CONTROL FREAK
Have you ever known someone who could have this label attached to them? People who feel they have to control you, the situation; everything? There are people who like to micromanage things. There are people who get very upset if you don't take their advice. People who have a tantrum when things don't go according to plan? What makes us behave this way? What's at the heart of being a control freak? You may be thinking of someone you believe really needs to hear this sermon but we should consider that just because we may not be a 'control freak' that doesn't mean we don't have any control issues.
1) Pride and fear.
Having a desire to control isn't altogether bad. Keeping things in order is beneficial; otherwise you have chaos. Being uncontrolled leads to poor decisions leading to more uncontrolled behavior. Take away structure and discipline and we will get ourselves into precarious situations. Being neat and orderly and self-controlled are safeguards for us and reduces stress and anxiety. But we can take being neat and orderly to an extreme.
Think of those who have OCD: obsessive compulsive disorder. They take being neat and orderly to an unhealthy level. Nothing can be out of place; nothing can have a speck of dirt on it. The irony is they are controlled by their desire to keep everything controlled. Their attempt at reducing stress and anxiety by making sure everything is how they want it only increases stress and anxiety.
The Mayo clinic, "OCD features a pattern of unwanted thoughts and fears that lead you to do repetitive behaviors. These obsessions and compulsions interfere with daily activities and cause significant distress." The goal would be to bring it down to a healthy level. Be neat and orderly but not obsessive about it. To get to the place where I can allow something to be out of place without the compulsion to fix it now or else I won't be able to concentrate on anything else.
I need to train my brain to see it in a healthy, realistic light. If something is not in its right place or if something isn't spotless I don't have to panic; it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean I'm a slob or that my life is out of control. As I continued to read about OCD, the word fear came into play many times.
When I leave I go back to make sure I turned off the stove or locked the door. There's nothing wrong with doing that once but with OCD I'll do that multiple times. Fear. I'm so afraid of germs I won't shake hands with anyone and I find myself washing my hands so many times my skin is raw. Fear. Fear is one of the main causes of our control issues.
One of our issues is that we've convinced ourselves that being controlling is a good thing. This is important to me and I care so much about this-that's why I'm making sure everything is the way it should be. So, when someone says, 'don't worry; it will all work out' we dismiss it as being naive, apathetic and uncaring. We look at those who are laid back and able to take everything in stride as foolish people who don't have a plan and are not taking things seriously enough.
Then there's the pride factor. Pride tells me that if I don't control it then it won't work. Pride tells me the only way it will get done right is if I do it. Or, if I'm willing to delegate I'll micromanage to make sure the person follows my orders to the T.
Part of the reason I do this is I put it all on my shoulders to where I believe if everything doesn't go perfectly I'm a failure. So we guard ourselves from those feelings. We attack those who don't do it our way because we need to protect ourselves from suffering those devastating disappointments. And that is an indication of my fear. My obsessive control indicates I'm afraid things won't turn out well; and I can't handle that.
Somewhere along the way you had an expectation of someone or something and you were let down hard. Or maybe there was a time you got in trouble for how badly something turned out. So, you became determined to not let that happen again. Consciously or subconsciously, you figured the best way to prevent a negative outcome was to make sure you controlled the things and people who were important to you. If everyone does what I say no one will get hurt; including me.
The answer to disappointments in life isn't to do a better job at controlling everything in life, the answer is learning to accept the things that happen in life without letting those things define us and change us for the worse. When the disappointments in life cause me to become more controlling then I have been changed for the worse.
What do I gain from being controlling? Do I really get what I want? Am I happy? Am I satisfied? Does being controlling of people keep them close to me or does it push them away? There a quote that goes, "Control attempts to quiet our fear and navigate us through life's uncertainties. But it doesn't have that kind of power. Control is simply an illusion that is unable to deliver what it promises. Only God can quiet our fears." Bringing us to the answer for our control issues.
2) Jesus' control.
The answer to our problem with control is to come under Jesus' control. Matt. 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I could hear the crowd saying, "You had me at 'give you rest' but then you lost me at 'take my yoke upon you'. We're already under the Romans' control now you want us to come under your control too? I thought you were going to reduce our burden; not add to it."
We need to see how being under the control of Jesus lessens our burdens. Being under Jesus' control means we don't have to have everything figured out; we don't need to have all the answers. Being a controlling person requires us to know everything to be able to keep everything under control. We have to know what's going to happen at all times; we have to understand and counter every possible scenario. How much pressure does that put us under?!
Jesus reduces our burdens by telling us that we don't need to have everything under control. He would tell us we could never have everything under control. So our attempts to control everything will always ultimately fail no matter how hard we try.
Jesus tells us to give it to him. And we can trust him to handle it. But when we 'take back control' we are telling Jesus we trust ourselves more than him. What am I afraid will happen if I let go and let God? If my fear is that God won't handle it like I would then I have a problem with God's wisdom.
One of the ironies with being controlling is we think it brings peace but in reality it brings instability. If I bring everything and everyone under control there will be peace. The only way we can have true peace is to receive the peace Jesus gives. John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
When we try to control things we're not at peace; our hearts are troubled and we're afraid. But when we realize that the peace Jesus gives us can be there, despite our circumstances then we will realize I don't need to feel I need to control everything in order to be at peace. I can be at peace even if there's chaos all around me. Only by being under the control of Jesus can I accomplish that.
Col. 1:16-17, "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." If we really take this in, we won't have a problem giving Jesus control because we would realize how much he has everything under control.
Jer. 17:7-10, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve."
My heart deceives me into thinking I don't have control issues or if I do they're justified. I need God to examine me to reveal the truth. We're blessed when we trust in God's ability to handle it. We can place our confidence in his control because he will always lead us in the right direction.
3) Self-control.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. If we're going to be a control freak, let it be a self-control freak.
Prov. 25:28, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." When we lose self-control we make ourselves vulnerable and open ourselves up to further attack from Satan.
We need to have control over our emotions. Prov. 29:11, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Satan will give us plenty of opportunities to give full vent to our anger. We need to be under self-control or else we will say and do things that we'll regret.
We need to have control over our desires too. Not just in resisting the temptation to sin, but also in resisting the temptation to over-do it; whether it's eating too much, spending too much or spending too much time doing something. We need to have balance and right priorities in order to have healthy lives. Self-control plays a big role in that.
1 Pet. 5:6-9, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."
It starts with humility. Control freak-pride. Self-control freak-humility. Control freak-anxiety; self-control freak-give our anxieties to God. Control freak-warped care; self-control freak-recognizes how much God cares. Control freak-the devil will consume me; self-control freak-keeps the devil from devouring me.
Resisting the urge to be controlling allows me to stand firm in the faith. Knowing that I'm not alone in this fight helps me to reach out and accept help instead of thinking I have to handle it on my own. So, instead of thinking I need to be in control in order for everything to turn out right, let's come under Jesus' control and hand our concerns over to him to be led and directed by him.
