Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
The Golden Rule
After a year and a half of preaching through the Sermon on the Mount we come this morning to what is probably the most famous line in this Sermon – maybe the most well-known thing Jesus ever said. This statement has been known as the Golden Rule ever since the Third Century when Roman Emperor Severus had it inscribed in gold on his wall.
12 Therefore in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
The word “therefore” always draws a conclusion from what was just said. So whenever you see that word the first thing you need to do is figure out what was just said that leads to this conclusion. Is Jesus drawing a conclusion from what He just said about asking, seeking, and knocking, or does it go back further? Some see it as a conclusion to the entire sermon up to this point. It is hard to say for sure, but it seems to me most likely that Jesus is drawing a conclusion here from what He said in the opening verses of chapter 7 about judging. He said, “Don’t judge because you will get what you give. You will receive the same kind of judgment that you give others.” And now Jesus says, “Therefore, in light of that, treat others the way you would want to be treated.” So verses 6-11 are parenthetical. You could put a big parenthesis around those verses.
“Don’t judge, because you’ll get what you give. (But do help your brother with sin … unless he is unreceptive … but if you are receptive God will be generous with you) Therefore, treat others the way you would want to be treated.”
One reason I think this is is because in Luke 6 the section on judging comes just after the Golden Rule. And it also just seems to me to fit best that way.
So in context the Golden Rule focuses on judging, and the evaluations we make of one another. When it comes to judging and helping with splinter removal (confronting people with their sins), make heavy use of the Golden Rule. When you make assumptions, interpret attitudes, evaluate body language or tone of voice – do it in the way you hope people would do that when judging you.
That is the primary application of the Golden Rule; however, Jesus does expand the application when He says, In everything. The focus in this context is on judging, but the principle applies across the board to all our interactions with people.
Basic, obvious, yet with some complexities and limits
So that is the Golden Rule. It does not require a lot of explanation. The Golden Rule is one of the most self-evident truths in all of ethical thought. You will find it in the writings of almost every religion at one point or another. When people hear it they instantly know it is true. You cannot argue with the Golden Rule. The truth of it is so self-evident. It is easy to see that it is true, it is easy to see the beauty and goodness of it, and it is easy to understand how to apply it. You can say to a six year old, “How would you feel if your brother did that to you?”
“I wouldn’t like it.”
“OK, so don’t do that to him.”
William Hendricksen says the Golden Rule is like a pocket knife – it is always handy, always ready to be used in a pinch when you don’t have time to go ask advice or do a big study on how to respond to someone. You do not need to climb some mountain in Tibet to consult a guru somewhere when you need to know how to treat people. Jesus places it right on the bottom shelf where we can all reach it. Just carry this rule in your back pocket and ninety-nine percent of the time you will know right off the top of your head what the right thing to do is.
So it is very basic – and yet, there are some complexities to it. Just as we have seen numerous times in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is giving a principle in proverbial form here, without mentioning the various exceptions and limitations on the way we are to apply this. But there are some limitations.
Must be a good thing
For example, it is obvious enough from the context that Jesus is speaking only about good things. When He said, Ask, and it will be given to you, that promise is limited only to good gifts – not stones and snakes and scorpions. And without question that would apply here in verse 12 as well. If you desire something evil, obviously Jesus is not saying you should give that evil thing to your brother because you wish someone would give it to you. If you wish someone would come help you rob a bank you do not use the Golden Rule to say, “Oh, I should help other people rob banks.” Obviously this command is intended to be understood within the bounds of good desires.
Must take into consideration preferences
Another complexity is this: you have to take into consideration that person’s preferences when they are different from yours. You don’t say, “Well, I would like someone to take me to a monster truck rally, so I’m going to apply the Golden Rule and take my wife to one(even though she would much rather go antiquing).” You don’t say, “I’m going to do this to that person, because that’s what I would prefer.” You say, “I’m going to do what that person prefers, because I would want other people to give me what I prefer.” So if you prefer the truck rally and she prefers shopping, the Golden Rule says take her shopping.
