HOW TO EVALUATE LOVE ACCORDING TO THE SCRIPTURES INSTEAD OF HUMAN STANDARDS
One evening while appearing on CNN's Larry King Live, Jack Kemp, the honorable congressman from New York, made an insightful comment about the reactionary religious right when he said, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!" A book about how to overcome feelings of fear and anger would be incomplete without a description of Paul's teachings on love in I Corinthians 13. Perfect love is able to cast away fear, anger or anything hindering communications. One day when I was waiting in a hospital, the Lord taught me how to overcome misunderstandings of His will through a little Nigerian boy named Nuhu.
As I sat waiting for a blood test in a hospital in Nigeria, I noticed a small little boy sitting next to me. I asked him "What is your name?" He said in a muffled tone, "Nuhu." I could see that the little fellow was very afraid of having his blood taken for the first time. When the nurse appeared in her white uniform, something strange happened to Nuhu. He turned and look at me with trembling lips shook his head and said, "Waiyo" - which in the Hausa language means 'I am a goner! There is no hope for me. I will probably end up dead in a few short minutes. Even God cannot save me now!'
As I sat there watching little Nuhu walk into the lab with the nurse holding his hand I thought, that is the way most people view their relationship with God. When the Lord calls them through adversity, sickness or some set-back, they immediately think, "Oh No! What have I done to deserve this? God is really going to punish me now."
Many people seem to fear God in unhealthy ways. Perhaps, they do not know that God allows things to come into their lives with their best interests in mind. When people really know the Lord, they understand that He allows hardships for their good so that He can give the treatment they need. He wants us to become more like Jesus. His ways are higher than our ways and His thought are higher than our thoughts. He works in ways we cannot see. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I know the plans that I have for you. Plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a great future and hope!" It does not please God to watch us quiver with fear at the thought of having to approach Him with a complicated problem. Instead, He wants us to reverently respect Him, love Him and follow Him as our caring Shepherd. He knows how to lead us through any wilderness experience. Only love helps us overcome the enemy within our own sinful nature.
From the following list, try to note the comparisons and contrasts of love that apply to your relationships
WHAT LOVE IS WHAT LOVE IS NOT
1. Love is long-suffering - Love is an uncommon force that copes with suffering. By enduring the pain, sorrow and anger we are exhibiting God's unconditional love. People who are mature in love endure the pain of selfish, critical and immature scoffers.
1. Love is not in a Hurry - Love's long-suffering or patience does not accept evil or adopt an attitude of resignation that becomes fatalistic. Love is not blind to abuse, sin, or ignorance, but knows how to speak the truth with a love that accomplishes God's purposes. Love does not naively accept suffering without finding out the lessons that God wants us to learn through our adversity. Love is not judgmental in rushing to criticize someone based upon our own set of assumptions and expectations.
2. Love is Kind - Love is considerate, benevolent, and gentle to people. Love is kind even to the unkind. Kindness freely accepts another and seeks their good regardless of what one can get in return. Kindness even dares to be weak by identifying with people in their pain, problems and weaknesses. Kindness looks for a way to enhance, heal, and help people regardless of who they are. Kindness is not gushy, but is intelligent and tough when necessary. Kindness works with wisdom in a structure of justice and fairness according to the given realities. Kindness encourages the faint-hearted, helps the weak, and is patient with everyone. Kindness looks for a way of being constructive in every situation. Kindness is gentle even to those who are harsh and unsympathetic. Kindness knows how to speak in healing voice tones.
2. Love is not Mean or Apathetic - Love's kindness is not weakness in the face of overwhelming difficulties. It does not give in when pressured. This kindness is not naïve or gullible accepting whatever anyone says. Kindness does not take the attitude that one must be kind just to maintain relationships. Love's kindness does not sacrifice essential ethical principles. Kindness is not sentimentality that deals only with one's emotions. Kindness is not ashamed to weep with those who weep or rejoice with those who rejoice. Kindness is not content with those who say, "Let's avoid any kind of controversy and go along for the sake of harmony. Kindness is not selfish with a motive that expects favors in return. Kindness is not unwilling to dish out tough discipline if it is the best way to bring about healing and maturity. Kindness does not condemn others because of one's own moral code.
