GOSPEL OF MARK: GOD’S SERVANT IN ACTION
TRY MARRIAGE, NOT DIVORCE
A. This past Friday was Valentine’s Day.
1. On the average, 20 billion dollars are spent on cards, flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and restaurants
during Valentines, just to show someone you LOVE them.
a. According to statistics gathered from the Jewelry industry worldwide, most couples get ENGAGED
during what is known as the PROPOSAL SEASON—from November to February.
b. And, according to that same STUDY, around 4 to 6 million of those ENGAGEMENTS occur on Valentine’s Day.
2. But, sadly, statistics also reveal that 40-50% of those same MARRIAGES will end in DIVORCE.
a. It’s just a little bit LESS than that among Christian MARRIAGES.
COMMENT:
When asked what led to their BREAK-UP, many divorced couples will tell you that they simply
“FELL out of LOVE for each other.”
b. I’m sure that nothing HURTS more than to HEAR the words from your HUSBAND or your WIFE, “I don’t love you anymore!”
B. DIVORCE is a difficult SUBJECT to ADDRESS, not merely because the issue is COMPLEX, but because
DIVORCE is so WIDESPREAD and PAINFUL.
1. This is one SUBJECT that I know AFFECTS nearly EVERYONE in every CHURCH.
a. Some of you have divorced PARENTS, divorced CHILDREN, or divorced SIBLINGS or
FRIENDS.
b. Some of you have PERSONALLY gone through DIVORCE, and some of you may even be
CONTEMPLATING it.
COMMENT:
I believe it is safe to say that NO ONE who been through DIVORCE or know a close FAMILY MEMBER or FRIEND who HAS, is left UNSCARRED by it. It affects one SPIRITUALLY,
PHYSICALLY, and EMOTIONALLY.
c. And, if there ae CHILDREN involved, the RAMIFICATION of their PARENTS getting DIVORCE can deeply AFFECT them even through ADULTHOOD.
2. That is why today’s LESSON is difficult for me to PREACH. Not because I SHY away from what the Bible says about our SINS and FAILINGS (YOU KNOW THAT), but because I know there are some
of you SITTING HERE this morning who have been deeply WOUNDED by DIVORCE.
COMMENT:
But God our Heavenly Father has placed these WORDS that His Son spoke in the GOSPELS, because there are valuable LESSONS with ETERNAL CONSEQUENCES for us to LEARN, and hopefully APPLY to our MARRIAGES.
C. Before we get into our TEXT, left me assure you that DIVORCE is not the UNFORGIVABLE SIN.
1. The Bible does describe certain DIVORCES as SIN, and the Prophet Malachi, in no uncertain terms, told the Jewish men who DIVORCED their Jewish wives so they could marry FOREIGN women, that “God hates divorce”- Malachi 2:16. (THAT HAS NOT CHANGED!)
2. Even so, one who has been DIVORCED (even for an unbiblical reason that we will get into) and has REMARRIED, if that person has truly REPENTED and sought God’s FORGIVENESS, he or she is
FORGIVEN by a MERCIFUL God.
C. Mark 10:1-12 (READ)
MESSAGE:
I. QUESTION ABOUT DIVORCE- vv. 1-4
A. “Some Pharisees came and tested Him by asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’”- v. 2.
1. Let’s get clear as to what’s happening here. The only thing that the PHARISEES care about is to
DISCREDIT Jesus. They are setting a TRAP for Him.
a. The subject of “DIVORCE” in the first century was as CONTROVERSIAL as it is it today
among Christians.
COMMENT:
To the world, DIVORCE is no big deal. People MARRY and DIVORCE all the time—some, MULTIPLE times. In fact, some couples get MARRIED with the idea that “If it doesn’t
work out, we can always get a divorce.”
But to true FOLLOWERS of Christ, DIVORCE is not to be taken lightly. To Christians, DIVORCE should NEVER be the first RECOURSE to a TROUBLED marriage, even if one is
UNFAITHFUL to his or her SPOUSE. (More on that later.)
b. The PHARISEES are hoping to cause a DIVISION among Jesus’ FOLLOWERS over the
CONTROVERSIAL and SENSITIVE issue about DIVORCE.
