Introduction
Video Ill.: Our Imperfect Family - Pixel Preacher
Raise your hand today if your family is perfect! Anyone?
Hopefully you’re not like the family in this story. You hear jokes about someone being left behind, but I often wonder does it really happen? I guess the answer is yes!
Dad Left at Gas Station on Family Vacation
Source: WMC-TV, "Kids leave dad at gas station, realize mistake 100 miles away," (6-25-13)
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WMC-TV in Memphis, Tennessee, reported the story a few years back about a Texas dad (who did not want to offer his name) who had some unexpected excitement on his family vacation. After the man and his family spent the night at a hotel in Memphis, they stopped to eat and fill up their gas tank. That's when the trip got really interesting. When the family hit the road they left dad behind at the gas station.
The father explained what happened: "Somebody had been sleeping all night in the back and they were going to drive and I was going to get in the back and sleep. I went inside to get my change for the gas and they thought I was already loaded up and closed all the doors and took off."
The dad tried to call his own cell phone, which was still in the van, but nobody answered it. He said, "Six different cell phones and nobody answers and my phone is in there because it's on the charger and nobody answers it and then it starts going straight to voicemail. I mean, that's odd."
The father called the police, but it was social media that saved the day. The frantic dad borrowed a computer from a local motel and got in touch with his family through Facebook. The van was about 100 miles away by the time he finally reached his family. The story had a happy ending: the family turned around, picked up dad, and continued their vacation. The dad indicated to reporters that he's confident the entire incident was just a huge mistake.
Your family is not perfect. My family is not perfect. And you know what? That’s OK. After all, we are imperfect people living in an imperfect world.
But, we do live in a world where everyone can create assumptions on our lives based on the perceptions we give, especially through social media. This can be detrimental to relationships, marriages and families. After all, who says we have to have all of our ducks in a row? We are all in this imperfect world together and no one has it all perfectly together. Amidst all of our shortcomings, though, the family — our families — are at the heart of God’s plan for His world.
Everybody Loves Raymond
Season 7, Episode 17 Meeting the Parents
The TV show Everybody Loves Raymond is about Raymond Barone and his wife Debra. They live across the street from Ray’s parents, Frank and Marie. Ray’s single brother, Robert, lives with his parents.
After an on and off relationship with Amy, Robert and Amy finally get engaged. There’s an episode that takes place shortly after their engagement where Robert and Amy are hosting a brunch at Amy’s apartment for Ray, Debra, Frank and Marie. Unexpectedly, Amy’s parents show up to visit for the first time. Her parents, though, were not really there for a visit, but rather to try to get Amy to break off the engagement with Robert.
The two families meet for the first time, and are as different as night and day. A war of words breaks out between the two families, feelings get hurt, and Amy ends up running into the bedroom and locking herself in. After several family members try to talk her into coming out, Ray finally goes to try to talk to Amy. Through the door, he tells Amy that she and Robert need to think about their own lives, and not what the rest of the family thinks. At the end, Ray says that after all, “nothing good can come from family….”
Amy does come out of the bedroom after that. She and Robert leave to go out for brunch, leaving the rest of the family behind.
We all may feel like that sometimes. Nothing good can come from family.
The biggest struggles we have in life happen in our families.
The family is really one of our most vulnerable places. The people in our family rarely see us at our best, and most often see us at our worse. When the masks for the outside world come off, the real us is shown in the family.
Despite all of the problems we may experience in our families, the family is one of the foundational Godly institutions of the world.
You see, in the beginning, God created man, then woman, and then instructed them to “be fruitful and multiply”. In doing so, God blessed, even ordained the institution of family.
Paul, in Ephesians 3, is praying for the church and that they would not be discouraged. And in doing so, he says that:
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. (Ephesians 3, NIV)
Every family in heaven and on earth comes from God.
God is the source of family.
God must be at the center of our family. May we say, as Joshua did:
14 “…[F]ear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served || beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24, NIV)
However, because we do not live in isolation in perfection in this world, because Satan was cast out of Heaven and roams the earth today, from the beginning of the world, Satan has worked to destroy the family that God created. From the temptation of Adam and Eve to the jealousy that filled one brother’s heart and caused Cain to kill Abel, Satan has been working to crush the time-honored institution of the family.
So, this morning, we need to love our families. For the love of our families, we must protect them, cherish them, and love them with all that we have. We must stand against the powers of the world that are working to destroy our families.
How do we do that? I think there are three ways this morning we love and protect our families.
First, we must guard our families against the temptations that destroy the family.
We must guard against the temptation to love ourselves over loving others and the love of God.
The Wrong God
Source: A. W. Tozer in The Pursuit of God. Christianity Today, Vol. 39, no. 3.
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A. W. Tozer describes what self-love — selfish love — really is in Christianity Today:
“The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest.”
