In the Same Way
A study through Peter July 16th 2023
A young child was attending their very first wedding. Sitting by his mom, the boy took in all the sights and sounds. Leaning toward her, the child asked ‘Why does the bride wear all-white?’ To which she answered her son, ‘Well dear, white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’ Thinking about this for a few moments, the young boy again leaned over to ask his mother a second question, ‘So why is the groom wearing black?’
A husband was told by the marriage counsellor to try and be nice to his wife. One day he comes home from work. He’s dressed up in a suit, he has cologne on, he has a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy in his hands. He’s trying to make a good impression. The wife says, “Oh, I can’t believe it! Little Johnny has been throwing up; the dishwasher just broke; your parents are coming to visit this weekend and to top it all off, you come home drunk!”
Marriages should be happy relationships; and in a perfect world all the relationships we have would be, really. It would be great if all of us could say that we have a good relationship with our spouse, our family, our boss, our employees and our friends and neighbours. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we never had a disagreement, or perish the thought, an argument? And further to that perfect scenario would be if we all had the same faith in God and we never fought over how or who or what we should worship…wouldn’t that be just perfect?
Sadly though, we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. This is a world where we do tend to get into arguments and fights and power struggles over everything from the family finances to the colour of the paint in the bedroom and what to do with our vacation time. Yes, we do have troubles, but that does not mean that we don’t have hope. We may not see eye to eye on everything, but that does not mean we have to go to war over every time we have a disagreement.
I wonder what it is like for the angels in heaven who don’t HAVE marriages? I wonder what they must think of the way we relate to each other as human beings, created in the image of God? Today, we’ll continue our walk through 1 Peter and look at how God explains marriage relationships and how we can also tie that into our other relationships as well.
Turn in your Bible to 1 Peter 3:1-7. (I’m reading the ESV)
Wives and Husbands
Likewise (or in the same way…), wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise (or in the same way…), husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
The first thing that jumps out at many people in this passage is that little phrase ‘be subject to’ or ‘submit’, or ‘be submissive’. People can get hung up in that and lose the intention of what is being said. Again, remember to always take a passage of scripture in context; the context of the letter, the book, other books written by the author, and the bible as a whole. Don’t just pull out one word or phrase and then have your mindset locked by that one thought. That will only lead to confusion, misunderstanding, and perhaps even limit your faith.
Why does Peter tell wives to be submissive to their husbands? It is so that by the actions of his wife, a husband who has not put his trust in the Lord Jesus Christ may be led to do just that, and be saved! How often have you heard it said that you can never ‘argue’ someone into the kingdom of heaven? Oh, you can drag your kids to church, and maybe your husband too, if you’re strong enough, or threaten them enough, but what good will it do if all they see of your faith is a desire for them to spend an hour with you in a place that they don’t want to be in at all?
A husband was woken by his wife shaking him out of his slumber and telling him that he has got to get up and get ready, it’s time for church. ‘Not today dear, I don’t wanna go.’ Come on dear, get moving. ‘No, it’s the same people, the same songs, and the messages aren’t really that interesting.’ ‘But dear,’ she said, ‘you have to go, you’re the pastor!’
It’s true that likely no wife, and likely no one, will ever be able to win a fight with their spouse or anyone else over their belief or non-belief in God, and their need to put their trust in Him. A fight is never a good way to get our way. But…if a woman wants to have a powerful testimony to her husband about what a relationship with God should be like, then the best thing to do is to simply live a life that exemplifies what it is to BE a Christian.
The phrase I love in this passage is ‘won without a word’ Isn’t that beautiful? Why use a bunch of words, especially in a way that seems argumentative, to tell someone about Jesus when our actions will speak louder and more clearly than anything we could ever say? By living a life that shows that having a relationship with God actually makes a positive difference in your everyday life, that will speak volumes to a man who may not hear so well with his ears, but whose eyes will see the difference that God has made in your life.
A husband, or a wife for that matter, CAN be won over to faith in Christ without someone constantly preaching at them day after day, year after year, that they have got to give their heart to Jesus. That could simply lead to them saying that they HAVE done so, just to make the nagging stop! A heart truly given to God is given so willingly, not forcibly. A person must WANT to give their life to Christ, otherwise it won’t really mean anything to them. They will simply have gone through the motions.
A submissive wife is a great example of what it means to submit to others. The phrase, ‘likewise’ or ‘in the same way’ is used twice in this passage. The same way as what, as Whom?
The instructions just before this portion of the letter was in relation to submitting to authority… The same way as Jesus did. The same way as HE submitted to being human and submitting to the suffering He took at the hands of people without complaining or arguing. The same way He forgave us for our sin, is the example we are to follow in being submissive to one another. It’s the example of His life that we are to follow to the best of our ability.