And that is easy enough when it comes to truck rallies and shopping, but sometimes it is not quite so obvious. For example, suppose you are the type who likes to resolve a conflict by just laughing it off. Instead of having a big, uncomfortable heart-to-heart talk about how your feelings were hurt and everything – if someone hurts you and then apologizes you would prefer to just say, “Hey,don’t worry about it” and be done with it. But the brother you offended in the church might be different. He cannot resolve things that way. For him there needs to be an extended conversation, so he understands exactly what you are thinking and he feels assured you know what he is thinking, and he is just the type who process things through conversation. If you hurt a person like that and then you realize what you have done and you are coming to him to apologize, what does the Golden Rule call you to do? What does it look like to treat him as you would like to be treated? Do you say, “If I were in his shoes I would like the other person to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then change the subject to sports or something, so that’s what I’ll do”? No, what you would really like is for people to treat you according to your preferences. And so the Golden Rule calls you to treat that person according to his preferences (within the bounds of what is good). And when you look at it that way there are times when you do the opposite of what you would like people to do to you.
The more unlike you the person is, the harder this is
And so carrying out the Golden Rule requires gaining some knowledge of what life is like for that other person. That is why the Golden Rule tends to come much more naturally to us when we are dealing with people who are a lot like us. If you are a mother of young children, you tend to be very understanding and compassionate toward another woman with young kids. You intuitively know her needs, and can sympathize with what she is going through, and it is relatively easy for you to treat her like you would want to be treated. But the more difference there is between you and the other person the harder this is. If you are a young mother and the other person is a seventy-five year old single man from another culture, it is going to take some work to place yourself in his shoes enough to where you would even know how to carry out the Golden Rule with him.
I wonder if this isn’t one reason why people develop prejudices against people from other cultures or who are different in some way. If they are human beings they should be honored as such. But if you just take everyone from that group and make them sub-human, that saves you the hard work of learning what life is like for them. And you can just treat them like animals instead of human beings.
Or in some cases it is not prejudice so much as just neglect. You see someone who is developmentally disabled, mentally handicapped or whatever, and they are acting in strange ways, and you do not know what they are thinking or how much they can understand, and so you do not know what to say or how to act, so you just ignore them.
The reason we are more prone to mistreat those who are different is because of laziness. Loving them requires too much effort. But the Golden Rule does not let us off the hook just because the other person is different.
And understanding people who are very different really is not as hard as we make it out to be. Let me tell you something about those people who are different from you. If you feel you cannot relate to a seventy year old man from another culture, or someone who is disabled, or someone with a different skin color than yours, or whatever – let me just tell you what those people are like. Let me tell you about Asian people and black people and Hispanic people and middle-eastern folks and inner-city types and Democrats or Republicans or whoever it is you find so impossible to relate to. Even teenagers. Here is what they are like: they are just like you. They have strong and weak desires, just like you have. They have fears and anxieties. They frequently come to wit’s end in exasperation. They run out of strength and motivation, just like you. They long for fulfillment and happiness. And just like you they are prone to seek that fulfillment and happiness in temporal, earthly things that always disappoint. They have guilt over their sin. They struggle with confusion and uncertainties about the future and they agonize over hard decisions. And just like you they do not enjoy being ignored, they do not like being treated like an animal, they do not like being dismissed or marginalized or looked down on or gossiped about or stared at or made fun of or laughed at or neglected. And just like you they enjoy being loved. They like being paid attention to in appropriate ways, and they like kindness. They like smiles much more than frowns. They like being important in your eyes rather than being worthless in your eyes. They are exactly like you! The Golden Rule really is not that hard to understand.
