It will be exciting to welcome your new Pastor! How you view pastoral ministry has been influenced by all the ministers you’ve known. We see ministry through the lens of past experiences, good and bad. Hopefully we see ministry through the teachings of Scripture. My aim is to offer some advice on how to relate to your next pastor.
>The Pastoral Epistles offer insight into the character of godly pastors, to include 4 important qualities from our Epistle reading…
Spiritual maturity--The pastor is “not a new convert;” he has ample preparation and some experience.
Holy desire--“If any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do.” This is an earnest calling, a vocation, not merely an occupation.
Moral fitness--“He must have a good reputation with those outside the church.” We have high standards for clergy.
Pure motives--Pastors lead and care for God’s flock, not for personal gain.
Pastors are shepherds. They lead, protect, comfort, feed, correct, serve, and love their flock. They nurture their congregations with wise counsel, biblical instruction, and by demonstrating godly discipleship. However, they model pilgrimage, not perfection. They’re not just working on your sins; they’re fighting their own. They imperfectly reflect the Good Shepherd…so cut your pastor some slack! Be patient with him.
Being a Pastor is a walk in the park…Jurassic Park! Your next pastor will face some challenges and stresses unique to his calling…
• Pastors are driven to perform at peak level week-after-week. With sermons there is a self-imposed pressure to “hit a home run” every Sunday. We tend to be perfectionists, and we feel burdened to live up to (what we perceive to be) our parish’s expectations. A hard-charging pastor said, “I’d rather burn out than rust out.” Either way, you’re out! Make sure your pastor has times of rest, reflection, recreation, and renewal. He should take time for his family, go on retreats, attend conferences, be part of a local clergy support group, and every 7 years take a sabbatical.
• Pastors face the emotional burdens of ministry. When people leave the church, we take it personally. We’ve invested in their lives. Those who leave usually don’t tell us why, and they don’t give us a chance to make things right. We tend to think they left because of us (often it isn’t). We feel frustrated and we’re convinced we’ve failed. It hurts when they go to another church, and even more when they don’t go to any church.
• We measure success by the numbers, even though we shouldn’t. We’re convinced we need quantifiable results, a measurable contribution to God’s Kingdom, yet so much of what we do in ministry is intangible.
• We worry about what people think of us and we berate ourselves for not being as holy as we know we should be. We’re tempted to let sermon preparation be a replacement for devotional reading. We sometimes isolate ourselves. We often take on too much responsibility. We spend more time discouraged than encouraged. We start to think the success or failure of our church is resting on our efforts. We need to redefine success; it is a work of the Holy Spirit. We know this, but that doesn’t stop us from thinking it’s all on us. There’s always more we could be doing; it seems we never do enough. Ministry never ends.
• We struggle with competition and envy. We can’t help comparing ourselves to prominent, celebrity pastors who address large congregations, have popular pod-casts and write best-selling books. It’s hard to compete with them. Most of us will remain in humble circumstances and we must learn to be content.
• Pastors want to help everyone, but when people who don’t attend our services want baptisms, weddings, and funerals, we often feel used, as if we’re merely Religious Service Providers. And when we do comply, we usually never see these people again.
• We worry about our families. Pastors feel the weight of our calling more than they’ll ever tell you. A word of advice: don’t expect your new pastor’s wife to run the women’s group, teach Sunday School, play the piano, or whatever. Her calling is to be your pastor’s wife, period. Her role is to support and encourage him. Let her decide how involved to become. She should be free to use her abilities to serve the church, but not because she’s the pastor’s wife. She will likely have her own career. Don’t impose your expectations on her.
Hospitality can place a burden on pastor’s wives. It is a gift not everyone has. Many pastor’s wives are expected to entertain and invite people from the congregation over, especially when living in the parsonage. For clergy, home is not a shelter from the demands of ministry. We’re always on-call, 24/7. Pastors need to set boundaries to protect their families. Many pastors neglect their families because they are spending so much time helping others. How could you, as a congregation, prevent that?
Don’t expect your pastor’s children to be angels. We guide our children, but we can’t choose their friends or make responsible decisions for them. None of us can make our kids embrace a healthy lifestyle. They have personal accountability. Moral choices are their responsibility, not our’s. Pastors pray for their children, they teach them right from wrong, but them cannot make their kids believe or live for God.
• A confession: We care too much about our legacy. We need to do what we can, when and where we can, and not worry about our lasting impact. We sow seeds and trust God with the harvest, the outcome of our efforts.
• Many pastors struggle financially. Some are barely scraping by to make ends meet and have little money saved up for retirement. I know retired pastors who are living on Social Security. Most don’t have a military pension like me. Give your pastor a decent salary and benefits! We could get paid better doing something else, but we don’t want to, because ministry is a calling we love.
• Don’t expect your pastor to be a native New Englander. Churches, like towns, can be culturally cliquish, filled with people who’ve known one another for most of their lives. “Townies” are proud of their heritage and may intentionally or unintentionally ostracize those who haven’t lived in their town all their lives. Churches should want to help outsiders to fit in, because in God’s Kingdom, there are no outsiders.
• Pastors tend to focus on ministry to the neglect of having a life. We rarely do any pleasure-reading. I ask ministers what novels they’ve recently read, and most admit they never read fiction. Too many pastors have no hobbies. Ministry can become an idol. The best thing I did for myself was to take up kayaking. It has made me a better pastor and a better person.
• We seldom think we’ve done enough for God and the church, that even our best isn’t good enough. We need to be faithful--period. Congregations figure the new pastor will bring new people into the church. That’s your job. Each one of you has your own sphere of influence. It may be the Garden Club, Rotary, Masons, VFW, or the local bowling league. You know people your pastor will never know. If you can recommend books, movies, and restaurants to your friends, you can recommend your church!
• Some ministers find it easy to be prophetic, but most of us find it hard to say what our people need to hear. The goal of preaching is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable! Most of us don’t want to be hard on our congregations, especially since so many come to church already beaten by the stresses of job, health, and family; yet we need to challenge our congregations. We’re trying to train the church to be Christ-like. We want what’s best for our people and God’s Kingdom.
What can you do? Pray for your pastor and his family. Offer encouragement. Invite your pastor to your home, and if possible, where you work. Give substantive feedback on his sermons, showing that you were listening. Tell your friends about him and encourage them to attend church. Offer to help, volunteer; don’t wait to be asked.
Your next pastor will have “big shoes to fill.” Yes indeed, but he’s bringing his own shoes! In the final analysis, he is accountable to the “Chief Shepherd.” Pastoral ministry is a continuation of Christ’s own ministry. Jesus wasn’t a manager, consultant, or executive; He lived with His followers in a way that transformed their lives. Your next pastor will work on establishing a ministry of presence here and in the community, sharing the light of Christ to all, to the glory of God.
Prayer: Good Shepherd, in Your providence You have already chosen the next Pastor of this congregation. Help the congregation to clearly see Your choice. Moreover, help them to support their next Pastor, to be open to his leading and teaching. A new chapter is approaching; exciting days are ahead! May the new direction of this church bring souls to Christ and develop the members as committed disciples, all for Your glory; Amen.
