DADS ARE STILL #1
Eph. 6:1-4
INTRODUCTION
A. HUMOR
1. Dennis the Menace sometimes lived up to his name. One day he was over at the Wilson’s house (neighbors) eating cookies and milk. Mrs. Wilson was in the kitchen washing the dishes.
2. Dennis asked Mr. Wilson why he never went to work and he explained he is retired. Dennis said, “Retired? Is that why you loaf all the time?” Wilson answered, Well I worked so hard for so many years that I earned the right to loaf.”
3. Dennis asked why Mrs. Wilson hasn’t retired. Mr. Wilson responded, “She can’t retire because she never worked.” But Dennis said he’d always seen Mrs. Wilson cooking, washing and cleaning. Didn’t that count?
4. “That’s different,” said Mr. Wilson, “She’s a housewife; if she retired, who’d do the housework?” Dennis said, “Couldn’t YOU help?” “Dennis! Are you trying to cause trouble?!” Mrs. Wilson says, “Stop yelling at Dennis! He’s right and you know it!”
5. In the next frame, Dennis walks up to his mother in the garden. She asks, “What are the Wilson’s arguing about?” Dennis answers, “I don’t know. I came home ‘cause I didn’t want to get involved!”
B. WAR ON FATHERHOOD
1. Not only do we have wars abroad, but for almost a generation, there has been another war – front – on fatherhood. Our culture has taught that ‘Marriage isn’t important – it’s just a piece of paper. Cohabitation is every bit as good.’
2. Courts have consistently given custody of kids to mothers, with the subtle implication that mothers are more vital to children’s welfare than Dads – they aren’t really necessary.
3. Social engineers regularly imply that it takes a village to raise a child, implying that parents aren’t sufficient for the job.
4. Time Magazine, in an issue called, “The Hottest Jobs of the Future,” listed fatherhood as one of the occupations that would disappear in the next century; “Between in-vitro fertilization and cloning, dads could become dinosaurs.” (5/22/00) Dads have even been referred to as a possible new “endangered species.”
C. DADS – YOU ARE IMPORTANT!
1. Studies show that not only do you a). Increase the care of your kids, b). open a world of associations to them (through your family, work, friends, etc.), and dads still bring in the lion’s share of income in joint households --
2. There are 4 ways you enrich your kids lives which are NOT interchangeable with their Moms and are necessary for healthy childrearing:
a. Dads play a vital role in the FORMULATION OF THEIR CHILD’S PERSONALITY;
b. Establish a strong SENSE OF SECURITY;
c. Are Key to their MORAL DEVELOPMENT; and
d. Help teach how WOMEN SHOULD BE TREATED.
D. TEXT
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Eph. 6:1-4.
First, their role in the...
I. FORMULATION OF THE CHILD’S PERSONALITY
A. A DIFFERENT STYLE OF RELATING
1. Mothers tend to speak soothingly, softly to their infants & snugly hold them. Dads provide more verbal and physical stimulation.
2. Infants with involved fathers – who provide unpredictable, stimulating interaction – tend to score higher on tests of thinking skills and brain development.
B. A DIFFERENT WAY OF PLAYING
1. Fathers spend a larger proportion of their time playing with their kids.
2. Rough & Tumble Play TEACHES CHILDREN:
a. How to interact with the world;
b. Creates obstacles and helps them overcome challenges;
c. Encourages them to explore their own strength & ability.
3. Children’s math skills and problem-solving skills have been found to be directly linked to the amount of time spent with fathers.
4. ILLUS.
a. Homework is always a grind for the entire family. A father was tired and exhausted from a long day at the office and had little desire to engage in any type of brain function. He lounged in the chair while his son struggled with his homework.
b. The mother was busy in the kitchen and saw the lack of adult supervision taking place. She tried to discomfort her husband into action by saying, “You better help him while you still can. Next year he will be in the sixth grade.” [In Other Words, #1035]
C. FATHERS WHO HELP THEIR KIDS DEAL WITH BAD EMOTIONS...have a greater impact on emotional regulation and peer relationship than mothers.
II. ESTABLISH A STRONG SENSE OF SECURITY
A. PROMOTERS OF INDEPENDENCE
1. Dads seem to be key to challenging their children to try new experiences, with the goal of helping them become independent.
2. I remember when one of my daughters had a flat tire and called to tell me that she and others were changing it. (It was in a safe location in broad daylight. Other males stopped and offered to help and the girls said “no.”) I was delighted. This would help her gain experience that would help her if she were ever stranded.
