“Taming the Tongue”
Introduction:
Last week, we kicked off a series called Truth or Trash: What’s Coming Out of Your Mouth?
We talked about the power of words—how what we speak today shapes the reality we live in tomorrow.
How our words impact our relationships—how they can either be the glue that holds them together or the hammer that breaks them apart.
And we saw that our words are a reflection of what lies deep within our hearts.
This week, we’re zeroing in on the source of those words—the tongue.
If we’re not careful, the tongue can become a source of trash instead of truth.
James 3:5–8 ESV
5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!
6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.
7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind,
8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
How many are willing to say that you never get frustrated, agitated, or angry?
How many of you are willing to say that you never struggle when it comes keeping your mouth shut instead of speaking your mind?
Look at your neighbor—come on, really look at them, make eye contact.
Ask them this question: “Do you think I struggle to keep my mouth shut sometimes?”
Alright, for those who were honest, thanks for playing along… for everyone else...
Let’s just say there’s this person who looks like you, talks like you, and even acts just like you—but it’s not you.
This person sometimes gets frustrated, emotional, maybe even angry.
And this person sometimes struggles to keep their mouth shut.
If we’re being honest, we've all been there—when emotions take over, and we feel like we just need to get something off our chest.
Maybe you were going through a tough season, hurting, and desperate for an outlet to vent.
Or maybe it's that moment when the dam finally breaks—you’ve had enough, and you feel like you just have to say whatever’s on your mind, no matter the consequences.
So let me ask you something: If we know our words are powerful—and Scripture tells us they are— then how are we stewarding this incredible gift of communication that God has given to us?
Everything that God gives us, He expects us to steward it well.
• He gives us wealth, and He calls us to manage it wisely—to tithe, to be generous, to bless others.
• He gives us time, and He calls us to use it with purpose— to make the most of every opportunity.
• He gives us relationships and resources, and He calls us to honor them and manage them with care.
• And He gives us words—words with the power to bring life or death.
Every word that comes out of your mouth is either an investment in the Kingdom or a weapon for destruction.
Last week, we learned:
• There are roughly 800,000 words in the English language.
• Most of us know around 20,000 and use about 5,000 daily.
So, If we use 5,000 words a day, that would be 150,000 words a month, 1.8 million words a year, and about 146 million words roughly in a lifetime.
With that in mind, how many of those words are truly communicating the heart of God?
The tongue... it’s a tiny little member of our body, but don’t let its size fool you—it’s one of the most powerful things you possess.
With it, we can speak life or death, blessing or cursing.
James tells us that it’s like a spark—small, but capable of setting an entire forest on fire.
You know, we can’t always control what happens in life, but one thing we can control is what comes out of our mouth.
The tongue may be small, but its power is absolutely undeniable.
1. The Tongue is Small but Powerful
The tongue, while one of the smallest members of our body, holds the immense power to direct the course of our lives.
1. You Tongue Desires to Be Your Master
a. You may say, “How can that be”— Think about it—your tongue doesn’t like to wait for permission.
b. The reality is, your tongue doesn’t want to be controlled; it wants to control you!
c. It craves power and control over every conversation.
d. But the truth is: we must master our tongue, because if we don’t, it will master us.
e. I want to go back for a minute to James 3:1...
James 3:1–2 ESV
1 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.
2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.
a. James begins with a strong warning—teachers, those in positions of spiritual authority, will face stricter judgment.
i. Why? Because words carry weight.
ii. Our words and leadership impact and influence others.
b. As leaders, we bear the great responsibility to guide others toward truth, knowing that God holds us to a higher standard
i. As a pastor, I feel the weight of this verse deeply.
