past with grace (Genesis 45:1-15).
CONCLUSION:
2 Samuel 13 is a tragic example of what happens when desires are unchecked, counsel is ungodly, discipline is absent, and bitterness is nurtured. The family is God’s first institution—it must be preserved with vigilance, grace, and truth. Leaders must not be passive in the face of sin. Silence is not always wisdom; sometimes it is complicity.
Let us learn from David’s household. May our homes be governed by godly principles, open communication, accountability, and love that confronts when necessary. The sanctity of the family is worth defending with prayer, discipline, and discernment.
PRAYER POINTS:
1. Lord, deliver my family from the destruction of uncontrolled desires and hidden sin.
2. Father, grant me the grace to confront evil in love and protect my home with truth.
3. I reject every form of bitterness, silence, and unforgiveness in my household.
4. Raise in our families godly leaders, wise counsellors, and honourable sons and daughters.
5. Lord, heal every wounded heart and restore unity, love, and righteousness in our homes.
