1 Thessalonians 5:18
We have all been taught since little children, that Thanksgiving, second only to Christmas, is one of the happiest holidays that we celebrate (remember all those the pictures we colored of the happy Indians and pilgrims sitting down at a table loaded with food?). Everyone gathers together to enjoy each other’s company and eat until they can no longer move.
Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it?
To begin with, that was not what the first Thanksgiving was like; somewhere along the line, this picture was created to make us feel better about what the pilgrims later did to the native American population. So if this is a delusion, why would anyone expect that all the other traditions associated with Thanksgiving be true?
One big, happy family!
What about Uncle Joe, who comes so ‘in his cup’ that there is no restraint on what comes out of his mouth? Or those terrible cousins who run around deliberately trying to knock over anyone over the age of fifty? Or he aunt who thinks her children are geniuses and the rest of the cousins are morons – and can’t resist telling everyone?
What about the siblings who either haven’t talked to each other since the last Thanksgiving and hate being in the same room, but do it ‘for the sake of Mom’? The old maid aunt who makes Green Jello Cottage Cheese Delight (if you don’t know what this is, thank your lucky stars!) every year, and everyone has to have some so her feelings aren’t hurt?
Or the poor host family, remembering that the kids and men are nowhere to be found, who has to either
coordinate the food for this group or actually prepare the entire meal, knowing that nothing is going to be perfect and she will hear about it for years to come (“do you remember when Susie burned the turkey; she really can’t cook!”)? Or the health nuts that have to inspect everything that goes into the meal and determine that the additives and carcinogens are unacceptable and there has to be organic, vegetarian or vegan food for them?
Does any of this sound like your family?
Here are some tips to survive Thanksgiving without committing murder or ending up crazy.
1. Thanksgiving is like weddings – no matter how much planning has been done, not everything is going to turn out perfect – don’t torture yourself!
2. Distribute the work; even if Aunt Ethel can’t cook, ask her to bring something (hopefully store-bought) so that she feels a part of the family.
3. If you have a hardcore vegan, remind them that they are responsible for bringing whatever fake
turkey/veggie/unrecognizable food they will eat.
4. Unless it is freezing out with two foot of snow, try to send all the family members under the age of twenty
outside. Maybe they will wear each other out and result in a calmer dinner.
5. Harness the kids (who won’t break the plates) to set the table; it doesn’t matter which side the silverware is
on. Believe it or not, they will remember when they have kids how important that made them feel.
6. Sports fans can forgo the obligatory football game long enough to wash the dishes. Hopefully the patriarch or husband of the hostess has been threatened within an inch of their lives that they must do the dishes. Another alternative is to use disposal dishes if you can’t coerce them to wash dishes – at least they can take out the garbage! You, as the hostess and cook, have done your part and you deserve to put your feet up and, maybe, have a little nog in your eggnog.
7. Keep the ‘nog’ to a minimum; grocery stores sell watered down rum, brandy and bourbon. No one needs to
know that they are not drinking the ‘real’ thing. Too many family disputes have happened because someone
had more nog than egg in their eggnog.
8. Think about taking leftover food to a lonesome neighbor or neglected shut-in so they may enjoy your bounty. It might just make you forget all the dissension and feel better about the whole day.
9. If you aren’t the host family, lend a hand to make the poor person stuck with preparing the feast feel like she is not alone. A kind word can undo a lot of negative whispering in the corner by the others. None of these tips will ensure that you have a pleasant Thanksgiving, but it can’t hurt.
But most of all, even if you normally do not pray, give thanks for the bounty you have. The prayer does not have to be eloquent or long, just heartfelt. The fact that you are all gathered in a warm, secure place with food enough to eat is something that not everyone will be experiencing this Thanksgiving.
Be thankful for what you have, lumps and all.
Okay, so this is a little ‘tongue in cheek’, but
Blessed Thanksgiving to everyone!
Written for Crossroads, Saint John’s Episcopal Church in Worthington and Parts Adjacent,
Worthington, OH; 5 Sep 2016
