Well good morning newlife. Man, it is good to be with you guys again today. Love that we in spring, it is getting warmer. It looks like rain is on its way. Today I want to start off and ask you how many of you ever went into a contract, like a Vodacom, or home loan, or car buying. Can you show me. I mean the amount of paperwork you sign is insane, there is so many T and C and we have to initial what seems like a hundred pages, and it feels like we forced to miss the reading of the finer points, when you then all of a sudden pick up an issue, you cannot get out of that contract because see you sign here on page 74 clause point 3 subsection b sub section a. You all know that it is difficult to get out of that contract.
Well, I think we treat a specific relationship with much less reverence than we do a contract. I have been speaking to our men staff, at our morning devotionals, the last couple of weeks, and man the discussions has been good, and listening to all these guys speaking about marriage, and dating reminded me that we as Christians really do not understand the word covenant. What a covenant looks like, what is a marriage covenant. I mean once again it seems that we are getting a misinterpretation of how we need to step into marriage, how does marriage look, and if we are not happy well, we try to break this covenant. I mean the reality shows that we watch, yes, we do see them as entertainment, but somehow seeds have been planted that makes us think well maybe this is a good idea. I mean let me give you some examples of stories, let me do a bit of show and tell.
Married at First Sight Mzansi features eight hopefuls who agree to participate in an extreme experiment by marrying a stranger. Special experts – including a spiritualist, a relationship coach, and a sociologist – use scientific matchmaking methods to determine each couple, who will not have met or had contact with each other until the wedding day.
The Mzansi Magic series then documents the relationships, including honeymoons and other relatable events of married life. After several weeks, each couple must decide whether to remain together or go their separate ways. This “sensational” show, as described by Glamour magazine, has been trending on X every week since its premiere.
The bachelor and bachelorette: I mean 28 seasons of giving out roses, like Bless bridges, for those who do not know bless bridges go google him. Where a bunch of woman fights the for the hand of a man in marriage, or a woman in bachelorette. 28 seasons.
We have op my eish and Boer soek n vrou, it is literally a contest of who can win over a guy heart to go live on a farm or date a famous personality. I mean you taking 3 women to your farm and then you choose after a few weeks? You take ladies to a spa like retreat and then go on dates will all of them. It just seems a bit crazy, and I know Louis, you cannot judge, I am not judging, some of them are still married or together, but it just shows us how skew we have taken the way we should date, or find a husband or wife. How we somehow see this as the norm, that looking for a man or wife, they must look and act a certain way. That looking for a spouse means you can do it in a couple of weeks and be ok. It was more looking for that spark, that connection and not caring to look at the spiritual side, the personality side, the character side, the flaws, And what has been happening and what I been seeing a lot is also how to communicate in the long run.
So what I want to do today, is just from a biblical perspective look at marriage, I want to look at what that covenant looks like, I want to give you some really straight forward biblical advice going into marriage(you single people and those who are married to teach it to the next generation. And I want to talk from a grace perspective. I want you not to be ignorant of covenant anymore. I want you to really know what it means to be married, and also the cost of breaking the covenant, but I want to share most of all the joy, not happiness for marriage and also the healing that God can do, and that there is forgiveness at the cross.
So I want to ask how many of you remember what you agreed to at your beautiful wedding day. How many of you can remember what you said to I do, does anyone remember to this day the exact words? Ok good some of you listened when you get married. Well here is an example we use quite a bit at marriage ceremonies.
_____do you take ______ whom you hold by the hand to be your law-fully wedded wife, and do you covenant to be true to her, to love, cherish, and protect her, in sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, until death do you part?
(Groom) - I do.
A promise is a simple assurance to do or not do something, whereas a covenant is a formal, binding agreement that often includes mutual commitments and legal enforceability. The covenant meaning in both legal and biblical contexts emphasizes a deeper, more solemn commitment compared to a mere promise. Can I say that 2 people and God goes into this covenant. Matthew 19:4-6 (AMP) He replied, “Have you never read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED INSEPARABLY TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Yes there is more to this in Matthew more on that later, but the first point I want to make is this.
1, There is a danger to be unequally yoked. And married couples this might be too late for you as you are in a covenant already, but I feel it is our duty to share this with our children, and the generations to come and even the friends we know. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (AMP) 14 Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
You see we need to understand that when we look for a spouse, we have the same values, the same idea about a Godly marriage, we need to really find out who they are, Mthoko said, not your fav colour or movie, or brand or band, but where do you sit with your faith, have you been saved, baptism, Fruits of the Spirit, do you attend a local Christian community, serve in the kingdom, moving in together, and pre-marital sex. Can I say there is grace when we make mistakes, Jesus said he will forgive us, but when the Holy spirit Is inside of us, we will actually steer away from being repeat offenders.
