INTRODUCTION
I am a foodie at heart. There’s nothing quite like a perfectly cooked ribeye steak—those rich, marbled streaks of fat, seared just right, juicy and tender. What is your favorite food?
Whatever your favorite food is, we know that food itself is a good gift, isn't it? It sustains us, brings people together, and brings us joy.
But what happens when we misuse this good gift of food? We all know the consequences: an upset stomach, a few extra pounds, a big belly, or, in the extreme, serious health issues. Food is a good thing, but sometimes, we take something intended for our good and turn it into something harmful.
Today, we're diving into a topic that, like food, is a profoundly good gift from God, intended for our flourishing, but one that's also incredibly easy to misuse and has been misused. God has given us a good gift and inclination called sexual desires. God has given us this tool that He intends to use to build marriages, families, and reflect the intimate relationship between Jesus Christ and the church.
But in a world that often distorts and abuses this gift, how do we honor God's design? How do we approach marriage and singleness in a way that reflects God’s glory?" That’s the question that Paul is trying to answer.
This morning, we're going to see how God calls us to live with self-control and self-giving love, honoring God’s design, so that our lives reflect Christ’s own love for His church.
PROBLEM: CONFLICTING VIEWS IN CORINTH
Leading up to this point, Paul has spent six chapters addressing issues in Corinth based on reports he received. Now, in chapter 7, he turns to the Corinthians’ own questions - verse 1 says, “matters you wrote about.” The Corinthians had some questions they wanted to ask Paul. Their primary concern is captured in verse 1. They said, “Hey Paul, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman, right?” The Greek literally says, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." Sounds like a random question to ask Paul. At first hearing, you might wonder, “Why are they asking this?” It seems like an odd question to ask.
Well, to understand why the Corinthians would ask this question, you need to know Corinth. Corinth was a hotbed of vice. It was the kind of city where if you told your grandmother, “I am going to Corinth,” she'd probably suggest you bring a chaperone. Every corner was filled with all types of immorality. And the Christians in Corinth were drawn from a culture that had issues with immorality. The church escaped from the immoral background.
But the church was divided into two camps. One group fought fiercely against the immorality. And the other group was more influenced by the culture than they realized. This group believed that because the Holy Spirit had come, what they did with their bodies didn’t matter.
"The Spirit has come,” they said, “so the body doesn’t matter." And they believed this type of thinking was a sign of spiritual maturity. However, this was a dangerous error because the Corinthians took the matter of immorality as if spiritual growth meant you could wear a lampshade on your head without any spiritual consequence.
But the first group, reacting to the immorality, thought Christians shouldn't engage in any physical intimacy, even intimacy in a marriage. They believed everyone should abstain. Both sides fell into ditches. Both were partly right and partly wrong. It's like arguing whether sleep or food is better. It is a silly question, because both have their place. Both sleep and food are valuable, but neither should be exclusive.
So, the "abstinence-only" group wrote to Paul, asking, "Don't you agree it's good for a man not to engage in physical intimacy? Don’t you agree that we all abstain? Married, single, or whatever?” This group was seriously worried about the immoral culture they escaped from. It was a tough place to live as a Christian. I mentioned in my previous messages that Corinth had such a bad reputation that there was an idiom associated with it.
For example, let me ask you a question: What do you call a person who is resistant to change, dull, and unwilling to try new things? You call them a stick in the mud. That is an idiom that describes someone reluctant to change. Now, in biblical times, what do you call a person who lived a debauched life and engaged in every immorality? In Greek, you said, “Corithiazesthai,” which means, “you are behaving like a Corinthian.” So, the city of Corinth was the epitome of moral corruption. So, it means that this group wanted to protect themselves and others by avoiding anything that feels like it could pull them back into a sinful culture.
That said, Paul shows balance. He says, "Yes, but…" He says, "Yes, abstinence can be good for some, especially in times of devotion to God... And for the single and unmarried, abstinence is a must; it is God’s design for the single and unmarried.” However, physical intimacy within marriage is not only permissible, it is a gift from God.” So, you are partly right and partly wrong.
Paul says this because this group believed that celibacy was the better way and that any form of intimacy was bad. They believed the "truly spiritual" remained celibate. But Paul wanted them to know that the Holy Spirit didn't come to eliminate our desires. Verse 2, Paul says, "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." Paul understood that telling everyone to "just say no" without a God-given outlet for desires would only lead to more immorality. It’s like trying to hold water with a leaky bucket – it's not going to work, and things are going to get messy.
Paul didn't believe abstinence was inherently superior to intimacy. He understood each had its time and place... Singleness and marriage are both gifts from God. Verse 7: "But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." Singleness is a gift, just like marriage; just like the gift of teaching, or leading. All are given to build others up. Marriage builds up spouses and children. Singleness, too, is meant for building up others.
Paul himself had the gift of singleness, which freed him to serve Jesus in unique ways. He wasn't saying marriage was bad; he was happy in his singleness. He was saying, "I wish everyone could be as content as I am in my specific calling," not "I wish everyone lived exactly like me." Some serve God better married; others better single.
Paul’s approach was balanced: God gave us desires, and physical intimacy should be enjoyed within the context of marriage. To the group prioritizing celibacy, he reminded them not to burden people: verse 9, "if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
This reinforces our big idea: God calls us to live with self-control and self-giving love, honoring His design for sexuality, so that our lives reflect Christ’s love for His church. This applies to both the married and the single.
IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CONTROL
Marriage is the proper outlet for our God given desires. But we wonder, what is the purpose behind these urges? What are we supposed to do with it? I mean, we’ve all been teenage boys and girls. We know what we were like. If we could somehow harness the raw energy of every teenager's libido in Laurel Springs, we could probably power the entire East Coast. These urges are powerful. Why did God give us these?