1. Every sermon, every conversation, every piece of advice—it all carries responsibility.
c. But this isn’t just for pastors— It’s about anyone with influence:
i. Those teaching kids in Sunday school.
ii. Youth pastors discipling the next generation.
iii. Worship leaders proclaiming truths through song.
iv. Men’s and women’s ministry leaders shaping lives through Bible studies.
d. Every role comes with a responsibility to speak words that build up, encourage, and lead others toward Christ.
i. If you use your tongue to harm—whether through gossip, criticism, or careless words—God doesn’t overlook that.
ii. If your words wound, sow division, or lead others astray, you are accountable.... you will answer to God for it.
e. I know some of you may be having a moment of relief, “Whew! I am glad I never said I’d help with anything in the church”
f. Let’s bring this closer to home, Have you ever caught your child mimicking your words?
i. Maybe they repeat something you said, and for a moment, you realize—uh-oh, they sound just like me.
g. How many times have you heard someone say, “That child acts just like you” or “They talk just like you”?…or
i. “That sarcasm comes from your side of the family.”
ii. “They have your attitude!”
h. Guess what we call people we influence— DISCIPLES!
i. That's right, the people we speak to and interact with, those we influence every day— are our disciples!
j. We are shaping them into something, whether we realize it or not.
k. Every conversation, every word, is molding them, and it’s our responsibility to ensure we’re discipling them the right way.
l. Think about it:
i. Some of you are raising disciples in sarcasm.
ii. Some of you are raising up disciples in anger or negativity.
iii. Some of you are raising disciples who are fluent in gossip.
iv. Some of you are raising up disciples who are complainers.
v. Some of you are raising up disciples who are fluent in criticism.
m. I’ll never forget a moment when this truth hit me— one day being frustrated with the attitude I was getting from one of the girls and it hit me— I am arguing with myself.
n. They were only mimicking what they were taught.
o. Do you know what I realized: That’s my disciple… They’re following me and saying and doing exactly what I was teaching them!
p. It’s sobering, isn’t it?— Your tongue doesn’t just affect you; it affects everyone around you.
q. But what if we changed the way we speak?
r. What if we started discipling others with our words in love, encouragement, and truth?
s. Imagine the transformation in our lives.
t. Just like we can raise up disciples in sarcasm or anger, we can raise up disciples in kindness, joy, and grace.
u. We have the power to shape lives through our words."
2. The Tongue has the Power Direct Your Life
a. James gives us some strong illustrations to emphasize this point and to help us understand how powerful our tongues are.
i. It’s not just about recognizing the importance of our words, but the urgency of it.
ii. Look at verse 3… James 3:3
James 3:3 ESV
3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.
a. James talks about putting a bit in the mouth of a horse.
i. Think about a horse—a powerful, majestic creature, full of energy and strength.
ii. Like these 2 horses..
iii. Looking at these two horses, can you tell the difference between them?
1. At first glance, they both appear calm and peaceful.
2. But they are not the same.
iv. Look at the horse in this next picture…notice how calm this horse is?
1. She has complete control of that horse.
v. Now check out this horse…notice how this one isn’t calm, but wild and unruly?
vi. The difference is simple: the first horse has been tamed.
vii. It has been broken, and it responds to the small piece of metal in its mouth—the bit.
1. That small, seemingly insignificant piece of metal controls the direction of a creature that could otherwise be unpredictable and dangerous.
viii. On the other hand, the second horse, is wild and unrestrained.
ix. It will go wherever it wants, led by its raw power and instincts.
b. Your tongue works in the same way.
c. Left unchecked, it’s like that untamed horse, leading you down dangerous paths:
i. arguments
ii. broken relationships
iii. and a lack of peace in your life.
d. But when submitted to God’s control, it can steer you toward purpose, peace, and direction.
e. Now, in verse 4, James moves on to another powerful illustration—the ship.