Opposite of vengeful flesh
The Golden Rule is so different from our natural inclinations. Our natural response is to deal with others in the way they deal with us. If they are short with us, we are short with them. If they are picky or judgmental with us, we start to do that toward them. If they don’t cut us any slack when they are on top, when the roles are reversed we don’t cut them any slack. The rule of the flesh is “Deal with others the way they deal with you.” But the Golden Rule is, “Deal with others the way you would like them to deal with you.” The reason we need to apply the Golden Rule is because the people around us are not. Jesus cannot say, “Just treat people the same way they treat you” because He knows they are not going to treat you well. So you cannot make their treatment of you the standard for how you treat them; you have to make your desires for yourself the standard for how you treat them. If you do marriage counseling you find that the goal of most people is to get their spouse to apply the Golden Rule. But the Golden Rule is for you. And it is for you to apply at precisely the moment when the other person is not applying it.
The Golden Perspective
This law inclines the heart
That is hard to do at first, but the thing that is so amazing about the Golden Rule is it carries within itself the power to enable you to do it. When you try to carry out the Golden Rule it automatically gives you what I will call the Golden Perspective. And that Golden Perspective is exactly what you need to carry out the Golden Rule. Here is what I mean by that: The only way to do to others what you would have them to do you is to think about what it is like to receive the treatment you are giving, which forces you to place yourself in that other person’s shoes. And doing that automatically creates a favorable attitude in your heart. A.W. Pink has a profound insight on this principle. He says this command “not only enlightens the mind, it inclines the heart.” It not only tells us what we are supposed to do, but it also persuades us to become willing to do it. If someone just tells you, “Hey, stop gossiping about that brother” or “stop assuming bad motives” – your heart may resist. You might ignore what was said because you just really want to keep telling the story you were telling, or you might justify it one way or another. But if they come to you and say, “Hey, think for a moment about how you would feel if someone talked that way about you” or “How would you feel if someone assumed you had bad motives for what you are doing?” And as you stop and think about that, and you imagine this behavior actually happening to you, that enables you to place yourself in the person’s shoes. Then if someone pushes it into the positive side and asks, “How would you want to be talked about? How would you want your motives to be evaluated by others?” – and you sit down and think through the answers to those questions; that forces you to think about what it is like to get the wrong treatment and what it is like to get the right treatment, and if you have any brotherly love in you at all that will generate compassion in your heart for that person and will make you willing and inclined to treat them the way you would want to be treated.
Selfishness as a weapon to defeat selfishness
It is fascinating when you think about what Jesus is doing with the Golden Rule. He is teaching us how to use our own selfishness as a weapon to defeat that selfishness. How do you overcome selfishness? You figure out what your own selfish desires are and then use that as the standard for how to treat others. Normally our selfishness stands as an obstacle to loving others. But Jesus shows us how to turn our own self-interest into a slave that assists us in loving people, because when you do this it forces you to change places with your brother, and forces you to be generous and charitable when you decide how to treat him because your own desire for good treatment is the governing standard. It is like a mother who wants to teach her little child what it means to be generous, so she says, “Take some cookies – however many you want. And as soon as he gets a good portion you tell him, “OK, that pile of cookies you just took – go give them to your brother. That is how you decide how much to get for your brother.”
We all have a desire to be treated well. And that desire can be a priceless treasure, because if you turn it outward to other people you become an absolute delight to be around. That is the Golden Perspective. But if it is turned inward, it can make you a horrible person who is a burden on everyone around you. Every time we have a thought about how we would like to be treated, we should take that as instruction – marching orders from the Lord in heaven: “This is how you are to treat your brother.” But when we twist those marching orders and turn them inward upon ourselves, so that our attention is on how others are treating us rather than on how we are treating them – that destroys us. It destroys relationships, and it turns us into monsters that are miserable to be around.