2. Matthew’s Gospel brings out the CONTROVERSY more clearly.
a. In Matthew 19:3, the Pharisees asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any
and every reason?”
b. The basis of this question is found in the Law of Moses given to him by God some 1400 years before where Moses said that “DIVORCE could be granted on the grounds of INDECENCY
found in one’s wife”- Deuteronomy 24:1.
c. Centuries later this created a heated DEBATE among RABBIS—Teachers of the Law—as to
what did Moses mean by “INDECENT”?
3. They knew God’s DESIRE for MARRIAGE and not DIVORCE, but Moses’ EXCEPTION of “INDECENCY” created two SCHOOLS of THOUGHT that fueled the CONTROVERSY about
DIVORCE:
a. Rabbi Shammai taught that DIVORCE was permitted only in the event of IMMORALITY—
when one SPOUSE committed ADULTERY against the other.
b. Rabbi Hillel taught that DIVORCE was allowed for almost ANY REASON that the husband
deemed “INDECENT”.
COMMENT:
Rabbi Hillel DIED about 20 years before this confrontation between the Pharisees and Jesus. But before he DIED, his controversial TEACHINGS about DIVORCE spread throughout Judea to the delight of the Jewish Leaders and to many others who felt that they now had the FREEDOM to
DIVORCE and REMARRY as often as they WISH, for practically any REASON.
c. Listen to some of the REASONS that Rabbi Hillel had given for DIVORCE:
-You could DIVORCE your WIFE if she couldn’t bear CHILDREN.
-You could DIVORCE your WIFE for spinning around and EXPOSING her ANKLES.
-You could DIVORCE your WIFE if she SPOKE to another MAN—even innocently, so.
-You could DIVORCE her if she BURNED your DINNER or didn’t SEASON it properly.
-You could also DIVORCE your WIFE if she spoke badly about your MOTHER. (NO MOTHER-IN-LAW JOKES!)
B. The Pharisees are posing this QUESTION about DIVORCE to Jesus because they believe that no matter
how He ANSWERS somebody is going to be UPSET, and He will lose FOLLOWERS.
1. Not only that, they are in the “the region of Judea across the Jordan”, the territory of “Herod Antipas, who had John the Baptist beheaded for challenging the unlawful marriage between him
and his wife Herodias”- Mark 6:14-29.
COMMENT:
The Pharisees could be HOPING that the same FATE might befall Jesus. “Many of the Pharisees along with the Herodians had already been PLOTTING to KILL Jesus”- Mark 3:6. This just might be the OPEN they’ve been looking for to finally get RID of Him once and for all.
2. After asking the QUESTION they are just WAITING for Jesus to DIG a HOLE for Himself, but
instead He asked them to answer it, “What did Moses command you?”- v. 3.
a. Jesus took them BACK to the Word of God. It doesn’t matter what a RABBI says, what does
God say?
ILLUSTRATION:
As I pointed out a couple of weeks ago, you can always FIND people who will TELL you
what you want to HEAR—including PREACHERS.
Get on SOCIAL MEDIA and POST something like, “I know what the Bible says about DIVORCE, but I believe if you aren’t HAPPY God WOULDN’T want you to STAY in your
MARRIAGE.”
I guarantee you that you will have “FRIENDS” and “FRIENDS of FRIENDS” who will SUPPORT you and tell you how RIGHT you are, and that you should “Listen to your HEART,
not the Bible.”
b. Jesus takes these Pharisees right to God’s Word and asks, “What did Moses command you?”
COMMENT:
Did you notice that Jesus didn’t ask, “What did Moses command the people 1400 years ago?” He made it personal to these Pharisees: “What did Moses command YOU?”
3. The Pharisees summarized what they think Moses taught in Deuteronomy 24 about divorce: “Moses
permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away”- v. 4.
a. First of all, Deuteronomy 24 does not TEACH, as some believe, that God, through the Law of
Moses, is the one who instituted DIVORCE.
COMMENT:
DIVORCE was already RAMPANT during the time of Moses where HUSBANDS, once they got TIRED of their WIVES for any reason, would KICK them out of their HOMES leaving them with no PLACE to GO. Many of these discarded WIVES wound up being used by unscrupulous
MEN as SLAVES and PROSTITUTES.
So, God, even though He did not and still doesn’t CONDONE divorce, REGULATED it through the Law of Moses as a means of PROTECTING the WIFE, who was treated like mere
PROPERTY, from being left DESTITUTE and DESPERATE.
b. Furthermore, Deuteronomy 24 was never written to ENCOURAGE divorce.
