This morning, I’d like us to consider a passage of Scripture in which Jesus makes an astute observation about the social and religious culture of his day. It’s a fairly brief remark, but one that is full of significance for us today, because it gives us a perspective on how to react to criticism and personal attacks. Even more than that, it gives us an opportunity to embrace the freedom that we have in Christ, so that we aren’t in bondage to the opinions, and expectations, and demands that others might try to impose on us.
To put this passage in context, Jesus had just sent the twelve disciples to preach in the towns and cities of Israel, to announce that the kingdom of heaven was near, and to heal the sick. While they were doing that, he went out to teach and preach in the cities of Galilee. When the followers of John the Baptist heard what Jesus was doing, they came to ask him whether he was the Messiah. Jesus gave them this answer. We are in Matthew’s gospel, chapter eleven:
4 Jesus replied, “Go back and report to John what you hear and see: 5 The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. 6 Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” (Matthew 11:4-6, NIV)
In other words, rather than answer their question with a direct “yes” or “no”, Jesus invites them to judge him by his works. He goes on to make some remarks about John and his role. And then he renders the following assessment. Starting with verse sixteen, Jesus says:
16 “To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others: 17 “‘We played the pipe for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ 18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ 19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’” (Matthew 11:16-19, NIV)
OK. There are several things I would like to note about this passage. First, Jesus is not criticizing the scribes and the pharisees. He’s not specifically calling out the religious leaders for their hypocrisy and corruption, as he often does elsewhere in the gospels. No, he’s making an observation about people in general, whom he refers to as “this generation”. And so the behavior he’s focusing on isn’t something that relates to one’s privileged position in social or religious hierarchies; he isn’t commenting on the conduct of those with wealth, or power. Jesus is making an observation about all people. And that includes religious people, those with an interest in spiritual things, because those are the kind of people he’s talking to: the kind of people who would take the time to go and hear John the Baptist preach, or to hear Jesus preach. Those are the people Jesus is criticizing.
And so the first application I would like to make, the first principle we can observe, is that often those who criticize, and attack, and judge the followers of Christ are not the people of the world — secularists, irreligious people, religious skeptics. They aren’t necessarily those who can be identified as antagonistic to the gospel. On the contrary, the attacks often come from those who consider themselves to be on the same side as the ones they are criticizing. Fellow Christians. Just more enlightened and possessing greater discernment, in their view.
Does this resonate with you? If I suggested that often, the most destructive and hurtful attacks on Christians come from other professing Christians, would anyone contradict that assertion? I won’t ask for personal testimonies: if I did, I fear that we would not be done by eleven o’clock. In fact, it would likely by growing dark outside by the time we finished. But I’ll suggest that if you have experienced this, it is nothing new or unusual. Jesus spoke about it in his day. And it’s rather discouraging isn’t it? I mean, you can understand being attacked or criticized by those who don’t share your convictions. Jesus even told us to expect it. But to receive this from those who claim to be followers of Christ, just as you are, that often comes as a surprise. And it hurts.
The second thing I would like to note is how Jesus referred to such people, what he compared them to. “They are like children,” he said, “sitting in the marketplaces”. What does that tell us? That they are idle. They are playing, amusing themselves, making mischief. They are not the grownups in that scenario, the ones who are working, who are buying and selling in the marketplace. They aren’t the ones laboring in the fields, or at home caring for their families, or out serving in government, or in the military. No, the ones complaining about John and Jesus are like idle children, who have been left to find something to do while their parents are conducting business.
And so the second principle I would like to suggest is that those who are judging and criticizing other Christians are usually not those who are actively engaged in the work of the kingdom. Those who are caring for the sick and the poor, those who are occupied in prayer, those who are minding their own business and fulfilling their own responsibilities before God. Those people, the workers, are too busy doing what God has called them to do to worry about what other people are doing or not doing. They don’t have time to criticize others, because they are focused on being faithful to their own calling. But those who have too much time on their hands, those who are idle with respect to God’s work, are the ones who are looking around at what others are doing and judging them.