James 3:4 NLT
4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong.
a. More specifically, he talks about the rudder of a ship.
b. No doubt James had a sail boat in mind when he penned this,
c. However, to make it relevant to us, let's think of a battleship—something like the USS Boxer.
d. This ship is enormous, built for strength and purpose.
e. But, despite its massive engines, its direction is determined by something relatively small: the rudder.
i. The rudder holds the power to determine whether the ship stays on course, avoids danger, and fulfills its mission.
ii. Here’s the interesting part: in this picture, this ship is dead in the water...there’s a malfunction with its rudder.
iii. Until the rudder is repaired, the ship cannot navigate effectively or fulfill its mission.
f. Your tongue is like the rudder of a ship.
g. It’s a small part of your body, but it holds the power to guide your life
h. When your tongue speaks words of faith, truth, and encouragement, it navigates you through the rough seas of your life and keeps you on course!
i. But if your words are negative, or careless, you drift off course.
i. You’ll find yourself in places you never intended to be, dealing with the wreckage of broken relationships and lost opportunities.
ii. Just as the rudder determines the direction of the ship, your tongue determines the course of your life.
j. Your tongue will either steer you toward truth, or it will lead you to the trash heap.
k. James warns us that the tongue, though small, is capable of guiding our entire life.
l. But if left unchecked, it will wreak havoc.
m. A runaway tongue doesn’t wander aimlessly—it causes destruction.
2. A Runaway Tongue Wreaks Havoc
A runaway tongue can destroy relationships, ruin reputations, and even shake your faith.
There are too many Christians that act like this...
It’s funny to watch in a video, but it’s not so funny when it’s happening in real life.
Some of us are flapping their tongues without even realizing the damage we’re causing.
A runaway tongue leaves a trail of devastation, whether we see it or not.
And often, we’re like that goat—oblivious to the mess we’re making.
James 3:5–6 ESV
5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!
6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.
1. Your Tongue Wants to Run Wild!
a. If the tongue is so powerful, imagine the damage when it’s out of control.
b. James paints a clear picture: a single spark from the tongue can ignite a forest fire.
i. One careless comment can destroy a friendship.
ii. One rumor can ruin someone’s reputation.
iii. One outburst of anger can sever a relationship.
c. We’ve all seen the damage a runaway tongue can do. It’s heartache, division, and devastation.
d. We must take this seriously— we cannot afford to let our tongues run wild.
e. Your tongue thrives on chaos— it wants to speak without restraint, it wants to lash out, it wants be left unchecked.
f. Loose Lips Sink Ships!
i. This is not just a catchy saying—it’s truth!
ii. During World War II, this slogan was a serious warning.
iii. Soldiers and civilians were reminded that careless talk could cost lives.
iv. A single slip of the tongue could give away critical information to the enemy and jeopardize an entire mission.
g. The same principle applies to us as followers of Christ.
h. If we’re not careful with our words, our loose lips can jeopardize everything God is trying to do in and through us.
i. Your tongue, if left unchecked, can sink relationships, opportunities, and even your witness for Christ.
j. Now to take this a step further. The stakes are even higher when it comes to our faith.
James 1:26 ESV
26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.
a. If you can’t control your tongue, your religion, your faith, is meaningless.
b. If you can’t control your tongue, your religion—your faith—is meaningless.
c. Think about that for a moment.
i. You can pray every day, read your Bible, and even serve in church, but if your words are reckless, you’re sabotaging your witness.
d. James is showing us that controlling our tongue is essential to living a life that honors God.
e. It’s not optional—it’s foundational.
f. True Maturity Involves Controlling Your Speech
i. I love how plainly the Bible says things sometimes. Proverbs 21:23 puts it like this:
Proverbs 21:23 NLT
23 Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
a. In other words—just stop talking!
b. Think about this: How many relationships could have been saved?
i. How many hurt feelings could have been avoided, if we had simply stopped talking?
c. Sometimes, the most godly, wise thing you can do is close your mouth.
d. Proverbs isn’t shy about telling us: if you can control your tongue, you’re already ahead of the game.
e. It's not always easy, but the wisdom in this verse is undeniable.
i. A tongue under control keeps you out of trouble and keeps your witness intact.
f. See, we often gauge spiritual maturity by outward actions—church attendance, Bible knowledge, giving habits
g. But here’s the reality: None of those things matter if you can’t control your tongue.
h. Mature believers recognize the weight of their words.
i. You do not have to say whatever comes to your mind!
j. Loose lips in your relationships, you’re going to erode trust and drive your family and friends away.
