There are several iconic contemporary proverbs that swirl around us. One of the most familiar may be, “don't talk about religion, politics or sex in polite company” or slightly modified for pastors, “don't talk about religion, politics or sex on Sunday morning if you want to keep your job.” While it's a sad statement on the openness and authenticity of today's American church, the statement is based on some uncomfortable truths.
First, we don't want to talk about religion because it exposes our lack of knowledge of our own faith, other faiths and even our ignorance and prejudices towards others.
Second, we don’t talk about politics because we’re afraid of the repercussions from the state as well as our friends who think differently than us.
Finally, we don’t talk about sex or relationships because it dredges up a lot of painful memories for folks in our culture where commitment and covenant are words that no longer mean much.
With that being said, we at The Center have opened the box of uncomfortableness because we really believe in becoming mature, fully prepared followers of Jesus.
The first week of this Third Rail series, Charlie Brill taught us how to reach people from different religious backgrounds. Last week, we talked about how politics and religion are uncomfortably intertwined. This week, I’d like for us to touch the third rail of sex and relationships.
Many people think they know what the Bible teaches about sexuality. Some believers believe the Bible teaches that sex is only for procreation and that masturbation, abortion, and contraception are wrong. Others assume the bible is hopelessly patriarchal and should be disregarded completely on the issue of sex, when in actuality the bible emphasizes mutuality and equality. The truth is the Bible provides us a challenge to interpret these issues through the larger issue of what it means to be made in the image of God.
If we go to the book itself, we discover that the Old Testament shares God’s condemnation for certain aspects of sex. For example:
Exposing oneself (2 Sam 6:20);
Adultery (Lev 18:20);
Grooming of young person (Exod 22:16);
Beastality (Lev 18:23);
Homosexuality (Lev 18:22 and 20:13);
Incest (Lev 18:6-18; Deut 27:20, 22);
Prostitution (Deut 23:17, 18);
Sex with a slave (Lev 19:20) and the list goes on
The bible tends to avoid direct reference to the sex organs and to issues connected with sex. It prefers generalities and euphemisms. The bible uses phrases like “becoming one flesh,” “Lying with one another” and “knowing” to describe the more intimate aspects of sex. It is also clear what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to human relations. Simply put, sexual unions were never to be experienced outside a committed covenantal marriage relationship between a man and woman.
Now, don’t think the Jews and early Christians were prudes. There are thirty-five sexually themed stories in the book of Genesis alone. You might be surprised to learn that in the First Letter to Corinthians, Paul addresses seventeen of the thirty-seven topics that should be addressed in any comprehensive sexuality curriculum.
The bible even has an entire book of erotic literature. How many of you have read the full book of Song of Solomon? If you have, you will know that it’s the bible's version of erotic love poetry – filled with passion. A quick reading of just one small part will make the point. Think of me as a shorter version of Dr. Phil and take a listen:
“My beloved is like a gazelle or young stag. Look, there he stands behind our wall, gazing in at the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; for now the winter is past, the rain is gone.” (Song of Solomon 2:9 – 11)
The term sex, as such, was not used by Christ. However, He dealt with several problems which were related to sex. Jesus condemned adultery, fornication and lust, both outwardly (Matt 15:19, 20) and inwardly (Matt 5:27-32). He made reference to eunuchs either by natural or human causes for the kingdom of heaven’s sake (Matt 19:12). Jesus forgave the woman taken in the act of adultery (John 8:1-11) and frequently referred to virgins and marriage in His parables. In general, His teachings concerning sex and related topics were used to highlight the bigger idea of redemptive truth. By redemptive truth, I mean:
Truth, not merely to enlighten the intellect, and to discipline the mental faculties, but to raise the human soul from spiritual ignorance to intelligence, from spiritual bondage to liberty, from selfishness to benevolence, from materialism to spirituality, from the "prince of darkness" to the true and living God.
There is a long tradition of Christian mystics, like St. Teresa of Avila, whose prayers mimic the language that we use to describe a lover. There are strong connections between our souls' need for God and the physical side of our relationships. I think it's due to our inability to adequately express our longing for the fulfillment that comes from a connection to God.