3. Love is a Commitment to God and His People - An unconditional love pledges its loyalty, devotion and allegiance to be faithful and true. Love does not vary with the wind of circumstances, moods, or difficulties. Love faithfully serves in good times and bad times. Love restricts its own actions so as not to hinder the fulfilling of one's stated commitments. Love's commitment seeks to involve people according to their level of maturity and desire. Commitment overcomes feelings of irritation because of a deeper sense of loyalty to a person and their shared goals.
3. Love is not Jealous - Jealousy is a fear of losing someone or something. You know someone is jealous when they are afraid of losing their "rights". A jealous person is suspicious of others for fear they may take away something important. Jealous people are intolerant of anyone who seems to be disloyal to one's supposed allegiances. A jealous person is watchful for anyone or anything that might be a rival.
4. Love is Poised - Love is balanced. Love is not proud. Love is not shy. Love gives a person a healthy self-esteem. Love has the ability to keep things in perspective. Love does not let the microscopic or the macroscopic issues overshadow one another. Love knows when to stand firm and when to be flexible. Love is balanced. Love is able to say "No" because a request does not fit into one's God- given purpose. Love has discernment in understanding the cause and effect of each difficulty. Love is humble enough to seek godly counsel on important decisions. Love knows how to relate its strengths to others in ways that brings blessings to all.
4. Love is Not Boastful or Arrogant - Love does not demand its own way, its own rights or its own cultural expectations. Love is not overbearing and proud. Love recognizes that f reely we have received from God, therefore, freely we should give. Love does not look for ways to grab power, control and authority. Love is not eager to advance one's position. Love does not lord one's power over people for the sake of demonstrating authority. Love is not obsessed with control. Love does not try to look good to try to impress others. Love is not rude. Love does not put people down in order to look good. Love is not too proud to admit one's shortcomings, deficiencies or sins.
5. Love is Unselfish - Love seeks God's plans in order to accomplish all aspects of God's will. Love is willing to sacrifice one's right, desires and human expectations for the sake of His Kingdom and His righteousness. Love is an unselfish concern that freely seeks others' good. Love is the power that moves us to serve others regardless of whether they can reciprocate. Love resists the human tendency to seek everything that would be pleasing to one's individual desires. Love recognizes the emptiness of self-love without the love of Christ. Love goes beyond a self-centered perspective to appreciate the concerns of others and empathize with their pain. Love is willing to deny one's selfish interests in carrying our cross. Love follows the footprints of Jesus.
5. Love Does not Seek Its Own Rights - Love waits for God to gracious give each person what they need according to His plans, processes and powers. Love prompts us to forgo one's claim to human rights. Love is willing to pass up one's chances for success for God's greater will. Love knows the best ways and occasions to seek justice for the greater good of God's people and purposes. Love knows the best ways to see God's will done with the gifts, abilities and resources He has entrusted to our care. Love knows the best way to teach truth in a way that others will understand. Love does not try to force other people to surrender their rights, but leaves that job to the convicting of the Holy Spirit. Love does not sacrifice human rights for the sake of maintaining one's standing or position. Love knows the best way, time and method to surrender one's rights. Love knows the best ways to exercise God's self-denying love that will work in harmony with justice, truth and grace.
6. Love is Self-Sacrificing - Love is willing to take up one's own cross daily and follow Christ in all aspects of life. Love is the power that moves us to seek others and their best interests. Love for oneself is not masochistic, but seeks to develop Christ in our thinking, attitudes, and actions. Love for one's self seeks to develop all of God's given potentials within the parameters of His will. The goal of love is to work toward the complete transformation of our mind, will and emotions into the image of Christ. In essence, love says, "Father in heaven. Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come in qualitative and quantitative ways. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
6. Love Does Not Seek Its Own Self- Love is not interested in building one's own kingdom and standards for righteousness. Love does not put selfish ambitions above the love toward God and one's neighbors. Love does not set up self-development as an idol. Love does not idolize success. Love does not try to take away individual freedom. Love does not expend its energies for one's own self-aggrandizement. Love does not denigrate one's abilities, physical characteristics or weaknesses. Love does not give in to depression when others encourage self-pity or feelings of victimization. Love does not try to accomplish God's will through human rules, regulations and processes. Love is not so critical that a person despairs of trying to progress toward maturity. Love is not condemning of others' efforts to improve themselves in a way that the Holy Spirit leads.