Paul addresses this phenomenon in his letters to the church in Thessalonica. In 1 Thess. 5:12-14, he writes,
12 Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:12-14, NIV)
And again, in his second letter to the Thessalonian church, in chapter three:
11 We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies. 12 Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the food they eat. 13 And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good. 14 Take special note of anyone who does not obey our instruction in this letter. Do not associate with them, in order that they may feel ashamed. 15 Yet do not regard them as an enemy, but warn them as you would a fellow believer. (2 Thessalonians 3:11-15)
What is the contrast that Paul is making here? One the one hand, those who are working hard, caring for other believers in the name of Christ, those who are tirelessly engaged in doing good, versus, on the other hand, those who are idle and disruptive, who are busybodies. And so what is the cure for such people? If someone is criticizing or complaining, what should they do instead? They should get to work! They should focus on doing—rather than talking, and gossiping, and tearing other people down, and sharing their opinionated views with anyone who will listen. They need to find a need and fill it. They need to serve. Amen?
All right. The third observation I would like to make is what these idlers are saying. Matthew eleven, verse 17:
17 “‘We played the pipe for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.” (Matthew 11:17)
What is their complaint? That everyone else is not dancing to their tune. Now, let’s be real here. Are there people in the church (and when I say, “church”, I’m speaking generically; not with respect to any particular church); but are there people who like to tell everyone else what to do? Of course there are. And are some of them in churches? Yes. Religion can be a great field of opportunity for those whose desire is to be influential; those whose goal is to exercise personal influence; those who want to gather others around them who will heed their words and follow their lead. Some have observed that there are too many narcissists in the pulpit. But narcissism is not limited to the front of the church.
And for people like this, there is no shortage of topics on which they feel qualified to judge others. They are a virtual cornucopia of opinions when it comes to how you should live your life and what it means for you to follow Christ. They will opine on how you should dress, what you should eat and drink, what kind of car you should drive, what political party you should affiliate with, where you should go on vacation, who you should be friends with, how you should spend your leisure time, how you should spend your money, how you should earn your money, how you should raise your children, when you should have children, whether you should have children, how many children you should have, whether you should get married, whom you should marry, when you should marry, what kind of work you should do, what kinds of movies you should see, whether you should watch movies at all, how much time you should spend with your family, and even what brand of bottled water you should drink. And no matter what their opinion is, they have a verse to back it up, to prove that they are right and that you should do what they say. Because you don’t want to be a Bible-denier, do you?
They are the authority, and you must yield to their judgements. Or else. Or else what? What happens if you dare to contradict them, or simply ignore their pronouncements on whatever topic they are instructing you? Well, they have a whole array of techniques to ensure compliance with their dictates, to ensure that you are kept in line, that you submit to their supposed moral and religious superiority.
• There’s the subtle approach: the raised eyebrow, the look of disapproval, the gentle reproof. They’re not angry, just a little disappointed.
• There’s the appeal to belonging and group cohesion: come on, do you want to be the odd man out? Do you really think that you’re right and everyone else is wrong?
• There’s guilt manipulation: how can you do this to me? How can you embarrass me, your parents, your friends, the church, like this? Why are you being so selfish?
• There are the threats: if you don’t do what we say, you’ll pay for it.
• There’s rejection: do what we say or you’ll be excluded. We won’t invite you to our parties. You’ll never eat lunch in this town again!
• There are the accusations, attacking your motives, your intelligence, your spiritual maturity, your knowledge, your devotion to Christ. If you don’t do what they say, it must be because you have a deep-seated sin issue. Or maybe even a psychological issue.
They will seek to undermine your self-confidence, your sense of self-worth, your joy, your freedom in Christ. Why? Because if you persist in making your own judgements about what is best for you; if you persist in walking with Christ in accordance with your own understanding of what he desires of you, then They. Can’t. Control. You. And they can’t stand that. They will employ every trick in the book, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, sometimes even physically, to get you back under their thumb, to make you doubt yourself so that you will do what they say.
And what you have to understand is that it’s never really about whatever issue is being considered. The real issue is who decides. Is each of us responsible before God for our own choices and our own behaviors? Or should we abdicate our responsibility as moral agents and just unthinkingly follow what someone else tells us to do? These people, these “children sitting in the marketplace”, want you to do the latter. They want you to turn over to them the responsibility of making decisions. And so they will always find some issue, something to criticize, some reason to set themselves up as your judge.
Because again, it’s not really about the issue. It’s about control. It’s about power. It’s about whether you are going to dance to their tune. Their objection, their complaint, isn’t about whether you are dancing or not. Their complaint is that you aren’t dancing when they play a jig. Their criticism isn’t over whether you are mourning or not. Their criticism is that when they sing a dirge, a song of mourning, that you don’t follow their lead and join in. You’re making up your own mind about when, and whether to dance, and when, and whether to mourn, and they can’t stand that. Why, the next thing you know, you’ll be making up your own mind about everything!
