Well, it is good to be with you all today. As we said last week we are starting a new series on biblical relationships. Now for those who know me, I really love to look at the Old Testament stories and how they still shape and show how relevant they are today. So, I want to kick of the series doing that. You know we all get to be part of relationships. Friendships, family, in-laws, cousins, mentors. We are all connected, and we will be looking at them all during this time. But I want to start of today relationships and speak to the men specifically and ladies you are not out of the woods and have a free pass. Cause like it or not you are part of men’s lives in marriage or one day when you get married.
I have a big passion for men and marriages. And over the years I have seen and learned a lot. What we currently seeing and happening in the world in how men see themselves, how women see men has had a huge cultural and societal shift. We are in a place that women clearly say they do not need men anymore. Men are getting bombarded with mixed signals from one side, be a man toughen up, do not cry. And then from the other side we see men need to open, show your feelings be vulnerable. Men are told we need to fix problems, but then we are told to listen and not respond. So currently as men we do not know what we are anymore.
I mean the world is in such a bad space, that men are now women, and women are being men. We see a woman saying she is a trans man, which means she is a woman identifying as a man but competes in women races. The heading says this Transgender runner Nikki Hiltz is headed to the Paris Olympics. So basically, a woman that says she is nonbinary. I mean what does that mean?
So, in this series we want to distinguish between the world moral standards and ethics and what the bible says. You see the world ethics and morals are ever changing. The world morals and ethics are biased on cultural norms, what the majority says, what we feel at the time. And we sit in a world where what is happening currently is that everyone is offended, and everyone relationship with God is based on their feelings. Feeling is even overriding common sense.
So where did it go wrong and how does what I said now apply to men and marriage relationships. Well, there is a story in the Old Testament that we can look at that we can learn from. We find this story in 1 Kings 3:5-14. His story teaches us profound lessons about the importance of wisdom, the dangers of straying from God’s commands, and the impact of our example on others.
So let us look at the story. Solomon was chosen to succeed King David as the ruler of Israel. His ascension to the throne was marked by David’s blessing and God’s favour, setting the stage for his influential reign. We read this in 1 Kings 1:28-30
Solomon was chosen to succeed King David as the ruler of Israel. His ascension to the throne was marked by David’s blessing and God’s Favor, setting the stage for his influential reign. Then God asked Solomon what you need, what do you want to ask, and I will give it to you Solomon’s request for wisdom over personal gain pleased God, who granted him unmatched wisdom, along with wealth and honour. This request set the tone for Solomon’s reign and highlighted the importance of seeking divine guidance.
1 Kings 3:10-14 (AMP) Now it pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this thing. 11 God said to him, “Because you have asked this and have not asked for yourself a long life nor for wealth, nor for the lives of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to recognize justice, 12 behold, I have done as you asked. I have given you a wise and discerning heart (mind), so that no one before you was your equal, nor shall anyone equal to you arise after you. 13 I have also given you what you have not asked, both wealth and honor, so that there will not be anyone equal to you among the kings, for all your days. 14 If you walk in My ways, keeping My statutes and My commandments, as your father David did, then I will lengthen your days.”
Solomon’s wise judgment in the case of the two women came soon after he had asked for wisdom and man what a story. 2 women, one baby arguing that the baby is theirs. I mean, now we can do DNA, but back in the day. How would they know, and Solomon says ok cool let us cut the baby in half and each can have a half. Where the one woman cried out, not rather give it to the other lady at least the kid would be alive, and it just solidified the wisdom that was given to Solomon. And Solomon did amazing things as a king, as he led his people. There was unity, there was peace. Solomon’s construction of the Temple in Jerusalem was one of his greatest accomplishments, signifying his dedication to God and his role in leading Israel in worship. 1 Kings 6:37-38 (AMP) In the fourth year [of King Solomon’s reign] the foundation of the LORD’S house was laid, in the [second] month, Ziv (April-May). 38 In the eleventh year [of King Solomon’s reign] in the month of Bul (October-November), that is, the eighth month, the house was finished throughout all its parts and in accordance with all its specifications. So, he built it in seven years.
