"Speaking the Truth in Love"
Introduction:
Today we are continuing our series “Truth or Trash: What’s Coming Out of Your Mouth?”
Your words can shape destinies—or they can destroy them.
We talk about Jesus being Lord, but here’s the question:
Is He Lord over your whole life, or just the areas you’re comfortable surrendering?
So if Jesus is truly Lord over your life, He must also be Lord over your lips!
What we say should reflect the transformation that has happened inside of us.
But far too often, there’s a disconnect.
A person who comes to church, sings, lifts their hands in worship, shouts “Amen!”—but then walks out and slanders, gossips, or curses— is a person that is not just speaking out of both sides of their mouth, but they are living a contradiction!"
Your tongue is telling on you. It’s revealing what’s really in your heart.
A few weeks ago I preached on “Taming the Tongue”
We looked at James 3, where the Bible says the tongue is like a tiny spark that can set an entire forest ablaze.
Today we are talking about “Speaking the Truth in Love”
Have you ever had someone tell you the truth, but it felt like a slap in the face?
Or maybe someone sugarcoated something so much that you never really got the truth at all?
Both extremes are dangerous.
But God calls us to something greater.
He calls us to speak the truth—in love.
Paul, writing to the church in Ephesus, gives us the right balance in Ephesians 4, Paul is talking about walking in a manner that is worthy of their calling.
Being unified, and growing in maturity as the body of Christ.
Then in verse 15, Paul gives us a crucial key to this:
Ephesians 4:15 NLT
15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
This is where the right balance comes in.
Paul is saying that truth and love are not opposites—they go hand in hand.
If we only speak truth but lack love, we wound people.
If we only show love but never tell the truth, we leave people in darkness.
Not just truth. Not just love. But both!
You see, some of us have the truth, but we don’t know how to deliver it.
We think being blunt is the same as being bold— It’s not.
Some of us have love, but we’re so timid, we’re afraid to speak up.
Jesus was the perfect example of this— He confronted sin, but He did it with compassion.
He corrected people, but always with an invitation to grace.
So, if we’re called to speak the truth in love, how do we do it?
It starts with our posture.
Before we ever open our mouths, we have to check our hearts.
Love is the posture—truth is the power.
Truth without love is like swinging a sword in the dark—you might be right, but you’re leaving a trail of wounded people behind.
But when love leads the way— it cleanses, it restores, it sets people free!
1. Love is the Posture—Truth is the Power
1. Truth without love wounds, but truth with love heals.
a. You see, truth without love is dangerous.
b. It doesn’t just hurt—it cuts deep, it scars, and it destroys.
c. But when truth is wrapped in love, Now that’s different, it becomes a healing agent.
d. It’s the difference between a butcher and a surgeon.
i. A butcher cuts with no concern for what’s left behind—just separating bone from meat.
1. No care. No precision. No healing.
ii. But a surgeon? A surgeon wields a blade too, but every cut has a purpose.
1. Every incision is made with skill, designed to heal, not to harm.
iii. So let me ask you—when it comes to your words, are you cutting like a butcher?
iv. Or are you speaking like a surgeon?”
e. Too many people today are swinging truth like a butcher’s cleaver—just hacking away.
i. Chopping people down.
ii. Tearing them apart.
iii. Leaving them wounded, bleeding, and with no hope of restoration.
f. We need to be like Jesus… He was a Master Surgeon.
i. He never dodged the truth, but He knew how to wield it.
ii. He knew when to speak, how to speak, and most importantly, why to speak.
iii. And if we’re going to follow Him, we better learn this also.
g. John 1:14 says
John 1:14 ESV
14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
a. Jesus wasn’t just full of truth—He was full of grace and truth.
b. He didn’t just call out sin—He called people into freedom.
c. A perfect example of this is when He met with the Samaritan Woman at the well.
d. In John chapter 4, Jesus was headed to Galilee and on His journey made a surprising detour.