Can I have a volunteer. Show when you moving together you have a common goal, and that is marriage, that looks together fights against the enemy, but when we push separate sides, you see the devil wants to fight you to against you, less effort from him, but when you fight together you fight the enemy with God because you in a covenant with him. So please stop the looking for the six pack, the salary cheque, the material, and look for the spiritual? Cause when you married the drug misuse, cannot be an excuse, the constant lying cannot be an excuse, the alcohol is not an excuse, the his not the man I married is an excuse, the abusive husband and wife does not even become an excuse. When you married the covenant is created and what God has put together let no man separate.
When you understand this, you will have a better chance in my 2nd point and that is this. Enduring difficult times together in marriage. Somehow we think that Marriage is happily ever after, that we will create a family, we will have 2 kids, dogs, fish, stable work, stable health, and we are portraying something that is not even Godly. Marriage is not about happiness, not even close it is about serving, it is about joy, and not a world joy. The joy we see in James 1:2-4 (AMP) Consider it nothing but joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into various trials. 3 Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace]. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing. This is for marriage also. Instead of Having a happy marriage, this is actually more honest to the truth. It means that when you are in hardship, and trials, your faith and marriage matures, I mean let us be honest the word mature is much better. Mature wine, the meat has matured, The bonds have matured. having reached the most advanced stage in a process. We need marriages to mature, not to look for happiness. I want to tell you that you are married or newlywed or even an old timer. The trials will come, the financial hardship will come, The illness will come, you going to be disappointed over and over and over again but when we have 2 people serving each other, communicating with each other, walking together then the enemy has no chance, because God is in that covenant, yes and sometimes you might fight alone we see in Job 2:9-10 (AMP) Then his wife said to him, “Do you still cling to your integrity [and your faith and trust in God, without blaming Him]? Curse God and die!” 10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the [spiritually] foolish women speaks [ignorant and oblivious to God’s will]. Shall we indeed accept [only] good from God and not [also] accept adversity and disaster?” In [spite of] all this Job did not sin with [words from] his lips. For us this the example of enduring, keeping the faith and keep speaking life into our marriage.
We really need to try and look at our partner faults and keep reminding them about it, but actually take ownership or our own faults and serve each other better. We need to understand we are one, so the battles are together, the fight against illness is together, and not pointing fingers. When we are couples that are in covenant, and growing together things like abuse will not show its head why, because we understand that the devil will try to separate us, but if we in God we will not use abuse as a tool to cope, or to justify any action why?
Cause when the Holy Spirit is in you, the darkness cannot be in you. You know I love our premarital that we do with everyone we marry, why because there we can see the hurt, the questions, the raw of couples without them even knowing cause they in love. We can see what god needs to heal first and we have asked couples not to get married, yes there is money and dates etc involved but rather sort things out or actually even break up then be in a marriage where from the start it is bound to fail, cause we only see the wedding ceremony and not the marriage life. You see that our marriage is all about for better and for worse. Marriages is about the better, it is about celebrating life, family, achievements, goals, it is meant to have joy in it. We must celebrate each other, serve each other. Marriage is not about It means that the two of you are not in competition with each other when it comes to career of finances or success - there is no jealously because you are both on the same team, supporting each other.
There is no need to prove that we are better, smarter, more professional, more talented than our partner. Such selfish behaviour in a marriage will prove to be unproductive, even destructive.
Remember, today to put yourself aside in order to serve your spouse. The question mustn’t be: How can you help me succeed, how can you support me. But rather: How can I help you succeed, how can I help you accomplish your dreams? Be proud of each other, build each other up, learn to praise the unique gifts of your life’s partner.
