Marriage God’s Way
Colossians 3:18-3:25
Good morning everyone, glad that you have joined us both in service today and online.
Last week we finished up the series life choices.
Most important life choice… our relationship with Jesus Christ.
Then People and the many complicated dynamics of relationships.
Doing service once we are believers.
We were in Colossians 3 where Apostle Paul talks about having a heavenly mindset as we do service for the lord. We are again going to look at Colossians 3 but this morning going to look at what Paul called household codes.
Service for the Lord that begins at home and the responsibility we each have to have a family dynamic that lines up with God’s word.
I want to say that there are buzz words that the church family uses and society is trying to get out of their vocabulary.
Buzz words defined is an informal word that means -words that are fashionable and acceptable for a season of time.
Prayer-
Colossians 3:18-3:25 read from the bible
Wives “submit” to your husbands -
Husbands “love your wives” and don’t be harsh
Children “obey” your parents in some things? No IN EVERYTHING!
Slaves, “obey” your earthly masters- Can’t tell you how wrong that statement is in today’s society.
Buzz words- submit, submission, obey…words today that are disappearing from our vocabulary and certainly taken out of marriage services. Very few like the word submit in their ceremonies.
Paul is working out in the church the practical working of Christianity and the sanctity of marriage and family in relationships that make up our lives.
He was changing the way culture looks at Godly relationships and today many people are also changing culture but it is not for the good.
Paul tried to straighten out the bad behavior of his day and make it better.
Culture today is so full of personal rights that nobody in society feels like they have any moral obligation to God’s word or to any person that they are in a relationship with.
The Christian ethic is mutual obligation/explained
Husbands have as great an obligation as wives.
Parents have as binding a duty as children
Masters (employers) as much as the slaves (employees)
This was a new idea to his culture- under Jewish law, a woman was a thing, she was a possession of her husband, just as much as his house or his flock or his material goods.
She had no legal rights whatsoever!
A man could divorce his wife for any reason- burnt toast if he wanted.
About the only way a wife could leave her husband is if he got leprosy, gave up his beliefs as a Jew, or sexually attacked a virgin.(caught red handed and someone turned him in)
A woman could not go out on the street by herself except to get water in the morning. She could not go shopping.
A man on the other hand could do whatever he wanted and the woman had no say.
All the privileges belonged to the husband and all the duties to the wife.
Same for the children- They were very much under the domination of the parents. There was a law Roman Patria potestas) (The law of Father’s power)
He could do whatever he liked to his children-
He could sell them into slavery
He could Force them to work on the farm
He had the right to condemn his child to death and actually kill them himself.
All the privileges to the parents and the duties to the children.
In the case of slaves they owned
The slaves were things owned by the owners
No good working conditions
When they were too old to work they could be thrown out to die.
They were not allowed to marry. If they cohabited with each other and a child was born, that child belonged to the slave owner.
All the privileges belonged to the slave owner and the duties to the slaves.
The Christian ethic - the duties rest with individuals. All have rights and privileges.
Here is where the extreme struggle with some lay in danger.
The men who think that women should do as they are told.
All women not just your wife are second class citizens and all men have authority over them.
Here comes Paul and takes Christian ethics to a new level that was not well received-
He says it is based upon a personal relationship and that all relationships are in the Lord.
The whole Christian life is lived in Christ.
Jesus Christ is an ever present part of a believer’s life.
Parent-child relationship- that as the Heavenly Father treats us, we are to treat our children.
That Jesus, our master loves us that we are to love those that God has entrusted to us.
Now as we get the background and we get what Paul is trying to culturally change, let’s go back to Colossians 3:18-19
“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
Wives are to be submissive to their husbands!
Husbands are to love their wives and treat them with kindness.
Wives are to be submissive to their husbands as their husbands are following the things of the Lord and husbands loving their wives as Christ lived the church.
There is a lot to unpack of the dynamics to the woman loving and submitting to her husband. There is a lot of reason for a man to love his wife as she is submitting to a man that loves the Lord and is treating her with respect and honor and love.
Husbands are not to be harsh and are to show kindness to their wives and not treat them like they are a material thing!
Submissive here does not mean the women has no say in any matter- they are to talk about things that affect their family and their relationship and it must be under the lordship and guidance of the Word of God.
Ancient times the husband became an unquestioned dictator and the wife a servant to bring up the children and meet the needs of the husband.
Christian teaching is that marriage is a partnership- not entered into for the convenience of the husband, but that the husband and wife may find joy and completeness in each other.