And this is the fourth point I would like us to observe in the passage. We know that the issue isn’t really the issue, because no matter what you do, whether you go left or right, forward or backward; whether you eat meat sacrificed to idols or not, it doesn’t matter: if you aren’t following their dictates, they will criticize you. What does Jesus say in verses 18-19 of Matthew eleven?
18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’
19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ (Matthew 11:18-19, NIV)
John fasted and didn’t drink alcohol. Good, right? But here’s the key thing: he wasn’t fasting and abstaining from alcohol because they told him to; he was doing that because he believed it was what God had called him to do. And so they attacked him. Jesus, on the other hand, liked to eat. He drank wine; in fact, he even made wine at a wedding. So if John’s critics objected to him fasting and abstaining, then those same people should be fans of eating and drinking, right? No! They attacked Jesus, accusing him of gluttony and drunkenness. Because he wasn’t bending to their will. Were the accusations true? Was Jesus a glutton and a drunk? No, of course not. Oh, I didn’t mention before, if you don’t do what they say, they will misrepresent what you say and do. They aren’t sticklers about the truth. They will exaggerate. They will draw false conclusions. They will even make things up.
Again, what was the problem? What were the critics objecting to? Was it that Jesus was eating and drinking? Or was it that John was fasting and abstaining? No. The issue wasn’t the issue. Their objection was that John and Jesus were trying to please God, rather than trying to please them. And so, if you have ever felt that you just can’t win; that no matter what you do, you are going to be criticized, congratulations! You’re right! Although that probably doesn’t make you feel any better.
And here is where our response becomes an issue of our faithfulness to Christ. Because the truth is, you can’t serve two masters. Listen to me. You can’t serve Christ, and do what he calls you to do, and also serve the opinions of others. You can’t be a man-pleaser, a slave to other’s judgements, and also serve Christ. And so it really is a choice between yielding to the scolds, the critics, the self-appointed arbiters of proper Christian behavior, or following Christ. What did Paul say?
“10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10, NIV)
Think about that. “If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ”. That’s the choice. You can seek to please people, or you can seek to serve Christ. You can’t do both. You probably already knew that. But what we often forget is that this applies to people in the church, and their opinions, as well. You can organize your life around getting their approval. Or you can seek to follow, and please, Christ. You can’t do both. And unfortunately, there’s no middle way where you can kind of do what people want, and also kind of do what Christ is calling you to do, and make everybody happy. Why not? Because the critics will never be happy, they will never be satisfied, until you are dancing to their tune. All the time. In everything.
Why do they do that, by the way? Why do they criticize others? Why do they set themselves up as judges of others’ behavior? What’s the payoff? Well, people’s motives are complicated. Some people like to be the boss of everyone. Simple as that. They like seeing people jump when they say jump. Some just have a very high opinion of their own wisdom. But another reason has to do with the principle that the best defense is a good offense. By criticizing others, they hope to keep the spotlight off of themselves. They don’t want to look in the mirror, because they might not like what they see. And so they point out the supposed shortcomings of others, in order not to have to deal with their own. Deep down, they know that, just like everyone else, they are sinners in need of repentance, and forgiveness. They don’t measure up to God’s standard. And rather than face that hard truth, they look for faults in others so that hopefully no one will notice their own.
Jesus actually spoke about this; remember what he said about people with eye problems?
1“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5, NIV)
In other words, they would rather not deal with the huge log sticking out of their eye. And so they go around finding specks of sawdust in others’ eyes.
All right. How should we respond when we are the targets of these types of behaviors, these subtle and not-so-subtle attempts to manipulate and control us? Unfortunately, there’s no simple answer that’s right for every situation.
• Sometimes a direct approach is needed: both Jesus and Paul at times openly opposed those in the religious community who were trying to control them.
• Sometimes you just need to separate yourself from toxic or unsafe people, or even from a toxic or unsafe church. Sometimes engaging them is too dangerous; too destructive emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise, and in order to protect yourself or your family, you just need to leave. You need to find a way to get out of that situation. And until you can, you may need to comply with their demands, at least outwardly.
