Intro
Last week we introduced the subject of self-awareness. Self-awareness is a fact of life. God made us in such a way that we are aware of self, aware of our interaction with God, aware of our interaction with other people, and aware of our interaction with our environment.
The self-awareness in humans is at a higher level than that of an animal. An animal is aware of his environment, at some level he is aware of his interaction with other animals including his own species, but he does not have the spiritual equipment for awareness of a relationship with God. When God made man in his own image, he gave him an inner sense of moral accountability. Animals do not have this capacity. They may respond at correction from a human, but it is simply for their own self-preservation. They simply obey to avoid punishment or gain reward. They do not respond out of a sense of moral accountability to the Creator.
So, we begin today with the simple fact of self-awareness in the human makeup.
In last week’s message, we addressed the world’s solution for what is generally called low self-esteem. We identified some of the ways the popular self-esteem movement violates biblical truth. Humanist psychologists have developed their teaching on self-esteem. Some Christian leaders have incorporated their philosophies into their Bible teaching and have produced a Gospel of Self-Esteem. We have suggested that this teaching can be very misleading because it cannot be reconciled with biblical revelation.
Not everyone who uses the term self-esteem is preaching the Gospel of Self-Esteem. Esteem in this context simply means “the regard in which one is held.”i “Self-esteem” is a commonly used English term. The Gospel of Self-Esteem incorporates philosophies taught by Rogers and other secular psychologists and turns the focus from Christ to self. In the Gospel of Self-Esteem emphasis is on feelings rather than truth, and faith shifts from Christ and his transforming discipleship path to faith in myself and in my worth. Just because a person uses the term self-esteem does not mean they have bought into the humanistic thinking promoted by secular psychologists.
Having cautioned against those errors, we realized a need to address, at least briefly, what the Bible teaching about managing our self-awareness. We all want to feel good about ourselves. When we are thinking right about who we are and what we are doing, we are generally more effective in life and people are more affirming in their response to us. There is nothing wrong in wanting to have a healthy self-awareness. Our contention with the Gospel of Self-Esteem revolves around how we attain that.
What do we do when we don’t feel affirmed about ourselves? How is a problem of low self-esteem resolved biblically? WebMD says, “Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence about who they are and what they can do. They often feel incompetent, unloved, or inadequate.”ii
The focus tends to be on these FEELINGS of incompetence and inadequacy. A problem with the world’s solution is that they target the feelings without adequately dealing with truth.
They generally understand that feelings are a product of thoughts. So, they correctly counsel people to managing the feelings by managing the thoughts. But their advice does not anchor solutions in biblical truth. Therefore, they tend to treat the feelings (symptom) rather than the source of the problem. If I am in wrong relationship with God, my problem is sin and rebellion. I have to deal with that in order to find a lasting solution. I can’t just find ways to think more highly of myself. I have to repent and get my relationship with God right.
Every good doctor knows that just treating symptoms is an inadequate way to practice medicine. The symptoms provide clues as to what may be wrong. But the doctor must prob deeper, perhaps have lab work done or x-rays to discover what is causing those symptoms. He does not just treat the symptoms. He discovers what is causing those symptoms, treats that problem, and as a result, the negative symptoms subside.
It could easily take a whole book to deal with the subject we have embraced this morning. Our goal is to at least give some guidance from Scripture on how we proceed toward enjoying healthy self-awareness. We will address three biblical truths that will help us move in the right direction toward that objective.
1. SEEK THE TRUTH, RATHER THAN A FEELING.
The solution must begin with the truth. In John 8:32 Jesus said, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”iii He did not say, “you shall feel better, and those positive emotions will set you free.” God has provided truth in his word that enables us to make sound objective decisions about life. If we start there, we can get to a positive end result.
If we start with emotions, we are following an unreliable guide. Proverbs 18:2 warns, “A fool has no delight in understanding [based on truth], But in expressing his own heart.” He is drawing from his own heart, his own opinions, rather than receiving counsel from God’s word. Proverbs 12:15 also cautions against drawing wisdom from self, rather than heeding God’s counsel. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise.” He looks inside himself for his answers. But Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” You can look within over and over and fail to find the real self; fail to really know who you are. That is only discovered as we look into the mirror of God’s word and embrace the revelation God shows us through that mirror (James 1:23).
