The Power of Words
1 Thessalonians 2:7-12
June 18, 2023
We’re taking a 1 week break from James and we’re going to talk about men. I know, if I invited some women up here, we could make this a roast about men. We could make lots of jokes . . . . but I want to share some stories, some personal and some that I’ve read. The point of today is to look at the words we use. And hopefully in the process, I will encourage the men to be the difference makers I believe we’ve been called to be.
Now, of course I need to be careful here. It’s not that women’s words aren’t important, they’re very important . . . but men speak with a different tone and a different type of authority. This is not a put down on women, but I believe God created us male and female for a reason.
In June 1992, Jim Davidson & Mike Price climbed Mt. Rainier. On the way down, they fell 80 feet into a glacial crevasse: a pitch-black, ice-walled crack in the massive glacier that covered Mt. Rainier. As a result of the fall, Mike Price died.
Jim Davidson tells the story of his miraculous survival and courageous climb out of the crevasse, in his book, The Ledge. Throughout the book, Jim reflects back to his childhood and young adult years, describing his relationship with his dad. As early as Jim can remember, his father had shown what some considered an almost reckless confidence in his him.
As Jim stood, bloodied and bruised, on the two-foot-wide snow ledge next to the body of his climbing partner, he heard the encouraging voice of his father. With minimal gear and no experience in ice climbing at that level, Jim spent the next five hours climbing out, battling fatigue, crumbling ice and snow.
Throughout his ordeal, Jim kept recalling the words of his dad. And five grueling hours later, thanks to his father's words, Jim climbed out to safety.
Our words matter!! How we say them, why we say them and when we say them. Sometimes it’s not easy to not say what you want to say. And sometimes, I’ll admit, I didn’t handle everything as well as I could within my family. I think I’ve grown up as I’ve aged. Some would call that maturing.
After trying to impart fatherly wisdom to one of my children, I was told “he already knew what I was telling him.” My response was simply, “so tell me when do I stop being a dad?” That answer is never! I will always be a dad. I will be smothering, asking questions, wanting to know details and I will want to keep tabs on my boys whether they like it or not!
Now, I didn’t grow up in the most edifying of homes. It was not a Christian home. I had an angry and bitter father. I was told I was not smart - - - it wasn’t in those words either. You’d be shocked if I used the words, so I won’t. I say that, not to gain sympathy, but to help you understand the power of words (good and bad).
Because I was told I wasn’t smart, I tended to believe I wasn’t smart. I never thought I was good at much. And my sisters and I had pretty rotten tempers, which we learned from our father.
Finally, when I was working on my doctorate. Still not believing I was smart, and really didn’t think I could complete it. Debbie was a huge encourager. The power of words came through her.
Finally, I anxiously submitted my first 2 chapters and my mentor, was a man who was one of the nicest and scariest professors on campus, professor emeritus, Dr. David Larsen, who spoke with a mild Swedish accent and had a booming voice, responded with - - -
YOUR INITIAL DRAFT IS IN HAND - I LOVE IT!! YOU HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB!! . . . . . . AGAIN, PRAISE GOD. I AM VERY PLEASED WITH WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
Was he really writing that to me? I was astounded! Shocked, because I was conditioned to not believe in myself. So, this man’s words helped me believe in myself and actually think I have some intelligence.
Our success as fathers or men of God depends a lot on the words we speak to our children and others. Few fathers will ever have the value of their words tested so dramatically as Jim Davidson's father. For most of us, the test comes in small doses over a long period of time. But sooner or later, the effectiveness of our words will be evident.
On the one hand, we could say that our words aren’t as important as our actions. And there’s some truth to that. We need to live what we speak, especially if our words contradict our actions. Solomon wrote in Proverbs - - - -
21 DEATH and LIFE and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. - Proverbs 18:21
18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. - Proverbs 12:18
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1
24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. - Proverbs 16:24
26 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, - Matthew 12:36
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. - Ephesians 4:29
Words have the power to pierce our hearts and spirits; as well as build us up and encourage us to succeed.
In 1 Thessalonians 2, while Paul isn't directly writing about fatherhood, he’s describing his own ministry. But in doing so, he says something important about fatherhood and manhood. Listen to his words - - - -
7 But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.
8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.
10 You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers.
11 For you know how, like a father with his children,
12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. - 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12
Let’s look at what Paul was telling this young church.
It's interesting - - - - In verse 7, Paul said he was like a "nursing mother," but then in verse 11, he says "we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children." In his ministry, Paul was like a mother and in other ways like a father.
There was the Paul who could use his words to build up, encourage, nurture and show compassion - - - and there was the Paul who could be more harsh, who could call you out, hold you accountable, and try to help you see the errors in your life.