And it does the exact opposite of what it promises. It seems like if you focus on how you are treated, and you fix your attention on how good a job your spouse is doing at loving you (or your kids or people at church or work or whoever), it seems like that would result in you getting better treatment and being full of happiness. But the exact opposite happens. When you fix your attention on how others are treating you and how well they are loving you, all you see is the points where they fall short and you are constantly disappointed in people, constantly offended, perpetually hurt, and your life is absolutely miserable. I have never in my life met a happy, selfish person. People who focus on how well they are being loved are the most miserable people there are. The happiest people I have ever known have always been selfless people who really, deeply care about how well they are doing at loving others and they do not pay any attention to how others are treating them. That is humility and it is the pathway to joy.
Psychology
The world says that if you have a good, robust love of yourself – high self-esteem, then that will make you socially healthy, and you will treat others better. And I have heard pastors teach that. When Jesus says, “Love your neighbor as yourself” they twist that into “First learn to love yourself and then you will be able to love your neighbor.” But if that were true we would not need the Golden Rule. If you automatically treated people better when you loved yourself then we would not need Jesus to tell us to treat others the way we want to be treated. The fact is we already love ourselves (which is proved by the fact that we want to be treated well), and that is the standard for loving others.
Keeps the middle ground between tough love and neglect
So when you attempt to carry out the Golden Rule that forces you to think about what it is like to receive the treatment you are giving, and that produces the Golden Perspective (being generous in your decision about what kind of treatment to give). And that Golden Perspective is invaluable because without it we tend to be either too harsh or too aloof. When we are considering how to respond to a harsh email, or how to react after someone has hurt us or done something wrong, our sinful flesh will push us either toward hurtful harshness or toward aloof neglect. If you are mad at the person you might easily err on the side of a little bit too much “tough love” and become overly harsh. If you do not care about the person, or you care more about your own comfort than about their wellbeing, you might err on the side of neglect. The question of how much sternness, how much softness, how much space to give them, how much discomfort to generate – those are already difficult enough judgment calls as it is, but when sinful attitudes inside you are pushing toward going too far in the direction of harshness or softness, the thing that will keep you from that is the Golden Perspective.
It is not too hard to justify our sinful behaviors toward other people through various rationalizations, but when you honestly ask yourself, “Would I want this done to me?” the rationalizations go out the window. Your husband does something that irritates you and you pull out the old silent treatment. Would you want that done to you? That crusty look you just gave him, how would you enjoy that? It just killed the family kitten – how would you like it to be directed to you?
So much of what we do and say to hurt one another would never happen if we just stopped to think about it from the other person’s point of view. And I think this principle really hits hard in the area of gossip. It is so easy to rationalize the way we are talking about someone. But if you just imagine yourself walking past a room and overhearing someone talking about you, think of how different the standards are. There are some people who get offended if they find out they were being talked about at all – no matter what was said. Most of us are not that overboard, but we still tend to be so sensitive. If they say something that is the slightest bit negative, we are offended. I am trying to learn – whenever I talk about anyone, to imagine someone talking about me that way and me walking by the door and overhearing.
The Silver Rule (proactive)
It is often suggested that the Golden Rule is a universal religious maxim, because it can be found in the writings of every major religion. But if you look at all the many examples that are offered you notice that they are mostly stated from the negative point of view. They say, “Whatever you don’t want someone to do to you, don’t do that to them.” Jesus takes the principle much further by stating it positively – whatever you do want people to do to you, do that to them. Some people have called the negative version “the silver rule.” It is good as far as it goes, but it makes a much smaller demand. You could fulfill the silver rule by doing nothing at all. In fact, in the sheep and goats judgment, under the silver rule the goats would be just fine. In that judgment they are all sent to hell because of what they did not do.
But real, genuine, Golden Rule love is proactive. It cannot sit by and do nothing. Love gives.
The Golden Purpose
Goal – obedience to the law (not reforming the other person)
That is one thing that made Jesus’ instruction on the Golden Rule unique. Another point of difference between Jesus’ teaching and the way human thinking naturally goes has to do with the goal of the Golden Rule. When you do unto others as you would have them to unto you, what are you trying to accomplish? For most people the goal, if they are honest, is to manipulate people’s behavior so they will treat us better. Do unto others what you would have them do to you (in the hopes that they will do it to you)? “I would like my husband to listen to me and show some compassion, so I will listen to him and show him compassion. And hopefully he will see me doing it and he’ll catch on.” So the whole purpose becomes selfish manipulation rather than compassion and love.
