I find that we all want to understand what we can do when facing what seems to be at times an onslaught against us mentally and Spiritually. This can be true for those who have dealt with the thought of not being loved, as I did as a young boy. In my situation then as my “birth Father” was never present; therefore, I thought why would God love me? This can be especially true if there were or are negative feelings, actions or thoughts that could prevent us from moving on towards wholeness. This can be evident as well for a girl who had an absent or abusive father.
There can be a darkness that seems to loom over us until we can see clearly the truth – light! In John 1:4-5 (NIV) it refers that “(4) in Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” (5) The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 12:46 says (NIV) I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in the darkness.” We may walk in darkness at times, yet there is hope we do not have to continue that path! Finally, in 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”
The first “light” was the dream I had showing me the place where my mother had left me when I was about three. Then the place in Vietnam where God stopped the natural laws of this earth to give me time to say “I do not want to go to hell, I will live a better life was about the only words I had. There are some suggestions that can be “illuminating” as your read this entire document.
It has been said, “Best to forgive and move on” and that is what I believe we all need to strive for. That is because otherwise, the past can continue to control and hold us. This truly has become my progression, and my goal is to not to let what was given to me in a dream many years ago that I was abandoned and left as a young two-year-old boy be forgotten. As well, in Vietnam when God stop all time, so I could understand that He always did and does care for and about me, is not wasted by my lack of effort or decisions. It was my new starting place, another opportunity I had to begin again to enjoy life, one I want to live better and fuller. I believe we are all looking for help or suggestions on how to be prepared for what we can do to feel loved and accepted, hopefully this article will be one that begins and continues the process.
Until I could begin to understand and be in the process of being released, I would continue to be protect myself from being hurt again! Though there were my family and friends, I could not really accept their love. Further, my thinking that God loved me was far from my thoughts as a young boy! You will read on the thought that we cannot move past our “traumas” until we face them and begin the healing process. This document is written from a “male perspective”, yet I believe it can of help to a female, as well. I want to encourage any sister, aunt, girlfriend, wife to use this to understand their “man”.
The “Church” has sought to save many, yet the teaching on being loved I believe is one can be missed by those like me! To believe He does love and want us can be a struggle, and to receive God as Father can seem to be a thought hard to believe or receive for many reasons.
In 2015, at a conference in Orlando, Florida there was a speaker who spoke on those who felt alone, this thought rocked me to my knees. My heart was pounding, and my head reeled, as I almost started to cry uncontrollably, as I will share on my “birth-dad” in Chapter One. He motioned for the people to reach-out and see if anyone needed to be ministered to. I caught myself looking at the audience and saw a young boy (Riley) being comforted by a couple of ladies, at first. I thought it best to let them console him. I started to walk towards him and had no real “plan” of what to do next.
As I looked at him and the ladies backed away, I found myself hugging him and saying, “I love you!” We seemed to connect with each other at that moment, - though I could have been his grandfather -, he replied back, “I love you too!" as he stood there smiling and seemed very happy, his mom said, “this is so new to him! He has never had this experience before!” She had no idea how this has affected me to this very day!
And just a few months ago at my local church there was a young boy at a Wednesday meeting that I walked up and spoke to him like I did before, I mentioned since his father was present that he did love him. I saw the attention he received from his dad as this was obvious to me and should have been to him. Perhaps like me he was in “darkness” that hid the truth. Maybe we all need to hear, “I LOVE YOU!”
