A. We are in a sermon series on the book of Proverbs called “God’s Wisdom: More Valuable Than Gold.”
1. So far in the series we have focused on how valuable God’s wisdom is and how that the proper reverence and respect for God is the beginning of wisdom.
2. Since today is the Sunday of our youth rally and I had in the back of my mind that I wanted to address a subject that was especially applicable to young people.
3. In chapter 1,after Solomon introduced the statement that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” can you guess what is the very next subject that Solomon addressed? Friendship…the influence of companions…peer pressure.
4. But guess what? This isn’t a subject that just applies to young people – the wise choice of friends and companions applies to people of all ages and all stages of life.
B. You know I like to start with something on the light side, so let’s do that before we get into the serious application of God’s truth.
1. What do you call a group of friends who love math? Algebros.
2. What do you do if you are walking in the woods with your friend and your friend is bitten by a rattlesnake? You will need to find another friend.
3. How do you define what a friend is?
a. A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway.
b. A friend is someone who steps in when the world steps out.
c. A friend is someone who never gets in the way, unless you are headed in the wrong direction.
C. One of the resources I am using for this sermon series is a book by my friend Tommy South titled “Don’t Be Dumb! The Wisdom of Proverbs for Today.”
1. Tommy’s chapter on “Don’t be Dumb about Your Friends” was especially helpful in my preparation of this sermon.
D. There’s an old saying that suggests that you can judge a man by the company he keeps.
1. There’s a lot of truth in that, because people do tend to choose as friends people who share their values, interests, and outlook on life.
a. And so, if you know a person’s friends, then you know something about that person.
2. But on the other hand, that saying isn’t an absolute truth, because Matthew 11:19 describes Jesus as “a friend of tax collectors and sinners.”
a. Those words were spoken by Jesus’ enemies, and they weren’t intended as a compliment.
b. Jesus did keep company with some people that most “decent folks” of His day regarded as pretty shady, people not known for their high moral and ethical standards - people who were nothing like himself.
c. Jesus’ reason for befriending people like that was that He knew He could influence them positively and He knew that they would not be able to have a negative effect on Him.
d. Jesus wanted them to know of God’s love for everyone, even the most sinful and despised; and he knew that sometimes it’s the people on the bottom of the morality ladder who are most often open to redemption.
3. But that doesn’t negate the general truthfulness of that old saying.
a. Usually you can judge a person’s character - and especially his or her wisdom - by the folks they spend time with as friends.
b. That saying isn’t found in Proverbs, but I think the wise man, Solomon would have agreed.
c. Solomon had quite a bit to say about friendship and one of the main things he emphasized was that few things in life affect us and shape who we are quite as much as our friends.
d. Therefore, it certainly pays to be wise about friendship.
E. Let’s talk for a minute about what real friendship is.
1. Today’s world is confused about a lot of things, and the meaning of true friendship is certainly one of them.
2. For many, the word “friend” is a polite description of people they hardly know.
a. In this case “friend” has become something of a synonym for “acquaintance.”
b. In the age of Facebook, the word “friend” has become almost meaningless, or at least seriously distorted.
c. Facebook users have turned “friend” into a verb which means something like “I’ve added you to my list of people I hardly know, if at all.”
d. Likewise, to “unfriend” someone simply means they’re no longer on that list.
e. This gives meaning to what clinical psychologist Roger Fransecky has described as “an illusion of closeness in a complex world of continuous partial attention.”
f. Because so many people have adopted this concept of friendship, Facebook now limits members to no more than 5000 “friends.”
g. Without a doubt, the concept of “friendship” needs clarification for our modern world.
3. Perhaps the ancient world also needed clarification, because Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
a. According to this proverb, the essence of friendship is the constancy of love, “being there” for someone in both good times and bad - notice the emphasis on “at all times.”
b. Real friendship isn’t circumstantial; it is constant.
F. Naturally, there can be different levels of friendship for all of us, based on common interests (loyalty to a particular sports team) or common experiences (high school or college buddies) or simply the fact that we happen to like someone.
1. And not all of these friendships will have the same level of intimacy.
2. But out of all of our friendships, very few will be “Proverbs 17:17” friendships.
3. One thing wise people learn in life is that not very many people turn out to be “Proverbs 17:17" friends.
4. But that’s okay – we don’t need a lot of “BFFs” in our lives - but everyone needs a few.
G. Proverbs warns us that not everyone who self-identifies as our “friend” really is our friend.
a. “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24).
1. A “companion” is not necessarily a true “friend”; the difference is that the friend “sticks” (stays with us) regardless.
2. And one true “friend” is worth more than a multitude of “companions.”
b. Proverbs 27:5-6 takes it a bit further by pointing out that true friends are faithful enough that they will speak the truth to us, even if it hurts: Better an open reprimand than concealed love. The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.
1. In other words, even enemies can appear to be friends with their multitude of kisses (telling us what we want to hear), but friends sometimes hurt us with their truthfulness.
a. There’s a big difference between causing someone pain and seeking to harm them.
