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1 Peter 3:1-4
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
After talking about the importance of us submitting to government authorities and to employers, Peter then turns his attention to marriage, and talks about the importance of submission in marriage. He begins by addressing the wives, and reminds them to be submissive to their own husbands. This one verse, taken out of context has been the cause for domestic violence, where husbands abuse their wives, and tend to justify it as well, quoting this verse on submission. Let’s look at that in detail a little later.
The reason Peter says that the wife is to submit to her own husband is because God, who instituted marriage, designed it in such a way that the leader (head) of the home is the husband. Here again, the word ‘head’ is often misunderstood. Every team needs a leader, and in the amazing team of marriage, the husband is supposed to be the leader. When a wife submits to her husband who is a responsible, wise, caring, loving leader, then the home can run smoothly, and can be a reflection of the love that God intended for marriage to demonstrate.
He goes on to say something that is once again an oft misunderstood verse in the church today. I’m sure the church Peter was writing to, understood what he meant better than we do today. Back in the day, there were wives who came to faith in Christ from non-Christian backgrounds, and their husbands would still have been unbelievers. This means that there would have been a clash between both of them in areas pertaining to their belief about God, in their values, morals, identity, purpose of living, etc. It is these women that Peter encourages to live a life that so reflects Christ, so that their lifestyle might win their unbelieving husbands over to the Christian faith.
Today this verse if oft misunderstood to mean that a believing woman can marry an unbelieving man, with the hope of winning her husband to the Lord thereafter. There’s no room for that in Christian marriage. The Apostle Paul warns us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. While this verse can be applied to any binding relationship with unbelievers, one of the main relationships it applies to, is marriage, as there’ll be clashes galore if this were to happen. In fact, instead of one drawing their unbelieving husband to the faith, the opposite could easily happen, and the woman can be drawn away from her faith in Christ; not forgetting the confusion that the children will face, seeing their parents practicing two different faiths in the home.
So when we look at this verse in this context, we understand that Peter is addressing women, who were initially unbelievers, along with their husbands, but perhaps came to faith in Christ. He’s telling these women to do all they can to live in such a way to help bring their husbands to the faith as well.
He suggests that their conduct be chaste or pure. He adds another quality that wives need to possess towards their husbands – fear. Here the word, ‘fear’ does not refer to being scared of the husband, but rather being respectful toward him. Let’s remember here that before the wife gives her husband respect, it’s important that the husband first respects his wife, and does not ill-treat her, disrespect or abuse her in any way. All too often we see situations in families where husbands abuse their wives in more ways than one, and then demand respect from their wives; that’s not the way it was meant to be.
He goes on to remind wives to not let their beauty be only external, limited to the way they do their hair or the wearing of gold or expensive clothing. Take note that he is not speaking against arranging your hair, wearing of gold or dressing well, but rather saying that one’s beauty should not stem from these things, because that does not reflect the true inner beauty of a person. He goes on to say that beauty should stem from within; from the heart, which is the seat of all desires and motives, and from which stem attitudes, thoughts, intents, words, actions and reactions. If there’s inner beauty, it will be reflected in the way one’s life is lived. He goes on to further explain what he means by inner beauty – a gentle and quiet spirit, as opposed to a rude and haughty spirit. Peter goes on to say that such an attitude by a wife is precious (valuable/esteemed) in the sight of God.
1 Peter 3:5-7
5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Peter then goes on to remind the believing women that the women in times of old adorned themselves with such submissive attitudes towards their own husbands, rather than focusing on the adorning themselves with ornaments of external beauty. He then mentions the name of Abraham’s wife Sarah who was herself submissive to Abraham, and who even referred to him as ‘lord,’ not that she worshipped him as God, but respected him highly. He concludes this thought by saying that those women who do good, and are not terrified of their husbands will prove that they are children of Sarah. Women are not supposed to be scared of their husbands, which means that men are not supposed to strike terror or fear in the hearts of their wives either.
Peter then turns his attention to the husbands. He begins with the word, “likewise,” meaning that he has something to say to the husbands as well. He was not going to preach only to the women. The first thing he tells husbands to do is to live with their wives with understanding. So often we men want to be understood by our wives, but here Peter suggests the opposite. We need to take the time and effort to try and understand our wives’ point of view; the angle they’re coming from; their perspective.
The second thing he asks us men to do, is to give honour to our wives – another thing we so often demand, and yet are so unwilling or hesitant to give. In fact, honouring is far greater than respecting, and that’s what we’ve been called to do – honour our wives. He then gives a reason why we should honour our wives – because they are weaker than us. This verse too is often misunderstood. Peter is not saying that women are weaker intellectually or emotionally – we know that’s not true. He’s talking about them being weaker than men physically. This does not mean that a husband boasts in his superior physical strength, but is a reminder that extra care and concern should be shown to his wife, seeing she is the weaker vessel. I like the word, ‘vessel,’ Peter uses to describe both the husband and wife. A vessel is used to contain something, and even so, a husband and a wife both equally contain the precious grace (gift) of eternal life.
Peter goes on to say that both are heirs of this gift of eternal life, meaning that with regard to receiving God’s gift, no one is superior – both have received God’s grace equally and are therefore equal in God’s sight. That’s why Paul said in Galatians 3:26-28, “For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” What Paul was saying is the same thing Peter is saying here – when it comes to receiving God’s gracious gift of salvation, it’s available to all people alike – Jew, Gentile, Slave, Free, Male and Female alike – we are all one in Christ Jesus.
Peter then concludes this section to husbands by giving a reason why it’s important that we respect our wives and treat them with love and care as the weaker vessel. He says that if we don’t do this, then our prayers will be hindered. This may not be a very popular teaching today, but it does seem that this is certainly a cause for the prayers of many a husband being unanswered.
So often there’s the emphasis to wives to submit to their husbands, with little or no teaching to the husbands about respecting, honouring, loving and caring for their wives, but we fail to realize that it’s unfair to expect a wife to submit to an irresponsible, abusive, uncaring, disrespectful husband. So let’s we as husbands do all we can to love our wives, care for them, honour them, respect them and help them in every possible way, because this is God’s will (desire) for us.
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