• But often the best approach is not fight or flight, but simply to ignore them. Just smile, thank them for their concern, and go on about your business. Don’t defend yourself, don’t attack them in return, don’t try to justify why you are doing what you’re doing. Don’t even give them the power to make you upset. Just do what you believe God has called you to do and let the chips fall where they may. Because you know that God’s judgment is the only one that truly matters. And in the end, if you are right, God will vindicate you or, if you are wrong, he will forgive you. Either way, it’s a win-win.
We read this passage a few weeks ago, but I think it is beneficial to frequently remind ourselves of these truths. Romans 14:1-4:
“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. 2 One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” (Romans 14:1-4, NIV)
“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?” That’s the key question here. Whose servant are you? God’s. And so what business do they have judging you? None. Again, we will all answer to God. His judgments are the only ones that matter.
Similarly, James writes this:
11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?” (James 4:11-12, NIV)
I find it interesting that both Paul and James use the same phrase: “who are you to judge?” Who do you think you are? Are you God? If not, why are you trying to do God’s job? Who are you to judge someone his servants? Who are you to judge your neighbor? Do you imagine, for one second, that you have the moral standing to pass judgement on someone else, as if you were blameless yourself? And the answer, for anyone who understands their own sinfulness, is no. Of course not.
What point am I trying to make here? Is it that our judgements about what God is calling us to do, or not do, are always correct? Are we infallible; am I infallible, are you infallible, when it comes to discerning God’s will for our lives? No, of course not. We are all prone to error. Am I saying that we should never listen to anyone else, but stubbornly hold to our own opinions, rejecting all counsel? Certainly not. We should all seek to learn from those who are wiser and more experienced than we are. But that’s different from being a slave to other’s opinions. That’s different than yielding to pressure and guilt manipulation. Right?
What I am saying is that Christ has given us freedom, and that yielding that freedom to someone else’s opinion is a kind of denial, a kind of rejection, of what Christ has done for us. Listen to what Paul says:
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. . . . You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” (Galatians 5:1, 13, NIV)
Being a slave to others’ opinions is the opposite of freedom. And if you are not acting freely, then you are not acting out of love. You may be acting out of obligation, perhaps, or fear, or a desire to keep the peace above all else. But not love.
Here’s the good news. Through Christ, we have a relationship with God that is direct, that doesn’t require the intermediary of a priest or some other spiritual authority. We have the freedom to listen to him speaking to us, through the Scriptures and through the indwelling Holy Spirit. We have the freedom to walk with him in a relationship that is more than keeping a set of rules and regulations, rules and regulations that are interpreted and administered by people. And perhaps most important of all, we have the freedom to fail, the freedom to make mistakes, the freedom to err; knowing that all of our sins and failures are forgiven in Christ, knowing that nothing we do can separate us from him.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:1-2, NIV)
“No condemnation”. What does that mean? It means that if you are feeling condemnation, it isn’t coming from God. All of God’s condemnation for sin was poured out on Christ; all of it. There is none left for you. If people condemn you, if even your well-meaning brothers and sisters in Christ condemn you, just know that if you are in Christ, if you are a follower of Christ, then God never will condemn you. He may correct, but he will never condemn.
An additional point I would like to make has to do with our attitude. What should be our attitude, what should be our frame of mind, when dealing with the criticisms, the judgments, the attacks that will inevitably come our way if we don’t comply with others’ expectations; if we don’t submit to their attempts to control us? How should we respond to all the various tricks and schemes and devices they employ to bring us under submission to their opinions? I mention this because it’s easy to become angry and belligerent, to judge and condemn them in return. But that’s not the right attitude. Instead, we should be joyful and thankful that God has made us free in Christ, and that part of that freedom is freedom from the tyranny of others’ disapproval. His love is unlimited, total, and irrevocable. Hallelujah. And pray for them, that they would come to know that kind of freedom also.
One last word. Perhaps the most important point of all. I’ve been speaking of those who judge, and criticize, and seek to control others, in the third person, as “they”. But maybe it’s not “they”. Maybe it’s you. Maybe you’re the one who, like a child calling out in the marketplace, is trying to get others to dance to your tune. At least sometimes. And if that’s the case, I urge you to repent. Repent of judging someone else’s servants; that is, God’s servants. Repent of trying to control people, as if you had the moral authority to do so. Stop focusing on the shortcomings and failings of others, and focus instead on seeking God’s power to overcome your own sins, and your own shortcomings. And as you do so, embrace the utter joy of knowing that there is no longer any condemnation for those who are in Christ. None. Amen?