Recently, I was talking with another believer at a backyard party. Somehow we meanered into a conversation about the first time a person fully experiences the presence of God. We both struggled with how best to describe the sensations of that moment in time without it getting uncomfortable. Eventually, we both just shared our story and our emotions while the other nodded with understanding. We had a relationship moment about our personal relationship with God.
Theologian Martin Buber, in his work 10 Rungs: Collected Hasidic Sayings, said “the route to knowing God is through our own relationships.” As the apostle John wrote:
Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 1 John 4:20
Scripture is less concerned with an ethic of sexuality than it is with an ethic of love. The allure of sex is fulfillment of the hole in our soul. However, It's an illusion. It’s created by thousands of romantics over generations, it's every romantic novel, movie or TV series that when two people get together they will be complete. It’s why those words from Jerry MaGuire are so endearing. We all long for the sense of experiencing the - “You complete me” moment for the rest of our lives.
The authors of Scripture knew that each of us wants to be loved. The ultimate challenge of Scripture is surrender to the only one who can give you that sense of completeness that imprints a sense of peace that goes beyond all understanding. An unending love which changes you from the inside out. A love so complete you can’t help yourself to love generously, courageously, and with integrity your neighbors as well as yourself. Hence God’s command, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and your strength and love your neighbor as yourself.”
I think Jesus and the rabbis were right: there really isn’t much more that we need to know about sex other than:
It is only a symbol, a surrogate for what we really long for - a deep and unwavering connection of our soul to God’s heart.
LOVE LETTER FROM GOD (ANONYMOUS)
I know all about you. I know when you sit down and when you stand up.
I know all your ways. (Ps 139:1-3)
Even the number of hairs on your head are known to me. (Matt 10:29-31)
It was in my image that you were made, (Gen. 1:27)
It is in me that you live and move and have your being, for you are my Son. (Acts 17:28)
Even before you were conceived, I knew you. (Jer. 1:4-5)
I chose you when I planned creation. (Eph. 1:11-12)
You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I formed you in your mother’s womb (Ps. 139:13 -16)
And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Ps 71:6)
I have been misrepresented by those who do not know me; (Jn 8:41-44)
I am not distant or angry,
No, I am the complete expression of love, (1 Jn 4:16 )
And all I want to do, is to lavish my love upon you,
because you are my child and I am your Father. (1 Jn 3:1)
I offer you more than any earthly father ever could, (Matt. 7:11)
For I am the perfect father. (Matt. 5:48)
I provide for you and I meet all your needs. (Matt. 6:31-33)
The plan I have for your future has always been filled with hope, (Jer. 29:11)
because I love you with a love that is everlasting. (Jer. 31:3)
My thoughts about you are as countless
as the sand on the seashore. (Ps. 139:17-18)
And I will never stop doing good to you, (Jer. 32:40)
for you are my treasured possession, (Ex. 19:5)
I want to show you great and marvellous things. (Jer. 33:3)
Seek me with all your heart,
And you will find me. (Deut 4:29)
I can do more for you than you could ever possibly imagine. (Eph. 3:20)
For I am your greatest encourager, (2 Thess 2:16-17)
the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Cor. 1:3-4)
When you are broken hearted, I am always close to you. (Ps. 34:18)
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Is 40:11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. (Rev 21:3-4 )
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. (Jn 17:23)
For in Jesus, I have shown my love for you. (Jn 17:26)
To see him is to see me,
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you, (Rom 8:31)
that I am not counting your sins. (2 Cor 5:18-19)
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled, (2 Cor 5:18-19)
the ultimate expression of my love for you. (1 Jn 4:10)
Everything I loved I gave up, in order to gain your love. (Rom 8:31-32 )
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me, (1 Jn 2:23)
and nothing can ever separate you from my love again. (Rom 8:38-39)
Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. (Lk 15:7)
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. (Eph. 3:14-15 )
Creative: Jerry Maquire - You complete me scene https://youtu.be/jgC6VqsC3QY Jerry Maguire Best Scenes - You Complete Me... You Had Me At Hello
References:
https://www.cochranestreetuc.com/sermons/2019/7/28/shh-not-in-polite-company-why-cant-we-talk-about-sex-politics-and-money
https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/encyclopedia-of-the-bible/Sex
https://biblehub.com/sermons/auth/thomas/redemptive_truth.htm
https://reflections.yale.edu/article/sex-and-church/sexuality-and-scripture-what-else-does-bible-have-say