So, what can we learn from Paul in this passage - - - - First of all, a man’s words must take place in the context of loving affection.
In verse 8, he said, "being affectionately desirous of you . . .”
That’s kind of weird sounding. But Paul was telling them, because we have a passionate love, a fervent love for you, a love in which we yearn for you this is what we tried to do. That’s what he’s saying.
How many people in our lives know that about you, men? Does your spouse, your parents, your kids, your closest friends? Do they know this? Do they experience this from you?
How often do you express this kind of affection? Please don’t tell me you’re not the affectionate type. You may not be a hugger or a talker, but can you step out of that, and show someone who is a hugger or needs words of affirmation that they are passionately loved. I don’t care how old you are, it’s always great to hear you are loved.
I’m so thrilled that we always say we love each other in my family. Whenever we hang up, leave, go anywhere. It may be rote, but it’s always meant. And in that sense, always mean what you say.
For example, I’ve told some people lately that I’m proud of them, and if I say that to you, I mean it. It’s not a bunch of platitudes for no reason. Be true about who you are. You will find much more respect than faking your way through life.
A number of years ago, Sarah Scherf wrote in her blog - - - -
I spent last week at the beach in Florida, relaxing with my dad, his new wife and my family. I had an erratic and intensely negative feelings for and about my dad throughout my high school and college years; those feelings have mellowed out, and as adults we get along okay. We live 1,200 miles apart and don't see each other often, but I'm always glad to visit him when I can.
At the end of the week, as we prepared to leave, my dad hugged and kissed me. His arms are still so strong and tight; no one's hugs feel like his. He told me again how thankful he was that we could be there, and he told me he was so proud of me. I have to admit, after hearing those words from my dad, my 29-year-old self was filled. Hearing him say it to me — despite all our past and its residue, despite my independence from him, despite the deeply affirming relationship I have with my husband — it was like I've needed nothing else.
Sometimes we need to hear those words! Don’t make them up and lie, either. If it’s possible to encourage someone, do it.
Also in verse 8, note what Paul said - - -
8 . . . we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
There’s a double edged point I want to make. We need to share the Gospel, the Word of God to those around us. Especially to our kids, grandkids, nieces/ nephews and so on. As a pastor, I would think I was sharing the Word, but sometimes you don’t share what’s behind the Good News. Even satan knows the Word, but doesn’t apply it. So, teach and instruct so others know, really know who Jesus is, so they can be transformed. Tell the stories and how they apply to their lives. Make the Bible real and come alive.
Secondly, Paul states they not only shared the Gospel, but their lives as well. Men, it’s easy to come home and be a grizzly bear. It was a bad day, and everyone experiences your wrath. But nobody at home did anything wrong. The kids are being kids. They’re craving your presence. So, take a deep breath, say a prayer and enter the door with joy that they want to be with you and love you.
When Joshua and Zachary were little, I’d come home and they’d rush to the door to greet me. And it was great, but honestly, it was overwhelming. So, I really did start to pray before I came home that I could be open to their needs above mine.
Share your day with them. As much as you can, share your story, your life with them. We need to reveal what makes us tick — our values, struggles, decisions, passions and even mistakes. They need to see us admit when we're wrong.
Again, as a pastor, I tried to share what went on at church, but one thing Debbie and I really worked at - - - was never talking about people in church in front of the boys. If I was upset about someone, we didn’t want them to have a negative feeling for someone because of us.
We wanted them to form their opinions on their own. So, those were always closed door discussions or after they’re in bed. We also didn’t want them to have a negative view of the church because some people were making life more difficult. We wanted them to embrace church, in whatever form or style that worked for them, we wanted them to be active and I’m so thankful they are! Ultimately, men, and this isn’t always easy for some, let those who are close to you see your heart and soul.
Another point comes from Paul’s words in verse 10, when he wrote - - - -
10 You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers.
Our words need to be consistent with our lives. That doesn’t mean we need to be perfect. That’s not going to happen. But it does mean, we need to be authentic. How are we talking to our families. It drives me crazy when I hear a parent swearing at their kids. Some day those words will be thrown back to the parents.
When they see us committed to work, or even on a project, they learn the value of work. Paul said they toiled day and night, yet, I believe there was balance. It wasn’t always play time, it wasn’t always work time. If you need to work a 50 or even a 60 hour week, then make sure to build in time for the family and spend time when you can. It’s not all about you.
And when they see us committed to our spouses, they learn how to spend quality time. When they see us passionate, when a fire is burning in our hearts, they see it. When we’re willing to be vulnerable, to cry, to laugh, to be silly, to play, to discuss tough issues - - - they grow personally and in respecting us.