John 4:3–6 NLT
3 So he left Judea and returned to Galilee.
4 He had to go through Samaria on the way.
5 Eventually he came to the Samaritan village of Sychar, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.
6 Jacob’s well was there; and Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime.
a. But instead of taking the expected route, Jesus went straight through Samaria—a place Jews avoided, a place full of people they rejected.
i. It was a place they thought was full of outcasts, unworthy and unclean people.
b. But how many of us do the exact same thing ?
i. We avoid people who make us uncomfortable, dodging conversations we don’t want to have.
ii. Taking the long way around in the stores.
c. But Jesus shows us a different approach.
i. Jesus always moved toward people others deemed as outcasts.
ii. He wasn’t worried about His reputation—He was concerned about the restoration of broken people.
d. When Jesus arrived at Jacob’s well, He was weary from the journey.
e. And then, a woman came to draw water.
f. And what did Jesus do?
John 4:7 NLT
7 Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.”
a. Now, don’t miss this: by simply asking her for a drink, Jesus shattered cultural and social barriers.
i. He crossed the ethnic boundary line—A Jew speaking to a Samaritan.
ii. He crossed the gender divide—A man engaging a woman in conversation, something Jewish men, particularly rabbis, generally avoided.
iii. He crossed the moral divide—She had a past, but He wasn’t afraid to meet her in it.
iv. Yet, Jesus was more concerned with redemption than reputation.
b. He was creating a situation to open a door for a deeper spiritual conversation!
i. He showed her that she had value in His eyes and that her life had purpose!
c. So, it was noontime—the hottest part of the day, when she came to draw water.
i. She came alone, likely out of shame, avoiding the whispers and judgment of the other women.
ii. Maybe she felt rejected, or ashamed of her past, or perhaps she felt like she simply didn’t belong.
d. Jesus saw her for who she could be, not just who she was.
i. He didn’t ignore her past or pretend it didn’t exist.
ii. He knew her pain, her broken relationships, and her sin.
iii. and He didn’t lead with rebuke—He led with relationship.
iv. Instead of throwing truth at her, He offered it in love.
e. And that’s the difference.
i. Love makes truth effective; love opens the heart to receive it.
f. Jesus didn’t just pass by—He stepped into her story, into her struggle, into her brokenness.
g. He didn’t avoid her… He didn’t ignore her… He did what no one else had done—He showed her love.
h. And that’s exactly what He does for us… He steps into our mess, our mistakes, our shame—not to condemn, but to redeem!
i. And when He finally spoke the truth about her life—she listened!
i. Not out of fear.
ii. Not out of obligation.
iii. but because she encountered someone that saw her not just for who she was, but for who she could become.
j. And what did she do next?
i. She ran back to town telling everyone about Jesus!
ii. Because when you’ve been truly seen by Jesus, you can’t keep it to yourself.
iii. That’s what happens when truth is wrapped in love—it sets people free.
k. The marks of a mature Christian is the ability to speak the truth in love.
l. Jesus gives us the model to follow.
i. But yet many still struggle in this area.
m. Some are great at speaking truth, but terrible at speaking it in love.
i. Many can quote scripture and correct you in a heartbeat, but they lack grace and compassion.
ii. They know how to be right, but not how to be righteous.
iii. What they call "speaking the truth" is often just proving a point, with no regard for restoring a person.
iv. We’ve all been there—feeling the urge to speak bluntly, thinking, "I’m just telling it like it is, no sugar-coating."
n. Truth without love doesn’t lead to restoration—it leads to rejection.
o. If your truth leaves people feeling:
i. Broken, not built up.
ii. Rejected, not redeemed.
iii. Crushed, not corrected.
iv. Then you’re not speaking the truth in love… you’re swinging a sword without a care for who it cuts
p. Make sure you are following the example Jesus gave us.
q. The real test of spiritual maturity isn’t calling people out—it’s calling them back to Jesus
2. Truth Becomes Redemptive When it is Delivered with Grace
Proverbs 27:6 NLT
6 Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.
a. Real friends tell you the truth because they love you, and they do it with compassion and grace, wanting the best for you.
i. Love gives truth its aim.
ii. Love gives truth its purpose.
iii. Love gives truth its effectiveness.
