Relationship series #2
Shaping the Family
Good morning everyone, glad to have you join us as we continue in our series “Relationships”
Really the Bible is far from silent on how we connect and the plan God has laid out for us being in a relationship and how we connect not only to others but also the dynamics of a godly family.
Remember last week I set a foundation that if our relationship with the Lord was not strong that it will affect all other relationships we are in.
He is the rock that we build all of our connections upon.
The first and most important relationship is with Him.
We also established from God’s word that there has to be an authority that we stand on to set our moral compass.
As a believer, we stand on the word of God that has already been spoken to us and we base our relationships upon what He said.
You have someone that does not believe the word of God as authority and I will show you someone that does not care what God has to say about connections and relationships.
I stand on the word of God
I trust the word of God
I am obedient to God’s Word and His direction.
If someone is standing on their own opinion and only their feelings, anytime the word goes against their thoughts or feeling, they will be combative.
Because it is their authority instead of the Lords.
The word of God is my guide!
My perspective, purpose and my meaning in life will line up with the authority of His word so that when He speaks into our lives we have a point of reference.
We can make sure we have not taken a side road that will take us away from Him instead of closer to Him.
When our paths cross with the Lord and there is an intersection, we will make sure that we are listening and not missing what He has for us.
So again we have to go to Scripture and find out what the shaping of the family is suppose to look like.
Matthew 19:8 Jesus points us towards marriage as being male/female, one flesh union “From the beginning”
The Scripture also says that sexual intimacy is to occur between a man and a woman who are married and they will begin to have a family.
In the scriptures, a family is begun by a man and a woman leaving their parents and cleaving to each other in marriage and starting a family as Christ is the head of that family.
Genesis 2:24- “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh”
Leave and cleave-
Leave the umbrella of your parents protection and support and move into a new relationship with each other.
Cleave- means to “stick to or join with”
So right from the garden, man was supposed to leave his father and mother and cleave to his spouse. It was designed from the beginning to be a man and a woman that constitutes a godly and upright family.
We see that God instituted the family and we quickly messed it up after the fall.
Adam and Eve with blame game after each eating the forbidden fruit-
Cain killing his brother-
Abraham could not have children with Sarai, so Abraham and Sarai had a great idea that he would lay with Hagar to have a child. We all know how well that went and learn quick what a blended family looks like and the challenges that come with it.
King David as Shepherd/King/ liar/murderer
What we won’t do to cover up bad decisions in wrong relationships.
God desires for us to have the right family dynamics and wants us to have a strong family under his leadership and his guidance.
So we are going to look at some ways we can have a stronger family under the direction of the Lord.
Deuteronomy 6:3-9 Read from Bible
You want to have a strong family! Teach the word of God to your family.
You want the blessing of God, you need God in your life!
Teach your kids, live the life that has been instructed to us
Have reminders for yourself of the goodness and greatness of the God that you serve.
This world is trying desperately to tear down the godly family the way God intended it to be and how we can be blessed with His presence.
His desire is for us to raise our children both husband and wife together with the reverence and guidance of God’s word active in our lives.
Everywhere we go, the Lord desires to go with us.
Work
School
Entertainment
If you go, He desires to be involved in it and that it would line up with his word.
Definition of a strong family comes from scripture
Love God with all your heart and love for others like God loves us.
It takes work! It is not each giving 50% it is both giving 100%.
Strong family
Starts with two godly parents devoted to him and wanting to raise their kids under the Lordship of Christ.
To be consistent- talking to each other and coming to the kids in unity of decision.
Don’t just tell them what is needed, live it out and show them what is needed.
You don’t just send your kids to church, you bring your kids to church.
Good listener (2 ears and one mouth) more listening and less talking.
It is two sided with one authority. God’s Word.
They may not always want to communicate but communication is a key with your children.
We are not their best friends, we are their parents.
God did not call you to be their best friend, He called you to be their parents.
Discipline
I know times are changing and now there is a punishment called time out, we had knocked out.
I am not advocating abuse, spanking is biblical discipline.
If you don’t believe in that, as a couple come up with a plan of discipline that is consistent.
They need to know the boundaries and what the consequences are when they abuse the boundaries.
Never discipline when your anger is out of control.
It is when you say and do things that you can never take back.