7. Love is Calm - One who loves is able to rest in the love of God knowing that all is well. Love enables one to be tranquil, peaceful, and serene in the knowledge that God is in the heavens and He will do whatever He pleases. Love does not get agitated when it is provoked. Love follows the proverb, "A harsh word stirs up anger, but a soft answer turns away wrath." (Proverbs 15:1) Love helps a person remain confident in the face of overwhelming odds. Love rests assured in the power of God's love to overcome any difficulty. . Love overlooks another's fault. Love meets our deepest needs so we do not give into the temptations. Love allows us to speak in a calm tone of voice that communicates power under control. Love reduces frustration because the one who loves has the serenity to accept the things he cannot change, the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference. Love increases our gratitude to God for everything we have. Love appreciates the terrible problems we have escaped through His grace. Love overlooks a fault and does not hold grudges. Love turns feelings of hurt, anger and fear over to the Lord.
7. Love is Not Irritable - Love is not easily annoyed. Love is not overly sensitive. Love does not quickly take offense. Love does not return evil for evil. Love does not look at interruptions as a nuisance as much as an opportunity to serve. Love does not let little things irritate one emotionally to a point of losing one's balanced perspective. Love does not let anger cloud one's sense of judgment. Love does not let anger control their reactions when they are tired, discouraged or pressured. Love does not give in to feelings of fear, threats or intimidation. Love is not upset when a personal right seems to be taken away. Love does not act out of hostility or angry aggression. . Love does not try to justify oneself in the eyes of others. Love does not let frustrations result in efforts to vindicate oneself. Love does not try to disguise its irritability with silence and pouting. Love is not resentful about something that could have worked out but didn't. Love does not let grumblers, complainers or cynics turn one in to a sullen person. Love is not incessantly pessimistic. Love does not let anger cloud the lens of our perspectives.
8. Love hates Evil - Love hates sin while continuing to love the sinner. Love dislikes anything that happens to hurt people needlessly. Love equally abhors moral, social, physical, emotional, economic and spiritual evil. Love recognizes that evil is caused by the sin in the world, human sinful natures and the devil. Love recognizes that a strong love for God is the best remedy for loving the world. Love recognizes that worshipping anything less than God is idolatry. Love recognizes that rejoicing in other peoples' sin is a subtle expression of self-righteousness. Love only rejoices when evil is destroyed. Love has eyes to apply the healing of God's care. Love demonstrates a confident security in difficulties because one's life is focused on the eternal and that which cannot be taken away. Love put God's kingdom and purposes as the priority.
8. Love does not take delight in sordid sin - Love does not relish in other people's downfalls, sexual indiscretions or human failings. Love may regret evil but it does not rejoice in what trouble evil has caused around the world. Love does not become happy when an opponent suffers the consequences of sin. Love does not philosophically accept that evil is necessary in order for people to appreciate God's goodness. Love does not have to understand all of the aspects of evil before resisting it. Love is not content with worshipping anything less than the Holy Father, Holy Son of God, and the Holy Spirit. Love does not delight when one's enemies fall. Love does not try to mask its delight in evil by pretending to be disgusted, nauseated, or indignant at evil. Love does not delight when disaster befalls a competitor or a neighbor that seemed unfriendly. Love is not happy when selfish greed wins.
