Marriage requires 4 types of "RINGS”:1
The Engagement Ring:
The idea of Soulmates was first written about by a Greek playwright, the ancient equivalent of Hollywood.1 It’s a made-up romantic term meaning that there is only one person whom you are spiritually destined to marry. “Those daunting odds are likely to be debilitating. I’m reminded here of the song “Whole Wide World”… in which the singer laments:
When I was a young boy; My mama said to me; “There’s only one girl in the world for you; And she probably lives in Tahiti.” I’d go the whole wide world. I’d go the whole wide world just to find her.2
The reality is, for marriage, we are called to discern among the viable options available to us, the same way one discerns which convent or monastery to apply for if one feels called to religious life. If there are no viable options, so that one remains in a single vocation, that too, may be the result of one’s discernment.
The mistake of the soulmate idea is that one’s spouse is predestined as an unchangeable plan without any human effort. The Catechism flatly rejects this idea of unconditional predestination, whether for the soulmate idea or for eternal salvation, teaching that when God “establishes his eternal plan of ‘predestination,’ he includes each person’s free will (600).
So, yes, destiny or predestination and freewill do co-exist, but only by using your freewill can that be brought about. God predestines no one to hell; for this, a willful turning away from God (a mortal sin) is necessary, and persistence in it until the end” (1037).
Destiny can only be seen in hindsight.
E.g. of the Engagement Ring- The Archangel Raphael lists many reasons why Tobiah should marry Sarah: it was in accordance with Jewish law, Sarah comes from a good family, she is sensible, brave, and very beautiful. ONLY THEN, he says that Sarah has been set apart for him before the world was made (Tobit 6:18).
Similarly, it was only after discernment, that Isaac married Rebecca after evaluating that she was from his own country, was very kind and well spoken, and only then do we hear that God answered the prayer that Isaac would marry the right girl.
- The Wedding Ring: Our First Reading ended with Genesis 2:24, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one flesh.”
This verse speaks of the attraction of male to female. The marital act and the desire that gives rise to it are reflections of the divine will.
-But remember, that one is not married until that moment of public vows. The New Testament is clear that unrepentant fornicators will not inherit eternal life, that Our Savior, Jesus Christ freely offers us.
- The Suffer-Ring: Holy Orders and Matrimony, according to the catechism, “are directed towards the salvation of others.” (1534).
Matrimony and holy orders can contribute to an individual’s personal salvation, but only through service to others. As Pope Francis has warned, “no vocation is born of itself or lives for itself.”3 Every true calling from God is a call to deeper love: for us to grow both in our love of him and in our service towards our neighbor (whether that means serving our spouse, our religious community, our parish, or something else).
- The Endue-Ring
"Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?" we hear in our Gospel today in Mark 10:2. They were testing him. Jesus responds, “Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."
The Catechism asks, “What is the attitude of the Church toward those people who are divorced and then remarried?”
The Church, since she is faithful to her Lord, cannot recognize the union of people who are civilly divorced and remarried. The Church manifests an attentive solicitude toward such people and encourages them to a life of faith, prayer, works of charity and the Christian education of their children. However, they cannot receive sacramental absolution, take Holy Communion, or exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities as long as their situation, which objectively contravenes God's law, persists.”
To be clear, it’s the remarriage after divorce from a valid marriage that creates the problem because Jesus says that it makes one an adulterer.
Well, one can ask: “Don’t people deserve to be happy?
In today’s gospel we see that the disciples are thinking along these lines and ask Jesus about it later. But Jesus does not back down; He even intensifies His language, saying: Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.
So, the Church is trying to be faithful to the teaching of Jesus Christ, and therefore maintains that Catholics, who divorce and are remarried civilly, find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law; consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion nor receive absolution in confession.
Clearly the point of Jesus’s teaching on divorce and remarriage is not to reopen old wounds or to increase feelings of guilt or failure.
Remember the account of the woman caught in adultery: Jesus said, “Put the rock down.”
A no-judgement zone. Instead, focus on the solution. Catholics who have divorced and civilly remarried should discuss the circumstances with a priest, who will look for a possible solution and if the couple in the new union are older in years, there may be the possibility of living like brother and sister so resumption of the sacraments can begin.
Question:
Would it be a sin to participate in facilitating a divorce as a family law attorney?
Pope John Paul II said that civil lawyers who are Roman Catholic must refuse to take divorce cases and should instead try to help separated couples reconcile.
''We cannot surrender to the divorce mentality,'' he said.
The pope's then spokesman, Joaquin Navarro-Valls, described the remarks, saying, in part, that judges and lawyers may only “cooperate” materially in civil remedies in extreme cases, for example, safety. Formal cooperation can never be done which would be to encourage divorce as an end in itself or support divorce as good.
Our own St. Rita wore the Endue-Ring and converted her husband before he died.
Lastly, in a book called “Discernment of Spirits in Marriage,” the author talks about freeing married couples from discouragement and assist them in finding peace in their spiritual life and in their marriage. The author helps you determine what is of God and what is not and will show you how the enemy works to discourage you in your daily spousal interactions in order to undermine both your spiritual growth and your marital bond.
Ultimately, the value of a ring holds little importance compared to the spiritual effort by God’s grace in making a life-long commitment, by marriage in the Lord.
1.It was the playwright Aristophanes. Ben Conlin, The Myth of Soulmates, Medium, Apr 2, 2022. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS"
This sermon idea comes from Stefan, Apr 17, 2012, in his post, in his post in treasurenet.com
2. Joe Heschmeyer, You (Probably) Don’t Have a Soulmate, Catholic Answers, 10/3/2023
3. Message for the 51st World Day of Prayer for Vocations 2014