3. Most mothers, however, would think I should go change her tire for her. This developed confidence and positive self-esteem and the ability to master a skill.
B. PROMOTERS OF RESPONSIBILITY
1. They teach their children their ability to control their lives.
2. Their successes and failures are due to their own efforts/choices, rather than external factors (i.e., cause & effect). It’s all about consequences.
3. That may be why Dad is often the final Court of Appeals and the disciplinarian in the family.
4. But the boundaries established by strong Dads actually bring a strong sense of security to the kids. Fathers are a...
III. KEY TO MORAL DEVELOPMENT
A. HOMES WITH ABSENTEE FATHERS
1. 70% of long-term prison inmates grew up fatherless. (60% of rapists & 72% of adolescent murderers – same).
2. Girls without fathers are 1½X more likely to get pregnant before marriage. Children are 5X more likely to grow up in poverty and 3X more likely to abuse drugs.
3. When a Dad has died – these statistics do not hold true; it’s the abandonment.
B. MORAL DEVELOPMENT BY PROVIDING GUIDANCE
1. Teenagers rely more upon their fathers for advice and for just “being-there.”
2. A reduction in a father’s availability and guidance during his child’s adolescence can have bad consequences.
C. MORAL DEVELOPMENT BY SEEING A ROLE MODEL
1. In studies, boys who wanted to resemble their fathers scored higher in moral judgment, values, and rule-following.
2. A boy doesn’t grow spiritually to be a man just because he’s born with a male body. The thing that makes him feel and act like a man is being able to pattern after a father figure with whom he feels friendly.
3. He can’t pattern himself after a person unless he feels like this person likes him and approves of him. If a father is always impatient and irritated with him, the boy is likely to feel uncomfortable, not only when he’s around his father, but when he’s around other men.
4. Daughters need a dad’s approval too. A friendly father plays a different but equally important part in the development of a girl. She only patterns herself after him to a limited degree, but she gains confidence in herself as a girl.
D. THE GREATEST SERMON
1. Many years ago a farmer had an unusually fine crop of grain. Just a few days before it was ready to harvest, there came a terrible hail and wind storm.
2. The entire crop was demolished. After the storm was over, the farmer with his little son went out on the porch. The boy looked at what was formerly the beautiful field of wheat, and then, with tears in his eyes, he looked up at his Dad, expecting to hear words of despair.
3. All at once his father started to sing softly, “Rock of Ages, cleft for me; let me hide myself in Thee.” Years after, the little boy, grown to manhood, said, “That was the greatest sermon I ever heard.”
4. The farmer lost a grain crop, but who knows but that was the turning point in the boy’s life? He saw the faith of a godly father in practice.
IV. HOW WOMEN SHOULD BE TREATED
A. BOY’S PERSPECTIVE
1. Boys learn how to treat women by watching how their fathers treat their mother and their sisters.
B. GIRL’S PERSPECTIVE
1. Girls and young women gain their confidence in themselves as they feel the love and approval of their dads in their achievements and activities.
2. The way daughters relate to boys and men later in life, is influenced strongly by the kind of relationship she has with her father.
3. A second grade girl was given the assignment of writing about her personal hero. Her father was flattered that his little girl had chosen him. He pushed his luck, though, when he asked, “Why did you pick me?” She let the air out of his balloon when she replied, “Because I couldn’t spell Arnold Schwarzenegger.” [McHenry’s Stories, #1368]
CONCLUSION
A. ILLUSTRATION
1. Some scientists were studying plant life in the Swiss Alps, when one scientist slipped and fell to a shelf 50 ft. below, and was knocked unconscious.
2. A young Swiss teenager was selected as being the only one light enough to be quickly lowered to render first aid. The scientists approached him and asked him if he’d volunteer to be lowered to the injured man. He answered, “Ok, I will. But only if my Dad holds the rope!”
3. DADS, YOU’RE HOLDING THE ROPE FOR YOUR KIDS! Their lives are depending on you. They are trusting you to pull them through! We can’t afford to fail them.
B. THE CALL
1. I’m asking you to recommit your life to Christ, to be a better Dad.
2. I’m asking you to:
a. Strive to be more like Jesus;
b. Spend more time with your kids;
c. Your goal: Nurture them into the best people they can be.
3. All Dads stand and let's pray God will use us with our families.
