Introduction
Video Ill.: Do As We Say - The Skit Guys
Well that’s certainly one way to raise children, isn’t it.
I wouldn’t say it is a very effective way.
Solomon also had some ideas about raising children.
I love the way that the Living Bible shares this passage from Proverbs 22:
6 Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it. (Proverbs 22, TLB)
This morning, we are talking about loving our children — ways that we show that love to our children, for the love of family. And while we may not have children ourselves, what we say today is certainly applicable to all of the children in our lives.
As parents, and even as an extended church family, we have the responsibility to love the children.
Parental Responsibility
Source: Jesse Jackson, quoted by columnist Roger Simon, (Los Angeles Times Syndicate, June 5, 1988). Christianity Today, Vol. 32, no.
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Jesse Jackson once said, “Renew your hope; love your family. Raise your children, don't abandon them. Cats raise kittens. Dogs raise puppies. Eagles raise their eaglets. Surely man can raise his babies. You have not earned the right not to raise your children! You have not earned the right to do less than your best! Though your knees may buckle sometimes, you never earn the right to surrender!”
Children are precious. Even the ones that seem like little devils sometimes.
Even the ones who are angels all the time.
All children are precious to Jesus.
After all, it was the little children about which Jesus said, do not hinder them from coming to me.
So this morning, let’s look at a few ways that we can love the children.
As we begin, loving our children means we need to discipline them.
Discipline sounds like something we do not often want to do. Discipline sounds very negative.
But discipline is really a matter of setting boundaries, routines, consistency — teaching and training — preparing them for the big bad world that is out there.
Paul tells fathers in Ephesians 6:
4 Fathers, … bring [your children] up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (Ephesians 6, NLT)
Again, Solomon had something to say too. In Proverbs 19:
18 Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them. (Proverbs 19, MSG)
It is a duty of parents to train, to teach, to discipline our children.
But in our world today, parents do not want to be parents. They want to be their child’s best friend. They want to be buddies. They want to do just the fun stuff — and they neglect the hard stuff.
“If I have to correct my child, they’ll hate me,” they say.
“If I have to reprimand my child, they won’t like me anymore.”
There was a TV show a while back called Reba. In one episode, Barbara Jean, who is married to Reba’s ex-husband, is struggling with her 4 or 5 year old boy, Henry’s, behavior. And she, like many “modern” parents, is trying all of these feel-good, everyone is happy, programs for discipline. And it isn’t working.
Earlier in the episode, everyone thinks that Henry broke Reba’s lamp. But it turns out that Reba’s son Jake did it and just blamed Henry. That’s where we pick up. Barbara Jean has a realization of just how bad Henry has become. And, Reba has something to say about it.
Take a look.
Video Ill.: Reba, Season 5, Episode 12, “Parenting with Puppets”, 16:50 - 19:33
Being a parent is our God-given job when we have children. Being a parent is not for the weak of heart. We have to be strong as parents. Being a parent means making the tough decisions and sticking with them, even though our kids may get mad and tell us they hate us. It happens.
Children need structure. Children need discipline. Children need guidance and training. And it is our responsibility to provide that.
Principles and Guidelines of Child Discipline
© 2010 Focus on the Family
Adapted from The Complete Book of Baby and Child Care, published by Tyndall House Publishers, 1997, 2007, Focus on the Family
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/principles-and-guidelines-of-child-discipline/
Focus on the Family offers a few guidelines about providing discipline for our children.
First, learn to balance love and limits.
Love your children unconditionally.
Do not confuse their actions, behavior, and words, with their souls.
Focus says:
“From the first day of life until the journey to adulthood is complete, your child must know that your love is rock solid, the foundation on which she can build and the home-base from which she can safely and confidently launch her exploration of the world. But children also need, and actually seek, boundaries and ground rules.
“There is nothing inherently contradictory about the expression of love and the enforcement of limits. On the contrary, the two are intimately related. Allowing a child to have her way without any restraint is not an expression of love. At the other extreme, harsh, rigid or authoritarian treatment of children, even if on the surface it would seem to produce model citizens, isn’t an appropriate exercise of limit-setting.”
We must find a balance between the two.
Second, assume the God given place of leadership in the home.
If you are not in charge of your home, guess who is.
Children are not prepared to be in the leadership role in the family.
Yet many parents give up that role willingly.
God explicitly gives that duty to parents.
Take charge of your home.
Third, learn the differences of normal behavior, childish irresponsibility, and willful disobedience.
Focus on the Family says:
“Willful defiance takes place when your child 1) knows and clearly understands what you want, 2) is capable of complying and 3) refuses to do so. When confronted with this kind of behavior, you should act clearly and decisively, meeting the challenge head-on. You don’t need to be harsh or hostile, but you must not back down.
“If you don’t establish your right to lead early in the game (by age two or three at the latest), your ability to influence or control your child later on will be seriously compromised.”
Finally, let love and concern for your child’s best interests be your guide.
Look out for what is best for them. Do not lose sight that they are also God’s children, so love them accordingly.
This morning, loving our children means disciplining them.
2. Loving them also means discipling them.
Parents Don't Have a Plan for Child's Spiritual Growth
"Parents Do Little About Kids' Faith Training," The Southeast Outlook (5-22-03); "Parents Accept Responsibility for Their Child's Spirit
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Most parents believe they are primarily responsible for the spiritual development of their children, but few of them spend time interacting with their children on religious matters, according to a poll from the Barna Research Group.
Close to nine out of ten parents of children under 13 (85 percent) believe they have the primary responsibility for teaching their children about religious beliefs and spiritual issues. However, the survey of 1,010 adults found that parents have no plan for the spiritual development of their children, do not consider it a priority, have little or no training in how to nurture a child's faith, have no related standards to satisfy, and experience no accountability for their actions.
Although about two out of three parents of children under 12 attend religious services at least once a month and generally take their children with them, most are willing to let their church provide all of their youngsters' spiritual training.
Folks, it is not solely the responsibility of the church to be the only teachers of our children about God. It must start at home.
We must disciple our kids, showing them God, and God’s love for us. By doing so, we are showing how much we love them.
Start by teaching them God’s word.
I saw this on Facebook just after the Grammy awards a few weeks ago, and thought I would share it:
Parents: Your church-going kids watched the Grammys Sunday night and saw some of the most influential voices in their lives sing a song about adultery while dressed as the devil and demons, or maybe they read the interview with Taylor Swift where she said that her version of Christianity is true Christianity and not the stuff that’s in that “outdated Bible.”
The writer continued:
Parents, I implore you: disciple your children in the truth of God’s Word. That is seriously the main reason they belong to you. If you don’t I assure you they are being discipled by this culture. And it won’t be pretty.
Such true words!
If we are not teaching our children about God, about God’s way for us to live, about God’s love for us, the world is teaching them about everything else.
Be active about sharing God’s word with your children.
Have age appropriate devotions in your home.
Live God’s word every day in our homes.
This was something that was so important that Moses instructed God’s people like this:
4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down || and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6, NIV)
We certainly can take a lesson from the Israelites about living and teaching God’s word. Make God’s word part of every part of our lives at home.
We also disciple our kids by taking them to church.
As a family. We touched on this when we talked about loving the family. But it is so important that as a family, we attend worship together.
One of the greatest sounds is that of little children in the house of God.
It means there is life in the church.
It means there are families who care about the spiritual welfare of their children.
It means that parents love their children enough to put God first in their lives.
Kids are not the future of the church! Kids are an integral, important part of the church today.
And while the primary teaching of God’s word lies on the shoulders of parents, the church exists here to help support, encourage, and assist in the teaching about God.
We are here to help!
Coming to church with the family helps kids understand the importance of faith, of worship, of prayer, of communion, and of scripture.
Make every effort to be at worship with your children each Sunday, and all times the church doors are open.
Teach them now the right ways, so that when they are old, they will have learned what is right and will stay on that path of righteousness.
We disciples our kids when we set an example for them.
Our kids are watching and learning from what they see us do.
They way we act and behave is the exact same way they will act and behave in similar situations and circumstances.
There’s a country song that I really love called “Watching You” by Rodney Atkins. Go home and look that up on YouTube this afternoon. The video just adds so much more to the song.
The first verse tells the story of a little boy who says a bad word when his happy meal spills everywhere in the car. When his dad asks, “Where did you learn to talk like that?”, the little boy answers, “I’ve been watching you.”
The second verse tells about the dad coming home, and praying. That night, the little boy gets down on his knees beside his bed, folds his hands, and prays, talking to God like God is the boy’s best friend. Again, the dad asks, “Where did you learn to pray like that?” And the little boy answers, “I’ve been watching you.”
Our kids are watching us. What kind of an example are we being for them?
Teach them by example.
Disciple them by praying and being in God’s word ourselves.
Be who we would like for them to be when they grow up.
3. Finally, we love our kids by praying for them.
Principles and Guidelines of Child Discipline
© 2010 Focus on the Family
Adapted from The Complete Book of Baby and Child Care, published by Tyndall House Publishers, 1997, 2007, Focus on the Family
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/principles-and-guidelines-of-child-discipline/
Focus on the Family concluded their suggestions about discipline with this one: stay on your knees.
The author wrote:
“You’ll never be able to figure it all out, and that’s precisely why you need the Lord’s supernatural help so desperately. There is only one Parent who completely understands all sons and daughters on the face of the earth, and seeking His wisdom on a daily basis should be a priority for all who train and nurture children.”
How should we pray for our children?
For what should we pray?
Father Encourages Son Through Prayer
Source: John Ashcroft, Lessons from a Father to His Son; found in Men of Integrity (July/August 2001), August 9
Copied from Preaching Today
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John Ashcroft wrote:
“Many kids wake up to the smell of coffee brewing or the sound of a rooster crowing. My wake-up call was my father's passionate praying filtering through the house. Sometimes I'd ease downstairs and join him. One knee was usually raised, so I'd slip in underneath, shielded by his body as he pleaded for my soul.
“I never caught Dad praying for our happiness. He realized that the pursuit of happiness for its own sake is a frustrating, disillusioning, often futile effort. Happiness usually hides from those addicted to its sugar, while it chases after those caught up in something more lasting than momentary excitement.
“I never heard him pray for a bigger house, car, or bank account. Instead, he prayed that our hearts would be ignited and inspired to do things of eternal consequence. ‘Turn our eyes from the temporal, the physical, and the menial,’ he prayed, ‘and toward the eternal, the spiritual, and the noble.’
“My father never pressured us toward achievement. He knew that the push had to come from inner reserves, not outward designs. He simply dangled before us the possibilities. Thanks to his example, we sometimes took the bait.”
Adapted from Parenting Today’s Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years. Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved.
https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/essentials/praying-for-your-children/the-power-of-praying-for-your-children/
Dennis and Barbara Rainey suggest six ways to pray for your children.
First, pray regularly. They write:
“Two of the best times to pray with your child are on the way to school (assuming you drive him or her) and at bedtime—regardless of age. We lived about five miles from the school our children attended when they were growing up. Every morning we would pray about things most important to our children—tests, friends, teachers, activities. As the car topped the hill right before the school building, we always concluded with the same request: ‘And Lord, we ask that you would keep each of our children from harm, evil, and temptation this day, that they would experience You at work in their lives and be used by You to influence others for Your Kingdom. Amen.’ Once our teenagers began to drive themselves to school, we would use breakfast for this prayer time.”
Second, pray offensively. Before your child hits adolescence, pray for his peer group—that he will have at least one strong Christian buddy for the teenage years, for example.
Third, pray defensively. Whether it is to remove a friend who is a bad influence, or whether it is the truth to come out in a deceptive situation, pray that your child will be defended against the attacks of the world.
Fourth, pray intensely. If life is especially difficult, combine fasting with your prayer.
When God brings your child to your mind during the day, stop and pray a prayer. The Holy Spirit may be prompting you to pray for a reason.
Fifth, pray with your child. Lead them by example, encouraging them to pray for the burdens they have on their own hearts.
Finally, pray as a family. Praying together helps build strength and cohesiveness within the family. As the old saying goes, the family that prays together, stays together.
Conclusion
This morning, we need to love the children that are in our families and that are in our church family.
As a church, we need to be praying for the families that worship with us, that are a part of God’s family. We need to pray for our extended families and the children there.
We need to be mentoring families, encouraging them, and supporting them through this very tough world.
A few weeks ago, we talked about the fact that the family is under attack.
The attacks many times start against our children. Satan wants nothing more than for parents to lose the authority they have, so that the children can be corrupted and turned against God. You can guarantee that he’s thinking, “Get them while they’re young!”
Be strong. Love your children.
Discipline them.
Disciple them.
Pray for them.
Love all the children. Jesus does.
As we close I want to share a story about the difference we can make in the lives of children — in our family, in our church, in our communities.
Man's Sacrifices Change Neighborhood Children
Condensed from our sister publication Today's Christian, © 2007 Christianity Today International. For more articles like this, visit Todays-Christian.com
Source: Terry Lane (as told to Shirley Shaw), "Look at the Children!" Today's Christian (September/October 2007)
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In the September/October 2007 issue of Today's Christian, Shirley Shaw tells the story of how the sacrifices of a successful cabinet maker named Terry Lane continue to change a drug-riddled neighborhood in Jacksonville, Florida.
Terry said: My business had prospered to the point my 40-man staff needed more space to produce the quality cabinets for which Mid-Lane was well known. We found an ideal location in northwest Jacksonville and in 1985 built a 25,000 square foot state-of-the-art plant that was soon humming with activity. Life was good. But my peace and comfort were short lived.
Almost immediately, problems erupted. Every night the burglar alarm sounded, and I was summoned to the plant by police officers. Broken windows, shots fired, bullet holes in the walls, stolen equipment, vandalism—even incinerated cars in the parking lot.
One night an officer asked me, "What possessed you to build a plant this close to 'The Rock'?"
"What do you mean, 'The Rock'?" I asked.
"The Cleveland Arms apartments," he responded. "More crack cocaine is sold here than anywhere in Jacksonville, so we call it 'The Rock.'" And he proceeded to enlighten me about my new neighborhood. The 200-unit subsidized housing complex was occupied by drug dealers, prostitutes, and felons, a place considered so dangerous police were hesitant to go there…
As I sat mulling over the situation, from out of nowhere came a thought so clear it was almost audible: If you'll love those who despitefully use you, I'll take care of it. Stunned and shaken by God's admonition, I wondered how I'd obey this gentle command. Then I sensed him say, "Forget about all the shooting and all the garbage. Look at the children." …
Days went by as I prayed for my neighbors and tried to figure out how to connect with this community. I bought several basketballs, wrote "Jesus loves you" and "Mr. Lane loves you" on them, and threw them over the fence into the complex. There was no immediate reaction, but at least they didn't throw them back.
Then one Saturday while working alone, I stepped outside for a break. I heard the noise of children playing beneath a tractor trailer parked on the property. When they saw me, one said, "There's the man," and they started running.
"Wait," I called. "Would you like something cold to drink?" Four or five little kids followed me into the plant where I opened the soft drink machine and gave them a cold soda pop. They went home, and I thought no more about it. Until Monday afternoon when I heard a commotion in the lobby and the receptionist ask, "Can I help you?"
As I walked down the hallway, I heard one little kid ask, "Where's the big man with the beard?" Turning the corner, I saw 16 kids in the lobby looking for me—well, for the man with the key to the drink machine.
That was the beginning. Suddenly, 35 children adopted me, coming to my office every afternoon after school instead of going home. There was nothing for them to go home to. Day after day, while I worked at my drafting table, I was surrounded by kids on the floor busily coloring or doing other crafts I had brought…
Thus began the journey that would change my world and that of many kids whose addicted parents left them to fend for themselves. Often hungry, unkempt, undisciplined, with no structure in their lives or motivation to attend school or church, these children would be the next lost generation. I felt compelled to do what I could. Years flew by, and the kids I mentored became a part of my life.
Terry Lane's journey of self-denial continued. Ten years after he first reached out to the kids of "The Rock," he sold his share of the cabinetmaking business to his partner and started Metro Inner City Sunday School. When the kids got older, they started youth groups and teen programs. It wasn't long before Terry asked the owner of Cleveland Arms to give him an apartment. In five-years' time, Lane established a community center called Metro Kids Konnection where the staff feeds over 145 children physically, academically, and spiritually.
Shaw ends her article with these final thoughts from Terry:
There is so much to do, but I'm excited and grateful for the direction God chose for me. My wife and I have gone from enjoying a six-figure annual income to subsisting on $12,000 a year, but God faithfully meets every need. And the rewards are incomparable…
Nothing can replace the joy of having a little child crawl into my lap with a hug for "Pastor Terry," or for a young man who has been rescued from a potential life of dealing drugs to look me in the eye, shake my hand with a firm grip, and say, "Thanks, P.T."
That's my reward for "looking at the children."
This morning, look at the children. See how much they need us. See how much love they have. Show how much love we have for them this morning.