So it is not enough to just carry out the Golden Rule. We need to carry it out with the right motive. “What motive is that?” What should our motive be for doing the Golden Rule? You know, it is an amazing thing to watch the world pick and choose things out of the Bible. The first half of the Golden Rule is one of the most famous, well-known, most often quoted statements ever. But the second half of the Golden Rule is almost completely unknown. I have heard unbelievers quote the first half of the Golden Rule countless times, but I have never once in my life heard one of them quote the second half of the sentence (that I can remember). They literally cut off Jesus’ statement in mid-sentence so that the first half becomes world famous and the second half completely unknown. If you walk up to the average person on the street and say, “Finish this sentence: ‘Do unto other as you would have them to unto you…’” you will get a blank stare. But that second half – the part that the world ignores altogether and finds completely irrelevant and unworthy of being quoted or even noticed, is in reality crucial. It is crucial because it tells us what the purpose is. The purpose is not to get people to treat you better. It is not to manipulate them or change them. Jesus makes no promises here about how people will react. You may treat them the way you would like to be treated and they might react by taking advantage of you – walking all over you. There is no guarantee they will have a gracious reaction. The only thing Jesus promises regarding the reaction is that some of them will persecute you, and speak evil of you and lie about you and slander you and slap you in the face and sue you and take what belongs to you. But even if they react that way that does not mean your kindness failed, because getting them to change was not the purpose. When you are tempted to be unkind toward your spouse, but you decide to be kind instead, the purpose is not to manipulate your spouse into treating you better. It cannot be, because if it were then the Golden Rule would have a built-in violation of the Golden Rule. I say that because you would not want someone else to be kind to you just because they are trying to get you to treat them a certain way, right? You would not want them to pretend to be loving you just so they can get you to act a certain way. You do not want to be manipulated, so if you use the Golden Rule to get people to treat you better, you are violating the Golden Rule.
So if that is not the purpose, what is it? What is the Golden Purpose?
12 Therefore in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
We do it because it is the Law of God. The NIV says this sums up the law and prophets, but literally it is this is the law and prophets. The purpose is not to get people to treat you better; the Golden Purpose is to fulfill the Law of God. (And I think when Jesus says that fulfills the Law, He is speaking about the second table of the law – the part of the law that concerns how we deal with one another. Everything the Bible says about how to treat one another is fulfilled when you carry out the Golden Rule.)
Obeying the law
“Wait a minute – I thought we weren’t under the Law. I thought we were free from the Law and under grace.”
1 Timothy 1:8 We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. 9 We also know that law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious; for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for adulterers and perverts, for slave traders and liars and perjurers--and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine 11 that conforms to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.
What is the relationship to the ethical demands of the law and the gospel? Does the gospel mean that we are now free to disregard the ethical demands of the law? Does grace mean that no particular behavior is required of us? Notice verse 11. All those things that the law forbids – lawbreaking, rebellion, etc. – are bad in this age because they are contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the glorious gospel. There is such a thing as behavior that does not conform to the gospel. The gospel does not mean you are free to violate the law of God because any behavior that violates the law of God also violates the gospel.
Law and grace
Last week I pointed out the grace of verse 11. People are simultaneously evil and children of God. There is no way to make Jesus’ words there refer only to unbelievers.
Matthew 7:11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
The “you” in the first half of the sentence is the same as the “you” in the second half. We are simultaneously evil and sons of God.