Selfishness — self-love — putting ourselves above others puts us at odds with everyone. It causes us to put up our guards, or as AW Tozer said, our shields, to protect ourselves. Everything that is said is an insult. Everything others do is to hurt us. Everything and everyone is against us.
Selfish love robs our families of peace.
When in a family, the members are looking out only for themselves, no one wins.
No one is encouraged.
No one is edified.
No one else is loved.
The family begins to destroy itself from within.
What does that look like?
The 12 Rules of a Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family
March 15, 2020
By Julie L. Hall
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202003/the-12-rules-dysfunctional-narcissistic-family
Psychology Today published a listing they called “The 12 Rules of a Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family”, a narcissistic family being defined as everyone is only looking out for themselves. Here’s how that list shaped up:
1 Acceptance is conditional.
2 Submission is required.
3 Someone must be blamed for all problems.
4 Vulnerability is dangerous.
5 Everyone must take sides.
6 There is never enough love and respect to go around.
7 Feelings are wrong.
8 Competition, not cooperation, rules the day.
9 Appearances are more important than substance.
10 Rage is normalized.
11 Denial is rampant.
12 There is no safety from blame and rage.
That’s no way for a family to function.
Instead, Paul encourages us in Romans 12:
10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12, NIV)
We also need to guard against ungrateful and unworthy family members.
What are those? They are the family members that have no regard for the blessings that they are given as a family.
They are the children that take for granted the sacrifices that the parents make by consuming time and resources because they believe that the family revolves completely around them.
They get completely mad because the parents are not shuffling every moment of every day to allow them to be the center of attention.
They are the husband or wife that regularly mistreats the other and goes about their business as if there are no problems at all.
They are those that cause division and heartache and are never willing to ask for forgiveness for their wrong deeds, nor repair and restore the broken relationships they cause.
We also need to guard against being too busy.
Sometimes we have to say no to outside activities and plans. Sometimes we have to not go to this movie or that concert. Not every moment of every day has to be busy. When we are stressed about filling every moment of every day with activities, instead of growing closer together, families are pulled apart. Having so much going on so we can fill our Facebook or Instagram feeds with picture after picture of what our family is doing constantly isn’t real.
We need to make time for each other. There needs to be time when we just have time together, just to enjoy each other’s company, talk with each other, share each other’s burdens.
There are other things that we could mention.
But I hope you get the idea.
2. Second, this morning, we must guard the marriage covenant.
Not only is the family being attacked, but marriages as well.
When the marriage fails, it hurts the family, no matter who is responsible.
The prophet Malachi gives us this advice:
15 Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2, NIV)
Guarding the marriage covenant means avoiding the temptation of adultery.
Adultery is a huge temptation in our world today. Sometimes simple friendships between a man and a woman transform into something more when left unchecked. And it goes both ways — for both the husband and the wife.
For this reason, we must be careful to have safe friendships with the opposite sex.
Wives should not be spending time with men, other than their husband, father or brother, unless one or more people are present.
Men, the same thing goes for you too. Do not travel in a car alone with a woman. Do not spend time alone with other women, unless other people are present.
Sound old fashioned? Maybe.
Safe? Absolutely.
Do not put yourselves in the situation to be compromised.
Some people in our world today believe that it is OK to have what is called an “open relationship” whereby the husband and wife have intimate relations outside of their marriage.
That is so against what the Bible teaches.
You are asking for trouble in your family if you are not guarding the marriage contract.
But the temptation for infidelity does not just happen outside the home. Sometimes it happens right inside the home, in the privacy of home offices and bedrooms. Anywhere there is a connection to the internet.
That’s right. Pornography.
Pornography a "Quiet Family Killer"
Source: Nathan Black, "Family Group Releases Study on Effects of Pornography," www.christianpost.com (12-02-2009)
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In December of 2009, the Family Research Council released the results of a new study exploring the effects of pornography on marriage, children, and individuals. Because the Family Research Council is a Christian organization dedicated to the promotion of marriage and family, it came as no surprise that the study linked the use of pornography to a wide variety of harmful consequences.
What did come as a bit of a surprise was the study's use of divorce lawyers as a primary source. Citing the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the study noted that 56 percent of divorce cases involved "one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites," while 68 percent of divorce cases involve one spouse conducting an affair with someone they met over the internet.
The study also revealed that, in households where one spouse suffered from an addiction to pornography, both spouses believed that watching pornographic material was equivalent to adultery. And yet in most cases where the marriage ultimately ended in divorce, the addicted spouse remained controlled by his or her addiction.
Reacting to these and other issues uncovered by the study, Dr. Pat Fagan of the Family Research Council said, "The fact that marriage rates are dropping steadily is well known. But the impact of pornography use and its correlation to fractured families has been little discussed. The data show that as pornography sales increase, the marriage rate drops."