9. Love Rejoices with the Truth - Love rejoices when truth is taught and expressed in a way that reflects the person of Jesus Christ. Love gives joy when truth is the determiner of people's decisions. Love celebrates whenever truth wins out over distortions of truth. Love recognizes truth as its favorite companion otherwise it would merely become a warm fuzzy affection. Love rejoices with truth because love widens the scope of truth's lens to include the whole person. Love favors truth because it keeps one honest and complete. Love rejoices in truth because it gives one a balanced look. Love values truth because it supercedes all philosophies with the truth of God's word. Love values truth because it recognizes that in Christ's love dwells the secrets of all wisdom and knowledge. Love rejoices in truth because it can reflect more of the whole attributes of God, the Father of law, the Son of love and the Holy Spirit of liberty. Love opens our minds to God's truth.
9. Love Does not Rejoice in Success That is not Based on Truth - Love does not rejoice in affections not based on truth. Love does not embrace values that are rooted in traditions, human standards, or "spiritual" experiences. Love does not become gushy and enamored with someone unless they know that their relationship is rooted in truth. Love does not ignore truth regardless of how strong one's feelings are toward a person, a project or an ideal. Love does not let other priorities push truth to the background. Love does not ignore truth because it helps keep everything in proper perspective. Love is not based on favoritism of a tribe, a country, or a certain personality type. Love's truth sees the bigger picture of the whole of humanity. Love does not look down on people who do not appreciate the fact that all truth is God's truth. Love is satisfied with the truth found in Jesus Christ and the word of God and nothing else.
10. Love Bears All Things - Love knows no limit to its endurance. It perseveres under the most difficult of physical, emotional and mental sufferings. Love is willing to be strong under pressures to give in to worldly standards or urgings from colleagues. Love carries the weight of peoples' burdens without feeling used. Love carries personal burdens without murmuring or complaining. Love is willing to help bear the pain of another.
10. Love Does Not Complain About Everything - Love is not a squeaky wheel always trying to nag people into getting what they want. Love does not pester people into giving them what they want. Love is not overly sensitive to off-handed remarks. Love is not quick to take offense by others' actions, gestures, or words. Love is not quick to find fault in something or someone because things are not perfect.
11. Love Covers For Another - Love is willing to overlook a fault for the sake of a relationship. Love covers a multitude of sins. Love is willing to be quiet about others' shortcomings for the sake of helping to save another's dignity and reputation. Love hates scandal as it knows that no one really wins in the end. Love hates everything that hurts people needlessly. A loving person is actually turned off by gossip. Love is actually hurt by public disclosure of rampant sin. Love covers up for other's weaknesses for the sake of healing. Love knows the right limits to covering for another when a person needs to accept the consequences of their problems. Love is willing to take some of the sting out of a conflict without wanting to seek vengeance.
11. Love Does Not Excuse People for Habitual Sin - Love does not excuse people for sins that they are obviously not willing to deal with. Love is not so tolerant as to compromise Biblical values. Love is not so humanistic that it puts a person's friendship before their Spirit-led conscience. Love does not encourage whimpering about a problem. Love does not accept silly evasions of serious problems. Love is wise enough to know when to present someone with the truth. Love knows that truth ultimately sets people free from the burdens of their sins. Love has a way of not being self-righteous in the speaking of truth. Love does not look down at someone for a shortcoming.
12. Love Directs Others Toward Good Things - Love takes people to a higher level of maturity. Love is able to gently turn people in the direction where they will receive the most good. Love is able to keep a society living according to a righteous standard rather than allow it to sink to the lowest common moral denominator. Love keeps groups from coming apart due to conflicts or differences of opinions. Love is able to help people collectively reach for the greater good of us all.
12. Love Does Not Let Individualism Forget Our Responsibility to Society - Love does not let each individual's desires to splinter the society in to tiny islands disconnected from one another. Love does not focus on individual responsibilities as our only concern. Love does not neglect the needy, the hurting and those who cannot help themselves. Love is not cold and uncaring to see justice done for the less fortunate.