Kids have a nose for hypocrisy, and our kids are watching us. Paul spoke about being holy and righteous and blameless before the people. How are we doing in that regard?
Being selfish, aloof, harsh, angry - - - will always push those who should be closest to us, away from us. Are you consistent in your lifestyle? Are you the same person wherever you go! You’re the same person at home as you are in the store or at work.
People my father worked with adored him. He was outgoing, funny and kind to them; but he wasn’t that way at home. After graduating college, I worked for the same company but in a very different capacity. And people would say, “your dad’s such a great guy!” And I would say, “yeah, but you don’t have to live with him.” I was serious, they thought I was joking!
Kids will notice the differences pretty quickly. They’re more perceptive than we might want them to be. So, are you the same man wherever you go?
Finally, I want to talk about the last 2 verses, 11 - 12 - - -
11 For you know how, like a father with his children, 12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.
Paul’s comparing his ministry to them, like that of a father talking to his kids. In Paul's mind, that's what a father does. Notice he uses three terms that describe the kind of words a father should use - - -
EXHORTING ENCOURAGING
ENCOURAGING COMFORTING
CHARGING IMPLORING / URGING
The first word is "exhort or encourage." The Greek word means "to call alongside." The idea is to call someone to action; to encourage them to do something. We need to call our children to action.
There’s a sense of intimacy in this word. It’s calling those children to action. Maybe it’s do get a job, maybe to clean their room, remember to say thank you, get off your phone, do your homework. It seems like it can go on and on with commands we give.
But more than that, how can we exhort them to do good?! Yes, cleaning your room is doing good. But life is more than cleaning your room. Life is about walking alongside that child, and being their cheerleader. Exhorting / encouraging them to do good . . . to know Jesus . . . to treat others with humility . . . to be obedient to God. And again, your words should mirror your actions.
The second word Paul uses is to encourage or comfort. It means to sooth someone from up close. Our words have power to bring healing and comfort and hope.
When a child is hurt, confused, or discouraged, they don't need exhortation; they need comfort. They need someone to speak to them with love and compassion. Take their feelings seriously, even if it seems silly to you . . . it’s not to them.
Don't trivialize their feelings. Listen and ask questions. More than anything, be present! Letting them know they’ve been heard.
The final word Paul uses is to CHARGE / IMPLORE us.
It's the strongest of the three words. It means to declare or testify something is true or something needs to be done. There are times when a father needs to lay down the law and be willing to back it up. There ought to be things in our homes that are absolutely wrong: non-negotiables our kids don't even have to ask about, moral imperatives we've repeated over and over again and enforced consistently. AND DEMONSTRATED!! And when those lines are crossed, you have to do something.
Admittedly, I didn’t always do this well. I would allow my anger to brew up in me. As I’ve aged, I don’t think I’ve necessarily mellowed, but I’ve grown up. I can still be angry, but I’ve tried to break the cycle of dysfunctional anger by not raising my voice. I can simply say what needs to be said.
I’ve also learned that confrontation is not necessarily evil if you approach it with love. Again, in my home your didn’t confront, you were confronted. So, that led me to have a negative view of conflict, but again, that doesn’t have to be so, because you can confront and challenge in love, and with wisdom and a rational head, not in anger.
When we implore our kids to action because it’s really us that’s having the issue, and we do it with anger, then that’s on us . . . and hopefully we recognize that before we’ve pushed our kids too far away.
Country superstar Garth Brooks was asked about raising his children and if he corrects them when they misbehave. He said, "Many parents try to be a friend to their children. My children already have enough friends. They need me to be a parent." Amen to that!
Every child is different, so our words ought to take into account what we know about our child. Notice Paul says in this verse that he "dealt with each of you." A father treats each of his kids as unique individuals. This requires us to be students of our kids, so we can know them well enough to shape our words according to who they are.
Conclusion
OK, so let’s bring this to an end . . . .
Who you are ultimately is a reflection of who Christ is in your life. I can make all kinds of excuses for how I was raised, but Jesus tells me I’m a new creation, I’m a new person because of who He is in my life.
He’s made a difference in my life and now I get to make a difference in their lives.
Let me add, it’s not always easy to change. Sometimes our default is what we’ve always known. We change for a moment, and then go back to old ways. It takes work and belief.
That means my actions, my words, all that I do must be predicated on Jesus. I do this through the power of the Holy Spirit. We’re here to be bring glory and honor to Jesus, my Lord and Savior. That’s our mandate. That’s our call.
So, men . . . are you making Jesus real and visible to the world around you? Does the world know and see Jesus in you by the way you live?