COMMENT:
The Pharisees are leaving the impression that Moses has given them open PERMISSION to
DIVORCE anytime they want to.
Instead, this passage is teaching against the HASTINESS of divorce. The HUSBAND can’t just decide one day to SEND his WIFE AWAY unprotected. There is a PROCESS to be followed. He is to give her a “written certificate of divorce” ONLY if he found something “indecent about her” allowing her to MARRY again just like he can—even if there was something “INDECENT.”
II. GOD’S VIEW OF MARRIAGE- vv. 5-11
A. Do you want to know what the real THREAT to MARRIAGE is?
1. It’s not what we typically hear from MARRIAGE COUNSELORS:
a. Infidelity (unfaithfulness to your spouse)
b. Money problems
c. Lack of communication
d. Constant arguing
e. Lack of intimacy . . . and so on.
2. No! The real THREAT to MARRIAGE is the “HARDNESS of one’s HEART”—all the other stuff
are just SYMPTOMS that flow from a HARD HEART.
a. Mark 10:5- “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law.”
COMMENT:
I truly believe that if most Christian SPOUSES that are set on DIVORCE would prayerfully and honestly EVALUATE their MOTIVES for wanting to get a DIVORCE, they would see a “Hardness of their HEART” begin to EMERGE. Nothing else MATTERS except what the HUSBAND wants or what the WIFE wants.
b. A “HARDNESS of the HEART” not only threatens the MARITAL RELATIONSHIP, but it
THREATENS your RELATIONSHIP with God.
-Hebrews 3:12-13- “See to it…that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily…so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
B. Listen again to God’s VIEW of MARRIAGE- vv. 6-9 (READ).
1. Marriage was God’s IDEA from the “BEGINNING OF CREATION”- v. 6.
a. Marriage wasn’t some AFTERTHOUGHT that God came up with when MAN and WOMAN
were CREATED, it was His PLAN from the BEGINNING.
b. God intended for a MAN and WOMAN to find each OTHER, to FALL in LOVE, get
MARRIED, and have BABIES. (IN THAT ORDER)
COMMENT:
Since God is the one who INVENTED marriage, He is the one who knows how it WORKS. His Word is pack full of MARRIAGE ADVICE and COUNSEL that, if followed, will STRENGTHEN and ENHANCE your MARRIAGE.
If yours and my MARRIAGE is not WORKING the way God INTENDED, it is because either the HUSBAND or the WIFE or BOTH (and most of the time it’s “BOTH”) is no longer LISTENING to God, but LISTENING to other VOICES.
2. Jesus reminds us of God’s PROCESS that He outlined from the BEGINNING for a SUCCESSFUL
MARRIAGE- vv. 7-9.
a. LEAVING. “A man will leave his mother and father…”
ILLUSTRATION:
In reality, this principle applies to both the HUSBAND and WIFE. And it means that when you get MARRIED you LEAVE your PARENTS—you cut the EMOTIONAL UMBILICAL CORD because your LOYALTY now belongs to your SPOUSE. You are not to ALLOW your PARENTS to DICTATE or INTERFERE with your MARRIAGE. Your HUSBAND or your WIFE should never have to COMPLETE with your MOM or DAD.
COMMENT:
Now, LEAVING your PARENTS does not mean IGNORING them or NOT SPENDING any TIME with them. It means that your MARRIAGE created a NEW FAMILY, and that this NEW FAMILY must be a HIGHER PRIORITY than your PREVIOUS family.
b. CLEAVING. “…and be united with his wife.” (KJV- “cleave to his wife”.)
COMMENT:
Once you “LEAVE” your PARENTS and UNITE in MARRIAGE, you have MADE a COMMITMENT to PERMANENCE. The word “UNITED” or “CLEAVE” literally means to be “GLUED TOGETHER”. It has the idea of JOINING two objects so TIGHTLY that they cannot be SEPARATED without damaging BOTH of them. (That is why DIVORCE is so devastating and destructive.)
c. WEAVING. “…and the two will become one flesh. So they will no longer be two, but one.”
COMMENT:
Once LEAVING and CLEAVING take place, then you can experience WEAVING as you become one flesh. TWO come to the ALTAR to be MARRIED, but only ONE leaves. It’s God’s MARITAL MATH: 1 + 1 = 1. God’s objective for MARRIAGE is a LIFE-LONG loving relationship of ONENESS. And this ONENESS is to be experienced SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY, and PHYSICALLY.
