Well, here we are in our second week of “Me to We” – a series about our relationships.
I really felt that this series was important for all of us, because relationships are important.
And you know, the more I’m working on this series, the more I’ve got excited and passionate about this series.
I believe we are going to learn lots in the next few weeks.
And that the relationships we have with others are going to benefit from what we cover in “Me to We”.
So, let’s pray, and see what God is going to do, ok?
Pray . . . .
Last week I said that we need to be clear about our identity –
• with God,
• with ourselves, and
• with others.
We need to know our place and purpose to recognize where we fit into our relationships.
Having defined ourselves, Today we are going to explore Defining the Relationship.
The first way we can do this is laying out some things that True Relationships are not:
You know, our culture today is strange when it comes to relationships.
Online Friendships are made and lost at the click of a button.
That overspills into personal, physical friendships.
They can be made or lost in a moment.
No attempt to talk things through or reconcile.
Seeking a partner is done with little depth.
• A speed date
• The shape of their body
• How quick they will get in bed with you
• Whether you both share the same interest in trees or music. Or
• if you still like each other after 2 months!
That’s how some look for their “Significant” other.
Marriage is a big party - rather than a time to declare promises that are to be
worked at and worked through for a lifetime.
The reason I wanted to do this series is because Relationships are an integral part of our life.
If we treat relationships lightly, we can become selfish, lonely, and frankly messed up humans
If we treat relationships in the way God intended, they can literally HOLD OUR LIFE TOGETHER while living on planet Earth.
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Here’s a shock for some people:
True Relationships are not about you.
True relationships are about loving the other person or people in that relationship.
In a true relationship each member of that relationship will want to DO things to -
help, encourage, and strengthen the others.
And if everyone in that relationship is on board with it, their thoughts and actions will not be selfish, but selfless!
This series is not about marriage, but marriage is a relationship, so we are covering it..
Turn to Ephesians 5: this is written to a church!
v21 As a church family – “submit to one another”
What does that mean?
Submitting is presenting something to be agreed upon by the other(s)
• Submit evidence for consideration
• Submit your idea to be talked about
• Submit your proposal to be agreed . . . or not
In other words, in a relationship, we don’t hold things back and act on our own behalf, because there are others involved in the relationship.
So we submit things to the others to get agreement.
V22 “Wives submit to your own husband”.
This passage in the bible has got a lot of stick over time.
The claim is:
“it’s not equal!”
It’s out of date with our culture.
Actually that’s true!
But being out of step with our current culture doesn’t make it wrong or unfair.
Now . . v25 says Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER.
In other words . . . . Give yourself in love.
I’ve been saying time and time again lately:
Love is not something that’s said (although it’s great to say it), but love should always be evidenced by actions.
That’s very biblical!!!
So, before saying this section of the bible is bias towards men, read the whole thing.
In a husband and wife relationship – the two become one (last week)
See v28
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. They become one.
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In these verses from Ephesians 5 does it say “wives love your husbands?” (no)
So, does that mean that wives don’t have to love their husbands? No!!!
Be careful not to take a bible passage out of context.
Out of context?
Yes – don’t take some verses from the bible as if they stand-alone.
The bible is God’s word. - It’s complete!
The Pharisees were good at quoting the law – and what they said was often correct as to the letter of that law – but it was often taken out of context as to the intention of God who made the law.
And to get the intention of God, it’s necessary to have the whole bible open – not just part.
And Jesus corrected the Pharisees many times, because they missed the point.
In fact, look at Eph 5:15f
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. (that was 2000 yrs ago!) 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
Don’t mock the bible for being out of date with society.
Be wise!
And UNDERSTAND what God’s Word actually says!
Ephesians 5 is just one piece of teaching about relationships in the bible (not complete).
It’s about identity
Its about communication
It’s about giving of yourself to the people you love!
Incidentally, for homework this week, read Ephesians 5.
Last week, I taught on identity – knowing who you are – especially in a relationship.
