2 Samuel 13 tells of the tragic story of Tamar and how wickedness destroyed her life. While it's true that Amnon was the one who committed such a horrible crime, there was someone else at the epicenter that isn't alked about nearly enough. Jonadab is that friend NOBODY wants to have because he supports you when you're doing the wrong thing. You see, Amnon was the son of King David. He was going to take the throne when David died. But Amnon didn't get the chance because he took advice from the sly, crafty Jonadab.
What happened was Amnon found himself in love with his half-sister Tamar, but it was forbidden for half-siblings to be together like that. Amnon decided to confide in Jonadab after he noticed Amnon was getting thinner. Amnon's obsession with Tamar was literally making him sick. Instead of reminding Amnon what the book of Leviticus says about forbidden relationships, Jonadab told Amnon to play a trick on Tamar to get her alone with him. He told Amnon to pretend he was sick and to request Tamar to come to his room and prepare food in his sight.
King David passes the request to Tamar and she goes to her brother's house intending to help him get better. When Tamar placed the cakes before Amnon, he refused to eat. Amnon sends everyone out of the room except for Tamar. Amnon then asks Tamar to bring the food into his bedroom so he could eat from her hand. Tamar had no idea what Amnon was requesting was that of a sexual predator. Sexual predators know exactly what to do and say to trick their victims into a vulnerable situation. Amnon made his request for Tamar to sleep with him, but she said no. She reminded him of the disgrace that would come upon both of them. She even said he could talk to the king about having her. But he didn't listen.
Amnon raped Tamar and in a fit of extreme hatred, threw her out of his room. Because virginity was seen as priceless back then, Tamar was seen as damaged goods, unvaluable, trash. That meant that she could never marry, never have children. No prince was willing to have a non-virgin as his wife. She had to live her life as a widow all the days of her life. Amnon ruined her life, but Tamar didn't know that it was originally Jonadab's idea. Regardless, Amnon didn't have to follow that wicked advice.
As for Amnon, his brother Absalom had him murdered two years later. If you're wondering where Jonadab was during this time, he was there. In fact, he was the one who told King David that Amnon was dead. Even more messed up, it's been implied that Jonadab KNEW that Absalom was going to have Amnon murdered and he DID NOTHING to stop it. So as you can see, Jonadab was probably the worst of the worst when it comes to friends. In fact, Jonadab was NOT Amnon's friend. A true friend would have said, "Amnon, that is your half-sister. You know you can't touch her. It's a sin against God. If you do this thing, you will not only destroy her life, but you will be executed. You as the prince can have any woman that you want. Let us go to God and ask for His help. Let us talk to your father King David about what to do about this. Let us go to Nathan the prophet for wisdom."
So how do you know you have a Jonadab in your life? When you were behaving badly, did people support or enable your bad behavior and lifestyle? Did they say it was okay that you were doing those bad things? When you were hurting the people around you, did your friends HELP you do those bad things? When you said you would NEVER forgive that person who angered you, did the people around you say it was okay to have unforgiveness in your heart even though Jesus said in order for you to be forgiven you have to forgive others?
Here's another one. When someone made the decision to humiliate another, did anybody step up to that person and say, "No! Don't do this! Don't damage the life and reputation of someone who loves you." "Wait, before you do this thing, think about the damage you're about to cause!" Or did they say, "Yeah! Let's run this person through the mud! Let's crush this person to the point where they never rise again!" By the way, that person who got crushed was never given the opportunity to defend themselves and was immediately judged, found guilty, and executed socially and was never the same after that. Their lives were ruined, their mental state crushed, they became like Tamar; a desolate person. People who act like this are NOT friends at all. A true friend wouldn't help you do the wrong thing. A true friend wouldn't help you destroy someone else. A true friend would do everything possible to stop you from destroying yourself and others. After all, 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character."
