THE VICTORIOUS HUSBAND AND HIS MARRIAGE
Many are the afflictions of the righteous:
but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
20 He keepeth all his bones:
not one of them is broken.
21 Evil shall slay the wicked Psalms 34:19-21
I want to thank the Chairman of the Redeemers Men Fellowship for inviting me to speak with men and husband on this very important topic: THE VICTORIOUS MAN AND HIS MARRIAGE.
This topic suggests that there is a man who had victory in almost every area of his life and he deserves to be praised for this but we still have to examine his marriage before we can finally say that his victory is complete. There are several husbands that have had victories in battles but their marriage fails. There are great men of God like the renown prophet Eli whose victory in the spiritual was marred by his children and there was Job who had a wife who had no better advice for her husband in the moment of trials.
Therefore, it is pertinent to examine some of the battles of live that almost every male child is subject to face.
The battle of survival.
Some of the Birth statistics that I have been privilege to see suggest to the contrary to what you and I would want to accept. More male child are born more than the female child. Today if you look around as we grow up you are likely to see more female than the male child. Why is this so?
At infants more of the girls survived sickness more than the boys
Growing up years many of the boys die because of their engagements in hard things that I call dangerous expedition.
More male die in accidents because majority of the drivers are male.
In war time and in the military more than 90% of the recruits are boys and many of those who survived as military officers are women. The same thing applies to the police force.
Therefore, if you are here today and you have grown up to have been married, you are among the lucky ones.
THE BATTLE OF ECONOMIC SURVIVAL.
Money may not be the answer to all things as King Solomon suggested but it certainly gives an answer to many things.
Money may determine the kinds of friends that you have because the rich is a friend to the rich and the poor a friend to the poor.
Money may determine the kind of wife you marry because poor boys and rich girls hardly meet nor have the same fellowship. Even the rich are careful about the parish they want their family to attend.
Money may determine the level of your promotion and speed of your progress. Most businesses prefer to do business with rich than the poor because of the risk involved in dealing with the poor merchants.
BOYS STRUGGLES FOR SURVIVAL
Below are some of the boy’s economic struggles in life that many girls may never experience.
Male family members are expecting so much from him for them to survive. Most of the hope of the family is based on the male child. He is seen as the only one who will never shed the family identity because of marriage.
Their wives see them as the ultimate ATM machine that must never say there is no network.
The children look at him for daily bread, school fees, protection from evil and many others.
The Community where he lives are expecting his contributions to their warfare.
If you are a boy here today and you are still breathing under this great financial and societal expectation, then you are among the few victorious ones.
THE BATTLE OF SPIRITUAL SURVIVAL.
In the spiritual Warfare the boys are more of victims than the spiritual war mongers. Many of the people being attacked today happen to be the male child. The reasons for this attack are obvious.
In a polygamous setting the boys in the midst of the girls are in serious trouble. He is seen as the one that will eventually inherit the family property and business so they might try to make sure he never lives to inherit.
When a girl loves him and he does not love the girl, some girls don’t take it lightly his name must be taken to a spiritualist either for prayers or for curses. Most of the boys then may end up marrying someone who is not the right match for them and from that end they may not have a fulfil marriage and life.
Hence, the victorious man is the man that has found a way out of all these spiritual challenges In a monogamous family, the case is not too different as his sisters believed that the parents will always favour him because he is a male child.
How does a victorious man treat his marriage?
He makes his wife clean.
5 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, Ephesians 5:25-26.
This Bible passage speaks volumes
He must love his wife as Christ loves the Church that he gave himself for the church.
The purpose of loving the wife is to make her clean and holy. Could that be that women comes to marriage unclean? Certainly, so but not that they are dirty. They are never in a state which the husband would expect.
How to make them clean?
By the washing with water. Natural cleanliness and caring for her beauty.
By the word. Constant communication. A woman can never be left alone without adequate communication in marriage. I observed that it was when Adam left Eve without communication that Satan was able to communicate with her and her eat the forbidden fruits,
What are we to talk about?
Talk about her shortcomings that you know can ruin her if you keep silent.
Talk about those changes that you are expecting from her. Sometimes you do it in style.
Let her know that you come from a family where there are living human being who have expectations for you and from you.
Let her know that you have records of people that have been your helpers before you become what you are today: those people who have helped you along the way when things were difficult for you and that if it be possible you will want to repay their kindness.
Let her know that you also have friends that you will love to keep.
Let her know that you will always love her as you have promised. Loving a woman and saying that I love you to her are two different things. If you love her you must show it by what you do for her and you must complement it by saying I love you.
A VICTORIOUS MAN IS A PATIENT MAN.
There are different types of warfare. There are wars you fight with every power in you, there are war you fight brutally against the enemy but there is a war of attrition which is a wearing down or weakening of resistance. When you fight within the family it not in the any form of warfare that I have mentioned above. In family battles you cannot be brutal or unmerciful if you do then you are a foolish person. Family fight is a fight of wisdom and there must be no spilling of blood because no one is allowed to be wounded. We must fight to strengthen family and relationship bonds.
A VICTORIOUS MAN ALLOWS HIS WIFE TO HAVE SOME LEVEL OF FINANCIAL AUTONOMY.
I have seen several Christian husbands having the same purse with their wives by agreement but my personal research has shown that someone is not always happy with this arrangement and yet he is not complaining openly.
What are we suggesting then?
Let everyone has some responsibility towards the family needs.
Let everyone be able to buy what he or she likes without asking for permission.
Let everyone be able to give to God and man without hesitation.
Let there be an account where everyone contributes by percentile as family purse, from this contribution there could be joint spending which require an agreement before it is done.
A VICTORIOUS MAN WILL NOT ALLOW ROOM FOR SUSPICION.
21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. 1 Thessalonians 5:21
Many homes and marriages have been ruined by mere suspicion that could not be substantiated. A very good husband must therefore trust his wife and refrain from making unsubstantiated statements.
It is my prayers that you will win all battle and still have a great victory in your marriages in Jesus name
Pastor Abiodun John Adeniyi
