We continue our series of escape by looking at another area of ourselves that keeps us from experiencing the freedom Jesus’ coming, suffering, dying and rising offer us. The last couple of weeks we spoke about escaping bad decisions, this week I’d like to explore overcoming the lasting effects of our worst decisions.
Before I begin, I want to ask us a couple of questions.
First, how many have heard that Jesus' death and rising provides us forgiveness for all our sins?
Second, how many of us believe that when you confess and repent, our sins are forgiven?
Third, how many of us have thought about, or re-lived a past sin, wondering if it had really been forgiven?
The past has a weird way of coming back to haunt us especially when it's painful or embarrassing. We all have video in our head of past events, we’d like to delete. However, the harder we try the more they seem to come up in our favorites. Cognitive therapists offer solutions to try and get a person to choose to think or act differently as a way to open up new neural pathways so our brains don’t use the old route. However, this rarely works when we are dealing with embedded feelings of guilt and shame.
Brene Brown, author and researcher, says "Guilt says, I've done something or failed to do something that is aligned with my values. And it feels awful. I need to make amends, make a change and hold myself accountable. I need to fix it."
And
"Shame is the fear of being unworthy of love, connection and belonging, and the absence of love and connection and belonging as a human being, means there's suffering… Shame makes you believe you are a bad person.”
Guilt says you did something bad. Shame says you are bad.
Shame is definitely worse because it haunts us and affects us negatively in all areas of our life. To explore this more and find the christian solution, let's turn to John 4:4. As you find this in your bible, let me give you the background.
Jesus is about to embark on a journey back to Jerusalem. There were two paths he could go there. One was through Samaria and the other was around Samaria. A good Jew would walk around Samaria because it was a land considered unclean because of what had happened when the Assyrians and the Babylonians conquered them. The short story is the conquers would come, take the leaders, the best and the brightest back to their capital and then ship in their loyal subjects to intermingle with those left behind. Now true Jews were not supposed to marry outside the faith but those in Samaria did so they were considered half breeds and looked down upon. If a Jewish person even stepped foot in Samaria, they would need to go through a multi-day cleansing ritual upon returning to Israel. This is where we pick up the story…
4 Now he had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. 7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
Jesus “had to go” is a key phrase. Why? Why would Jesus (God incarnate) have to go to and through this unclean area?
Jesus was setting a precedent for all who choose to follow Him. The original readers and hearers of this story would have been shocked at the actions of a Rabbi. However, it was shared to make a point. There is no part of humanity He finds unclean. The Samaritan forefathers' actions did not condemn the current generation from participation in the Kingdom of God. Everyone, when they encounter Jesus, is responsible for their own actions.
9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) 10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” 11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”
She knew the social customs. She knew it was “wrong” for the two to be alone. She stayed anyway. In furthering the conversation, she was participating in a culturally scandalous situation. A situation she was familiar with throughout her life.
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” 16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
She probably didn’t know the whole implications of this conversation. However, she knew she didn’t like coming to the well everyday, especially in the heat of the day. However, it is the only way she could avoid the glares, stares and gossip of the community. Even today, in third world countries, the watering well is crowded in the early morning and the early evening as people gather the water that is needed for the day. The well line is often long. It is the place where the news is shared and community happens. As an outcast, she would have already been community story number one a few times. She wanted relief from the judgment.
17 “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”
How would you react if a stranger came up to you and told you your life story including your most cringe worthy moments? Divorce came with a lot of social stigmas. Men could divorce their wives for pretty much any reason and having so many men reject her would have made her an outcast. The fact she would settle with a man outside of marriage also carried social stigmas. Her reaction to Jesus is priceless. She goes religious. An action people still do today when the shame from our past shows from under our individual facade. The woman tries to counter her life choices by using a distraction. The path she chooses shows she's not only quick-minded, but clever. It’s common in evangelism and debate that rather than deal with the point at hand, to divert conversation onto something else. I often wonder if Jesus had the same grin I get and fight to show when a person thinks they are fooling me but I see right through it. Instead of letting her avoid the issue, Jesus will show how she needs to confront it: God knows, and He wants people like her even if she can't see her own worth. Take a listen.
19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” 21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” 25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” 26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”
This woman needed to know that she was seen, loved, and valued. As always, Jesus meets each person at the exact point of their need. She has been looking to quench her spiritual thirst with a series of relationships and now was coming to understand the living water Jesus was really speaking of. It’s at this moment the boys return with take out and were a bit taken aback. But today let's jump down to verse 28.
28 Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, 29 “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” 30 They came out of the town and made their way toward him.
Her relationship with Jesus has made her free. In her freedom, she no longer cares about the people around her. She knew God seen her life, knew her choices,loved her, even in her fallen state and wanted to free her from the guilt and shame.
The lessons for finding freedom from guilt and shame are pretty straightforward.
God knows about our big failures and the things we have sworn to take to our grave. No one's life is hidden from God. He sees it all. He knows your heart. He hears your secret prayers.
If you are trapped in the past, please know God wants to free you through your admittance. James 5:3 tells us to confess our sins and in so doing God will redeem the past and make it your greatest gift to others.
To be free, We must accept the truth. God loves every aspect of you. We can not blame ourselves and others. It happened. He knows it. Admit whatever you did, Say to yourself - I did that. Say to God - I did that. Let me know what I can do to make it right. Hear God say from 1 John 1: 9 say, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
There is this really great line in scripture where Jesus is standing next to a woman caught in adultery and brought to the community square for stoning but her accusers leave. He says, “… “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” (ESV 8:10-11)
It’s time to accept the grace that Jesus came, suffered and died to offer you. God really does love you. All of you. He also really likes you. Even when you fall down. Failure is an event. It is not a lifestyle.
Never forget, to fully recover from Guilt and Shame in this life, we must choose the spiritual experience of accepting God’s offer of grace and mercy via Jesus’ actions on our behalf. Now accept it and go and sin no more!
References:
Unstuck Book by Larry Osborne
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-12-02/brene-brown-ted-talk-emotions-shame-guilt-misconceptions-covid19/100669362
https://www.bibleref.com/John/4/John-4-20.html
