In March of this year, I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer, and I am at Stage 3 in the progression of the cancer. Two weeks ago I had a urine flow measurement, and last week I had a nuclear injection for a whole-body scan to see if there are any other tumours in my body. Also, this week I have had an injection of hormones intended to reduce the tumour and my prostate. I will begin my radiotherapy treatment in a few months, treatment five days a week for seven weeks. The hospital is approximately 15 miles away and I may have to stop work. I am already feeling more tired than normal. As a self-employed person if I stop work I will have no income.
In the church I used to attend along with myself, two other men have prostate cancer and another man has been diagnosed with motor neuron disease.
Tonight, I took my dog out for a walk and it was wet and cold, even in May.
It never seems to rain but it pours!!! But even here I learned that “...He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” So why should I be any different from the other 1: 8 men?
Don’t think for one moment that I am feeling sorry for myself. I am not. I am not angry with God. I am not questioning God. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. What I do know is that I am sorry for how I have treated my wife at times. I have been selfish, and not loved her as she deserved. I have been angry with her even when she has been trying to help me. How perverse is that? Oh, how I wish I could say I was like Job, but I’m not. The Bible records that this man was “blameless and upright.” I know that I am not that. This man lost everything; his ten children died when their house collapsed, his oxen, donkeys, and camels were stolen, his servants were murdered, and his sheep were killed. He lost everything in a single day. But despite all this, he maintained his integrity. Job 1: 22 reads; “In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” Job didn’t blame or get angry with God. Needless to say, I have apologised to my wife. Only a wife can look and without any words say, “I don't care if you have cancer, you were wrong, and you know you're wrong.”
Forgive me, but I’m going to digress for a moment. Satan is seen here in Job chapter 1 as an angel who comes and goes from God’s presence. Now, if we look at Isaiah 6:1 to 3, we read, “In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” There were six majestic angelic beings over the throne of God. Now here is the interesting bit. The Old Testament Hebrew for the word seraphim is “sarap”. But this word is also used in Numbers 21: 8, the Lord instructed Moses to, “Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.” The word snake here is the Old Testament word “sarap.” And, of course, what was it that tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden, something that looked like a snake, a serpent? We have the seraphim, an angelic being, hovering over the throne, and an angelic being, being seen as a serpent tempting Eve. In Numbers 21, the snake brought life, but in Genesis 3 the snake brought death.
OK back to the topic, I am not angry with God, and I'm not fearful about my future. The reason I have peace about my condition is that I fully believe that God will/ can heal me. I read the bible and see God healing; in the New Testament Jesus is constantly healing people. God’s very name is Jehovah Rofe, the God who heals. So why be fearful if I serve a God who will heal me? I know that there will be some days that I will feel distant from God and doubtful, but feelings are not faith. Even John the Baptist had doubts when he was in prison and Jesus reassured John when he said to John’s disciples, “go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor.” How can our faith in God not increase when we read these words?
The Bible is full of verses that can build us up when we are faced with trials when we seek healing for ourselves or our loved ones. I love the following verses:
Psalm 103:2-5: “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”
Jeremiah 33:6: “Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”
Psalms 107:19-21: “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind.”
Exodus 15:26: “He said, ‘If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.’”
James 5:14-15: “Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.”
Psalm 30:2: “Lord my God, I called to You for help, and You healed me.”
I am not blind to the fact that I am going through a time of testing, my faith in Jesus Christ will be put under strain. My prayer is that I will come through the other side stronger.
Another aspect of this time of testing is my ability to continue to work. I have not even started the radiotherapy but have started the hormone injections that will reduce the cancer and reduce my prostate. However, having female hormones injected into me is making me tired. I've been told that when I start my radiotherapy, I may be so tired that I will be unable to work. This is concerning, as I am self-employed, and if I don't work, then I don't get paid. But to date, I've been through at least 2 periods of unemployment, and God has always been faithful. I know that God will provide me with what I need. When times like this come along then I lean on God and remind him that he is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides.
Again, I love the following scriptures that build me up:
Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Matthew 6:31-32, “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.”
Psalm 34:10, “The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.”
And so, because I believe the Lord will heal me and provide for me and my family, I have peace in my heart and I am not worried. It's times like this that I know that God, the Holy Spirit dwells within me because He is the God of Peace.