Yes, we are going to make mistakes. Yes, we are imperfect, but there is no one else but Christ on whom we should base our lives. He is our Lord and Master, the ultimate authority. And the same way in which he longs for all to come to faith in God is the same way a Christian wife of an unbelieving husband should long for him to come to faith too.
It may take a long time; some guys are stubborn after all. But the patient and persistent prayers and actions of a loving wife will have an impact, an eternal impact, on the life of their husband. Don’t give up on him. Or if it is a wife who has not yet put her trust in Christ, don’t give up on her. Keep on believing, keep on praying, keep on living the life that God has given you to live. Live each day exemplifying what it means to be a follower of Christ. Read your bible at the table. Pray before meal time. Pray about decisions to be made. Pray for your family. Love your neighbours. Keep inviting them to church or home group or other activities with other Christians. Just don’t give up on them.
Real love between husband and wife is that which seeks to have their spouse in a right relationship with Jesus as being more important than the one they have with each other.
Seeing each other having a great relationship with Christ is as important as having a good relationship as husband and wife. That is a beautiful marriage!
Peter also talks about the real beauty of a wife. This world is very quick to judge a person on their outward appearance. It’s said that within the first few seconds of meeting someone for the first time, we decide on whether we like them or not based on the way they LOOK. How sad that is. We could never really know someone in a few moments, or even a few minutes or hours. It takes a great deal of time to really know someone, because we have to get to know who a person is on the inside, not just the outside.
This is especially true of relationships of friends and even more so of marriages. Love at first sight is simply not possible because someone may be really good-looking on the outside, but really horrible on the inside. Lust at first sight, now that is more probable. Men and women can be affected by how someone looks on the outside, but what should really drive our emotions is what a person is like on the inside. Peter does not say here that a woman should NOT wear her hair in braids, or put on a nice dress or some jewellery. But he does say that women should not rely on these things to make them beautiful.
What is truly beautiful is a woman who has a heart of gold, is dressed with the holiness of God, and has the inner beauty of a gentle spirit. A woman who is overly outspoken, rude, self-righteous and carries a ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude all the time is not very pretty on the inside. She can be dressed to the nines, smell so fine, and may look ‘all that’ on the outside, but if the inside of the house is a mess, that will eventually come out for all to see.
It’s what’s on the inside that really matters. And if Jesus is inside, then she is truly lovely, and that can only be discovered by getting to know who she is, and perhaps WHOSE she is.
In verse 7, Peter now addresses the husbands. Again, he uses the phrase ‘likewise’ or ‘in the same way’. With Christ as our example, husbands are to love and respect their wife. They are to do so in an understanding way. How many men would say they understand their wife? If we don’t, then we haven’t been very much like Christ, who knows her perfectly, have we? How often do men just consider their own thoughts and feelings when making a decision? How often do we consider what our wives think about what we should do with the tax refund this year? How often do we consider a woman’s thoughts and feelings about housework, yard work, raising children, our job, their job, where we live, who we spend time with, how much time we spend with them, and on and on we could go…
Do we truly respect our wife? She’s intelligent. She’s smart…maybe smarter than us? Probably smarter in many areas! They may be the weaker partner as Peter says, but that’s only a physical thing, usually. There are some guys whose wife could whoop them good in a wrestling match!
There are men out there though who take great advantage of their physical strength over their wives and beat them physically, and emotionally. That is not only disrespectful; it is a sign of that man’s weakness. A husband who lashes out physically against his wife only shows that he does not know how to deal with a disagreement which is likely only a disagreement because he isn’t getting his way…sad, dangerous, and something that must be dealt with and stopped immediately if it exists in your marriage.
Why does God put men and women together in marriage; because together, we share life. We are heirs, or co-heirs of the gracious gift of life. That life is found in Christ. The life Jesus gave He gave for men and women, husbands and wives, boys and girls, all loved just the same, all forgiven just the same. We are all made one in Christ. God even said that the two become one.
We read in the last part of this verse a warning. A warning that if we are not considerate with our wives, if we do not respect them and love them the way God does, then the ears of heaven will not listen to our prayers. If we want God to listen to us, then we better listen to what God has to say. And God says a lot about loving each other with respect and honour.
Listen to Ephesians 5:22-33:
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)
Marriage is a very special relationship; one in which a man and woman spend a lifetime getting to know each other on the inside. It is a picture of how Christ loves us, His creation. Jesus wants us to get to know Him better with each day. And to do that, we must spend time with Him, praying, reading the Word, and living the life He calls us to live.
Christ was willing to give up His life for us. And in the same way, husbands and wives give up their own life in order to live life together as one. This is the great illustration, the great mystery of marriage. It is a picture of Christ and the Church, and if it is lived with Christ as the true head, it really is the best relationship we can experience on earth.
