What does it mean to honor our parents?
Luke 2:41-52
Rev. Dr. Michael H. Koplitz
Luke 2:41 Now His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. 42 And when He became twelve, they went up there according to the custom of the Feast; 43 and as they were returning, after spending the full number of days, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. But His parents were unaware of it, 44 but supposed Him to be in the caravan, and went a day’s journey; and they began looking for Him among their relatives and acquaintances. 45 When they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem looking for Him. 46 Then, after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers. 48 When they saw Him, they were astonished; and His mother said to Him, “1Son, why have You treated us this way? Behold, Your father and I have been anxiously looking for You.” 49 And He said to them, “Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand the statement which He had made to them. 51 And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
According to the Ten Commandments, we are supposed to honor our mother and father. I was wondering what exactly that means. Well, we can interpret it and since it was written in ancient times, we should examine the ancient culture to discern the intended meaning of the Scripture. In Jesus' day, the culture said that a young person would accept the counsel and direction of their parents in the decisions that concern their lives.
If a young boy wanted to become a carpenter, he would talk to his father about such an occupation. If his father was not a carpenter, he might steer him in another direction because his father would know very little about that trade. Or his father could simply say, “let’s go talk to the local carpenter and see if we get you an apprenticeship.” When it came to following religious rituals, it would be a question that would be answered by one’s mother. Religious education was the responsibility of the father. Executing religious education, that means following the customs of the festivals, was left to the mother to explain and teach.
It is understandable to seek counsel from your parents because they’ve already lived through some things you’re about to live through. In today’s environment, it does not mean that you have to do exactly what they say. However, it is usually a good idea to listen to their thoughts on subjects because they have experience.
In this way, you're showing respect to your parents for their experience. Honoring our parents means to show them respect. However, at the same time, parents are expected to show respect to their children. Children are considered a blessing from God and should be treated that way. I hate to tell you this, but my parents saw their children as a burden and not a blessing. I honestly wonder why my parents ever had children.
Back in the 1990s, there was a show titled “Dinosaurs.” Some of you might remember this show. The dinosaurs were Muppet type characters created by Jim Henson and each episode addressed different social issues of the time. One episode that I find most interesting was that parents were required to get a license in order to have children. They would have to take training on how to raise children and would have to take a test. Naturally, during this episode, Earl, the father of the household, failed his licensing renewal exam. Eventually, he passed the test and got his renewal for his license. I remember watching this episode thinking how great it would’ve been for my parents to take such an exam and training. Needless to say you can gather from what I just said that my parents weren’t great at it.
I will say that I honor my parents because I learned from them how not to parent. There were several things that they did, which I will not discuss here, that I ensure I did not do. Warren Bennis, who was a professor and an author in leadership skills, wrote in one of his books that the best leadership lessons that we can get are by watching those who are doing it wrong. I can attest to you that many of my leadership skills came from watching bosses do it wrong.
Therefore, if you feel your parents did not honor and respect you as they should have, you can at least understand that you could be a better parent and respect your kids by not doing what your parents did to you.
Now let me say that there are some wonderful parents out there who honor and respect their children and who should be honored and respected by them. The problem I always had with this commandment was that respect and honor is something that should be earned and not automatically expected. If you want to say I should honor my parents, I will say that I honor them that they gave me life and put a roof over my head and ensured that I didn’t go hungry those first 18 years of my life. Thank you to my parents for doing that.
For my children I tried to be available to them for counsel when young and now that they are grown and have their own families. However, I will not tell them how to run their lives. I do know parents that are now called helicopter parents that have done everything for their children and the children become adults and they really don’t know how to live. They became socially awkward and find life difficult because they would not teach the skills they needed to live because the parents did everything for them.
When I was a sophomore in college, I went into the town to open a savings and checking account at a bank. I needed a way of cashing the checks that I received for the work I was doing on the campus. It was embarrassing when I had to say to the teller, who handed me some starter checks, that I did not know how to fill out a check and asked that she would please show me how. The teller was very kind and showed me how to fill out a check. This is one of those skills that my parents should have taught me. The lesson for me was that I ensured my children knew the basics of banking and certainly how to fill out a check.
What does all this have to do with Christianity? It’s actually very important because if you have children, they are going to learn about God and Jesus by watching what you do. If you are a parent that stays home on Sunday to watch pro wrestling instead of going to church and worshiping God, then you shouldn’t be surprised if your children eventually do the same thing. We have to teach our children about God and Jesus and help guide them so that they can discover the love of Christ for themselves. We need to be examples of what it means to be followers and disciples of Jesus Christ.
There are so many people in this world who say they are disciples of Jesus Christ but do not act that way. What are we teaching our children? One of the obvious things is apathy. When parents don’t attend church, then they are teaching their children that they can become baptized and never take part in the religion that they’ve sworn allegiance to.
Here’s an example from a church that I was appointed to. We had a confirmation class which I was teaching and I noticed a car would pull up to the doors of the church a couple minutes before the class started, three kids would get out of the car, and then the car would drive away. The three children came to the confirmation class while the parents went home and did whatever it is they did. At the end of the confirmation class, which by the way was on a Sunday, the car would show up in the three children would get in, and the car would drive off. The worship service for the church followed the confirmation class. Yes, it was during the Sunday school hour. So, what were these parents teaching their kids?
Why was it important to learn about Christianity in the confirmation class when they attended nothing at the church? My guess is the majority those kids are apathetic to church today. So, parents, remember your children are watching what you’re doing and seeing what value you place on God. They will honor you by following your example. Perhaps that’s the best way of saying honoring your parents. If honoring your parents is following their ways, then we have a lot of parents that need to reconsider what they’re teaching their kids on Sunday morning. So, in closing my words to the parents are what are you teaching your kids about God and Jesus?