2. Verse 9 adds, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”
3. One way to determine who your friends really are is to ask yourself, “When I really need advice about something serious, to whom do I go for it? Who cares enough about me both to listen to my concerns and to tell me the truth?”
c. Proverbs not only gives advice about the friends we choose, it also encourages us to be the friend that others need us to be: “Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away” (27:10).
1. Being a friend is “being there” for others, just as we need them to “be there” for us.
2. One of the secrets to having good friends is being a good friend.
H. Now let’s turn our attention to the impact that our friends can have on us and why only choosing friends that will have a positive impact on us is so important.
1. Proverbs cautions us to choose as close friends only those people who will have a positive impact on us.
2. Some people, no matter how much we may like them or how much they may like us, simply are not good for us.
3. Proverbs gives several examples including the first collection of wise sayings after the introduction in Proverbs chapter 1.
4. In Proverbs 1:8-19, Solomon, the wise father, pleads with his son to avoid people who try to influence him to go places he shouldn’t go and do things he shouldn’t do.
5. Let’s read those verses:
8 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching,
9 for they will be a garland of favor on your head and pendants around your neck.
10 My son, if sinners entice you, don’t be persuaded.
11 If they say - “Come with us! Let’s set an ambush and kill someone. Let’s attack some
innocent person just for fun!
12 Let’s swallow them alive, like Sheol, whole, like those who go down to the Pit.
13 We’ll find all kinds of valuable property and fill our houses with plunder.
14 Throw in your lot with us, and we’ll all share the loot” —
15 my son, don’t travel that road with them or set foot on their path,
16 because their feet run toward evil and they hurry to shed blood.
17 It is useless to spread a net where any bird can see it,
18 but they set an ambush to kill themselves; they attack their own lives.
19 Such are the paths of all who make profit dishonestly;
it takes the lives of those who receive it.
6. This section of Proverbs speaks of pretty drastic situations involving robbing and killing, but it doesn’t have to be that drastic for us to know that there are some people we should avoid.
7. Anyone who would entice us to do anything that is not wise or that will weaken us or harm our influence as Christians is someone we should be careful about associating with.
8. Verse 17 shows how foolish these people actually are, as well as those who throw in their lot with them.
a. Even birds don’t fly into nets they can see!
b. So, when it’s obvious that your “friends” are headed in the wrong direction, don’t go with them.
c. If someone urges you to go somewhere you shouldn’t do or do something that you know is wrong, don’t feel that you owe them an explanation for refusing or that you have to defend your decision - just say “No!” and stick to it.
d. If they are a real friend and are a friend that is good for you, then they will accept your refusal without rejecting you.
e. But if they are not truly a good friend or the kind of friend you need, then you need to know that once and for all, and the sooner the better.
9. I remember something that happened when I was about 14 or 15 years old and I was riding in the backseat of a car with 4 other friends.
a. The friend who was driving took out a marijuana cigarette and was about to light it.
b. I remember being afraid and not being sure what to do.
c. But then I quickly said, “Put that away right now. If you light it, pull over and let me out. I will find another way home.” (that happened way before cellphones were available)
d. Thankfully, he put it away and I didn’t have to get out of the car – I don’t remember ever getting into his car again after that day.
e. I don’t know what would have happened if he got high on that pot – an accident or an arrest, but I didn’t want to find out.
f. Far too many people have found themselves with the wrong people at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I. Later in Proverbs 23:19-21, the wise man expands the urging to choose the right kind of friends beyond those who rob and kill: 19 Listen, my son, and be wise; keep your mind on the right course. 20 Don’t associate with those who drink too much wine or with those who gorge themselves on meat. 21 For the drunkard and the glutton will become poor, and grogginess will clothe them in rags.
1. This proverb warns not so much against those who participate in criminal activity as those who engage in activities that are worthless and unproductive.
2. They are headed to poverty, and the teacher pleads with his young protégé not to go with them.
3. It’s not unusual to hear someone resist this advice by saying, “But I can hang out with these people and not get hurt, as long as I don’t do what they’re doing.”
4. But notice that verse 20 says, “Don’t associate with those…”
5. Why shouldn’t we associate with them or be among them when they are doing worthless and destructive things?
a. First, because being among them may lead us to do something we don’t intend to do.
b. Second, because why would anyone want to “be among” those who spend their time on worthless and destructive things?
1. It’s not very fun to be the only sober person in a group of inebriated people.
J. Another category of those to avoid that isn’t mentioned specifically in Proverbs is people who would intentionally try to destroy your faith.
1. In 1 Corinthians 15:33-34 Paul warns: 33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” 34 Come to your senses and stop sinning; for some people are ignorant about God. I say this to your shame.
2. Notice that Paul’s first command is not to be deceived, which sounds very much like something that might be found in Proverbs.
a. The general rule is that “bad company corrupts good morals.”
b. We shouldn’t fool ourselves by thinking otherwise.