1 John 4:8 NLT
8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
a. It’s not just something He does… It’s who He is.
b. And His love doesn’t crush people—it delivers people
c. When God’s love is in you, it changes how you speak, how you treat people, how you deliver truth.
d. When Jesus spoke the truth, sinners didn’t run from Him—they ran to Him!
i. They ran to Him—because He didn’t throw stones, He extended his hand!
ii. His truth was wrapped in love!
e. Listen—you can’t just throw around truth like a hammer and expect to build anything with it.
i. That’s not how the Kingdom of God works.
ii. We’re called to build, not tear down.
iii. We’re called to restore, not reject.
iv. We’re called to speak life, not condemnation.
v. Because when truth is spoken in love, it doesn’t break—it builds. It doesn’t crush—it restores. It doesn’t condemn—it lifts up!
f. So, the next time you feel that urge to speak truth—ask yourself:
i. “Is this coming from a heart of love?”
ii. “Is it meant to build up, to heal, to restore?”
g. Now, don’t misunderstand me— we don’t change the message.
i. Sin is still sin, and it will always be sin.
ii. But how we deliver that truth makes all the difference.
h. We must deliver it with grace and compassion.
i. The truth never changes, but the way we present it can change everything.
i. We have to recognize that people’s hearts need healing, not just correction.
i. If all we do is point out sin without showing the way to redemption, we’re missing the heart of Jesus.
j. Jesus never watered down the truth, He met them where they were, offering grace before truth."
k. Truth without love is just noise, but truth with love is a life-changing invitation to freedom.
l. And don’t forget this—timing matters too.
2. The Right Words at the Wrong Time Can Do Damage
1. Truth must be timed right to take root right.
a. The right words at the wrong time will close a heart instead of change it.
b. Just because it’s true doesn’t mean it’s the right time to give it.
i. And not every thought needs to be spoken!
ii. Just because it crosses your mind, doesn’t mean it should cross your lips.
c. Some of you know exactly what I mean— we’ve all been there
i. You’ve been the one speaking the truth, and instead of helping, it hurt.
ii. And you’ve been the one hearing the truth, and instead of receiving it, you rejected it.
d. The Bible tells us there is a right time for everything!
Ecclesiastes 3:7 NLT
7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
a. And if you get the timing wrong, even the right words can do damage.
b. How many of you can relate?
c. You have had someone tell you the truth, but the way they said it felt like they were swinging a sledgehammer instead of extending a helping hand?
i. They weren’t wrong… but they weren’t wise.
ii. What they said was true… but it wasn’t the right time.
iii. And because of that, instead of making you better, it made you bitter.
d. This is why timing matters!
e. This is why discernment matters!
f. Jesus understood this!
g. In John 16:12, speaking to His disciples, he said…
John 16:12 NLT
12 “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now.
a. Even Jesus—the Son of God—held back truth until the right time.
i. He understood that timing is everything.
ii. Sometimes, the heart simply isn’t ready to receive the truth you’re offering.
iii. If you share it too soon, it won’t take root—it will be rejected.
iv. Jesus often paused, taking the time to consider the right moment and the right audience.
v. He didn’t speak truth just to speak it.
vi. He understood the weight of His words and the profound effect they would have on those who heard them.
b. Jesus understood that truth is like a seed.
i. If you plant it in the right season, in the right soil, it will grow.
ii. But if you throw it on hard, dry ground, it won’t take root.
iii. Even a good seed planted in bad soil won’t grow.
c. I know some of you may be in situations right now where you’re carrying truth, but you're unsure when to speak.
d. Trust God’s timing and rely on the Holy Spirit to lead you in those moments.
e. We don’t always have to fix everything at once.
f. The key is allowing the Holy Spirit to guide you.
John 16:13 NLT
13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.
a. One of the biggest struggles we face is failing to let the Holy Spirit set the pace.
b. We have this wonderful Helper, this divine Counselor, but too often, we try to figure everything out on our own.
c. Instead of letting the Holy Spirit prepare the soil of someone’s heart, we try to force truth on them.
d. And when they don’t receive it, we get frustrated.
e. But maybe—just maybe—the problem isn’t the seed.
i. Maybe it’s the timing.
ii. Maybe it’s the soil.
f. That’s why we need the Holy Spirit.
i. He knows when a heart is ready.
ii. He knows how to soften the hardest ground.
iii. He knows how to plant truth deep, where it can grow.
g. We need to step back and let Him open the doors and lead us.
i. Truth must be planted, not pounded.”
