Have you ever been mad at God?
I have.
I became a Christian in my 30’s, which is a little unusual. Quite a number of people recommit in their middle years, as they start looking around and wondering what it’s all about, but they were usually raised at least nominally Christian, while I was taught to think of faith as a crutch for the inadequate. Which it is, of course, but that’s another sermon. So God really had to hit me hard to wake me up, and I resented it.
It happened like this. In my personal life a long-standing relationship broke up, while at work I got a promotion and a transfer. My new boss was not only a Christian, he had gone to seminary and really knew his stuff. We soon found ourselves arguing theology, and I started rethinking my former poor opinion of Christianity. It looked like maybe being born again wasn’t just a last resort for drug addicts and alcoholics after all. In the meantime, having spent about a year with the personal ads going out with at least one new man a week, I began to get serious about one of them - who was a Christian. He started talking marriage, and I realized that I would have to come to terms with this Jesus stuff if we were going to go any further. So when I asked myself the big question, I understood that I had been looking for God all my life and that if Jesus really was “the way, the truth and the life” [Jn 14:6] as my friend had told me over pizza and beer the previous night, then I wanted Jesus.
No sooner had I come to that realization than my guy decided he wasn’t ready for a new relationship, sold his business, and moved to California. I was FURIOUS. At God. I spent the winter yelling at him, accusing him of bait-and switch tactics, kicking and screaming and crying “It’s not fair!” And finally I went to church - the one my friend had gone to, since I had liked what he told me of the pastor there, and the rest is history.
I did eventually figure out that if God hadn’t removed Bob from my life I would probably have confused the two in my mind, and never really gotten clear about which one I really loved. And I really did want God more. But once I had that figured out, I thought, why couldn’t I have both? Surely God could see how mature and well-balanced I had become, and reward me appropriately.
But he didn’t. I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and I resented it. I knew I was behaving badly, but I didn’t seem to be able to help it. And the more I sulked, the more I worried about whether or not God was going to give up on me. And the more I worried, the less I trusted, and - well, you can see it was not a shining moment on my spiritual journey. And then I discovered Jonah.
Now, most people think that the book of Jonah is a book about a reluctant evangelist being chased down, chastised by the boss and given one last chance to make good. And I suppose it is, really. But what spoke to me at that moment in my life was the last chapter.
Because, you see, when we read Scripture there’s always more than one layer of meaning, and more than one angle at which you can approach the story. God is very efficient - he can cram an awful lot of lessons into a fairly short space. We can choose to look at Jonah, and in so doing understand more about ourselves, or we can accept as given that we’re a whole lot more like Jonah than we want to admit, and turn around and look at God instead.
There are three ways people tend to be like Jonah. Listen and consider which one is most like you. First, Jonah ran in the opposite direction when God called him to Nineveh. Have you ever run away from God’s call on your life? Second, Jonah wanted bad people to be punished, not saved. The Ninevites were about as nasty a crew as you could ask for, and they were Israel’s enemies. Jonah had reason to dislike them. But God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, and his ways are not our ways, are they? [Is 55:8] Does there lurk in your heart somewhere the conviction that some people are more worthy of God’s redeeming love than others? And third - Do you resent it when God takes away your comforts? Jonah was delighted when God caused the vine to grow up and give him shade. I’ll bet he thought he deserved it, after all, he had gone and preached to the Ninevites, hadn’t he, God got what he wanted, why did he have to go and pull the rug out from under Jonah again?
Well, Jonah certainly wasn’t exactly a spiritual giant. But whether or not we want to emulate him, I suspect that we do, more often than not. Maybe your particular failing isn’t one that Jonah illustrates. Maybe you’ve never run away, or felt a sense of satisfaction when somebody got their just desserts, or resented it when things didn’t go your way. But you’ve got your failings, just as I have mine. We’re all human, aren’t we, some of us more so than others. And sometimes perhaps you get stuck in a place you can’t seem to change, and you may wonder if God isn’t fed up with your bad attitude and getting ready to teach you a lesson.
That’s where I was, feeling - and acting - like a 2-year-old in a tantrum, when I read Jonah 4.
Listen to the conversation. Jonah says, “I told you so, God! I knew what was going to happen, I told you I didn’t want to do it, and you made me, and it’s not fair! You’re supposed to be so just and righteous and they’re going to get away with murder, and you don’t even care! Why should I bother trying to be good if this is what you’re going to be like?” And what does God say in return? “I’m the God and you’re the creature and you better shut up and do what you’re told or you’ll be sorry”? No. God is patient. Calmly he encourages Jonah to reconsider. “Is it right for you to be angry?” he asks in verse 4.
But Jonah’s not ready to listen to reason. He wants to nurse his grievance, encourage and feed it until it overflows. So he sits down on a hill overlooking Nineveh, to watch the city NOT get destroyed, and prove to himself how right he was and how wrong God was. He puts up a sort of lean-to made out what little vegetation is available. And what does God do next? He’s nice to Jonah! He makes a leafy plant grow up to provide shade for Jonah so that he doesn’t hurt himself during his tantrum. I can’t help but compare it to a Mom bringing juice to her kid in the tree house after he’s just said, “I hate you! You’re mean!” and stalked off to sulk.
God gives Jonah the night to think it over, there in his little shelter on the hill. And the next morning, the bush withers, and the sun begins to shine, and a hot wind blows up from the desert, and Jonah is not only stewing, he’s now baking as well. “It’s not fair!” he tells God. “You’re not fair! I did what you told me to, what more do you want? Now on top of letting them live, you’re taking away my shade! Whaddya want from me, anyhow?” And God says a second time, “Is it right for you to be angry?” [v9]
Now, the lesson that God is in the middle of teaching Jonah about caring for people even when they don’t deserve it. But it’s his teaching methods that I want us to focus on, not the course content.
And the method is one of infinite patience. As long as we are in dialogue with God, the relationship isn’t broken. We can sulk, we can shout, we can question, we can whine, but we cannot drive God away. Look at the Psalms. Every emotion you can imagine is in there on display for us, as the Psalmists brings their all of their thoughts - even the negative ones, the pain and anger and frustration - before God.
Some kids learn to hide their emotions at an early age; they learn that strong emotions are unacceptable, that it’s not safe to show their anger or fear or pain. And that carries over into their relationship with God. They hide the negative feelings, to render their prayers acceptable to God, as if God weren’t strong enough to handle it. But there is NOTHING we can do to drive God away. The only thing that can break the relationship is if we turn our backs and walk away.
If the relationship is going to grow, though, we do have to let go of the resentment and listen to God. The text does not tell us, but I assume - because I’m basically an optimist, and besides, even though Jonah had a bad attitude, he really was God’s servant - I assume that Jonah eventually listened to God and understood at last that God’s agenda was a whole lot more beautiful and good than Jonah’s limited vision had been able to imagine.
Just so do we - if we are secretly harboring a resentment against God - need to take a breath, and listen, and trust God. Because he always has something in mind that is greater and more beautiful than what we wanted, even when we can’t understand it quite yet. What are the disappointments in your life that you are dealing with? Are you secretly - or perhaps not so secretly - sulking because you’re not getting what you wanted? Or because something good has been taken out of your life? Or because someone else is getting something they don’t deserve?
Stop and listen to God. Argue with him all you want - but listen. Object, disagree, throw things, kick the walls if you need to, but listen. Because he will never stop trying to get through to you, and he will never give up on you, and he will never stop loving you. Not ever.