13. Love Uses Power for the Good - Love uses whatever power it has to benefit others. Love sees power as a gift from God to be used for His purposes. Love respects power only as it is understood to be on loan from God. Love uses challenges as opportunities to demonstrate one's reliance and submission to God's authority. Love is able to use one's God-given power to faithfully exercise one's responsibilities. Love has the power to endure criticism because God's power is greater than any human attack. Love rests in the fact that God is the ultimate power, authority, and controller of all things.
13. Love Does not Use Power for Selfish Ends - Love does not insist that the ends justify the means. Love does not grab for power without thought for the consequences. Love does not seek power for its own sake. Love does not let jealousy dominate one's feelings. Love does not get bent out of shape when it sees power being abused because it knows that God is still reigning over all. Love is not dismayed when people corruptly use their power. Love does not give into acts of deceit, malice or intrigue because it recognizes God's power to make all things right.
14. Love Believes All Things - This is not to say that one who loves is gullible. Instead, love is willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Love knows no limit to what it believes God can do. Love has an unshakable confidence in what the Lord can do in bringing about change in people, situations, or nations. Love is almost generous to a fault in helping others. Love is so willing to trust the Lord that unless the Lord acts, one is in trouble. Love has such great faith in God and His word that no adversity shakes one's sense of security. Love is the deepest reason for believing God. Love is the power to believe in more than what is provided in human evidence.
14. Love Is Not Gullible - Love is not naïve. It does not believe whatever anybody suggests. Love is not cynical, suspecting everyone of being untrustworthy. Love is not too cautious as to fail to take advantage of God-sent opportunities. Love does not worry so much about being cheated because it recognizes God's sovereign power to make things right in the end. Love does not zero in on a person's weakness, but tries to look at the part of the glass that is full of good things rather than the part that is empty. Love does not believe in every gossip, story, or spin. Love is not ready to believe in the things that are not Biblically based. Love does not turn its head away from facts.
15. Love Hopes All Things - Love is the power to expect that God will fulfill the desires of those who fear Him. Love gives us the assurance that no matter what happens, God still causes all things to work together for good as we love God and are fitting into His plans. Love saves one from drifting into despair, dismay or depression. Love is the fulfillment of our deepest desires for what is best. Love prevails against all odds. Love is unending in its bounteous optimism. Love hopes for a better change regardless of the outward circumstances. Love keeps the flame of hope eternally burning bright in our hearts and minds. Love is a desire that wills good things into being. Love is certain that God and His word will never fail. Love sanitizes our expectations to be pleasing to God in all respects. Love focuses our hope in Christ. Love sees possibilities that apathy and indifference are blind to. Love constantly looks for new ways to see Christ and His kingdom enlarged in quantitative and qualitative ways!
15. Love is Not Hopeless - Love knows no limits to its hope. Love does not fade away with time, but grows stronger and stronger. Love does not give in to the desires to quit and settle for an easier way. Love resists the temptation to give in to cynicism, skepticism and despair. Love does not let other things replace one's greatest hope found in Christ. Love does not just hope for survival, but for what God wants accomplished. Love does not give in to feelings of hopelessness in the news. Love does not surrender to cynics who would desire company in their misery. Love does not grow complacent, but always hopes for improvements. Love does not grow sullen through the disappointments of life. Love does not grow cranky in old age. Love does not become presumptuous about other's motives. Love does not assume the worst. Love does not have any elements of hubris. Love is not patronizing. Love does not cease growing in Christ-likeness.
16. Love Endures All Things - Love knows no limit to its endurance. Love is the power to persevere through the most difficult of situations. Love contains the ingredients of patience, forbearance, and fortitude that allow one to sail through any circumstance. Love is the ability to see some joy, benefit, and positive outcome out of the most troubling hardships. Love relies on God and His word to produce a greater measure of endurance through His enabling grace. Love is the power to see good in every difficulty. Love has the capacity to endure persecution, problems, and evil attacks through the power of Christ. Love has the power to endure separation from loved ones. Love learns to do without many things. Love is the power to follow in the footprints of Jesus who endured the cross for sinful human beings. Perfect love casts out fear. Love covers a multitude of sins Love is the fulfillment of the law.