Our understanding of self can only be discovered in relationship with God. Through creation and redemption, our identity is found in him. As we interact with him spirit-to-Spirit we learn more about who we are and our purpose. Through the revelation in God’s word, we see all this more clearly. Psalm 119:105: “Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.” Of course, to follow that light, we must interact with that word; we must study it the way we are doing today; we must allow it to speak into our lives. In the process of knowing it, we not only come to know God better, but we also understand ourselves better.
Psalm 36 talks about the blessings enjoyed by those who follow after the Lord. Verse 8 says, “They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.” God can satisfy you with the river of his pleasures—pleasures enjoyed in the Holy Spirt. And you can “feel” very good as a result of that. But the next verse informs us on how to discover and enjoy this fountain of joy and happiness. Listen carefully to what is said in verse 9: “For with You is the fountain of life [notice it is not found in self; with You (in that relationship) is the fountain of life]. Then comes the key to experiencing all this blessing, contentment, and satisfaction: “In Your light we see light.” Young’s Literal Translation says, “A lamp to my foot [is] Thy word, And a light to my path.” The Voice translates it: “Your word is a lamp for my steps; it lights the path before me.” God has revealed truth in his word. That truth provides guidance if we will follow it. The guidance is not found in Roger’s inner honing devise as discussed in the previous message. The inner self is not an adequate guide. We need God and the truth he has revealed in his word. Chasing a “feeling” is like chasing the wind. You can never get ahold of it as a reliable source of guidance. So, we must proceed under this first key principle: Seek the truth, rather than a feeling.
2. SEEK GOD, RATHER THAN SELF.
A fundamental flaw in the Self-Esteem Gospel is its focus on self. The thrust of New Testament Christianity is to get you focused on God and loving others as you already love yourself. Salvation is not just a change of legal standing before God because of the cross.iv It is that. But it is more. It is also a deliverance from self-absorption. Turn your eyes from self to God. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus Look full in his wonderful face And the things of earth will grow strangely dim In the light of his glory and grace.”
Is there biblical authority for that admonition? The idea permeates the New Testament. For example, Hebrews 12:1-2 gives this instruction:
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus [looking where? Looking unto Jesus], the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
The passage concludes with a reminder of the exaltation that Christ experienced as a result of his willingness to humble himself and selflessly give himself to the will of the Father and for the wellbeing of others. It is a reminder of the pathway to glory exemplified by Jesus (Phil. 2:5-11). Does Hebrews 12:2 tell us to look inside at self in search of a way to feel good about ourselves? Where is the focus in that verse? Our orientation in life should be: “Looking unto Jesus.” A life lived “looking unto Jesus,” esteeming him—that orientation eventually ends in esteem from God. And that is the ultimate answer to the self-esteem issue.
Proverbs 25:27 sheds light on this subject: “It is not good to eat much honey; So to seek one's own glory is not glory.”v The Gospel of Self-Esteem focuses on seeking one’s own glory—finding something in me that I can glory in, and therefore, feel good about myself. Paradoxically, it is when I seek to glorify God that God will affirm me and I will have the inner assurance that I crave and need. That sense of affirmation is not found by drawing a circle around myself and look there for affirmation. It is found in relationship. It is found in the right relationship with God and secondly in the right relationship with others. It is enjoyed, not my loving myself more, but by loving God with all my heart and loving my neighbor as myself.
The principle that we are expounding from Scripture is that we would: Seek God, rather than self. Seek him as the source of your affirmation! The biblical path that Jesus gave in the Beatitudes leads to glory. It will ultimately result in affirmation from God. And when you have affirmation from God, you have it from the most reliable source possible. You do not have to pump it up within yourself. You simply receive it from him.
Imagine the affirmation Daniel experienced when God spoke to him through the angel in chapter 10 of his book. Daniel is encountering God in a vision and feeling extremely weak. Then in verse 18 the messenger of the Lord touched him and strengthened him. Verse 19: “And he said, ‘O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes, be strong!”” Which would you rather have: convincing yourself of value, or God telling you that you are “greatly beloved”? Believe me, that latter will have far greater impact and that affirmation from God will last much longer. If you will turn your attention from self to God; if you will seek his glory and not your own, he will give you all the affirmation you need.
It will come at the right time for your personal development. There is a time to be affirmed, and there is a time to be corrected. There is a time to humble oneself, and there is a time for God to exalt us. The pathway to biblical affirmation goes down in the valley first, then to the mountain top. It begins with a revelation of oneself that produces humility.
