1. Introduction
Hey everyone! Today, I want to talk about something we all encounter in our daily lives – gossip. You know that little chatter that can sadden, hurt, even destroy someone. And we’ll look at how it stands in stark contrast to grace. So, let’s dive in!
Imagine a church community where someone notices a young couple arguing after service. Rather than approaching them with care or offering support, a person shares the story with another member, saying:
"Did you see Sarah and James fighting? I think their marriage might be in trouble. It's so sad, but honestly, I always thought they rushed into it."
By the next day, the story has been exaggerated and spread:
"Did you hear about Sarah and James? They’re on the brink of divorce!"
What started as a moment of vulnerability for the couple has turned into a harmful rumour that could cause pain, misunderstanding, and division.
Turn to Ephesians 4:29 – "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
2. Understanding Gossip
What is Gossip?
Gossip is talking about someone else when they’re not around.
It can seem harmless or even fun, but often, it leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
It’s like whispering secrets that can cause big waves.
Think of how many times a few simple words spread around has changed how people viewed someone!
In Proverbs 16:28, it says, “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” Wow, right? It really shows how damaging gossip can be.
It is sharing information or dis-information about someone not present, often without their consent or with negative intent.
It can masquerade as concern but often fuels division and distrust.
So gossip is a serious habit – a habit that some don’t even know they have.
• Why Do We Gossip?
It can be out of boredom, or insecurity, or habit.
It might be to feel superior or included.
• The true Impact of Gossip can be seen if you are sensitive enough to look. But sometimes to impact of gossip can’t be seen, because the person effected stays quiet and dies a little inside.
Gossip can Damage people’s reputations and relationships.
It Erodes the integrity of the gossiper.
It can create mistrust and division in a community.
3. God’s Perspective on Gossip
The bible is clear about how we use our tongue.
It can –
stir up trouble
break up relationships
start a “fire” that is almost impossible to put out.
James says something that is bang up to date: Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."
A little word from our tongue can start a forest fire.
And in Proverbs 18:21 we read – "The tongue has the power of life and death."
It’s a destructive habit that we need to lose; and you know from this series that the only way to lose a bad habit is to replace it with a good habit.
4. Replacing Gossip with Grace
There are a number of things we can look to do dump our gossiping tongue with a graceful one. Let me give you a list.
Speak Encouragement
In other words, before we speak, replace any negative or harmful words that are about to come out of our mouths with uplifting and affirming ones. That could be difficult to start with, as our habit could have got in a rut; but keep going!
• Barnabas, whose name means “son of encouragement,” consistently uplifted others, like when he vouched for Paul.
• Acts 9:26-27. 26 When he came to Jerusalem, he (paul) tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. (a lot of rumours about Paul) 27 But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.
Practical Application: Make a daily habit of speaking one kind or encouraging word to someone, especially those you find challenging to appreciate.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 – "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
Second thing we can do to get in the habit of Grace:
Pray for Others
Instead of talking about someone’s flaws or mistakes, take those concerns to God in prayer.
Jesus prayed for Peter, knowing he would deny Him (Luke 22:31-32).
Practical Application: When tempted to gossip, pause and say a quick prayer for the person instead. Ask for God’s blessing over their life and wisdom for how to support them.
Foster Empathy
We often criticise people without knowing or understanding their perspective. Reflect on the challenges they might be facing.
Jesus showed empathy for the woman caught in adultery, refusing to condemn her, but rather encouraging her to change her life (John 8:1-11).
So, when tempted to gossip, ask yourself, "How would I feel if this was being said about me?" or "What might this person be struggling with that I don’t see?"
Matthew 7:12 – "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."
Guard Your Conversations
Proverbs 20:19 warns, "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much."
Proactively set yourself boundaries to avoid conversations that could turn into gossip. Don’t be drawn into conversations about people. Rather, be known as a peacemaker in discussions.
Develop phrases to redirect gossip, such as, "Let’s talk about something positive," or "Have you spoken to them directly about this?"
This approach not only breaks the habit of gossiping but actively cultivates habits that build a culture of grace, love, and encouragement within your community.
5. Practical Steps to Break the Gossip Habit
Choose Grace Over Gossip
One other tip:
• Pause Before You Speak:
- Ask yourself, “Is this going to help or hurt?” If it’s hurtful, maybe it’s best to keep quiet.
Guard Your Heart and Mind - Gossip often begins in our thoughts. By guarding our hearts, we can stop negativity before it becomes words. Redirect negative thoughts with positive ones – praying about it.
Recognise Gossip When It Happens
Acknowledge when a conversation is veering into gossip, and actively veer away.
• Colossians 4:6 – "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
Be Accountable
If this is a real habit of yours, invite a trusted friend or spiritual mentor to hold you accountable in avoiding gossip.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – "Two are better than one... If either of them falls down, one can help the other up."
Speak Life Instead of Gossip!
Positive
Encouraging
CONstructive not Destructive.
Taking these practical steps, we can transform how we use our words, fostering a culture of grace and encouragement rather than division.
Over the next week, practice these steps I’ve shared with you today.
Challenge
Ask: "Who in my life needs to hear words of encouragement instead of judgment this week?"
Write down one positive thing to say about someone each day and share it with them.
Pray: “Lord give me a heart that seeks to build others up”.
Conclusion
12:18 – "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
Let’s strive to live in grace rather than gossip.
Every word we speak has the power to heal or hurt.
By choosing grace, we can create a community that reflects love, understanding, and acceptance.
Remember, the choice is ours every day, in every conversation.
Make good choices