But there is a for worse part, but in the for worse part there is hope there is biblical advice there is a way to live your life in marriage to the fullest, and that I am love that only God can give. Our love is flimsy, I know couples sometimes tells me their love is unconditional. But when I poke you can see how flimsy our love can be. We see in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (AMP) Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. 7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
There it is in 3 verses. What is love? What Godly loves looks like. It means we are givers do not take,
Suggestion to add here: When we get married, we subscribe to Agape love, the same kind of love God has for us, it is a sacrificial love which means:
We must stop thinking marriage is a feeling, it is a commitment. It is a commitment to serve each other, to put more of God’s love in your marriage. And you might ask Louis but how do we do this. How do we invest in our marriage. Well by doing life together. Coming to church together and listen to Godly wisdom and teaching, do be in marriage small groups that meet regularly and where you can delve into the word more intensely as married couples, to seek counseling when you feel you and your partner is not seeing eye to eye. And yes, the rule sooner rather than later. A lot of marriage counseling I have been doing has been more easily resolved than when couples come in dire straits. God can restore any marriage, but do not sit on an issue unresolved, resolve it sooner.
Go on the marriage retreat we are having it at the end of this year, last year was a great one. I mean we learned so much from it and this year I believe it will be even better and greater this year. Invest into your marriage. When you both invest in your marriage, when you both grow into your faith, the stronger it will be.
But yes, we live in a broken world, and we see that God speaks about divorce and we see these verses on divorce. I want to speak to 2 groups of people, those who has thought about divorce and those who went through a divorce. I want to use what Jesus said in His word, and then take it from there, we read this.
Mark 10:2-12 (AMP) Pharisees came to Jesus to test Him [intending to trick Him into saying something wrong], and asked Him, “Is it lawful [according to Scripture] for a man to divorce his wife and send her away?” 3 He replied to them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND TO SEND HER AWAY.” 5 But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of hearts [your callousness and insensitivity toward your wives and the provision of God] he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of creation God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. 7 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER [to establish a home with his wife], 8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so that they are no longer two, but [are united as] one flesh. 9 Therefore, what God has united and joined together, man must not separate [by divorce].”
10 In the house the disciples began questioning Him again about this. 11 And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; 12 and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” Rather use Matthew 19:3-9 as it includes “unless his wife has been unfaithful”
I want to break it down for everyone. In verses 6-9, Jesus emphasizes that from the very beginning, marriage was designed by God to be a union between one man and one woman, where the two become "one flesh." This unity is meant to be permanent and inseparable. Marriage is not merely a contract but a covenant ordained by God. It involves deep spiritual and emotional union. When difficulties arise, God’s design is for the couple to work through them rather than separate.
In verse 8, Jesus explains that the allowance for divorce in the Law of Moses was a concession due to "hardness of heart." That can lead to sexual immorality. Divorce is not the ideal, but a result of human brokenness. When thinking of divorce, Jesus is urging a heart check—are both parties open to God's healing and reconciliation, or has the heart become hardened?
The teaching highlights that while people change, God’s original intention for marriage remains the same. Jesus stresses that what God has joined together, no one should separate (verse 9). Marriage requires continuous commitment, grace, and love. Divorce should not be the first option but a last resort when reconciliation is impossible.
In Jesus’ time, divorce often left women in a vulnerable and disadvantaged position, and men sometimes treated it as a casual way to rid themselves of their wives. Jesus is addressing this unfair treatment and the deeper implications of divorce (verses 11-12). Jesus’ strong words about adultery are not meant to condemn but to highlight the seriousness of marriage. For those who have already gone through divorce, it is important to reflect on how this teaching speaks to personal growth and future relationships.
So if you already went through divorce. The Bible is full of stories of redemption and restoration. While Jesus emphasizes the seriousness of marriage, He also offers grace and healing to those who have been through divorce. If you’ve experienced divorce, God’s grace is available. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin. There is always room for healing, repentance, and restoration. God's love can help mend what was broken, whether through reconciliation or moving forward in a healthy way.
Jesus’ teaching was not just about the legality of divorce, but about the condition of the heart. Whether before or after divorce, the real issue Jesus addresses is the state of one’s heart toward God and others. For those who have gone through divorce, the focus should be on the heart—allowing God to soften it, bring healing, and restore brokenness.
I want to end off with this Marriage is a reflection of Christ’s covenant with the church. It’s a sacred, unbreakable bond that requires commitment, patience, and grace. The vows we make—"for better, for worse, till death do us part"—are not just words; they are a reflection of the covenant we make with God and each other. You know now what Godly marriage looks like, but unfortunately we cannot teach it in only 40 minutes, it takes a lot of work also from your side. Marriage is not about happiness it is about joy and commitment. When you put god first, spend time growing in the word and maturing together, there will be more joy than sorrow.
Get to know the person you met when you still dating, but if you are married, maybe you need to put your marriage at the altar and allow Jesus to be the centre point ,and not your happiness.