Today I’m teaching that the bible instructs us to Define our relationships.
You know the incredible truth?
The incredible truth is that Jesus Christ wants a relationship with us (with you).
That relationship is based on . . . love –
• a love shown in serving
• a love shown in giving
• a love shown in wanting the best for the one being loved
and THAT for Christ meant death on the cross for us.
Serving, giving, wanting the best, even sacrifice – THAT’s the example of love in a relationship we are supposed to follow.
That’s REAL Relationship!
Now, Consider this:
Our relationships will be affected by our strengths and weaknesses.
When looking at our identity and asking “who are you?”
You will know that you have some strengths and weaknesses.
It’s important to know these when entering into a relationship for several reasons:
1. Self-awareness: Knowing your strengths allows you to bring your best qualities to the relationship.
Hopefully you know what they are
Recognizing our weaknesses helps us understand where we are vulnerable.
It’s ok being vulnerable! but we all need to be aware that weaknesses such as
jealousy, insecurity, lack of communication can cause rifts in relationships.
Which leads me to mention:
2. Communication:
When we are aware of our abilities and limitations, we should communicate them to those in the relationship.
It’s just helpful to know and be known.
A relationship flourishes when each person is honest about themselves.
It needs to be two-way though.
I once told my church a weakness as part of my message, and a deacon came up afterwards and said, “So you are going to change then”.
That being said, it really is important to share our vulnerabilities as well as our abilities.
This openness can foster a deeper understanding and stronger bond.
So I’m saying that it’s important to know our identity
And it’s important to understand the others in a relationship. How?
TAKE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THEM!!
Never ever assume you figured out the others in your relationships – because you haven’t!
The best we can do is to continually invest time and energy in them to discover their identity.
That’s why at Highfield we say that we shouldn’t point the finger at someone in criticism or judgement.
Most times we don’t know what they are going through etc/Understanding the other(s)
Jesus consistently demonstrated empathy and compassion toward those He encountered.
He understood other’s feelings and needs, showing kindness and care.
Being divine, He had an advantage!!!
So how do we Empathize with others?
Slow Down:
Take the time to be present with those you are in a relationship with.
Lay aside distractions and focus on being in the moment with them.
My 50, 30, 20 rule can be helpful in this. . . .
Try to ensure 50% of your time with a person or people is Listening to them!
Truly listen to what they are saying or expressing without planning your response.
Give real time to them to express who they are.
And REALLY LISTEN and take it in.
None of us are good at this!!
But I believe that it is CRUCUAL to any relationship.
1. Imagine how they feel
2. Consider if you have been unhelpful or even hurtful
3. Respect their views or emotions.
Here is news to some people:
Others in the relationship are NOT perfect.
- Don’t expect them to be.
Here’s the other bit of news: YOU are certainly not perfect either.
Get those two facts straight, and relationships can move on to greater things!
One last thing this morning with defining your relationships – any relationship. . . . . ready?
God takes Priority – no question!
If any relationship actively takes you away from your Lord, distance yourself from it.
And, if your relationship is contrary to God’s Word –
no matter what your HEART is telling you
no matter what your friend, partner, spouse is telling you;
whatever God is telling you overrides it all!
In other words God should be part of, and central to EVERY relationship you have – whether the others in the relationship accept that fact of not.
God takes priority – ALWAYS!
Conclusion:
Maybe you realize that your relationships – marriage, church, friends are not in the right place atm.
And maybe you need to sit down and talk to the others in the relationship to help define that relationship,
However the biggest thing that YOU can do is:
Bring love, sacrifice, and selflessness to the relationship; and then pray before you sit down with them to define the relationship.
Pray:
Some here are now seeing that the relationships you have are not in a good place, and are not God-honoring.
Father God, I pray for those now.
That they might take time to discern your leading, and your wisdom on what to do.
Lord, you designed us to live in relationships. Help us to follow your instructions more closely in order to live a fulfilling life.