I often say what women on the planet would not love her husband to the fullest if he loved her like Jesus!
Any marriage in which everything is done for the convenience of one of the partners and where the other just simply exists to gratify the needs and desires of the first is not a Christian marriage! (repeat)
Peter in 1 Peter 3:7
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
God designed marriage to be more than the wife being the housekeeper, bookkeeper, your personal slave, baby sitter to kids you had together, God desires that we do life together under his leadership.
The couple does life together under the lordship of Jesus!
That is why Peter says we should view our wives as “being heirs together of the grace of life”
The Greek Word sunekleronomos (sun-ekle-ron-omos) means Heirs together.
means partnership and cooperation
It means connecting two people in a vital union.
The second part of the word “kleros” means a portion or allotment, or a part of something that belongs to a specific thing for which a person is responsible.
Peter tells us that couples are not just sexual partners in marriage but in all of life affairs. Marriage is to be a joint adventure.
Whenever a spouse is treated less than an equal partner, that spouse can become discouraged regarding the marriage relationship.
Discouragement not corrected, leads to bitterness, hurt, and hardness of heart.
When a husband and wife treat each as equals and value each other, they become a powerful team.
In that castle there is a king…but there is also a queen. The castle runs smooth when the king and queen are working together to make the castle a home.
Peter says that if they are out of sync that even their prayers will be hindered.
If your perception is anything less than equal, he/she must renew their mind to the truth of God’s word.
Renner says the Greek word for hinder is “Egkopto” (Ek-kop-to)
It portrays the moment when a runner comes alongside another runner and literally elbows him out of the race.
We can if we are not careful take someone out of the race and cause them to break their stride and destroy their effectiveness.
Couple observations on a godly marriage and the family dynamic
Shared spiritual values
This is why we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever- we do not share the same values and ways of doing things.
Two people under the lordship of Christ living out their faith, responsible, and loving to each other.
A God ordained marriage is built on a foundation of shared spiritual values, where both partners prioritize their relationship with the Lord and with each other.
Amen….Amen…Amen.
Men more than ever have to take their positions as leaders in the family of raising and nurturing their family under the word of God and be determined that this society will not be allowed to destroy his family.
Men need to step up, keep up, and not shut up when it comes to his family.
The wife needs to be supportive of her man as he serves God and as a team they work to see their family’s get grounded in the things of God.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Luke 10:27
Neither one of you can do that in your own strength and without the help and power of the Holy Spirit working in both of your lives.
What amazing things would be happening in the life of our families as we together serve the Lord in unity and love.
Mutual Respect and Submission:
The best definition I found on two married people who love the Lord respecting and submitting to the things of God is this thought-
The Lord gives us an invitation to share the life of God by valuing each other in love.
Ephesians 5:21- “Submit to each other out of reverence for Christ.”
Dr Miles Monroe states that the submission to each other has to start even in the beginning relationship process so that each one knows the part they play in the success of the marriage and the raising of family.
Quote
“Young people in every segment of our society, and especially in the church, need to learn to practice what I call righteous dating. Righteous dating therefore describes a relationship that is in proper alignment with God and His holy standard, nature, and principals. One of the biggest problems we face in building strong and positive relationships is that the word of God says one thing, while the example of the world says another. The world trumpets its philosophy everywhere we turn, God’s word on the other hand generally speaks with quieter voice.”
The foundation laid is on Christ Jesus and His word.
Unconditional Love:`
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." (1 Corinthians 13:4)
A God-ordained marriage is characterized by unconditional love, where partners choose to love and forgive each other despite imperfections.
If you are two believers in a marriage or getting ready or planning to be married I want you to grab this truth- I want you to know that the Lord can restore a marriage in trouble and he can lay the foundation for a godly marriage. He tells us that we must be brave enough to allow Him to be the reflection that shines in our lives.
He helps us discover the kind of love that brings praise unto the lord that we serve.
Paul tells us of charity- God’s high level agape love- love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.
Love never fails
As we close-
What marriage would not be better if there was that kind of love and that kind of foundation on Christ laid down.
For those who are married- is your relationship moving under the direction of Jesus Christ or are you going in different directions? Moving in unity brings God’s blessings!
For those anywhere in the process, does your potential spouse love the Lord? Do you see it in their everyday life? Not what there going to do, what are they doing and what place does the Lord play right now?
God can change them- but He says already start with one who loves the Lord and work together to serve Him together.
Amen. Prayer-