So good wisdom built a temple. Good king life is great. Why because he did what God told him to do, and He kept his commandments. But then Despite his wisdom, Solomon’s alliances through marriage led him to worship other gods, which ultimately resulted in his downfall. His disobedience to God’s commands brought about significant consequences for him and his kingdom. We read in 1 Kings 11:1-3 (AMP) Now king Solomon [defiantly] loved many foreign women along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, 2 from the very nations of whom the LORD said to the Israelites, “You shall not associate with them, nor shall they associate with you, for the result will be that they will turn away your hearts to follow their gods.” Yet Solomon clung to these in love. 3 He had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines, and his wives turned his heart away [from God].
And God responded.
1 Kings 11:9-11 (AMP) So the LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart was turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice, 10 and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not follow other gods; but he did not observe (remember, obey) what the LORD had commanded. 11 Therefore the LORD said to Solomon, “Because you have done this and have not kept My covenant and My statutes, which I have commanded you, I will certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to your servant.
And it is so relevant to us today men specifically for us. Why because I see men all the time, start so well, lead their homes, come to church, attend circles. But so soon as a problem arises or we move away from God, we give up, we hide our feelings, we lie that we ok. We do not come to church anymore. Can I just say as a man if you want to have a Godly marriage or relationship you need to lead in all areas. That means coming to church, you the one arranging it, praying over your family is on you. Making sure your children are train in God’s way is on you. You see we need wisdom in Leadership and that is my first point
We need to seek wisdom from God on how to lead our family, friendships businesses etc effectively. James 1:5 (AMP)5 If any of you lacks wisdom [to guide him through a decision or circumstance], he is to ask of [our benevolent] God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given to him.
How do we do that well. First, we do it in prayer. We as men and our role is to pray. It is to pray over our wives, it is to pray over our children, to pray for other men and to pray over them. Too often the women are the prayer warriors in church and the men are not. Why not men, are we too shy? Do we not trust God to help us, God has come through for men and families through out the bible and in so many lives here. What keeps you from prayer. I believe that we had made the standard in churches that women must be the prayer warriors and men the maintenance team.
Yip, you heard me. We allowed culture and feelings to creep into our churches and families where the wife must take care of the spiritual needs. She takes the family to church, she prays, she goes to small group and bible studies. Men we need to step up in prayer and bible study the ratio in this very church is 2out of 10 people in this church are men in, that means men we are not leading in a general sense, we do not see the importance of prayer, or bible study.
As men if we want to lead, the leadership that God has given us, we need to really need to get more serious about what God has given us. We cannot expect our children, our wives our relationships to be in good standing, if we do not pray, spend time in bible study in the word, and leave the spiritual aspects to our wives. IT IS NOT BIBLICAL.
Let me just show you 2 studies stats
Swiss Study If both parents attend church regularly, 33% of their children will continue to attend church regularly. If only the father attends regularly, this percentage rises to 44%. Conversely, if only the mother attends regularly, only 2% of children will continue to attend regularly. If neither parent attends, only 1 in 50 children will become regular churchgoers.
Institute for family Studies: Couples who attend church together weekly are 47% less likely to divorce than those who do not attend.
Somehow it has been decided in society that men are the kings of the household and the wive the slave. Where women just obey because we say so? No, you are the priest of the house. You need to lead your house in a Godly way, you need to make sure their spiritual needs are met So if you lack wisdom in your marriage what do we do, we go James 1:5. But that means you need to have a relationship with God, that you follow God and what He says in His word. That you become the priest that prays, that guides, that brings the family to the temple, that you make sure they at elevate or agents. That you lead bible study at home. It has been given to you men. So, we need to see how serious this is when God gives it to us, because if we don’t the 2nd point can happen, and we start to stray away.
