INTRODUCTION
• In our series on the book of Ephesians, we have been examining the impact of the church of Ephesus on the city and the world.
• This series is not just about the concept of being an impactful church, a church that makes a difference for Jesus; it runs much deeper than that goal.
• We are called to be people who impact our world for Jesus.
• If we are people who make a difference, then the church will be a church that makes a difference.
• God called us to make a difference for Him in this world, by influencing as many people to come to Jesus as possible.
• We have talked about many things that go into being a church and people who make an impact on the lives of those around us.
• Our church places a great deal of emphasis on what we teach, as we should, but today’s message is something that if we do not grasp, what we teach will make no difference because people will not listen to the words we say, they will look at the lives we live!
• If the way we live does not match the magnificent message we preach and teach, the message will not be listened to!
• Today we examine how our faith should impact our relationships.
• There are two areas, in particular, we will dig into today, your church family and the husband/wife relationship.
• The church and your home should reflect the faith you have in Jesus.
• The faith you have in Jesus should make a major impact on these two families.
• Your witness will be impacted if the husband/wife relationship is messed up and riddled with issues.
• If your relationship with those within your church family or your spouse is not good, or if your relationship struggles with your brothers and sisters in Christ or spouse is aired out publically, your witness and the witness of the church is negatively impacted.
• For your earthly relationships to be on good terms, your relationship with God must be healthy.
• Healthy relationships come from a healthy trust in God.
• Let’s dive into the text.
Ephesians 5:19–21 (NET 2nd ed.)
19 speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord,
20 always giving thanks to God the Father for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
21 and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
SERMON
I. The Christian friend.
• When I give my life to Jesus and place my faith in Him, what does that mean, and what does that look like?
• When I am baptized into Christ, I am a new creation.
• Being in Christ means I have to treat and see people differently than I used to.
• The dynamics of my relationships have to reflect who I am in Christ.
• We tend to value things over people and bulldoze over people to get what we want when we want it.
• We get mad at folks who do not give us what we want or when they do not do things how we want it done.
• Before we hit verses 19-21, we need to look at the key to this section, verse 18.
Ephesians 5:18 (NET 2nd ed.)
18 And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit,
• The whole section we are examining today is anchored to this verse.
• Christians are called CONTINUALLY to allow ourselves to be filled with the Spirit/
• Being filled with the Spirit is allowing the Spirit to guide and work in the depths of our soul so we can be more Christlike.
• Let me ask you something.
• As a proclaimed Christ-follower, did Jesus mistreat people over real or perceived injustices?
• What did He do when He hung on the Cross?
• Did He yell, scream, curse, or blast those who hurt Him?
• He was tough on the religious leaders only because of their position and the fact they should have known better!
• Was Jesus continually offended, did He act nasty to those around Him?
• Did Jesus storm off in fits of anger when people did not respond to Him appropriately?
• When Jesus looked down on Jerusalem, where He would be rejected and crucified, did He hate them, KNOWING how He would be treated?
• NO, HE hurt for them. He LOVED them!
• In verses 19-21, Paul lists five actions of those filled with the Spirit.
• The list is as follows.
• Verse 19. SPEAKING TO ONE ANOTHER in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.
• Verse 19. SINGING and MAKING music in our hearts to the Lord.
• Verse 20. ALWAYS giving thanks for all things in the name of Jesus.
• Verse 21. SUBMITTING to one another out of reverence for Christ.
• The three actions in verse 19 are usually pinned to public worship, which is partly true.
• The original text's phrasing also denotes that these actions should be employed in our relationships.
• This does not mean that life should be a musical; THANK GOD!
• The actions in the passage goes to attitude.
• When we are speaking to one another, it should be from a heart of joy.
• When one is singing to the Lord in their heart, it is hard to be nasty.
• When you are filled with the Spirit, your heart is so full of Jesus that it is hard not to be joyful!
Colossians 3:16 (NET 2nd ed.)
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and exhorting one another with all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, all with grace in your hearts to God.
• In the parallel passage from Colossians 3:16, we see the same theme.
• The thought of singing does not only refer to the worship service; it is an attitude of the heart that infects all we do!
• Verse 21 is the key to how we treat our church family (and it will also affect our marriage relationships).
Ephesians 5:21 (NET 2nd ed.)
21 and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
• Notice that this verse begins with AND, meaning that along with verses 19-20, this is the jelly to the peanut butter of verses 19-20.
• Many people HATE the thought of submitting.
• In the context of marriage, which we will look at in a minute, this concept has more or less ruined many marriages.
• Submission is not a one-way street; we are called to do it mutually.
• Each one submits to the other in areas indicated by one’s ability, responsibility, and position.
• Christians are called to be submissive to the civil authorities (Romans 13), Church leaders (Hebrews 13:17), Parents (Colossians 3:20), and to one another.
• The whole structure of the church as well as society, as ordered by God, depends on the readiness of its members to recognize such deference.
• Many issues arise in the church when people refuse to be submissive to those with the position and responsibility to do things or more ability to do something.
• When we have a proper attitude and heart, we will sometimes have disputes, but they will not be destructive.
