What is a friend?
What does it mean to be a friend?
When we are young we have lots of friends. My youngest believes that anyone that plays with him at any given time is his friend. Most times he doesn’t even know their name and will probably never see them again.
As we get older, we see our circle of friends get smaller. As adults, we can probably count on one hand who we consider to be true friends.
This is not always a bad thing. We grow up and start our own lives, get jobs, get married, have kids. Our time is now filled with new things.
As we get down to this handful of friends, the friends we choose is critical.
Proverbs 18:24
A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Having friends that are trustworthy, dependable and will hold you accountable is not always the easiest thing to accomplish.
Friends that you grew up with may not be the best influence in our lives as an adult and as a Christian. Let’s face it, people change. And maybe it was you that changed. Maybe turning from the world and living for CHRIST is what changed you.
At some point, your relationship with non Christian friends is going to have to change and maybe even end.
2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Now, this does not mean that as a Christian, we sever all ties with the outside world and our friends. One of the worst things we can do as a Christian is remove ourselves from society. We are called to be the light of the world.
Matthew 5:14-16
14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Jesus gave us the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19 “ Go and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost.”
It does mean that what you do with the time you spend with your friends has to change. The trips to the bar, the drinking, the foul jokes, the cussing, all the things that are not glorifying to GOD have to stop.
But if you cut them off completely, how can you minister to them?
Finding ways to spend time with them that does not compromise Christian values isn’t that hard. And living a GOD filled life and sharing that joy with your friends is the greatest testimony. Nothing would make me happier to see my friends in heaven. I am sure you can say the same thing.
I will say though, if they are causing you to slip back into a worldly lifestyle, you have to end the relationship.
Never stop praying for them.
I had a friend that I thought would be a lifelong brother. We were very close at one point. Our families did a lot together, but when I was saved, I quickly found out that our friendship was not good for me. He was not the influence that I needed in my life. Even though he claimed to be a Christian, his actions and lifestyle showed that he wasn’t. I understand that we are all in different stages in our walk with CHRIST, but you can’t spend most of your time justifying your own sins, pointing out the sins of others and grow closer to GOD. Jesus tells us in Matthew 7 to remove the plank from our own eye first before we help our brother with the splinter in his.
I had to cut that friendship off completely, but I still pray for Nathan.
Losing friends in life can be very hard, but GOD always has a purpose for these moments in our life.
So. What type of friend should we have in our lives?
The Bible says a lot about what a friend should be.
Proverbs 17:17
17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Tells us that a friend will stick with us even in our toughest times.
Proverbs 27:6
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
This tells us that love that refuses to correct a friend has no value. A true friend will not be afraid to tell us hard truths or hold us accountable.
John 15:13
13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
This verse is probably the most famous when it comes to how to be a friend. I remember hearing it often when I was in the ARMY. When Jesus said this to his disciples they still had no idea what was about to happen to Him and the Greek word He used here was AGAPE which is unconditional love.
The example that I feel best illustrates what a true friend should be can be found in the beginning of Mark Chapter 2
Mark 2:1-12
2 And again he entered into Capernaum after some days; and it was noised that he was in the house.
2 And straightway many were gathered together, insomuch that there was no room to receive them, no, not so much as about the door: and he preached the word unto them.
3 And they come unto him, bringing one sick of the palsy, which was borne of four.
4 And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay.
5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee.
6 But there was certain of the scribes sitting there, and reasoning in their hearts,
7 Why doth this man thus speak blasphemies? who can forgive sins but God only?
8 And immediately when Jesus perceived in his spirit that they so reasoned within themselves, he said unto them, Why reason ye these things in your hearts?
9 Whether is it easier to say to the sick of the palsy, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and take up thy bed, and walk?
10 But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (he saith to the sick of the palsy,)
11 I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy bed, and go thy way into thine house.
12 And immediately he arose, took up the bed, and went forth before them all; insomuch that they were all amazed, and glorified God, saying, We never saw it on this fashion.
You can see in verse 5 that Jesus saw their faith, the faith of the crippled man’s friends and this is what led to his healing. It doesn’t tell us how far they carried him or how long they were friends. This passage shows us what they did to get him to Jesus even though it was too crowded and there was no way in to the house. They didn’t give up, they didn’t say “oh well, maybe next time”, they didn’t make excuses. They found a way. They actually tore the roof off of that house to get their friend to Jesus.
And because of their faith, he was healed.
Throughout our lives we will have many people that we will call friends and some we may even become very close to, but there will only be a select few, if we are lucky that will be closer than a brother. Friends that will do whatever it takes to get us closer to Jesus.
There are many attributes that a person can have that may make them a good friend. They can be caring, funny, outgoing, share the same interests and any of the other things that are on a long list of attributes. The one thing that I feel is the most important thing that makes a true friend.
What are they willing to do to get you closer to Jesus?
Our walk on this narrow path that Jesus has called us to walk is not an easy one and I believe that He doesn’t want us to walk it alone. We need friends that will carry us when need carrying, friends that will direct us when we stray and friends that will set their own needs in life aside to care for us. But if their purpose in all of these things aren’t to get us closer to Jesus, then they are for nothing.
We need to find friends in the church that will get us closer to Jesus and build those friendships.
This has been about the friends that we need to have but just as importantly, this is the type of friend that we need to be. Think about the things that I have said today and ask yourself if you fit into this category. Are you the friend that will do anything to get the ones that you love closer to Jesus? The one who will refuse to accept excuses or allow obstacles to prevent you from getting to Him.
True friendship is a two way street.
Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Be the type of friend that you need. I think that is exactly what Jesus was saying when He said love thy neighbor as thyself. We must treat our friends the way that we want to be treated. With love and respect.
I will close with this. When Jesus told His disciples that there is no love greater than a man laying down his life for his friends, He followed it up by telling them to love one another.
John 15:17
These things I command you, that ye love one another.