3. In context, Paul’s words have to do specifically with associating with people who challenge the reality of the resurrection of the dead.
a. Such a denial gives them a distorted worldview, and constantly associating with them will have a negative effect on other believers.
b. So, Paul urged the Corinthians to “wake up” and stop sinning by buying into such a false idea.
c. It was because of their waffling on this all-important conviction that “some have no knowledge of God.”
d. We aren’t likely to stand up for truths about which we are not thoroughly convinced – whether they be about the resurrection or drunkenness or anything else.
5. But does this suggest that Christians ought not to associate as friends with non-Christians or with those who question our faith?
a. Obviously not, since such a conclusion would have serious implications for evangelism.
b. But it does mean, however, that if someone’s goal is to tear down what we believe, we need to be careful to limit their effect on us.
c. That kind of person doesn’t have our best interests in mind, or at least their understanding of what is best for us is warped.
K. Let’s summarize and conclude our lesson for today by looking at Proverbs 13:20: The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.
1. This verse takes us back to the idea that the people with whom we associate shape our character in significant ways, and perhaps even reveal it to others.
2. The simple truth is: we tend to become like the people with whom we associate the most.
3. Being in the company of wise people has a way of rubbing off and making us wise, while being in the company of fools tends to make us foolish - and we’ll pay a high price for it.
4. That’s why Proverbs 14:7 advises us to: Stay away from a foolish person; you will gain no knowledge from his speech.
5. Nothing worthwhile is likely to come from being in the presence of foolish people, so we should seek out the company of wise and godly people instead.
L. There’s an excellent Old Testament example of this principle found in 1 Kings 12.
1. After the wise, old King Solomon died, his son, Rehoboam ascended the throne of Israel.
2. Shortly after his coronation, a large delegation of Israelites, led by Jereboam, approached him with a plea and a promise.
a. They asked him to lighten the harsh load of service that King Solomon had placed on them.
b. They promised that if he lightened the load, then they would serve him.
3. King Solomon had engaged in massive building programs that had taken a toll on his people and on their resources, so the people were hoping for something better from the new administration.
4. Reheboam sent them away while he spent three days gathering the advice of counselors.
a. The “old men, who had stood before Solomon his father,” advised him to listen to the people and ease up on their burdens in order to gain their loyalty.
b. But his friends who were his own age advised just the opposite: that he should let the people know that they hadn’t seen anything yet, and that he should say: “Although my father burdened you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with barbed whips.” (vs. 11)
5. Rehoboam followed the advice of his young friends and in response, Jereboam led a rebellion of the majority of the people, who broke away and established a rival kingdom in the north and the kingdoms remained divided until each of them went into separate exiles.
6. We know that this turn of events was ultimately God’s doing in order to carry out God’s discipline that He had prophesied.
7. But it is still a good example of someone taking the wrong advice.
a. Rehoboam refused to listen to wise people and chose to follow the advice of his foolish friends which led to disaster.
8. There’s no question about it: whether you’re a king or a kid, your friends will exert a powerful influence on you and will shape your life for good or ill.
M. Let’s end with this illustration:
1. I have been a fan of most of the Indiana Jones films, including the most recent one (I didn’t care much for the second film in the series).
2. But do you remember that scene near the end of the 3rd movie, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when Dr. Jones had finally managed to enter the chamber where the “Holy Grail” (the cup from which Jesus supposedly drank at the Last Supper) had been hidden for centuries?
3. There he encountered an old knight who had been left in charge.
4. Before the knight could reveal to Jones which of the many cups in the room was actually the one he was seeking, they were interrupted by the Nazi sympathizer who wanted the cup for its supposed magical powers.
5. Scanning the array of cups, most of which were beautiful and ornate, he seized the most beautiful, most elaborately adorned one, and drank from a fountain which, along with the cup, was supposed to give eternal life.
6. Well, rather than living forever, he began to age at warp speed until he disintegrated into a pile of dust.
7. Looking on with a deadpan expression, the ancient knight responded, “He chose...poorly.”
a. It’s such an understatement that it’s impossible not to laugh at it.
8. But here’s the point: we will have many opportunities in life to choose friends who will lift us up and help us become a better person or to choose those who will turn our lives in directions that neither we nor God want it to go.
9. Let’s be sure we don’t “choose poorly” when it comes to our friends! Amen? Amen!
10. Proverbs implores us to choose our friends wisely and promises that he who walks with the wise becomes wise.
N. I want to encourage all of us to take a look at who our closest friends are and to ask ourselves: are my closest friends wise and godly people who will help me get to heaven?
1. If not, the we need to limit their influence on us, and try with God’s help to lead them in the right direction.
2. I would also encourage us to build stronger friendships with wise and godly people.
3. Of course, the most important friend we need to have is a close friendship with Jesus.
a. Jesus is the perfect friend who will always be there for us.
b. And, Jesus will always lead us in the right way.
4. If you haven’t yet become a friend and follower of Jesus, then I hope you will today.
Resources:
• Don’t Be Dumb! The Wisdom of Proverbs for Today, by James T. (Tommy) South