Proverbs 15:23 NLT
23 Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!
a. There it is again—not just the right words, but the right time.
b. Have you ever had a moment where you knew you were right— but when you opened your mouth you made everything worse?
i. Maybe it was with your spouse—you saw something in their attitude or actions that needed to addressed.
ii. And in your infinite wisdom (insert sarcasm here), you decided to point it out… while they were upset, tired, and holding a hot cup of coffee.
iii. Instead of a heartfelt conversation, you got 'the look'—the one that makes you question all your life decisions.
iv. and now, you get to sleep on the couch.
c. Or maybe it was with a friend— and they were making a terrible decision, and you saw it coming from a mile away.
i. You knew they needed to hear the truth, but instead of waiting for the right moment, you hit them with it like a hammer.
ii. Instead of saying, “Hey, listen... I love you, and I just want to help,”....you hit them with “ HEY!!...What is WRONG with you?”
iii. And now, instead of listening, they’re avoiding you like you’re selling extended car warranties.
d. We’ve all been there.
i. Where we’ve spoken truth, but did it at the wrong time, in the wrong way, and instead of helping, we hurt!
ii. Instead of planting truth, we pounded it in.
e. That’s why allowing the Holy Spirit to do His job is so vital!
f. Catch this… Spirit-led timing leads to Spirit-filled impact.
i. See the Right action + Wrong timing = Frustration.
ii. But the Right action + Right timing = Fulfillment!
g. You cannot operate in Spirit-led timing if you are disconnected from the Spirit’s leading.
Proverbs 25:11 ESV
11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
a. That means the right words, spoken at the right time, are priceless.
b. But the right words, spoken at the wrong time, can destroy relationships, crush spirits, and close hearts.
i. And the people who pay the highest price for this are those who are closest to us!
c. Many times people do not consider anything other than the urge to speak.
i. But we need to do better!
ii. We need to understand and discern the situation, the person, and the timing of it.
2. Your Words Can Change a Life!
a. The Right Words at the Right Time Can Heal and Restore.
b. Listen, when we speak the truth at the right moment, with love, and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have the power to change lives.
Proverbs 12:18 NIV 2011
18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
a. Think about that for a second...
b. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be the kind of person whose words tear others down.
c. I want to be the one whose words are a healing balm, soothing the pain in people’s hearts.
d. When we speak truth at the right moment, with love, and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have the power to change lives.
i. We’re not just speaking words; we’re partnering with God to bring restoration.
ii. We are tearing down walls, building bridges that lead to understanding, and ultimately pointing people to Jesus.
e. When you speak the truth in love—timed by the Spirit, guided by wisdom—you’re not just affecting one life.
i. You’re changing families, marriages, communities, and futures.
f. You don’t have to have all the answers.
i. You just need to listen to the Holy Spirit’s whisper, guiding you in your conversations, guiding you when to speak and when to stay silent.
ii. When you follow His timing, you will see healing, reconciliation, and restoration that only God can bring.
g. And when we speak with the love of Christ, something powerful happens.
h. This leads us to my last point:
3. When We Speak in Love, We Shine Christ's Light
1. Your words carry the power to reveal Christ’s love and light up the world!
a. When we speak the truth in love, we don’t just heal and restore—we reflect the very light of Christ.
b. When you speak like Jesus, people see Jesus.
c. Our words reflect His character, revealing Christ to everyone around us.
d. The world may not see Jesus physically, but they can see Him in us if we choose to speak like Him.
Matthew 5:14–16 NLT
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.
15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.