Once it is out of your mouth, it can never be taken back…only prayerfully forgiven at some point.
Your children must see parents that love each other and respect each other. Parents always fighting with each other do not build a base of security for their children.
Don’t play favorites
Rising up a smarter one to the others as criticism.
Beauty to the point of making others inferior in the family.
Living your life through your kids-
I was so active in sports all my life and one of my kids at an early age was not going to follow the love of baseball as I did and thanked me years later as an adult that I did not force him into sports because it was my thing and not his thing.
I did make him finish what he started
Whatever dream you had for yourself is not to be forced on a child so you get a second chance at it.
Admit when you make a mistake
My kids are raised, there is a lot of things if I could do over again I would.
One thing would to tell them when I really blew it and ask for forgiveness.
Ask forgiveness when needed
There is an order of the family to follow/ paragraph break says instructions for a Christian household
Ephesians 5:21-31 read from the bible
There is a reason I started at verse 21 and not 22- because of the key phrase that we submit to one another out of the reverence for Christ!
There is a big word in that text that society today is not thrilled with- “submit” people do not like to submit to anything or anyone because they have been told that it is all about them so they do not like to think that someone would have any authority over them.
So let’s start with men being the head of the family- Someone has to be the final decision maker on anything that requires a vote- if no one is in charge then no one is in charge- pun intended.
It is an awesome responsibility for the man to be the head of the house. His family’s physical and spiritual wellbeing is under his responsibility.
Before you think that means that everyone is to treat you like a king and have no say in the matter…that is not true because as head of the house they are to love their spouse like Christ loves the church and Christ died for the church and for people.
There is great sacrifice to be made for the family.
In that submission, what woman on the planet would not be submitted to a man that loved them like Jesus, always had their best interest at mind and loved their kids like that!
What women wouldn’t welcome the fact of not feeling rejected but loved with an everlasting love like Jesus?
Praying together
Set the example- be reading and praying and include them as family devotions on a regular basis.
It is important to you, make it important to them.
I know schedules are crazy but put in those schedule times to pray as a family.
How many families today do not have a prayer time or a time of even sitting at the table to eat together?
Get together so God has a seed planted, so with watering, He can grow that seed into something amazing!
Private devotions, public devotions, corporate devotions
By yourself, with your family and with your church family.
Reading the word together
Don’t wait till you die and your kids get your bible to find out what your favorite verses were highlighted in your bible.
Tell them and show them your favorites and what God’s word spoke to you when you highlighted it.
Going to church as a family
Dropping your kids off to church and not going with them is not the example you want to show them. What you say to them is church and your relationship with the Lord is not as important as things going on in your life.
If you don’t invest in them, they will find someone to invest in them and most of the time it will not be for the good.
In church, you have an opportunity to share with them how they should manage money.
You can show them the importance of sharing the blessing God gives you with tithing back into the kingdom.
That God has given you all so that you can give back a portion and be kingdom minded.
You have an opportunity to show being grateful and kind to those who are less fortunate and teach your children to give back and be a cheerful giver of resources and talents.
In church you can be taught to discourage criticism and ripping people apart and stepping on people to rise up in the corporate world.
In the church as a corporate family you are able to handle some of the hard questions of life.
You are able to find mentors for yourself and for the kids to be raised with the reverence for the Lord.
The church is a place where biblical truth is taught and practiced.
Society says drinking is a part of being social
There are a lot of sipping saints who have no problem agreeing with Paul when he said to have a drink for medicinal purposes.
You cannot share one good reason for taking a drug that causes many not all to do wrong things.
A drug taken by others that effects other people because of decisions other people make.
Many families have been destroyed physically and emotional because of occasional drinking that has gotten out of hand and turned dangerous for innocent people.
You lose credibility when you tell your children how bad something is and then do it yourself. “Do as a I say not as I do” is bad theology of parenting. .
It is probably not a good idea to tell your college age kid what you did in college that was destructive- some things should be kept to yourself.
Close
Your relationship with the Lord will effect and be a factor in the decisions you make in your relationships.
Finding a spouse and treating your spouse.
How you will raise your kids and the values you will instill in their lives.
You are shaping their lives wither you know it or not- positive or negative.
Paul tells us
“Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
Everyone of us should be praying that we are shaping our families under the Lordship of Christ.
Prayer-