16. Love Does Not Give In - Love does not give in to evil desires, temptations or devilish forces. Love does not give in to doubt, despair, or depression when the going gets tough. Love does not surrender to family pressures to find quick solutions to difficult problems. Love does not give in to corrupt authorities when they demand compliance. Love does not act out a stubborn belligerent attitude. Love does not surrender to achieve peace at any price. Love does not give in to a maintenance mentality. Love does not give in to an attitude of just trying to get by with the minimum effort. Love does not give in to conformity to the world and its lax attitudes. Love does not surrender to feelings of revenge. Love does not give in to the passions of the moment. Love does not just cruise to the end of life with a resigning attitude of "that's just the way things are." Love does not take one's focus off Christ during hard times.
17. Love Never Fails - God's love in us cannot die because He is eternal. Love cannot fail because God's sovereign power, knowledge and grace super-intends everything for His best interests. Love is self-generating through the power of the Holy Spirit and the scriptures. Love continues into eternity. Love never demands proof of our secure future, but is certain of God's rewards. All gifts but love are temporary. Every service done without God's love working through us is done for mere earthly gain. Love is a gift that God gives us so that we can continually give to others. Love is the highest evidence of our maturity in Christ. Love is the most long- lasting element of our existence. Love looks for people that it can give itself to. When everything of seeming consequence has ended, love will outlast it. True perfection is found in the one that loves us enough to die on the cross to pay for the penalty of our sins - Jesus Christ.
17. Love Does not Burn Out - Love does not wax and wane with circumstances because it is not dependent on human strength. Love does not sputter in the face of opposition. Love does not grow weary in well-doing because it knows that in due season we will reap if we faint not. Love does not give in to comparisons with others that are less mature. Love never grows old and tired. Erotic, family and friendship loves will cease. God's agape - unconditional love will never end. Love is not based on human emotions or perceptions. Love is not culturally-conditioned. Love is not a gift belonging to any one group of people, any selected spiritual gifts, or any race more effectively than others. Love is not gender-related. Whatever service or obedience we render, if love is withheld, the law is not fulfilled. Love is not just shown through humanitarian efforts. Love is not limited by our earthly existence.
C0NCLUSION - The growth chart had slipped from the playroom wall because the tape on its corners had become dry and brittle. Five-year-old Bobby hung it up again, meticulously working to get it straight. Then he stood his sister against the wall to measure her height. "Mommy! Mommy! Sally is forty inches tall!" the boy shouted as he burst into the kitchen. "I measured her!" His mom replied, "That's impossible, Sweetheart. She's only three years old. Let's go see." They walked back into the playroom, where the mother's suspicions were confirmed. Despite his efforts to hang the chart straight, Bobby had failed to set it at the proper height. It was several inches low. We can easily make little Bobby's mistake in gauging our own spiritual growth or importance. Compared to a shortened scale, we may appear better than we are. Only when we stand against the Cross of Jesus Christ, that "great leveler of all people" as A.T. Robertson called it, we cannot think of ourselves as any better or any worse than others. Christ must be our standard for all things. When we resist the temptation to judge others with our own standards we will be able to fulfill God's plan without needless distractions. Finally, let us not let others think that they can judge us by their fundamentalist set of rules, regulations, and policies. God alone is our creator and judge. Jesus said, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1,2) Perhaps we would all do well to remember the song sung to the tune of "In Christ there is No East Or West" that says, "How sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer's ear! It soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds and drives away his fear. Dear name! The Rock on which I build, my Shield and Hiding place. My never failing Treasury filled with boundless stores of grace. Jesus, My Shepherd, Brother, Friend, My Prophet, Priest and King. My Lord, my Life, my Way, my End, accept the praise I bring. Weak is the effort of my heart and cold my warmest thought. But, when I see You as You are, I'll praise Thee as I ought!" He who has the greatest understanding of truth should be the one who loves most. Love is the weapon that God chose to conquer rebellious people when all the rest had failed. Reason can be ignored; fear can be answered blow for blow; future interests are met with present pleasures; but love is that power that melts the frozen heart. Love conquers all!