16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
a. Speaking the truth in love, is like flipping a light switch.
i. When you flip a switch, suddenly the whole room is lit up.
ii. When we speak with love, the light of Christ shines through us, drawing people to His grace and truth.
b. Suddenly, we aren’t just speaking words—we are becoming vessels of Christ’s presence in the world.
c. We are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.
i. That’s who you are.
ii. You are not just a believer sitting in a church, but the light shining in the darkness of this world.
iii. And Jesus isn’t giving us an option here—He’s giving us an assignment!
iv. He’s telling us that we are the light, not someday, but right now.
d. It's easy to get distracted by the chaos of life, but remember:
i. You are set apart!
ii. You are a beacon of light.
iii. You are the lighthouse in the stormy seas of confusion and chaos.
iv. When you speak like Jesus, it’s not just words—it’s His life flowing through you, touching the world around you.
e. The world is watching.
f. The way we speak, the way we act, the way we live—everything reflects who we belong to.
g. Our goal isn’t to draw attention to ourselves or elevate our own status, but to point people to Jesus.
h. Our speech can either draw people to Jesus or push them away.
i. It’s no secret that the world is looking for something real.
ii. There are countless voices out there, but how many of them are speaking life?
iii. How many of them are pointing people to Jesus?
iv. The way we speak—our tone, our attitude, our words—it matters.
i. When we speak the truth in love, we ignite something.
j. When you speak words of truth, you light up a darkened world.
k. When you choose to speak like Jesus, something supernatural happens—it's like turning the lights on in a dark room.
l. You’re not just talking about Him—you’re reflecting Him.
m. This is more than just mimicking His words—it’s about embodying His heart.
n. In Colossians 4:6, the Apostle Paul writes:
Colossians 4:6 NIV 2011
6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
a. This is a powerful reminder for us today.
b. Our words should be seasoned with grace—grace that speaks truth with love, grace that encourages, and peace that reflects Jesus.
c. When our words are full of grace, they draw people in, making them hunger for the hope we carry.
d. Don’t let fear, shame, or doubt hide your light.
e. God is calling us to let it shine!
f. You are the light of the world! Don’t hide that light—let it shine!
g. You have the power to change someone’s eternity with your words.
i. Let this be your declaration today:
ii. “I will speak like Jesus. I will let my words reflect His love, His grace, His truth. I will let my light shine for all to see!”
2. Truth and love are the foundation stones of a Christ-centered life.
a. And as we bring this message to a close, let me remind you of something powerful from John 13:34–35:
John 13:34–35 NLT
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.
35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
a. The most powerful words we can speak are rooted in truth and spoken in love.
i. Jesus didn’t say, “Love when it’s easy.”
ii. He said, “Love as I have loved you”—unconditionally, sacrificially, even when it’s difficult.
iii. That’s the love He’s calling us to.
b. Truth and love are not random concepts—they are the foundation of the Christ-centered life.
c. As Ephesians 4:15 says, “Speak the truth in love.” It’s that simple.
Conclusion:
Church, I believe today’s message is not just about what you say—it’s about how you say it.
It’s not just about telling the truth; it’s about wrapping that truth in love.
When we get this right, we’re not just speaking words, we’re speaking life!
Think about it—every time you speak, you have the power to build up or tear down.
You can bring healing or cause hurt.
But when truth is spoken with love, it has the power to restore, to set captives free, and to bring people into the presence of Jesus.
Just like Jesus met the woman at the well—not to condemn, but to restore.
He spoke truth, but He did it with such grace and compassion that she ran back to tell everyone about Him.
That’s the kind of transformation I’m believing for in your life today!
So I challenge you today: Before you speak, ask yourself, “Is this coming from a heart of love?”
When you speak, let your words reflect the heart of Jesus.
Let your truth be wrapped in grace.
Let your words carry the power to heal, to restore, and to reconcile.
As we close today, I want to encourage you to invite the Holy Spirit into your conversations.
Pray:
Holy Spirit, lead me—lead us in our marriages, lead us in our friendships, lead us in every interaction.
Teach us when to speak and when to stay silent.
Give us the wisdom to know how to speak the truth in love, and show us the power of a well-timed word that can heal, restore, and transform.
The Spirit is here, church, to guide us into all truth. Let’s lean into Him.
Let’s make a commitment together, right now.
Let’s pray that God would give us the strength and the wisdom to speak truth with love.
To be people who don’t just say the right things, but say them the right way.
