Building Godly Relationships
Introduction: Relationships, friendships, and marriages have taken on many different meanings over the years. For instance, 20 years ago, "dating" was viewed quite differently than how we understand it today. Back then, dating meant courting, getting to know someone, and seeing if they were a suitable partner for life. Today, when we say we are dating, we often wonder, “Does it mean we’re just seeing each other casually, or is there something deeper?”
Friendships are no different. Today, friendships have become casual, and it seems like everyone is a “friend.” But true friendships should carry weight, responsibility, and mutual understanding.
Marriage, too, has evolved. We see all kinds of marriages: the "Image Marriage" where the couple looks good on the outside but is struggling on the inside; the “I want a baby marriage,” where the focus is on children but not on the relationship; the “We got pregnant and had to get married” type; and finally, the “Everyone but us sees us as a good match” marriage.
No matter the label, there are uncompromising standards for healthy, godly relationships. A relationship requires intentionality, dedication, and time. You must take time to learn about the other person, to build a foundation of trust and love. Most importantly, you must have a relationship with God to make any other relationship flourish.
Step 1: Love God First The first and most important step in any relationship is to love God first. Before you can love anyone else, you must be in a relationship with the Lord. If you spend more time in your human relationships than you do with God, your priorities are out of line.
Scripture Reference:
Mark 12:30 (NKJV) – "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment."
Matthew 6:33 (NKJV) – "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
God wants to be your priority. When you build your foundation on Him, every other relationship falls into its rightful place. Some of us get frustrated in our relationships because we’re seeking the love of others without first understanding the love of God. Seek God first, and He will guide your path.
Step 2: Learn to Love Yourself Once you have a relationship with God, you must learn to love yourself. You cannot give what you do not have, and if you do not love yourself, it is difficult for others to truly love you.
Scripture Reference:
Ephesians 5:29 (NKJV) – "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church."
We often get caught up in loving others so much that we sacrifice ourselves. But God wants you to care for yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). If you don’t like or respect yourself, how can you expect someone else to do so? Take care of yourself—invest in your spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. You should not lose yourself in a relationship; rather, you should be enhanced by it.
Step 3: Pray for Discernment Not every person who enters your life is meant to stay. It is crucial to pray for discernment in relationships. Ask God for guidance to determine if the person in your life is part of His plan for you.
Scripture Reference:
1 Corinthians 2:14 (NKJV) – "But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."
Relationships must be discerned in the spirit, not in the flesh. Too often, we are led by our flesh—by what we see or what others tell us about a person. But spiritual people start with integrity. You must ask God to reveal the true nature of the person you are involved with. Don’t just get caught up in perception; dig deeper and seek the truth through the Holy Spirit.
Step 4: Get to Know the Real Person In today’s world, we sometimes spend more time researching a new phone or car than we do getting to know the person we want to be with. Get to know the real person—not just their outward appearance or public persona.
Scripture Reference:
John 8:32 (NKJV) – "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
Don’t settle for surface-level interactions. True love is built on truth and understanding. Love isn't just about the things we receive, but it’s about knowing a person deeply—their strengths, their flaws, and everything in between.
Step 5: Love Unconditionally Real love is unconditional. It is not based on what you get in return, but it covers a multitude of sins.
Scripture Reference:
1 Peter 4:8 (NIV) – "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV) – "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
When you love deeply, it goes beyond physical attraction or lust. True love is patient, kind, and selfless. It does not keep track of wrongdoings but forgives and protects. Love should never make you lose yourself; instead, it should lift you up while allowing you to remain whole.
Step 6: Guard Your Heart Your heart is a precious gift—the most valuable thing you can give someone. That’s why the Bible tells us to guard it diligently.
Scripture Reference:
Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV) – "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."
When you guard your heart, you protect yourself from unnecessary pain and ensure that the person who receives it is worthy of it. Don’t give your heart away too quickly or to someone who hasn’t earned it through commitment, trust, and godly love.
Step 7: Walk in Wisdom Finally, we must walk in wisdom when it comes to relationships. Take the time to learn about the person you are with. Study them—know what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, and what brings them joy.
Scripture Reference:
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV) – "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."
Don’t rush the process. Relationships take time to grow and develop. Invest in learning about the other person, just as Boaz did with Ruth. Sometimes the right person might come along at the wrong time, but with patience, discernment, and God’s guidance, you can find the right relationship at the right time.
Conclusion: Relationships matter, and they are a significant part of our walk with God. Whether it’s a friendship, dating relationship, or marriage, it should all be built on godly principles. Love God first, love yourself, pray for discernment, and walk in wisdom. A godly relationship doesn’t just happen; it is nurtured, built on trust, and founded in love.
When you enter a relationship with God's guidance, you will find someone who is anointed to be with you—someone who will celebrate, not tolerate, you. Stand firm in God's love, and let Him guide you into the relationships He has ordained for your life. Amen.
