Her late Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, once remarked: “Grief is the price we pay for love.”
These meaningful words were adapted from a passage written by Dr. Colin Murray Parkes, a psychiatrist based at St. Christopher’s Hospice in Orpington, London. Psalm 31:9-10 reminds us: “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away.”
Grief is defined as intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death. It can include a profound sense of misery or broken-heartedness. Loss of a loved one is, unfortunately, inevitable during a lifetime. There is absolutely no escape from the experience. Love not only includes a strong and close affection, but it also embraces respect and understanding. The mutual maturation that has been consummated over, perhaps many years, which is so difficult to define, becomes an inseparable bond. When that bond is suddenly broken, from whatever cause, understanding and acceptance can become insufferable.
If there has been an unresolved element of discord or friction at any time during a relationship, it is in times of grief that pain will often surface to the fore, only to be replaced by guilt or regret. Isaiah 43:1-5 reminds us: “But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.”
We should always remember that even in death, there is no such thing as a permanent goodbye, it is merely an “Au revoir,” (see you again.) A time will truly come when we are reunited with our loved ones in a very special and heavenly place, a time when we will experience a new joy in perfect conditions. A time when we will meet friends both old and new. There will be no pain or misery, laughter and fun will abound and our hearts will be full of gladness. Revelation 21:4 reminds us: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
In 1939, Dame Vera Lynn, a popular British singer and entertainer, especially during World War II, once sang these immortal words: “Let's say goodbye with a smile, dear. Just for a while dear we must part. Don't let this parting upset you, I'll not forget you, sweetheart. We'll meet again, Don't know where, Don't know when, But I know we'll meet again some sunny day. Keep smiling through, Just like you always do, 'Til the blue skies chase those dark clouds far away. And I will just say hello, To the folks that you know, Tell them you won't be long, They'll be happy to know, That as I saw you go, You were singing this song: We'll meet again, Don't know where, Don't know when, But I know we'll meet again some sunny day.” Matthew 11:28-30 reminds us: Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Grief is not only a time of sorrow, it is also one of challenge. Our mindset may have become disturbed from the recent, possibly traumatic events. Some may seek solitude and just wish to be alone, others may need the company of others to help them get through the ordeal. More than likely, if the relationship has been close, several may seek an element of comfort or consolation.
This is where God can come to the fore. Grief is a natural process, but requires support. One of the roles of the Holy Spirit is to comfort those who mourn. Isaiah 61:2 confirms: “To proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn.”
The Holy Spirit has the power to provide peace and tranquillity, even though a heart may be in turmoil. If we ask, a special sense of serenity may enter our bodies which provides its own distinctive comfort and warmth. Imperturbation may replace the extreme anxiety and stress that may have been prevalent. Julie Burchill, an English writer once remarked: "Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile." Psalm 73:26 confirms: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
To give thanks to God for a life well-lived is a natural response at a time of passing. The memories that we will treasure, the love that will have prevailed, the happy times that we may have experienced, the thoughts and hopes for a better life to come, maybe foremost in our minds and hearts. However, for some, a feeling of loneliness may remain in the sudden stillness that is experienced following the immediate events that have concluded after the loss.
Grief takes its own time to recede. It may never disappear completely. It may become a tidal emotion of flow and ebb. Death may only be a temporary separation, but it certainly leaves an indelible mark, perhaps a fear of the unknown. The state of one’s own health may enter the equation, especially if one has passed the prime of life. We need to remember that life should continue during any absence. We should make the most of it. To live a life of sorrow or sadness is not beneficial to health. To become a recluse or fade into oblivion would not be the wishes of the departed. Life is short, but needs to be lived. The process of life will inevitably take its own course, just like days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. Ecclesiastes 3:1-5 confirms: “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.”
Amen.
