MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER RIDGE CHAPEL. KANSAS, OK
TEXT: Ephesians 4:25-32
A. Today is Mother's Day, & Mother's Day used to be such an easy Sunday for preachers because we could preach sermons filled with warm, happy illustrations. And everybody wore flowers red if mother was still alive, & white if she had died.
Virtually every church had special Mother's Day programs, & children took part to honor their mothers. And everybody went home feeling good about themselves.
Well maybe not everybody, because for some it was more of a bittersweet celebration.
ILL. One woman wrote, "Mother's Day is such a wonderful day for so many women. But it will be a sad day for some of us who have tried so hard to become a mother, but without success. To us, having a baby is a dream just out of our reach, & Mother's Day is a day of tears instead of joy."
And there were others for whom Mother's Day was more a day of sadness than joy. But not many noticed because, after all, Mother's Day is a time of celebration, of remembering & honoring our mothers.
B. But times have changed, & Mother's Day is not quite the celebration that it once was.
ILL. At a Ministerial Association meeting, one of the preachers said that he had told his congregation that he was not going to make any recognition of Mother's Day, & that the people were not to wear flowers or do anything special to celebrate during their church services that Sunday.
PROP. That's rather sad, isn't it? But maybe we do need to realize, in the midst of our celebration, that Mother's Day is not necessarily all that happy a day for everyone. What is today like for you?
I. MOTHER'S DAY IS NOT A HAPPY DAY FOR EVERYONE
A. Maybe your Mother's Day is tinged with sadness because you're a long ways away from your mother, or from your children. And you'll not be able to see each other & express your love face to face.
ILL. Three mothers boarded an airplane. They were all in their late sixties & on their way to the homes of their children for Mother's Day.
They sat together, & as they talked they had many common experiences to share. They reminisced about the way things used to be when their homes were the centers of family gatherings, & how the kids always came home for Mother's Day, & how it was such a happy time when they were all back home together.
But circumstances had changed, & now they were widows. Now they were traveling to their children's homes because that was the easiest thing to do. A note of sadness was detected in their voices because this Mother's Day was different than those that had gone before.
SUM. So maybe this Mother's Day is a sad one for you because there are so many miles separating you from each other.
B. Maybe you're sad today because your mother is getting old, & you're won¬dering what the future holds for her.
You've noticed how fast she is aging. Her eyesight is not as sharp as it used to be. Sometimes she stumbles & falls & you worry about her hurting herself. Her hearing has deteriorated, too. You find yourself repeating things 3 or 4 times, & maybe even becoming irritated because of that.
Many of us have already gone through that, & the hardest decision we have ever had to make came when we realized that we could no longer provide adequate care for our mother or father ourselves, & that we would have to commit their care to someone else.
ILL. The following words say so much that I feel compelled to read them to you this morning. It's an old mother in a nursing home expressing her feel-ings in rhyme.
What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Dwelling in the past with half-closed eyes.
I'm a small child of ten with a mother & father,
Brothers & sisters who love one another.
I'm a bride in her twenties, my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vow that I promised to keep.
I'm a woman of 30. My young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
Now I am 40. My children have grown & gone.
And my man is beside me to see I don't mourn.
At 50, once more babies play round my knees,
Again we know children, my husband & me.
I'm an old woman now, & nature is cruel.
`Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body it crumbles, grace & vigor depart.
I'm weak, & there is an ache in my heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells.
And now & again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I am loving & living life over again.
I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open & see.
Not a crabby old woman. Look closer, see me.
SUM. Maybe Mother's Day is unhappy for you, because your mother is growing old, or you're growing old, & you must learn to deal with that.
C. Maybe Mother's Day is unhappy for you because family ties have been broken. Maybe you have children & you don't know where they are or what is happening in their lives. So there is a gnawing emptiness that you must deal with, & it is hard to do.
Maybe there is a severed relationship between you & your parents. Some¬thing happened, & now you have feelings of hostility towards them. We're hearing more & more today about child abuse. Children who were abused are now adults & they're experiencing the deep wounds left in their hearts & souls because of the way their parents treated them.
Or maybe you're a parent & your children are gone & you say, "I thought we had a good family, but now we're alienated from each other, & I don't know what to do."