However, do not take that to mean that unrighteous behavior is somehow OK just because you are a Christian. The standard for us is still the law of God. The thing that has changed is the method by which we fulfill that law. Under grace we fulfill the law by walking by the Spirit, rather than grinding it out in the flesh. And we do that through faith in God’s great and precious promises. When we are inspired by the promises and empowered by the Spirit we act in ways that conform to the Gospel and fulfill the law. But the law is still the standard for measuring righteousness, and so it is still our goal to obey it. Do not ever let anyone tell you that you do not have to obey God’s law. The only alternative to obeying God’s law is breaking God’s law and becoming one of the lawbreakers mentioned in 1 Timothy 1:9.
The Golden Promise
But what about my needs? (The Golden Promise)
So, everybody understands the Golden Rule, and a lot of people probably have some insight into the fact that it creates that Golden Perspective. But if all that is so obvious, why isn’t it done more? Everyone understands it and everyone admires it, so why doesn’t everybody carry it out? They do not carry it out because you cannot live by the Golden Perspective unless you have the Golden Promise.
When you think about treating others the way you would want to be treated the biggest obstacle to doing that is fear. We are afraid that if we focus on treating others well that leaves nobody to look after how well we are treated. If we do not watch out for ourselves, the people around us will take advantage of us and turn us into doormats and we will be mistreated, neglected, and abused, and as a result we won’t have what we need to be happy. If I do not see to it that my wife and family and friends and co-workers supply me with what I need to be happy, then I will be left with nothing. If my needs are not met then I will be no good to anyone else around me, so I have to concern myself with my own needs. That is excellent, impeccable logic – for an atheist. If there is no God (or if there is a god but He is not powerful or is not good or is not a father to you or has not promised to care for you), then that logic makes perfect sense. But I think there is a reason why verse 12 comes right after verses 9-11. If no one is taking care of you then yes, you would need to worry about making sure your needs are taken care of. But since you have a Father in heaven who is more eager and willing to give good gifts to you than you are to your own children, that frees you up from having to worry about watching out for your own needs. We all know that we should focus outward instead of inward and be givers instead of takers and put our energy into loving rather than getting others to love us, but if no one has your back, how will your needs be met? And so before giving us the Golden rule in verse 12, Jesus gives us the Golden Promise in verses 9-11 that your Father in heaven has your back. He will supply all your needs and will guard your wellbeing and will take care of your interests – that is the Golden Promise.
But only children of God have that promise. This is why the whole world admires the Golden Rule, but they do not follow it. It shows up in the holy books of every religion, but all they have is the principle. And the principle is useless without the promise. What made Jesus’ teaching on the Golden Rule unique is not that no one ever thought of treating others the way they want to be treated before, but because of the basis He gave for doing so. They admire it, but they break it, because the key to following the Golden Rule is not mere awareness of it; the key to following it is being able to trust a gracious, powerful, loving God to act as your Father and take care of your interests while you are busy pouring yourself out to others. This is what it means to obey God by means of faith. You bank on what He has promised, and that enables you to pour yourself out in love.
Conclusion
So the basis for the Golden Rule is the Golden Promise. We love because we trust in His promise – that is faith. The goal of the Golden Rule (the Golden Purpose), is obedience to the law of God as taught and interpreted by the Lord Jesus Christ. That is obedience. And the climax and greatest expression of that obedience is the Golden Perspective – selfless love. Faith in Christ resulting in obedience to the law of God expressed through love for one another. Faith, obedience, and love – that is the Golden Rule. So is it really true that you can find the Golden Rule in every religion? Only after they tear it out of context so it has no foundation in the promise, then they rip it in half and throw away the Golden Purpose of obedience to God’s law. What you find in other religions is not really the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you – that by itself without the foundation of promise and motivation of obedience to God, becomes an empty, impossible, human rule that is compatible with paganism or even atheism. Strip away the Golden Purpose and the Golden Promise and what you have left really is not so golden. But if we leave it intact as the Lord delivered it to us, the trite, little kindergarten rule becomes the Everest of ethics, and the confluence of faith, obedience, and love.
Benediction: 1 John 5:3 This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.
