What to eat, what to wear, who to respond to first, what to prioritize at work — each of us makes hundreds, if not thousands, of decisions each day.
Some of these choices have larger consequences than others. For starters, who we choose to surround ourselves with, where we live, who we worship, what we fear, what we regret doing or not doing. All of which can have a huge impact on our health and happiness.
Nobody is perfect. Just think of that email/text/phone call/letter you wish you’d never sent. Seriously, we all make bad choices. Though there’s no surefire way to never make a mistake, but paying attention to signs that culminate in our bad decisions can help us change course before it’s too late.
As I started to review my life, there are a number of bad decisions I still wince about. However, there is one that stands out. It happened over twenty years ago. The business I started and was growing needed a showroom and more warehouse space. A friend offered a few thousand feet within his larger warehouse but told me the buildout was my responsibility. I thought no problem, I got a guy. After I shared my vision with my guy, he asked if we were getting drawings and permits because that would delay the project and he had another job. I didn’t think of the consequences so I said let’s go ahead. Afterall, there is no way the inspector would come by. A little more than ¾ of the way through a city fire inspector wandered through. He found a lot of issues and in the end, I had to rip it all out. It was a costly mistake that I will never forget. It’s also a reminder that when I am in a hurry, I need to stop, wait and discuss the best alternatives with my wife and my mentor.
The bible is filled with people who have ventured down roads that are not wise by any stretch of the imagination. The first one that jumps to mind is the whole story of Abraham, Sarah and Hagar from the book of Genesis.
Sarah was the wife of Abraham. Hagar was the servant of Sarah. God had promised Abraham many descendants, but, ten years after the promise, Sarah was still unable to have children, and they were both on the verge of becoming too old to have children at all. Sarah chose to give her servant Hagar to Abraham, in accordance with the custom of the day, so that Sarah could have a child through her (Genesis 16:2).
Hagar conceived, and began to despise her mistress. Sarah in turn began to deal harshly with her, so Hagar left. However, the angel of the Lord met in the wilderness, commanding her to return to Abraham and Sarah. The angel also offered a promise from God to Hagar: “I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude” (Genesis 16:10). The angel would go on to predict Ishmael's character (Genesis 16:11–12) and Hagar would return. It would be fourteen more years before Sarah would give birth to Isaac at the ripe old age of 90.
After a couple more years, when Sarah no longer needed Hagar. Abraham sent Hagar and Ishmael away. It’s always fascinating that when we read this story in a bible study, how many people (women and men) know this plan wasn’t a good idea. If they were about to go swimming on a beach, the red flag warning from the life guard about swimming conditions would be out. Everyone in this baby triangle had to see the red flags of this baby mama drama. This wasn’t going to turn out well.
The story’s lesson for us is simple. When we fail to have faith and trust in the promises of God and take matters into our own hands, there is pain for all involved. Does it sound familiar? There were six red flags in this story we need to be aware of if we want to make better decisions. Let’s go to the text in Genesis 16: 2-6
2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. 🏴
Red flag #1 happens as a result of an unmet expectation
Go, sleep with my slave 🏴🏴
Red flag #2 comes to those who rush into a decision
perhaps I can build a family through her.” 🏴🏴🏴
Red flag #3 comes when you assume taking any action will CORRECT a problem. However, when we assume, we have not asked enough questions and do not have enough answers to proceed. Also, in this case assuming anything might mean you're tired and as such not capable of sound decision making. Anyone over 50 will tell you, the basic tasks of life get harder and you tire faster. Imagine being 90, living in a tent and trying to conceive with an older partner.
Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 3 So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years,🏴🏴🏴🏴
Red flag #4 happens when you are making an emotional decision. Abraham's decision was an agreement to acquiesce to his wife's decision. He didn't decide to surrender. After all, “What could happen right?”
Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. 4 He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.🏴🏴🏴🏴🏴
Red flag #5 happens when there isn’t a lot of communication about the action before proceeding
When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. 5 Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.” 6 “Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think is best.” 🏴🏴🏴🏴🏴
Red flag #6 “do whatever you think is best” is code for follow your gut.
Note, I have listed listening to your gut or instincts as the last way to make better choices.
Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a clinical psychologist is quoted as saying:
“Our instincts aren’t always on target, but if you’ve got a funny feeling about a request someone’s made or the risks inherent in embracing a new opportunity, process these feelings before proceeding. We’re less likely to feel secure with our choices when we haven’t resolved our own internal conflicts about them,”
Have you ever made a bad decision and thought “there’s no way I’m or we’re going to recover from this”?
If you jump to the end of the Abraham, Sarah and Hagar story in chapter 21, we see God reiterating and redeeming Abraham’s biggest blunder. Take a listen:
14 Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the Desert of Beersheba. 15 When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes. 16 Then she went off and sat down about a bowshot away, for she thought, “I cannot watch the boy die.” And as she sat there, she began to sob.
17 God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. 18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation.” 19 Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. 20 God was with the boy as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer. 21 While he was living in the Desert of Paran, his mother got a wife for him from Egypt.
God not only fostered the nation from Isaac (Israel nation) but also another nation under the lineage born through Hagar. The union with Hagar resulted in centuries of sorrow as the descendants of Isaac (the Jews) and Ishmael (the Arabs) have been mortal enemies ever since.
Mohammed, the father of Islam, is said to have been from the line of Ishmael, which is one reason Muslims claim a right to the Promised Land, Israel.
Hagar is a revered woman in Islam since Ishmael is the father of the Arabic people.
The Qur’an’s version of the Genesis account twists the story to make Hagar the heroine of the story and her son, Ishmael, the child of promise instead of Isaac.
But that’s not the end of the story, Take a look at Genesis 25:1
Abraham had taken another wife, whose name was Keturah. 2 She bore him Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak and Shuah.
Some Jewish scholars believe Hagar returns to Abraham after Sarah’s death. She reappears under a different name and has an additional six sons (for a total of seven). They believe Keturah was one and the same as Hagar. So why was she called by a different name? One explanation is that the new name is linguistically linked with ketoret, or a word that means incense. The name tells the reader Hagar’s willingness to submit was as pleasing before God as the incense offered in the Holy Temple. An alternative understanding is connected to the Aramaic word for “knot,” reflecting the fact that she tied her garment and was not intimate with anyone during the time she was apart from Abraham and therefore worthy to be his wife. (Genesis 25:1)
The point is God does make all things new. He can and does intercede to redeem our faulty decision making. However, it doesn’t happen immediately. It may be years before we see justice or see how God was working all things for good.
Hagar endured 14 years of struggle in the presence of Sarah and another 37 waiting to reunite with Abraham after she left.
Sarah waited over 90 years.
Abraham waited 100 years.
The jewish people waited 400 years before John the Baptist appeared
and we have been waiting 2000 years for Christ's return.
Talk about faith. How long will you wait for God when you cry out when something or someone isn’t as you believe it should be? How will you act when it seems God is not answering your prayer as quickly as you’d like? How strong is your faith when life isn’t going your way?
Waiting in times of struggle (either because of our own bad choices or God’s timing) is the ultimate action of faith.
References:
Quest Bible Genesis 16, 21 and Galatians 4
https://www.gotquestions.org/Sarah-Hagar.html
https://greatist.com/live/decision-making-signs#staying-quiet
https://www.gotquestions.org/Hagar-in-the-Bible.html
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/5275703/jewish/10-Facts-About-Hagar-Everyone-Should-Know.htm