ILL. I know someone whose parents went into business for themselves when he was a young boy. His grandfather loaned them money to help start the business. Then grandfather thought he should have a strong say in how the business was conducted, but father didn't feel that way at all.
So they argued & there was a strained relationship in the family for many years. They didn't go to grandfather's house at Christmas time. His father & grandfather wouldn't even speak when they saw each other on the street or in a store.
So maybe Mother's Day is unhappy for you because of an experience like that. You see, the family has gone through tremendous stress in the last several decades.
D. If you are 70 or more this morning you were raised in the 1950's & the 1960's, you came along right during the women's liberation movement. You heard voices saying, "Women, demand your rights. You ought to be treated equally in every way. Do away with any of the distinctions between men & women!"
If you were a woman, it sounded good, but you may have had mixed feelings about it. A part of you said, "Well, it would be nice to have a man to take of things for me." But a part of you also wanted to have a career & do your own thing. So you were not always sure how far to go.
By the 1990's many women were publicly wondering if men should have any useful purpose in their lives at all.
SUM. You see, we’ve gone through periods of great stress, & homes have often become battlefields where no one knows what the standards are because they have been changed so often. People are not always sure if there are answers to our questions or solutions to our problems.
APPL. But I wonder if we don't make our problems greater than they have to be. And I wonder if the solutions aren't simpler than we imagine.
II. GOD’S WORD HAS SOLUTIONS TO OUR PROBLEMS
I believe we can find a solution to the problems in our homes in the Bible. Let me give you two simple little words that I think contain lots of power. The first one is "attitude" & the second is "action."
A. First of all, let's talk about "attitude." I think tremendous healing can come into our homes & families if we would take the "attitude" of "speaking the truth in love."
1. For instance, we might begin by realizing that our parents weren't perfect. Maybe we expected them to be. But they weren't, so we may have been disappointed in them at times.
2. Now, think about your children. If we are realistic we'll have to admit that our children aren't perfect. They've made a few mistakes along the way, too.
3. Now comes the hardest part of all. We must admit to ourselves, "Well, I'm not perfect either. I wasn't a perfect child. And I haven't been a perfect parent. So my children had to live with imperfect parents, too."
Sometimes it hurts to speak the truth. But the truth can also bring healing as we begin to be truthful & loving with each other.
If there are deep hurts, then can't they be talked about? Can't we try to deal with them as a caring family? Can't we be honest with each other in an attitude of love?
B. The second word is "action." Paul talks about "action" in Ephesians 4:32. He mentions three actions that need to be practiced in the home.
1. First of all, he says, "Be kind." Be kind to each other. The truth can hurt but when the truth is spoken in kindness, & you don't do
it to hurt but to help, then healing can begin.
2. Secondly, he says to treat each other with "compassion." "Compassion" means that I seek to understand you, what's going on in your life, where you are coming from. I put on your shoes, & walk in your footsteps for a while.
Revolutionary things can happen in the home when parents try to understand what it is like to be a teenager what it is like to feel peer pressure to do the things you know you shouldn't do. If parents only knew all the stress & pressures that come to a young person growing up today.
And wouldn't it be wonderful if somehow teenagers could understand what it is like to be their parents? To have kids you love more than you love yourself, going through all these temptations, wanting to throw your arms around them & say, "I don't want you to hurt. I don't want you to feel this way. So don't do this thing because I know it is going to hurt you."
Or if somehow we could crawl into the flesh of our aging parents & know what it is like to be trapped in a body that won't function anymore that doesn't see the way it used to that doesn't hear the way it used to that can't handle things the way it used to, & to know their frustrations because of all that.
SUM. Oh, if only we could all learn what it means to be compassionate.
3. Finally, Paul says, "Forgiving each other." Now you are kind & com-passionate, so learn to forgive. Forget those things that have caused rifts in the family, that have brought division & strain. Forgive so that healing can take place & wounds disappear.
CONCL. This morning, if you're a mother living in a little house in a quiet neighborhood, & your spring flowers are in full bloom & your children are healthy, & you have a loving supporting husband then thank God for all your blessings. Today is a happy day for you.
But not everyone fits into that mold, & I think it is important for those who are hurting to know that our God has not forgotten you either. He wants this to be your day, too. He wants to bring His healing into your life & into your home & into your family, too.
INVITATION