The dangers of straying away from God’s kingdom is real. Ask Solomon. In 1 Kings 11:1-4 We see Solomon heart turn away from God. How women were used to turn his heart to other gods. I want to ask you what you made god, that is turned your heart away from god, and this is for everyone, what is straying you away from God’s heart
Luzaan spoke last week about Idols and how dangerous they are, can I say sidenote. When we announced Kaya for our men’s breakfast, the ladies went insane. How they want to serve on the team, and how they wish they can be a man for that day, and he must sing in church. I must ask. Was your goal to come to hear the Word from Him? Or is he an idol to you? Let us be honest here. It is funny and we know we are laughing at it but that is an example of an Idol. Talk about career, money, hobbies.
Men somehow, we were told we only look after your family financially and then you a good husband, a good man. Where does that stand in the bible? We are told to deal with our feelings alone. We must not share with anyone. Boy has that created problems for men. I mean society wants this masculine man but biblically you are called to share.
A survey conducted by SADAG found that 60% of men feel societal pressure to conform to these traditional masculine norms, making it difficult for them to discuss their mental health openly.
In marriage we become 1 so your wife needs to know what is happening to you, you need to have some other men that you can talk too, but the problem is we are told that we need to be proud. That you can handle life alone, that this is just a phase? And we keep on straying away from God plan. God does not move, we move away. You know Corinthians made me change my view on how pride can ruin us, and how as men we can quickly stray away from God.
1 Corinthians 10:12 (AMP) 12 Therefore let the one who thinks he stands firm [immune to temptation, being overconfident and self-righteous], take care that he does not fall [into sin and condemnation]. The context of this verse that was written was Paul telling to avoid Israel mistakes. Men we are overconfident when things go well, we are self righteous because we think we can resolve issues without God, can I even say we are self righteous and think our way is better than God’s way.
Can I give you some stats again: Globally, about 75% of suicides are men (World Health Organization, 2019).
Men are less likely to seek mental health support than women. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), only 28% of men have spoken to a mental health professional, compared to 42% of women.
Men this is not scriptural this is how we move away from God’s commands. Solomon, He had pride that he knew better than God and we somehow have been told that hey be strong, be proud, deal with your issues yourself. Cut everyone including God out. But can I remind you what Paul said, can we really look at the verse. Can we really see what he is saying.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (AMP) but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me. 10 So I am well pleased with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, and with difficulties, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am strong [truly able, truly powerful, truly drawing from God’s strength].
The prevailing cultural view often equates strength with success and weakness with failure. However, Paul turns this concept on its head by explaining that true strength is found in recognizing and embracing one’s weaknesses, allowing Christ’s power to manifest more fully. The notion that God’s grace is sufficient can be a powerful reminder that divine support and strength are available, even (and especially) in moments of weakness.
The idea that power is made perfect in weakness challenges modern notions of success and self-sufficiency. It encourages a humble reliance on God, fostering a deeper spiritual connection and growth. This perspective can be liberating, shifting the focus from personal ability to divine capability.
This means men, that if we want to lead well, if we want to take the Role of the man in family serious, we need to understand wisdom in leadership. We need to set the tone for church attendance, bible study, prayer and not leave it up to anyone else. We need to be careful to stray away from God and think we can do anything without God. We cannot do anything without God in our lives. And that brings me to my last point today.
We need accountability partners. There is a necessity of having people that you are accountable too. I want to share 2 verses, and it ties in with the importance of wisdom. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (AMP) Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; 10 for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. And here is a New Testament one James 5:16 (AMP)
16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offenses], and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power].
Men we need someone who holds us accountable, that holds you accountable in your spiritual walk. You need people to partner with you. We as men need to be more present in circles, in finding a mentor, to pray over each other. Why are we so proud to not pray for each other, or to receive prayer.
I want to ask you as men today. It is up to us, to be a better example to the word. We are called to lead our households not as kings but as priests. This means that we need to know the bible better, we need to have wisdom be the ones leading in the spiritual disciplines. We need men around us that we can share with and for goodness’s sake share properly with your wife and your friends. We need to be hold accountable for who we are we are not above accountability.