Fagan also noted that pornography "corrodes the conscience, promotes distrust between husbands and wives and debases untold thousands of young women." His ultimate conclusion is that pornography is "a quiet family killer."
This morning, guard the sacred bond between husband and wife.
Resist the devil’s Temptations.
Do whatever you can to honor the bond of marriage, and in doing so, protect your family.
3. Finally, this morning, defend the family.
The best way to do that is make sure that your family is built on the Rock, that is Jesus.
Jesus said in Luke 6 about people who listened to His words and put them into action:
48 They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. (Luke 6, NIV)
When our families are built on the solid rock, the attacks of the world — the attacks of Satan on our families — will not shake us nor our foundation.
We may experience some temporary storm damage, but with God’s help, all can be restored.
Have no doubt that Satan is still working in the world today to attack and destroy the time-honored, God ordained institution of the family.
The family unit is under attack from every side, so build your family on a solid faith, trust, and love of God above.
Also, know what your children are being taught.
In schools, at all levels, from elementary to high school to college, theories and world views are taught that are in direct opposition to the word of God.
Unchecked, our children become indoctrinated with ideas and ideologies that put families at opposition with each other — ideologies that are against the teachings of the Bible that we hold dear — ideologies that are designed to tear down the family values to which we ascribe.
Do not take that lightly.
This morning, talk with your children. Find out what they are studying. Research the books they are reading.
Protect your family.
Have open lines of communication in your family. Let your family be the place where thoughts and concerns can be shared without judgment. Families that communicate openly and honestly with each other are stronger, the bonds between the members are stronger, and the roots of the family are deeper, helping them to withstand the winds and storms of attacks.
In this digital age, set age appropriate and Biblical limits and boundaries on electronics and access to the internet.
Finally, ensure that you come to church together and worship together as a family.
I started by saying to build your family on the rock. This is how you keep your family on the rock.
Worshipping together as a family shows your children the importance of family, of worship, of God, of community.
Worshipping together allows you to talk about the study of Scripture.
Worshipping together builds a bond.
Worshipping together is time spent together.
Then, let the worship go home with you and become part of your family’s routine. Spend time in prayer together and in the Word together.
Conclusion
The family that God has given to us is a built-in support system if we allow it to be.
The family is a blessing from God.
The family is a time-honored institution that God ordained at the beginning of time.
Today, we must support each other, protect each other, and most importantly love each other.
Are families perfect?
Absolutely not.
Do we have room to grow?
Absolutely so.
For the love of family, we must do whatever we can to ensure that our families are built on God, are full of love for each other and protected from the attacks of the world around us.
Young Man Finds Christ through an Imperfect Christian Family
Source: Tim Chester, A Meal with Jesus (Crossway, 2011), pp. 95-96
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Jim Petersen tells the story of Mario, [a friend from South America] with whom he had studied the Bible for four years before Mario became a Christian. The Bible studies reflected the fact that Mario was a Marxist intellectual who'd read all the leading Western philosophers. A couple of years after his conversion, Jim and Mario were reminiscing: "Do you remember what it really was that made me decide to become a Christian?" Mario asked.
Petersen thought of all their Bible studies and philosophical discussions. Mario's reply took him by surprise. "Remember that first time I stopped by your house? We were on our way someplace together, and I had a bowl of soup with you and your family. As I sat there observing you, your wife, and your children, and how you related to each other, I asked myself, 'When will I have a relationship like this with my fiancé?' When I realized that the answer was 'never,' I concluded I had to become a Christian for the sake of my own survival."
Petersen did remember the occasion. He remembered his children behaving badly and his frustration at having to correct them in front of Mario. Yet Mario saw the grace of Christ binding that family together. Years later, Petersen would comment on this incident:
We tend to see the weaknesses and incongruities in our lives, and our reaction is to recoil at the thought of letting outsiders get close enough to see us as we really are. Even if our assessment is accurate, it is my observation that any Christian who is sincerely seeking to walk with God, in spite of all his flaws, is reflecting something of Christ.
No matter how dysfunctional we think our families are, if we are doing our best to live as children of God, we are an example to the world about what it means to be a family, what it means to be in the family of God, and what it means to enjoy God’s love for us.
This morning, maybe your family is completely dysfunctional.
Maybe you are struggling with maintaining a family that is God-centered.
Maybe you are seeking ways to strengthen your family.
The answer is found in the love that God has for us.
It’s the place where we all start — recognizing that we all make mistakes — that we all sin — and despite that, God still loves us.
This morning, maybe you need to feel that love — to give up your burdens of sin — to surrender your life to Him.
Today is the day to start over.
Maybe you need prayer for your family.
Today is the day to confess your brokenness with the family of God — to entrust the family of God with your pain — and allow us to carry your burdens alongside you.
No matter what the need, the church, the family of God is here to support, encourage, and strengthen your family today.
Take a step of faith and allow God to move in your life today.