I think these urges are meant to drive us toward maturity – toward adulthood, maturity, and marriage. If a young person desires physical intimacy, they should mature into what’s required for marriage. If you understand the power of these urges, channel that energy into preparing for a career, developing virtues that make a good spouse, and finding communities of like-minded Christians where you might find a partner or supportive friends. If you deny yourself until marriage, these urges become a powerful engine that propels you toward maturity. Self-control isn’t about suppressing your feelings and desires for its own sake; it is about directing it towards God’s purpose - maturity.
On the other hand, without self-restraint, we can stall in that growth toward maturity. This is why we see so much immaturity in our culture, not just in twenty and thirty-somethings, but even in forty and fifty-somethings and beyond. They’ve never learned the discipline of delayed gratification, and it shows.
Our culture often promotes immediate gratification: "If it feels good, do it!" The sexual revolution teaches that those who wait are incomplete. But God's pattern for these matters makes far more sense. Self-control is about channeling our desires towards maturity and spiritual growth.
Again, God calls us to live with self-control and self-giving love, honoring His design for sexuality, so that our lives reflect Christ’s love for His church.
IMPORTANCE OF SELF-GIVING
There’s a time for self-control, and then there's a time for self-giving. God designed marriage as a safe place for physical intimacy. Spouses can be vulnerable because they’re committed for life. Marriage also serves as a guard against immorality, encouraging spouses to find fulfillment in each other.
This means for a husband, it’s a word from a father to a son: "Don’t compare your wife to other women. Don’t compare her to how she looked ten years ago. Be happy with her now."
And for the wife, it’s a word from a mother to a daughter: Don’t compare him to that man in your favorite romantic comedy; love him for who he is today.
The Christian view of marriage takes the "one-flesh" union seriously. Verse 4 says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." Each belongs to the other.
Paul paints a picture of reciprocal self-giving. In verse 3, when he says, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband," it's about devotion under grace. Each spouse sees the other as a gift from God—someone to serve, honor, and cherish, just as Christ loved, died for, served, honored, and cherished the church.
This demands mutual serving rooted in Christ. Husbands need to understand their wives; wives need to understand their husbands. Sometimes, it feels like trying to understand your spouse is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube while wearing mittens. However, the mutual desire to understand and serve one another is the bedrock of what biblical marriage looks like.
Marriage becomes a living parable of Christ and the Church. Just as Jesus gave Himself fully and sacrificially for us, spouses are called to give themselves for one another—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The husband seeks her joy; the wife seeks his satisfaction. This "self-giving" reflects the heart of Christian love: not taking, not demanding, but joyfully offering oneself for the good of the other.
There is a time for self-control and a time for self-giving love. And in living that way, we reflect Christ’s love for His bride, the Church.
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?
Now you might say, “Dasol, what does this have to do with me? I’ve been married for 50 years. Why are you talking about marriage and singleness to a congregation that’s already been there and done that?” Granted, this sermon might be more appropriate for the 20s and 30-somethings. I know many of us here are the 70s and 80-somethings. Perhaps you're single, widowed, divorced, or remarried. But while this portion of the text we’re reading might seem appropriate for younger people, Paul's encouragement points to a profound truth for everyone.
Because Paul's teaching on marriage is ultimately about Jesus Christ and the Church. Ephesians 5 reveals the deepest purpose of marriage: Marriage is to reflect the mystery of the Gospel. "This mystery is profound," Paul writes, "and I am saying that marriage refers to Christ and the church." At the heart of Paul’s discussion on marriage, self-control, and self-giving is a Savior who gave Himself completely and sacrificially for His bride—the church (you and me) —not because the church was perfect, but to make her holy through His love. Jesus didn't wait for the church to get their act together; He jumped right into our mess.
Everyone—married, single, widowed, divorced, or remarried—is part of that bride, the church. We are the ones Christ loves, for whom He laid down His life. So, we are called to live in a way that mirrors that same self-giving love of Jesus Christ to the people that are around us.
Our lives, our whole selves, are meant to bear witness to Jesus’ love. The way we serve, forgive, speak gently, and give without expecting return—these are expressions of Christ’s love in us.
Now, many of us might be past raising children or navigating romantic relationships, but when we see marriage as a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church, every day is an opportunity to love sacrificially and faithfully to God and to those around us.
When you pray for our church family, serve in a ministry, volunteer, and give, you're building up the church—the bride —helping the church shine brighter for Christ. Even in quiet moments—choosing forgiveness over bitterness, patience over frustration—you're living as a radiant part of the Church, preparing for the eternal wedding feast (Revelation 19:7-9). So, just as this message applies to those who are not married yet, it also applies to all of us... that we live with self-control and self-giving love, honoring Gods design, to reflect Christ’s love for the church.
So, we practice self-control in all areas of our lives...
o Exercise self-control by prioritizing your spouse’s needs over fleeting temptations and avoid comparisons or distractions.
o Exercise self-control by submitting to Christ’s discipline by living in a way that bears good fruits of the spirit in our lives.
We also practice self-giving in all areas of our lives
o Serve your spouse sacrificially, just as Christ served the church.
o Serve others selflessly. Love others as Christ loves you. Forgive past hurts and pray for those who have wronged you.
o Serve the church, give to the church, and live as witnesses to reflect Christ’s love.
Submit every part of yourself to God, trusting in His design for holiness to display His glory.
Let’s live as Christ’s cherished Bride, pursuing holiness, avoiding sin, and loving sacrificially. God calls us to live with self-control and self-giving love, honoring His design for sexuality, so that our lives reflect Christ’s love for His church.