ILLUSTRATION:
It’s pretty easy to get MARRIED—people do it all the TIME. But it’s the LIVING TOGETHER afterward that causes all the PROBLEMS. Each one brings to the MARRIAGE their individual HABITS, their LIKES and DISLIKES, their WAY of DOING things that often creates
FRICTION and threatens their ONENESS.
But through the WEAVING process, the HUSBAND and WIFE learn to be more TOLERANT and UNDERSTANDING and FORGIVING of each other, and their ONENESS remains INTACT. That’s the way God INTENDED marriage to be.
d. GRIEVING. “Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate.”
COMMENT:
LEAVING, CLEAVING, and WEAVING is God’s divine PROCESS for a SUCCESSFUL
MARRIAGE, but when DIVORCE occurs, GRIEVING is sure to follow.
Don’t miss the part where Jesus said, “God had joined together.” Not the Preacher, not the Justice of the Peace, God is the one who JOINS husbands and wives together. The SANCTITY
of MARRIAGE is grounded in God Himself.
DIVORCE produces so much GRIEF. Foremost, it is GRIEVOUS to God. It BREAKS UP FAMILIES. It puts a STRAIN on FRIENDSHIPS. It is detrimental to one’s SPIRITUALITY.
C. Jesus was not going to get into this HEATED DEBATE with the Pharisees over which RABBI had the
correct teaching about “DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE”.
1. Jesus’ EMPHASIS was on the SANCTITY of MARRIAGE, not DIVORCE.
a. He knew the PHARISEES did not HONOR their MARRIAGES, and CONSTANTLY looked
for LOOPHOLES in God’s LAW.
b. In essence, He is saying to the Pharisees: “TRY MARRIAGE, NOT DIVORCE!”
2. Jesus then LEAVES with His disciples, and as they enter the HOUSE where they are STAYING the
disciples wanted CLARIFICATION from Jesus about the Pharisees’ question- vv. 11-12 (READ).
a. It appears that Jesus is in AGREEMENT with Rabbi Shammai: “I don’t believe DIVORCE is
ever a good thing, but there is an EXCEPTION.”
b. Mark doesn’t include the EXCEPTION, but Matthew does: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery”-
Matthew 19:9. Jesus said the same thing in His “Sermon on the Mount” in Matthew 5:32.
3. And then the Apostle Paul adds another EXCEPTION in 1 Corinthians 7:15- “If an unbelieving spouse decides to leave (TO ABANDON) his or her spouse, the believer is not bound to the
marriage.”
COMMENT:
I am quick to add that if you are in a MARRIAGE where you are being ABUSED or are in DANGER, then you need to LEAVE that situation for your own SAFETY and seek HELP.
4. These are the only two Biblical reasons given for DIVORCE—“sexual immorality” and
“abandonment by an unbeliever”.
COMMENT:
Nowhere in the Bible does it allow DIVORCE for “Unreconcilable Differences.” The Bible doesn’t allow divorce because “I just don’t LOVE him anymore.” The Bible doesn’t allow divorce for: “God just wants me to be HAPPY” (WHERE’S THAT SCRIPTURE?) The Bible doesn’t allow divorce for: “She put on a lot of WEIGHT since we got married.” The Bible
doesn’t allow divorce for: “I just OUTGREW him.”
a. Jesus points out that if situations like these I’ve just mentioned, is “the reason you DIVORCE
and then REMARRY, you commit ADULTERY.”
b. It’s a HARD TEACHING, I know, and it INVOLVES many people—including many people I
LOVE dearly in my own FAMILY and my CHURCH FAMILY.
COMMENT:
Does this mean IF you REMARRY that you are LIVING in a continual state of ADULTERY? NO! The VERB TENSE of the word “COMMITS” in the Greek POINTS to an
“action in time” and not a CONTINUOUS state of ADULTERY.
Can a Christian who got a DIVORCE for a non-biblical reason be FORGIVEN? ABSOLUTELY! We serve a FORGIVING God full of GRACE and MERCY. If you have truly REPENTED of your SIN of BREAKING your MARRIAGE VOW through the means of DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE and sought God’s FORGIVENESS, then you are FORGIVEN. (But
there has to be TRUE REPENTANCE. You can’t FOOL God.)
And remember, you have now ENTERED into another MARRIAGE COVENANT that is to
be HONORED before God.
CONCLUSION:
