Dr. Bradford Reaves
Crossway Christian Fellowship
Hagerstown, MD
www.mycrossway.org
I realize that this morning, we are approaching a culturally sensitive topic of divorce. There are some here this morning that have endured the pain of a failed marriage. I grew up in a home without a dad because of divorce. So let me say from the outset that I recognize the sensitivity and complexity of the topic. I recognize and understand the pain associated with this. I realize there are circumstances behind a failed marriage that cannot be divided evenly. No one enters into a marriage with the anticipation of it dissolving.
Nevertheless, we are in the midst of Jesus’ teaching on the subject and so we’re going to approach the topic Scripturally and study Jesus’ words on our relationships with each other. The foundation of the topic of our relationships with each other was the topic of murder and the sanctity of life given to every person. Next, Jesus' foundational relationship in society was marriage, given as a holy institution. Now we examine the bulkhead against that institution.
Let me also say this. If there is any confusion on the subject, it is not because Bible is polysemantic on it. Quite the contrary. It is our society that has trivialized the covenant of marriage & sanctity of sexuality. The confusion on the topic comes when you try to justify the sinfulness of the world with the standard of God. From the very beginning, God has placed a high standard on the marital union as one of the foundational tenants of our relationships and we should do the same.
Now, for those of you here this morning who were divorced in a previous marriage, I want to tell you that God is a God of mercy. He’s a God of second chances. There is redemption and healing in His name. The Bible is clear that divorce is a result of man’s sinfulness. With that, we can be sure that the sin, whatever it was that contributed to your situation, is covered under the Cross of Christ. We all can grow from the words of Jesus here today and rest confidently in the mercies of God for our future.
“Now it was said, ‘WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31–32)
The Worldly Standard
The opening words of Jesus' teaching on the topic are similar to the other topics of murder and adultery. “You have heard it said” (Matthew 5:31). It is Jesus’ way of saying, ‘Man’s standards of God’s law don’t reach the bar.’ The teaching Jesus is referring to is Deuteronomy 24:1.
?“If a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, (Deuteronomy 24:1)
Based on this verse, the Jewish people justified divorce on any grounds. The operant words were “he has found some indecency in her.” Some rabbis took it as any cause of complaint a husband had against his wife, including burning the dinner (France). What was meant to refer to sexual infidelity, was diminished to an instrument of cruelty against a woman. In most instances, only the man could issue a certificate of divorce against his wife, resulting in unimaginable ruin and impoverishment. However just as difficult was the burden and negative consequences left upon the family and society, especially on the children.
According to Dave Schultheis who is the author of the 2002 Children of Divorce Protection Act- A stable, two-parent home has no equal in terms of its benefits to children. Over 80 percent of inmates in Colorado prisons come from homes where one or both parents were not around. Risks of teenage pregnancy, alcohol and drug abuse, incarceration, poor performance in school, and many other indicators are multiples greater for children of divorce than for children of two-parent homes. The data are undeniable. Divorce has a life-long effect on children that, for many, is never overcome. (Sermon Central: Jeffery Anselmi).
Jesus sets the liberal view on divorce by the Pharisees straight. Divorce violates the biblical standard of marriage. This will not be the only time Jesus must address the issue with the Jewish leaders and why Moses included the provision of divorce in the Law. It was not because God was agreeable to the issue. Once again in Matthew 19, Jesus provides a clear stance on the issue:
Now it happened that when Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; 2 and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. 3 And some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” 4 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? 6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning, it has not been this way. 9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:1–9 LSB)
Did you catch Jesus’ statement? It probably stings at the issue, especially for those who are divorced. The reason for divorce is not because of the external reasons that push against the marital bond. The reason a man gets a divorce is the HARDNESS OF HIS HEART. Marriage is not something we use to satisfy our ambitions and fulfill our desires in life. It is sacrificial to its core and at it very nature. At the very heart of marriage is leaving a cleaving and requires the denial of one’s self to institute the union, as Jesus makes reference to Genesis 2:24 and it is reiterated by the Apostle Paul
FOR THIS REASON, A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. (Ephesians 5:31)
There is something rudimentary in God’s creative order in the divine union of a man and woman. It is a continuation of God’s creative power for a man and woman to be united. Thus, Jesus is say that breaking that union is a violation of God’s creation. This is why the sexual union between a man and woman outside of the covenant of marriage should not be trivialized like it is today.
Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.” (1 Corinthians 6:16)
Unfortunately, the Church today is doing a terrible job championing the divine order of marriage. Most would think the success of marriage in the church would be better than the rest of the world. Nationally, 49% of all marriages end in divorce. But you might think the odds of failure are much less for couples heavily involved in church. Not so!
Ministries Today reports the divorce rate up 279% in the last 27 years. Taking a survey of all ministers in all denominations, 50% of their marriages will end in divorce,
An ABC broadcast reports that the divorce rate in the "Bible Belt" is 50% higher than in other areas of the country.
The Christian-based Barna Research Group reported in January 2000, that 21% of atheists and agnostics will or have experienced divorce, while 29% of Baptists and 34% of non-denominational Christians will or have experienced divorce. The average rate for all Christian groups is 27%.
(Sermon Central: Thomas Cash)
The first truth that Jesus is teaching us is that we must always approach marriage with uniqueness and permanence. It is easy? Not with two sinful people in a sinful world with the enemy of God and all His institutions working aggressively to destroy what God has built. It will never be easy.
One more thing before we move to verse 32. Did you notice that the burden for the fidelity of the marital union was essentially on the shoulders of the man? That is not diminishing in any way the significance of the woman’s role in the marriage or the success of the marriage. Some may point to this being related to the limitations of the rights of women. But I think more deeply, it points to the priestly role of the man as a spiritual head of the family. This is a fundamental characteristic lost in marriage as a result of the fall and the continual decay of the family today.
“And this is a second thing you do: you cover the altar of Yahweh with tears, with weeping, and with groaning because He no longer regards the offering or receives it as acceptable from your hand. 14 “But you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because Yahweh has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. (Malachi 2:13–14 LSB)
The marriage is so sacred in God’s eyes, that near the close of the Old Testament, the prophet Malachi speaks to the people of Israel and tells them that God is tired of the facade being portrayed by the men of Israel. They come to the temple and approach God with their religious service, crying and covering the altar of the Lord with tears of repentance. However, God rejects their piety and will not accept their worship. Why? Because the same men who are acting so pious in front of everyone in the Temple go home and treat their families with treachery. Its a sham to God.
The Godly Standard
but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:32 LSB)
Now Jesus sets the standard straight for the Jewish people. The idea here is not that divorce is suitable, but that the union has been so violated as a result of sin that it is permissible. Jesus is underscoring the sanctity of marriage and correcting the fallacies of the progressives of his day. Let it hold true to us today as well.
“This emphasis of Jesus on the permanency of marriage and the wrong of unjustified divorce went against the thinking of many in both the Jewish and the Gentile cultures. “In Greece, we see a whole social system based on relationships outside marriage; we see that these relationships were accepted as natural and normal, and not in the least blameworthy.” Roman culture came to adopt this attitude towards marriage. (Barclay)
The standard of marriage is not the “feeling” of love (eros), but the sacrifice of love. Paul would make this clear in his letter to the Ephesians:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (Ephesians 5:22–26)
Spiritual leadership is submitting oneself to the accomplishment of the needs of those for whom He is responsible. That flows right into marriage. In marriage, the husband must yield his will and humble himself, just as Christ did for us. The godly husband is forever asking: “How can I minister to my wife? How can I meet my wife’s needs? How can I make this marriage a haven of security, fulfillment, and joy for her?” (MacArthur)
The husband’s command is very clear - it’s a single command: “Husbands, love your wives.” (Eph 5:25). That is the command. There is no command to take authority over your wife. The command is probably a higher command than submission and a more difficult command. Love your wife in the same way Christ loves the church (Eph 5:32). The word for love is from the verb agapao, which is the most intense, most divine, most magnanimous, most sacrificial, most humble kind of love; it’s the love of the will.
Remember, marriage was never designed by God to establish or promote human happiness. Do you understand that? Human happiness is found in only one relationship and that is our relationship with God. Instead, marriage is designed to illustrate God’s relationship with His church.
So Jesus says that if a man divorces his wife for any reason except adultery, whoever marries that woman is committing adultery. The reason is that God does not recognize that divorce. It may be legitimized by the State, but not by God and therefore God recognizes that as adultery.
Now, I know there are some of you sitting here, thinking, ‘Uh oh.’ I wish there were some easy byline to all of this. As I said at the beginning of this message, only the power of the cross can cover the complexity of sin associated with the sinfulness of man. I get that there is not an easy clean sweep of this complex issue. I think the greater lesson we are to grasp here is why God hates divorce. It creates more sin. It breaks the family design God put together. It violates His creative order. It hurts the hearts of many, especially children.
Many of these situations were manifested when your life was far from God. I’m here to tell you that there is a God who although is grieved by the depth of our sin, provided healing for our sinfulness.
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our transgressions, according to the riches of His grace (Ephesians 1:7)
With that, if you are here today and your marriage is being strained to the breaking point for whatever reason, I want to first encourage you to see God’s design for your marriage. Your spouse was never intended to replace what is supposed to be reserved for God in your heart. There is hope and healing. Start by turning the situation over to the hands of God. It may seem impossible and full of pain, but introducing sin to rectify sin is never the answer.
?Instead, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, graciously forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has graciously forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)