• Paul had issues with John Mark, but Paul did not go scorched earth on Mark, and later they reconciled.
• Let’s drop down to verses 22-24
Ephesians 5:22–24 (NET 2nd ed.)
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,
23 because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church (he himself being the savior of the body).
24 But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
II. The Christian wife.
• How should faith impact a wife and her relationship with her husband?
• Here are some things we all need to understand when it comes to this passage.
• First, the Biblical concept of being submissive is not a FORCED submission; it is voluntary.
• You do not have to even submit to God, but there is a consequence.
• I will tell you that you do not have to be submissive to your husband either, but there will be a price you will pay in the relationship for not being willing to do so.
• Submission to the husband does not make you inferior or less of a partner.
• This is about being obedient to Jesus.
• If you are a female with the attitude that you will never be submissive to a man, do yourself and men, in general, a favor, and stay single.
• Submission does not mean BLIND OBEDIENCE, but rather, it implies a voluntary giving up of self-centered interests and agendas for the well-being of the other person.
• Submission does not mean that you are a doormat.
• You single Ladies, hear me on this, if you are with a man you do not trust enough to voluntarily submit to him in the marriage, you are not with the right man.
• If you marry him and you cannot trust that he ALWAYS has your best interests in his mind, you need to run.
• If you marry him, it will destroy both of you.
• When we get to the next section of this passage, you will see what you should be looking for in a Christian man.
• ·Paul offers the motivation for the wife choosing to be submissive to her husband.
• And lest I forget it, this command is not for the woman to be submissive to ALL men, just her husband.
• Verse 23 explains why.
Ephesians 5:23 (NET 2nd ed.)
23 because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church (he himself being the savior of the body).
• The appeal from Paul is for the wife to treat her husband like you would treat Jesus.
• The husband is not on the same level as Jesus, but the wife is called to do this because Jesus has asked her to do so.
• I know what you are thinking; YOU DO NOT KNOW MY HUSBAND.
• You are correct, but what I do know is he is not perfect.
• So how perfect does he have to be before you are willing to be submissive?
• Then I will also ask you, why are you not willing to be submissive?
• Is it that you know better than him?
• Is it pride?
• It could be that your husband is not the spiritual head of the house. I can understand that one.
• The way I see this is that for the wife, making a choice to be submissive to her husband puts her in a very vulnerable position.
• You have to trust he will not take advantage of you.
• Now let’s move to verses 25-30.
Ephesians 5:25–30 (NET 2nd ed.)
25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her
26 to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word,
27 so that he may present the church to himself as glorious—not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one has ever hated his own body, but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
III. The Christian husband.
• In the marriage relationship, the wife puts herself in a potentially vulnerable position; however, the husband is placed in a position of GREAT responsibility before God.
• Husbands, we will be held accountable for the home.
• How do we ensure that our wives do not fear being taken advantage of in the home?
• How do we make it easier for the wife to carry out her part in the marriage?
• HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH!
• You have the type of love for her that leads you to ALWAYS do what is spiritually best for her.
• We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church.
• Jesus loved the church so much that He laid down His life for the church!
• My wife will have ZERO problem being submissive to me (unless she has a spiritual or pride problem) if she KNOWS without a doubt that I love her in this manner.
• If she knows I will provide, protect, and that EVERY decision I make will be, to the best of my ability, to be what is spiritually best for her, she will be submissive.
• If I have a wife who is not submissive to me, I may need to look in the mirror to see if the problem is with me.
• Far too many modern men act like selfish little kids, who think their wife is their cook, be the maid, and to be a physical gratification toy.
• Men, do you want to wife to respect you, do you want your wife to take care of your needs?
• Then love her the way God commands and expects you to love them.
• I will be held accountable before God for the type of wife I have because it is up to how I treat her as to how she will see me.
• Men, do you feel your wife does not respect you?
• Act and live respectfully.
• Does she question all your decisions? Try making better ones!
• I need to make sure she sees that I love her as Christ loved the church!
• Single guys.
• Hear me if you are with a woman you cannot love in that manner, no matter how hot she is, she is not the woman for you!
• Men, are you having issues at home with your wife?
• I can, almost across the board, tell you it is because of your behavior and lack of responsible leadership that has caused it.
• There are a few exceptions, but you probably are not one of them.
• Husbands, it is time to grow up and to love your wife so that she can trust you have her best interests at heart!
• Husbands and wives are extensions of each other. The husband is to love his wife like his own flesh, because she is, verses 28-31
CONCLUSION
• Our faith, if it will have an impact, needs to impact our relationships.
• I have seen far too many marriage relationships destroyed, even if they are together, by unloving husbands and wives who took the reins from their husbands.
• I have seen the church's witness hurt by people unwilling to be submissive to one another.
• Ephesians 5:33 summarizes the husband-wife dynamic.
Ephesians 5:33 (NET 2nd ed.)
33 Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
• The main job of the husband is to love his wife.
• The main job of the wife is to respect her husband.
• A wife who does not respect her husband will never be submissive to him.
› Application Point: Do your relationships reflect the faith you have in God?
