“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).
A. FIVE STAGES WHEN WE DENY FORGIVENESS
1. We deny we did it and our consequences are inevitable.
2. We get angry at our problem.
3. We bargain to live beyond our consequences.
4. We become depressed because the consequences are inevitable.
5. We look forward to dying. “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).
B. FIVE STAGES OF FORGIVENESS: POWER OF FORGIVENESS BY HAROLD VAUGHAN
1. You actively and seriously pray for the person you forgive.
2. You look for a way to actively invest in the person who had hurt you.
a. Proves your sincerity.
b. You honestly accept the one who criticized you.
3. When you hear criticism about your critic, you do not rejoice or gossip, you forget it.
4. Your heart is cleansed when there is no desire to retaliate or “snap back.”
5. You honestly ask God to build positive qualities into your life because of this experience.
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15-17, NLT
C. TEN PRACTICAL STEPS ABOUT FORGIVENESS
1. Understand the nature of forgiveness:
a. It is not denying your pain.
b. Not deleting painful experiences from your memory.
c. Working up a positive feeling about the person, events.
d. Justifying your experience/attitude toward the person.
2. Understand the obligation of forgiveness:
a. Command of God, not a suggestion.
b. Your decision, not a feeling.
c. Canceling and expect nothing in return.
d. Your choice.
3. Do not pray against those who hurt you.
4. Pray for their spirituality as you forgive.
5. Ask God to forgive you for your bitterness.
6. Thank God for using a difficult/hard experience to conform you into the image of Jesus Christ.
7. Unless the other person has sought your forgiveness, informing them of your forgiveness may be unwise.
8. When bitter thoughts or hostile feelings return, immediately pray for those who have hurt you.
9. Get alone with God to list those people and events that have hurt you – those you need to forgive.
10. A decision to forgive is not a guarantee that bitter emotions and thoughts will not return. When they do, begin again praying to God.
If you have never really accepted Jesus as your personal Savior, would you do it right now? Do not delay or put it off. If you would like to receive Christ by faith, pray this simple prayer in your heart:
Dear Lord, I acknowledge that I am a sinner. I believe Jesus died for my sins on the cross, and rose again the third day. I repent of my sins. By faith I receive the Lord Jesus as my Savior. You promised to save me, and I believe You, because You are God and cannot lie. I believe right now that the Lord Jesus is my personal Savior, and that all my sins are forgiven through His precious blood. I thank You, dear Lord, for saving me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you prayed that prayer, God heard you and saved you. I personally want to welcome you to the family of God and rejoice with you.
Dr. Towns’ email is eltowns@liberty.edu.
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