k. And if you have loose lips in the church, you can ‘sink’ the ship of unity.
i. Gossip and careless words don’t just hurt individuals—they tear apart the Body of Christ.
l. Let’s be real: If you’re having a conversation about someone who isn’t present, or if the details you’re discussing rely on hearsay, it’s time to stop talking.
m. Not only should you keep your lips closed, but you should also encourage the person you’re speaking with to do the same.
n. Here’s a simple way to know if it’s gossip:
i. If you’re saying something about someone that you wouldn’t say in front of them or the entire church, you’re gossiping.
ii. If the person your talking about is not not present, its probably a good idea to not engage init he conversation.
o. Gossip is one of the reasons people have trouble trusting Christians.
p. Gossip doesn't wear a sign that says “gossip”—it dresses up as “concern,” it calls itself “prayer,” it claims to be “helpful,” but at its core, it’s a tool of division and destruction.
q. We have to call it what it is.
r. I want to be clear with you today: It doesn’t matter who you’re talking to—whether it’s your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister, or your best friend.
s. If you're talking about someone behind their back and they’re not in the conversation, and you’re not seeking a resolution, you’ve crossed into gossip territory.
t. The Bible is clear about this. Proverbs 16:28
Proverbs 16:28 NLT
28 A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.
a. Gossip destroys trust. It divides churches.
b. And most importantly, it grieves the heart of God.
c. So let’s commit to guarding our words and choosing unity over division.
d. I’m not saying you can’t bring up issues or concerns—I’m saying we need to bring them to the right place.
i. The right place is not always a friendly ear.
ii. The right place is the right leadership… to whom God has placed in your life to help you.
e. Once you’ve shared it with the right leadership, trust God to handle the rest.
f. see...
2. What We Say—and What We Don’t Say—Both Matter!
Proverbs 18:8 NLT
8 Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.
a. You see, rumors, gossip, and loose talk may seem small, maybe even “harmless” at first, but they’re not.
i. They’re like little morsels—tasty, satisfying, even tempting to nibble on.
b. But here’s the truth: just like a poisoned well, it may look clean on the surface, but drinking from them will slowly destroy you.
c. Now, let’s be real for a moment—loose lips don’t just hurt others.
i. They corrupt your soul.
ii. They poison the very well of your heart, and before long, you’re not just hurting others—you’re spiritually sick.
iii. You can’t see it on the outside, but inside, things are rotting.
iv. Your thoughts become more negative, your words become more cutting, and the unity of your relationships begins to unravel.
d. Controlling your tongue isn’t just about saying the right things—it’s about knowing when to refrain from saying anything at all.
i. Not every thought needs to be shared, not every frustration needs to be aired, and not every piece of news needs to be passed along.
ii. In fact, Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
e. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is simply be quiet.
i. If you’re not sure what to say, don’t say anything.
ii. If you’re not sure if it will build someone up, don’t say it.
iii. If it’s not bringing peace, don’t speak it.
f. An Runaway Tongue Wreaks Havoc— But here’s the good news: God gives us the ability to tame it.
g. In every moment, we have a choice.
h. Will your words speak life, or will they spread strife?
i. Will they be truth or trash?"
3. Speak Life or Spread Strife— It’s Your Choice
Your words—whether spoken in the heat of the moment or carefully considered—have the power to either build up or tear down.
They can bless or curse— So, choose wisely.
James 3:9–12 ESV
9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.
10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?
12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
1. A Divided Tongue Brings Curses
a. You can’t speak both life and death!
b. You’ve got to choose to be a fountain of blessing!
c. A divided tongue is dangerous, and it brings curses—not just on others, but on you.
d. Think about it: On Sunday, we praise God, we raise our hands, and we sing His praises.
e. But then on Monday, we’re tearing someone down—someone made in God’s image—with our words.
i. What does that make us?
ii. A servant of the enemy!
f. I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth.
g. When we use our words to destroy, to gossip, to curse, we’re not fulfilling God’s purpose.
h. We’re fulfilling the devil’s.
i. And James is exposing the hypocrisy of our speech.
i. Out of one side of our mouths, we bless God, but out of the other, we curse the people He created and deeply loves.
