T&T Level 1 - Session 5 - Managing Difficult Emotions
This is the fifth talk in an 8-week class called "Trauma and Transformation, Level 1". The course takes a bio-psycho-socio-spiritual approach to healing. Both Christians and non-Christians are welcome.
Emotional regulation. Do we control our motions, or are we controlled by our emotions?
My grandson, Stevie just is turning 5 years old in July. He is wonderful and my wife and I, one of his two sets of loving grandparents, are absolutely crazy about him and little brother Matthew.
He is very empathetic. He tears up easily at sad moments in the age appropriate shows that he watches. Amazing little guy. I’m not biased at all, no not at all. 😉
When he was around two years old, entering the territory of the terrible twos, he developed a quirky habit.
When he would get really frustrated and annoyed by something, he would lie down face first, on a rug, silently, and just plank, for minutes at a time. No one showed him how to do this.
He just came up with it himself. It was his way of registering protest. It was effective, it was adorable, it was hilarious.
He has since moved on to more normal or traditional expressions of the various strong emotions that he feels.
But how do we handle difficult emotions?
No one does it perfectly, and even when we think we’ve got it all together, certain unexpected situations can set us off and we can surprise ourselves by our reactions to things, which can often just not seem rational.
In the Bible in the Book of Romans Paul talks about this: Romans 7:15 What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.
We are often a mystery even to ourselves.
When we have trauma in our backgrounds, it can be even more challenging to navigate difficult emotions.
We can even become afraid of our emotions, and that can cause us to isolate ourselves from people and situations that we fear may cause us to lose control.
I often talk about David, King David, in particular, in the Old Testament, because he truly was a remarkable figure, whose experiences in life were not in the slightest white-washed in the Bible.
A number of the dark and sketchy things that he did, given his elevated status in the Hebrew world, you might expect that they would’ve tried to expunge or remove from the text.
One of the shocking things I learned when I first actually read the Bible, was that it is incredibly transparent and honest almost to the point of embarrassment about the stories of its characters,
including some of the people who are considered to be the most important in the story of God, and the story of God's people.
David had a lot of extremely difficult moments in his life, some which he caused himself, some in which he was quite innocent; and others where he was entirely a victim of other people’s actions.
At one point when he was particularly low, David wrote this:
“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted within me. My mouth is dried up like potsherd and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircle me; they pierce my hands and my feet. All my bones are on display; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment. But you, Lord, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me.” Psalm 22:14-19
Here and elsewhere in many places, particularly in Psalms, David writes of his despair, and sadness, his fear... and other strong emotions. But I think we can learn a lot from David. Here are some things you can learn from David:
Lessons from David:
Read from hear, not PPT
When David felt overwhelmed emotionally, He knew connecting with his spiritual side, intentionally spending time with God would help. David learned how to quiet himself and focus on his inner world. Go to next Slide
David didn’t fear vulnerability with God. He poured out his heart and held nothing back. He realized that God was His safe space. Go to next Slide
David had this very honest connection with God that was not rote or scripted. His prayer was conversational. Talking to another person, which is who God is.
He expressed his sorrows to himself and to God.
Go to next Slide
After He expressed his true feelings, David turned His thoughts to God. He recounted God’s goodness and faithfulness.
David understood God as someone real and present to him.
His spirituality was focussed on the person of God, NOT, notably, on himself; so his relationship with the Divine was personal and interactive. Go to next Slide
He found a way, through his honest internal dialogue, to come to a place of gratitude for his life and for the good things God has done for him. Go to next Slide
David expressed his dependence on God. He had a sense that apart from God he had nothing, with God he had much, and he had few real limitations in life.Go to next Slide
David didn’t get stuck for long in self-pity and he moved forward in hope. Go to next Slide
David reoriented his thinking to reflect trust in God. He prioritized his inner life. He thought through his life long and hard enough to come to doubt his doubts. Go to next Slide
He had pain and trauma in his life, but he found that his relationship with God grounded his life and gave him hope when there was nothing else to hope in. And that was more than enough for David.
These are all valuable practices that help us to manage our difficult emotions, and that help us to realign ourselves with our beliefs, when we might feel that we’re having difficulty managing our emotions and/or drifting spiritually from where we want to be.
As well, we find a lot of encouragement in the Bible on how to sort ourselves out and what to do with our thinking in order to get ourselves back on a positive track.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Scripture is loaded to bear with very encouraging passages like this.
The intent is to help us to orient our minds and our hearts away from too much focus on our pain
and toward the good,
toward the values and attitudes in life that give us strength to face the challenges that will come our way.
May we all continue to grow and continue to embrace what is good and true in order that we might each live a life of love.
