So we made it!
The last in our series on relationships.
I wonder how you found it.
Has it made a difference to your relationships?
Because, in studying God’s Word about any subject, it should impact how we live.
Today, I offer a recipe.
In a recipe there are things you need to add..
They are the basic ingredients that you just cannot leave out if it’s going to work out, right?
There are also things that you CAN add to a recipe, and they may seem good.
They might taste good for the first bite; but you know that keeping those things in your recipe will result in an unhealthy diet.
Likewise, in relationships there are essential ingredients that should never be left out;
and there are some things that can be and are often added; but in truth, they are bad for a healthy relationship, right?
Today I want to talk about ingredients.
We’ve already talked about some of the good ones in this series – and I’ll add some more;
but I will also use Paul’s letter to the Corinthians to point out some of the ingredients that really should stay out of any relationship.
Does that sound ok?
Firstly – context.
This was not written for a wedding!
These words were written to a church - a group of people who were in a relationship together.
To be honest, it was a messy relationship.
So Paul was giving them a recipe to help them love each other and be cemented together.
He starts by talking about their Strengths and weaknesses (as we did in this series) -
The gifts they have or haven’t.
Some were making an issue of people’s strengths and weaknesses -
What they were good at and not so good at.
Paul teaches on gifts!
Everyone being different.
There is no “he is better than her”, or “my gift is of more value than yours”
Paul says in verse 1-3 that gifts are pointless if you don’t use them in love.
That’s true of ANY relationship.
So, let’s look at this relationship recipe.
And the main point of this chapter is to Reinforce what I keep saying lately:
Love is more than words.
Love is shown with strong evidence.
Love is shown with actions.
What are the actions of love?
THAT’s what is being written about here.
Let’s do this.
Let’s look at the ingredients to ensure they are in, and check that certain ingredients get kept OUT!
Love is patient (v4):
Being patient with others is a valuable skill that can improve relationships and overall well-being.
You want some practical tips to help you cultivate patience?
Start Small:
o Patience is a journey, and we can begin by taking small steps.
o Learn to count to ten!! – really (you know what I mean).
o Make a conscious effort to WAIT! - To hold back.
Rushing often leads to impatience.
o Over time, you’ll build patience.
Know Your Triggers:
o Identify situations, places, or people that trigger impatience.
o Recognize why you get impatient with people.
o Knowing your triggers allows you to respond more calmly and proactively.
Practice Acceptance:
o Understand that not everything is within your control.
o Accept people are not like you! –
that’s by God’s design.
It will take time and effort, but patience is an essential ingredient in a loving relationship.
Love is kind (v4):
Being kind is an essential ingredient to loving relationships.
Kindness is a wonderful way to make the world a better place.
What can be done to develop kindness?
1. Allow others to go first
2. Actively show kindness to someone who is aggressive in the relationship.
3. Give a small “I was thinking of you” gift
4. Let the others speak and share their opinions.
5. Say “Thank you”!!!!
kindness is about giving freely without expecting anything in return.
Small acts of kindness can have a ripple effect, making the world a warmer and more compassionate place.
So Kindness – definitely in the recipe
Here’s an ingredient that’s sometimes in a relationship recipe: Envy (v4).
In or out???
How can we keep envy out of our relationship?
1. Be grateful for what you have, rather than looking at what others have.
You might see the outside of a person and think they have more than you.
Truth is, you have no idea of people’s thoughts, emotions, mental health, experiences.
Often we wouldn’t want someone else’s life if we fully knew everything about it.
Be grateful for what you have!!!
God is blessing you.
• More than that - Celebrate Others' Success:
Instead of feeling envious of others' accomplishments, practice celebrating their successes.
This is a relationship.
Everyone has strengths and everyone has weaknesses.
Let’s applaud the good things in people’s lives.
God clearly knows this can be a problem.
As part of the ten rules for life, He said, You shall not covert your neighbour’s house, wife, servant, ox, donkey or ANYTHING that belongs to your neighbour” Ex 20:17.
So – out goes ENVY from the relationship recipe.
Boastful (v4): In or out?
Of course, it’s good to recognize your strengths, and the good things you have in your life.
It’s right that we feel good about ourselves; but……
Boastfully bragging can do at least two things:
1. Make others feel of less value
2. It can mean we talk too much about ourselves (50,30,20).
What can we do to keep boasting out of the relationship recipe?
Shift the Focus:
give others time to talk about them.
When we talk about ourselves share our strengths AND our weakness –
show that we’re human.
Praise Others: Few are good at this – including this guy up the front; but it really is important in any relationship (family, work, teams, church).
Dishonouring others/ self-seeking (v5)– in or out?
Out! I’ve already touched on this just now.
In a relationship of any kind, giving more importance to yourself can be seen as dishonouring others, and boosting yourself.
It brings imbalance to the relationship.
The other person feels neglected
Relationships thrive on give-and-take, but a selfish person may take more than they give.
That then leads to communication breakdown.
Someone is doing the talking, and the others are doing all the listening.
That’s not a healthy recipe.
Easily angered / keeping records of wrong (v5) –
my translation - Pointing fingers – in or out? Out!
There is NOTHING positive in doing that
Getting mad and pointing out faults can create a blame culture rather than fostering a supportive and understanding environment.
It’s a relationship with people who all have strengths and weaknesses!
And yes, it’s definitely important to discuss these; but in a way that builds the relationship and the people involved.
Everyone makes mistakes – everyone!
Instead of pointing fingers, it’s so much better to put out a hand and work out how together you can build something good.
Delight in evil (v6) – in or out? Of course – out!
Let me give a translation of that….
Wanting the worst for others.
It is staggering that people think that this is a normal ingredient in a relationship!
“S/he got what they deserved”
“Haha – serves you right”
“I hope you fail”
Before we write it off as totally wrong, stop for a few seconds.
Have you done it?
Maybe a friend, a family member, a church member?
“Ha! I’m glad they got their ‘come uppence’”
If you are putting that ingredient into any of your relationships, I challenge your thought pattern.
Please ask yourself "Why am I feeling this way?"
As a Christ follower, why am I thinking such thoughts?
• Maybe you have a grudge?
That can be a very negative path.
• Maybe there needs to be some forgiveness –
from your side.
Rejoice with the truth (v6):
Even when we don’t like the truth – we should rejoice in it!
It’s better to deal with the truth, than hide it under some lies.
Always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres (v7)
Always!!! Say it: ALWAYS
That means limitless
In a relationship there should ALWAYS be the ingredients of
Limitless Protecting (or carry the weight of) others’ problems and burdens. “I’ll be there for you”
Limitless faith and trust – even when it’s difficult to do so.
Limitless hope – being optimistic about the future in the relationship.
Limitless perseverance – you don’t hit the “unfriend” button.
It’s about keeping going to work things out – even if the conclusion is not what YOU personally want.
Love is a key cement in a relationship.
Today we have looked at the ingredients of that love.
And it’s evident that this love is about what we do, and how we behave.
I want to finish this morning again thinking about the relationship between us and Jesus Christ.
His love for us – His relationship with us is pure.
Our love for Him?
Maybe we can see room for improvement in what we have studied this morning.
The best relationship in the world (universe) is the one between us and God.
How can we make it stronger?
Take time to look at this message again online in the light of our relationship with the Lord.
Prayer:
Father God – thank you for your love and the relationship you want with us. You have set out how we can all live and work and serve together in community. May we examine your word, and make effort to build strong, meaningful relationships – including with you.