What was Jesus’s first beatitude: “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” To be poor in spirit we must see our own inadequacy. We must know our own moral bankruptcy. We must come to the end of ourself and realize that in me, in my flesh, dwells no good thing (Rom. 7:18). The Gospel of Self-Esteem rejects that altogether. No, I have to think good thoughts about myself. I can’t look at my inadequacies. That will produce negative feelings.
The first two beatitudes of Christ are upside down and wrong to the natural mind. “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” The esteem junkie does not want to mourn over his unfaithfulness to God. He does not want to take a hard look at his sin and repent. The pathway of the self-love movement avoids such valleys and tries to go up the mountain some other way. But Jesus said, “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted” (Matt. 23:12). We can accept that paradoxical truth or we can reject it. But the principle prevails for everyone.
Ecclesiastes 3 begins with the statement: “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.” Verse 4 says, “A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance.” There is a time to mourn over our sins. That cannot be avoided. There are times when God shows us our shortcomings so that we can cooperate with his sanctification process. Typically, we must go down to the house of mourning before we are ready to go up to the place of affirmation and celebration. 1 Peter 5:6: “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time.” The Bible has much more to say about us humbling ourselves than to say we must develop more self-esteem. But the point I am making is this: If we will humble ourselves and seek God, he will exalt us in due time. He will affirm us through our relationship with him. So, this second principle is to: Seek God, rather than self.
3. BECOME OCCUPIED WITH YOUR ASSIGNMENT FROM GOD, RATHER THAN YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT YOURSELF.
Chaucer is credited with the statement, “Idleness is the devil’s workshop.” He had said something like, “Idle hands are the devil’s tools.”vi The statement is not in the Bible, but the truth is taught there. The church at Thessalonica was having a number of problems because of people who were idle. Paul issued corrections that essentially said, “Get up and get to work.”
In 2 Thessalonians 3:10 he even issued this command: “If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.” That’s pretty strong. In the next two verses he wrote, “For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. 12 Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread.” So, in this case the idleness was foundational to people being busybodies in other people’s business. Paul’s solution was not just that they stop being a busybody. He went deeper than that. He told them to go to work!
To be psychologically healthy, we must be giving ourselves to accomplishing something meaningful. Paradise for Adam was not just laying on a cloud like some people lay on the couch. God gave him a job to do. He was to take care of the Garden of Eden (Gen. 2:15). The perfect environment is not one in which there is nothing to do.
Heaven will be full of activity, and you will have meaningful work to do. The element of the curse will be removed from the work dynamic. The toil and frustration of work did not enter the process until after Adam sinned (Gen. 3:17-19). And Revelation 22:3 tells us the curse will be removed in the New Heaven and New Earth. But meaningful work is not only a blessing, it is a necessity for psychological health. We need goals that matter. And God has given us that in his word. We must simply put our hands to the plow and be about our Father’s business.
Many of those who struggle with low self-esteem are in that mental state because they are not giving themselves to God’s assignment for their lives. When people are idle, they have time to examine themselves and examine themselves and examine themselves. They see every flaw and pimple in their soul. They look inside for affirmation, but what they see is plenty of cause for despair. The more they focus on themselves, the more despondent they become.
If they will embrace God assignment, they will be too busy to do that. The first responder who is desperately trying to save a person’s life is not concern about the pimple on his face or the style of his own hairdo. He has something far more pressing to deal with. And every Christ has something for more pressing that even physical life and death. It is the eternal destiny of souls.
Jesus gave us a goal in the Great Commission. There is plenty to do for you and me. I must discover my part in that and do you. You must discover what God has assigned to you and be about your Father’s business.
Instead of looking inside to find self-esteem, look up to God and ask, “Lord, what do you want me to do?” (Acts 9:6). That was Paul’s question when he encountered Christ on the road to Damascus. Did God give Paul something to do? The man was so busy, he had no time for all that self-absorption. He was preoccupied with the task God had given him to do.
Listen to what he said in Philippians 3:12-14: “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Paul did not live in vain regrets. He was not focused on his own past sins or the past sins of others. He knew how to forgive his abusers and move on. He was not spending his time in one therapy session after another talking about his childhood and the struggles associated with that. No, no. Paul had a forward look. He was pressing toward a goal.
