Marriage is a sacred relationship of mutual submission–the wife serves the husband and the husband serves the wife. Men and women are both made in God’s image and loved equally by Him, but they are also sometimes very different. Just as men are physically stronger and produce within themselves the very beginning and origins of life, so women are gentler in nurturing and are the ones in whom this precious life grows and comes to glorious fruition. The woman takes the most essential aspect of a man and fashions it into something wholly new and beautiful, pure and precious, she then presents this back to the man having added the best of herself and presents him with the most precious gift anyone has ever been able to give another–the gift of a child. There is mutual submission and teamwork in every aspect of marriage.
Yet the man Biblically commands a respect all to himself, and the woman deserves a tenderness in how she is treated, and the wife is enjoined to respect her husband who is the leader of the family, and the man is enjoined to love and cherish his wife, who is his most beautiful companion and help in this.
This determined and incredible love between one man and one woman in holy matrimony is given to all mankind as a powerful, clear, and forthright symbol of God almighty’s love for his precious bride, the church. God is not ashamed to love such lowly creatures as any man or woman who comes to him in humble submission, confesses their unworthiness, and clings to Christ alone as their savior and Lord. Marriage pictures the close, relational love God has for his own.
Just as the husband is jealous for the affection of his wife, so the Lord is desirous of our love and commitment. Just as marriage means a closeness in relationship not shared with any other, so following Christ means refusing to bow before other gods and goddesses, careers, people, money or power–for the Christian, his or her love for Christ comes before all things, and Christ loves them as his very own and claims them to Himself.
Many put off this commitment to Christ and desire to play the field, flirting with other things to love and chase after. Christ warns that if we do not cherish him above all others and willingly and publicly follow after him, then he will not claim them. He says in Matthew 10: but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.” If we want Christ to claim us as his own, we must repent of our sins and follow Christ as our Lord. It is an exclusive relationship. Marriage pictures this like nothing else can. Marriage makes this abstract truth concrete, marriage shows this, demonstrates this, points us to this.
_____________________, I charge you both to love one another as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her–Christ gave his life for his bride, and he did this for her own good, to purify her from her sins, so that he might present her to himself, holy and without blemish.
____(man)_______, this means that men will always have the burden of leadership, action, and work placed squarely on their shoulders. In the busyness of life, remember to take time to tell your wife you love her–tell her every day, believe me, she will need to hear it. I had an old country boy tell me and five other men “I told my wife I loved her once when I married her and if that ever changed that she’d be the first to know.” This man did not want to bother telling his wife that he loved her every day–after all, he worked a dangerous job, and he had other things on his mind. This is not cherishing his wife. But sometimes it is difficult to remember this.
Men have bled and died for millenia to feed their families. Nearly every house, every road, every sky-scraper, and every ship was built by men. After these painful, dangerous jobs they have come home, shaken the dust off their boots and tenderly hugged their wives. Good men seek to be tender and gentle at home; adjusting to the needs of their wives, they do things they never thought they would like buy flowers, cards, and whisper to their wives that they are the most beautiful creature they have ever seen. Learning to be tough to defend, protect and provide and yet tender to have, to hold, and to cherish is a discipline that all godly men strive for, it is something our wives need from us. It is something that takes years to learn, and is never truly perfected. Commit to growing in this difficult skill. Still, you will see that while you are both called to one purpose, you two are very different. ______(man)_____, focus on meeting your future wife’s emotional needs, and you will unlock her heart.
_____(woman)______, Christ labored to present his bride back to himself. In many ways, you will have to decide whether to reflect ____(man's)_____ strengths or his weaknesses back to him. Your power in the relationship to either assist or hinder your husband is incredible. Bring his weaknesses before your God and lay them at his feet, for you have a God who understands the frailty of men. All good and godly wives become skilled at overlooking the mistakes, fumbles, foibles, and at times downright painful actions and words of their husbands. Determine not to grow bitter or spiteful; remember to forgive one another, remember that ultimately there is no complete satisfaction in this life; remember that you have a God who sees every tear, and who knows the pain of loneliness.
Do this, while taking the good that your husband has to offer, adding the best of yourself to it, and presenting it back to him as something truly breathtaking. Know that only a wife can assist a man in this way. Be generous, selfless, and honest with your husband. Be direct, speak up, and tell the man what he needs to do and not do. Husbands need direct communication, VERY direct communication. Remember, most men most of the time are simple creatures. In fact, I have it on good authority that it can be downright frustrating how simple husbands can be. Many a woman through the years has learned she can say nearly anything to her husband after he’s been fed a warm supper. Still, you will see that while you areboth called to one purpose, you two are very different. Kayla, focus on meeting your future husband’s physical needs, and you will gain access to his deepest thoughts and feelings, they are in there, I promise!
While ceremonies are man-made, marriage is not. ____(man)_(woman)____, I see great things ahead for you both, God bless you as you embark on this journey together.