James 3:10 ESV
10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
a. God’s call on our lives is clear: He calls us to consistency and a higher standard!
b. If we truly love God, we have to love those that He loves.
c. You can’t speak life in one moment and spread strife in the next.
d. A divided tongue doesn’t just bring curses on others—it brings curses on YOU.
i. You may be wondering, what curse could I possibly bring upon myself?
ii. How about: the curse of broken relationships, damaged trust, and a wounded spirit.
e. If you consider what James wrote in v16
James 3:16 KJV 1900
16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
i. Strife opens the door for chaos and destruction in your life.
ii. When you allow your words to sow discord, you give the enemy permission to bring confusion, bitterness, and every kind of evil into your situation.
iii. The enemy thrives in an atmosphere of division, and your words can be the tool he uses to tear apart relationships, stir up anger, and hinder your spiritual growth.
f. Your words should reflect the heart of God.
g. They should be a fountain of blessing, not a mixture of life and poison.
h. James compares our words to a spring—either pure and refreshing or bitter and toxic.
i. God calls us to be consistent in our speech, to love those He loves, and to speak words that bring life, hope, and healing.
2. Blessings Flow from a Surrendered Tongue
a. When your tongue is surrendered to God, it becomes a fountain of blessing.
b. When you surrender your tongue, you shut down the devil’s landing strip.
c. You disarm his ability to use your words against you and others.
d. Instead of becoming a tool for destruction, your words become a weapon for righteousness.
e. Think about Romans 12:14
f. We’re called to bless even those who persecute us. That’s not natural—it’s supernatural!
g. When you choose to bless rather than curse, you allow God to work through your words.
i. Your words can bring healing to broken relationships
ii. Hope to those who are discouraged,
iii. and light to the darkest places.
h. What kind of harvest do you want in your life?
i. If you want a harvest of peace, start planting words of peace.
j. If you want a harvest of love, start planting words of love.
k. Your words have the power to create a ripple effect of blessing that goes far beyond what you can see.
Conclusion:
Taming the tongue is a spiritual discipline that requires surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit.
It’s not something you can do on your own.
We need God’s help every single day.
This is why the psalmist prayed in Psalm 141:3..
Psalm 141:3 ESV
3 Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
What a powerful and practical prayer! The psalmist recognized something we all need to understand: we can’t tame the tongue on our own.
We need God’s help.
Just like a door guards what comes in and out of a house, we need God to guard the door of our lips to keep destructive words from escaping.
Think about how much better our relationships, our churches, and even our own peace of mind would be if we prayed this every day.
Here’s how we can approach taming the tongue both practically and biblically:
1. Surrender Your Tongue to God. Recognize that you can’t do it alone. Ask God for His help to control your words.
2. Fill Your Heart with Truth. Your tongue reflects your heart. Fill your heart with God’s Word, and your speech will follow.
3. Slow Down and Think Before You Speak. Pause before you speak. Ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
4. Stay Accountable. Find someone who will hold you accountable and encourage you to choose your words wisely.
5. Depend on the Holy Spirit. Taming the tongue is only possible through the fruit of the Spirit. Invite Him to take control when you’re tempted to speak in anger.
6. Speak Life Intentionally. Make it a habit to speak words of encouragement, hope, and blessing. Look for opportunities to build others up.
Closing Thought:
Taming the tongue isn’t just about avoiding bad words.
It’s about choosing to speak words that glorify God, bless others, and reflect the truth.
This isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a daily surrender.
Because without the Holy Spirit’s help, it’s easy to let anger, frustration, or thoughtlessness take over.
And when that happens, our words can hurt, divide, or discourage.
But when we invite God into the conversation, when we let Him be the guard over our words, everything changes.
He gives us wisdom to speak life instead of death, healing instead of hurt, and peace instead of conflict.
So let’s pray for the courage and discipline to be intentional with our words.
Let’s trust that God, through His Spirit, will help us speak life into the world around us.