What goals are you pressing toward? Are they God-given goals? If so, then press. We are at the time of the Jewish New Year. It is a time for making sure we are on track with God’s plan for our lives. Have you lost focus somewhere along the way? Are you still pressing to “apprehend that for which God apprehended” you? Believe me; God has an assignment for you, and you will find amazing affirmation in simply giving yourself to that.
Remember what Jesus said in John 4:34. He told his disciples, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.” I get my sustenance in doing the work the Father has given me to do. He immediately followed that up with direction concerning the work those disciples were to do. John 4: John 4:35-36:
“Do you not say, 'There are still four months and then comes the harvest'? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already white for harvest! 36 And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for eternal life, that both he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.” The rejoicing is not found in mental gymnastics trying to build self-esteem. The rejoicing comes in finishing the work God gives you to do.
Paul was anticipating and even experiencing some of that rejoicing when he came to the end of his life. Listen to his sense of personal esteem in 2 Timothy 4:6-8:
“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.”
When we do the will of God, he gives the affirmation needed. Think about the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30. In that story, a man (we might think in terms of an employer)
entrusted each of the three employees with resources to work with and increase his kingdom. The first one was entrusted with 5 talents, and he doubled that through hard work. The second one was given 2 talents and through diligent trading, he doubled his resources. The third one took the one talent he was entrusted with and simply buried it producing no increase.
Of those three, which ones were esteemed by the employer? Matt 25:20-21: “So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying, 'Lord, you delivered to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.' 21 His lord said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.'” Would it be affirming to hear the Lord say to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That kind of word from the Lord solves self-esteem problems. But notice two things: (1) The servant was diligent about the work his master gave him to do. (2) The affirmation was not self-generated; it came from the Lord. The second employee had less to work with but was just as diligent. Therefore, he received a similar affirmation.
What about the servant who did not use his one talent to bring increase. Verses 24-25 says, “Then he who had received the one talent came and said, 'Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.'” Instead of facing his fears and doing the job he was given to do, he followed the line of least resistance. Instead of working with the resources he was given and producing something meaningful, he just hid the talent.
As I read the rest of the story, think about the issues of self-image and self-esteem. “But his lord answered and said to him, 'You wicked and lazy servant [Did you notice that word lazy. It was a significant part of his problem], you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. 27 So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. 28 So take the talent from him, and give it to him who has ten talents [That wouldn’t do much for a person’s self-esteem. Jesus continued:]. 29 'For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. 30 And cast the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'”
In the end, this man had good cause for low self-esteem. He had not done his duty. He did not receive affirmation from his Lord. When we study the Bible, we find that our affirmation needs to come from the Lord, not from ourselves. It flows out of diligent faithfulness to the assignments God gives us. It is not produced by looking inside ourselves trying to feel better about ourselves. Esteem in the Bible is founded on objective reality, not just subjective feelings.
At the end of his life, Paul felt good about himself because he knew in his heart that he had done what he was supposed to do. Additionally, he knew that was only possible by the grace of God. In 1 Corinthians 15:10 he said, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” Because he attributed his success to the work of God in his life, he did not boast in himself, but in the Lord. He could feel good about himself without becoming prideful.
There is much more that could be said about our subject. We could talk about the value of a pure conscience. The conscience is the self-reporting device that God has put in us. It's not a perfect reflection of the truth, but it alerts people to moral accountability. A complete study in self-awareness would include significant teaching about conscience. We could talk a lot about the discipline of our thought life in maintaining a healthy self-awareness. Satan is the accuser, and he will plant thoughts in your mind accusing you and belittling you. We have to learn how to identify those as his lies and cast them down. In this message, we cannot deal with all that.
What we have addressed today is three key principles for enjoying a healthy self-awareness.
1. Seek the truth, rather than a feeling.
2. Seek God, rather than self.
3. Become occupied with your assignment from God, rather than your feelings about yourself.
ENDNOTES:
i Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 10th ed. Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster, Inc., 1993(), 397.
ii Smitha Bhandari, WebMD. Accessed at https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-low-self-esteem.
iii All Scripture quotes are from the New King James Version unless indicated otherwise.
iv We can be thankful for the Protestant Reformation for its emphasis on forensic theology. But we must embrace the whole counsel of God, including scriptures addressing character transformation.
v Cf. John 7:18; 8:50.
vi “IDLE HANDS ARE THE DEVIL’S TOOLS,” THEIDIOMS.COM. Accessed at https://www.theidioms.com/idle-hands-are-the-devils-tools/.
